Learning to be a real man

[Nikar]

(below is my rant and introduction)

Hi all,

I've been a member since 2005 but never enter the forums much until a couple of weeks ago.

For you guys out there, I'm the ultra LOSER who started this topic:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=143086

Well, ever since that thread, I started to wake up to my senses and realize that being an AFC will get me nowhere in life.
You can be a murderer, rapist, wife-beater, robber, terrorist, whatever. Anything is better than being a nice guy. Even rats despise nice guys.

If you think you're a big huge hopeless AFC, then think again:
I'm 24 yrs old this year, no friends, no life, no chicks, no girlfriends before, no hugs before, no kisses before and never held a girl's hand before.

If you can find a more powerful, more extreme AFC than me, then, well....the sun's gonna rise from the North tomorrow.

However, I'm determined to change myself and stop being an AFC.

I'm now trying to get my confidence up first, and try to master the inner game etc. slowly, bit by bit, before I go on to girls, considering how bad my situation is.

Actually, I'm kinda skinny but slightly above-average looking. I don't bother to go to the gym cos' I'm never concerned about my body built and how much muscles I have.
And I have no issues regarding fashion sense cos' people compliment me on that all the time (I'm a metrosexual, kind of).

I've started reading the DJB and these forums everyday, and I even tried C+F on one chick I like. Initially, she won't even talk to me but now, I'm actually seeing real results....not dramatic results, but she's starting to pay more attention to me, initiate conversations to me, tell me more stuff, offer me snacks etc.

One of the reasons why I'm such an unrivalled AFC is mainly cos' something bad happened to me when I was a teen and I isolated myself from everyone until now.

I'm determine to **** real chicks one of these days like a ****ing real Don Juan. I'm gonna embrace my sexuality naturally like it's food, and I'm gonna train myself to have the mindset of a DJ.

My only problems now is mainly insecurity, though.
Everytime I see a hot chick I like shower attention on some other guys, I get very frustrated and upset and sometimes even obsessed over it....this must be an extreme case of true insecurity!

However, I tried curing that with the tips in this forum and now it's much better, although the problem is still (albeit milder) from time to time.

Also, to give myself a solid foundation, I'm currently watching videos from YouTube like those from PlayerSupreme and this guy called "arkady39" ( http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=arkady39&p=r ).

If anyone has any good recommendations, let me know as well.

I will change myself for the better....I will become a real DJ!!!! Women are great!!!! Girls rule!!!!

Good day,
Nikar

 

[TonyD]

Hi Nikar,

I thought I'd reply to your post more to say that i wish you the best of success than anything else. I think your attitude to change is spot on.

I am a newbie to this forum, I have a experience going back a few years with learning dating and seduction skills and mindset though. I have been through change myself and seen it in others, so i expect you will achieve the goals you desire.

No real advice to give, just keep on keeping on. You are traveling in the right direction. One recommendation though, as you mention the nice-guy syndrome that seems to run through your life, I wonder if you should try reading the 'No more Mr Nice Guy' book by Robert Glover. I read it a year or so ago, and it was recommended by the dating coach Brad P and I think by David DeAngelo too. It is good.

All the best,
TD

 

[Bible_Belt]

Learning to be a real man

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=96863

 

[Interceptor]

Have you read the Book of Pook?


Also, why arent you working out?

What kinds of physical activities do you like?
Are you also stimulating your intellect?
Are you investigating a Spiritual path as well?
Do you have an idea of where y ou want to be in 5 years?
Do you actively reflect on what you want in terms of financial prosperity and income?

Do you have a regular program of self care?
Where you address your health, wealth, and well being? Daily?

What are your passions in life? Do you have a Mission plan?


What kinds of hobbies are you currently engaging in?


Do you know what you want in a woman?

Can you say No to a woman?

Do you have a strong sense of value and your true worth, and what you can offer to a woman?

Are you seeking to impress women, and looking for approval, and validation?

Do you REALLY understand attraction between men and women?

I would recommend David Deangelo's On Being a Man, and Deep Inner Game.
These are very helpful.

Good luck.

 

[Nikar]

First of all, thanks a lot for the replies, guys!

What kinds of physical activities do you like?
By nature, I'm always more into those "quiet" things like watching birds / animals, fishing, reading and all those stuff. I do think it's a bit weird to force myself to do physical stuff when I've no interest in them.

However, starting from this weekend, I'll be taking up jogging and will jog the entire town all the way to the next couple of nearby-cities. I will bath in cold water in the freezing morning.
I'm farking sick of being a farking sissy and from this weekend, I will learn to do stuff that farking real men do. I'm too feminine for my own good and girls always treat me like a farking little boy.
Sure, they pamper me and treat me sweetly cos' I'm too farking nice and well-behaved, and some guys may get envious, but it's farking AFC to me.
I'm sick of the farking ****. I wanna be a real man who can farking fark real chicks.


Are you also stimulating your intellect?
Not really....I don't do math or science, but I do read political magazines like Newsweek etc., as well as online news and national papers.


Are you investigating a Spiritual path as well?
I don't believe in God (no offense).


Do you have an idea of where you want to be in 5 years?
Running my own small business selling t-shirts. Currently working on it now.


Do you actively reflect on what you want in terms of financial prosperity and income?
I'm not an ambitious guy, but I just want a steady income with enough money to spend on chicks, get a comfy house, and earn enough to take holidays overseas. Something like US$3000+ a month.


Do you have a regular program of self care?
Not sure what is self-care, but I shave and check my face everyday.


Where you address your health, wealth, and well being? Daily?
Never thought much about these issues, except wealth.


What are your passions in life? Do you have a Mission plan?
No mission plan. I just do what I want without writing it down, because even after writing it down, it doesn't seem to have any effect on me.


What kinds of hobbies are you currently engaging in?
xBox gaming. Oh yeah, this is what "state-of-the-art" AFCs do.


Do you know what you want in a woman?
Cute, pretty, sweet, gentle and kind. Other than that, I don't give a darn to anything else.


Can you say No to a woman?
To some women, I can say No, but to chicks which I like, well, I become total-AFC and just do what they want. I'm now trying to be more badass and changing that. I will give them a bit of s**t from now on.


Do you have a strong sense of value and your true worth, and what you can offer to a woman?
Yes, I think I'm pretty worthy in most aspects except wealth, and I'm working on that. Everytime I see guys driving girls out to lunch in their cars etc., I feel inferior cos' I can't afford one.


Are you seeking to impress women, and looking for approval, and validation?
The impressing issue has never bothered me.
Also, I've solved my approval issue (never asking them for opinions or permission).
However, since insecurity / desperation is still my biggest enemy, I have to say I'm always seeking women's validation. I feel great when they laugh at my jokes, praise me, respond to me, vibing it very well, lots of flirting etc....but sometimes, when they don't, or their response isn't as good as I expect it to be, I get upset, depressed, frustrated, sad....

By the way, there's a chick today I like and she look at me but I just farking look elsewhere and pretend to be all cool and aloof.
Fark me, I deserve to die.

I swear, from this very farking moment on, I'm GONNA MAKE FARKING EYE CONTACT WITH THE NEXT CUTE CHICK I SEE. I WILL BE A REAL MAN AND LOOK AT HER. If I don't, I will farking dig out my farking eyes since I'm not making use of them properly.
Fark me today.


Do you REALLY understand attraction between men and women?
I can't say I REALLY understand, but I'm getting used to this DJ concept of attraction between men and women, which is very different from what I've always been taught since young, and also very different from what is taught in society.

One question....regarding kino....what you do guys say if I pat a girl lightly on the head? I wanna give her the feeling that she's a little girl and I'm the big man / bro who is in charge of everything etc.

Is that kino?

Anyone tried patting on girl's heads when they "behave well", as a kind of "reward"? I'm starting out on this and touching her on the hands etc. is a bit too advanced for me now and I don't think I can pull more "advanced" kino off successfully.

Thanks!
Nikar

 

[ProDJ26]

One question....regarding kino....what you do guys say if I pat a girl lightly on the head? I wanna give her the feeling that she's a little girl and I'm the big man / bro who is in charge of everything etc.
Nikar

LMAO yea thats kino...Try it but some girls may think your treating them like a dog. Every woman is the same but yet different. So you might have to try and test it out yourself.

 

[Mavrick]

What are you telling yourself? Whatever you tell yourself is what is going to come through. You're like a sponge, whatever it soaks up is what will come out when it is squeezed. Learning a new self-talk is the key to your success.

What you're telling yourself is "I'll try" and "Tomorrow will be better".

What you need to tell yourself is "I am" and "Today is the day I'm going to change".

You need to reprogram your self-talk. Change all those week, pathetic thoughts to strong, encouraging thoughts.

Tell yourself two or three times a day that you have many friends and while you don't, you'll make new friends. Tell yourself that your game is on point with women, and you're game will follow. Tell yourself that you ARE confident, and you will become confident. You have to change your self-talk. You are the only person responsible for you, and only you can change yourself now!

You have to change your mindset to the present and not to what might happen. You can't hope that it will change in the future by trying. You have to start changing it now by doing it now. Start now.

You are confident, you are friendly, you are the catch, you are the prize, you are kissable, and you are lovable. When you try to change your self-talk about anything, you must be specific and positive.

 

[Evolution]

I hear ya, probably the best advice I can give u, is to stop with that whole "PUA" mindset. Its destructive, and will actually hurt you in the long run. If you constantly have to "switch" into pickup mode, isn't that a pain in the ass? Why not just be yourself, and say whats on your mind.
Enough with all this "So I did this C+F...", its just conversation, plain and simple. It doesn't have to be all complicated with PUA jargon.

(below is my rant and introduction)
I've started reading the DJB and these forums everyday, and I even tried C+F on one chick I like. Initially, she won't even talk to me but now, I'm actually seeing real results....not dramatic results, but she's starting to pay more attention t day,
Nikar

I also noticed, when starting out. You get all these fancy lines, and tactics that will get you those "Initial" results. But, nothing inside has really changed. Your still the chump inside, but now you just more tactical and potent.
I think what you really want, is that identity level change. That your not having to come up with the next line to say, because ultimately it doesn't really matter. The self will come through, always.

Check out "The Blueprint" by Real Social Dynamics. Its a good start, will set you in the right direction.