learned my lesson - afc move

[joekerr31]

well i fell into an afc trap.

long story short. girl flirts (over extended period of time), I ask her out, find out she has bf. she continues to flirt, this goes on a while, i pull away. at this point in my life im not interested in women who are flirting with me while they have a guy at home, no ltr potential there.

that said, we continue to email each other. gotta admit, part of me was thinking in time she'll act on her interest in me.

few months has gone by, and now i realize i was being afc big time. i wasn't complimentary to her in the emails though. i played up how great my life was going etc (which is true). but looking at it from her perspective im sure she was thinking 'look at this guy, he's still hanging on'.

anyway, lesson learned. if a chic is REALLY into you, she acts on it, she doesn't just beat around the bush.

right now ive decided best thing to do here is to shut down all contact. hard stop. no more emails no nothing with her. I lost this one in the sense that I think her IL is now starting to decrease.

im the prize and ive got other women interested in me, time to start focusing on them.

any thoughts on this situation? just trying to figure out if there was a right way to play this one.

J

 

[Hamno]

Dude, worst case scenario you got to know a chick a bit better and will hopefully take those lessons and apply them towards the next one.

I dont really think she was thinking 'Oh, here's a guy I can string along'....my suspicion is that she wasnt really thinking much about it at all, just as a guy in a relationship chats up girls for the simple fact of maybe he just likes chatting up girls....

There is always the slim possibility that you would have managed to get her to cheat on her bf...but...why?...is it worth it?

As for how you played it...the only thing you could really do much different is not have any expectation of picking her up....if you do then great, if you dont well then you just got a chance to practice you charm.

Hamno

 

[Chrispy]

Hey bud, you're not too afc, unless maybe you were hoping for something more. It's that wanting something more part that can make afc's out of all of us.

You're only e-mailing, so you're not expensing too much energy, money, or time, which is good.

You could end it off with saying it's too bad she's not available because you would have hit it off really well together. Leave HER hanging and dust your hands off this lack of opportunity! Either that or just stop writing and start working on someone who's available and single.

 

[joekerr31]

yep, totally time to move on.

This email stuff can go back and forth forever. and if im honest with myself why am i bothering with the emails if theres nothing to gain in the end - it's because I'm probably still hoping something will develop.

but enough of that afc type thinking. time to put this one behind me and focus on the others.

the good thing is that I never "talked about how i feel" in any of the emails. so i didn't go total afc.

thanks for the advice.
J

 

[Unscarred]

You know what they say about hoping.... "You can hope in one hand and crap in the other, see which one fills up first." I had one like that string me on for the better part of a year and a half. Like the moron, I stuck with it, thinking she would leave her former common-law husband for me after returning from overseas.... it was not to be. After much deliberation, she was far too young for me.... very attention @#$#ish after the fact.
Best thing is chalk it up to experience and try to learn something from it.... be a better man for it.

 

[WestCoaster]

Joekerr, that wasn't that bad of AFCing. We never AFC as bad as we think ... though I think I set some world records for being a puss in my younger days.

I now look at each AFC moment as a learning lesson. Heck, I almost AFCed over a woman last week till two of my friends ratcheted me down. Whew ... could've been disastrous.

Decades of Hollywood and American society brainwashing is tough to overcome. Three years of sosuave.com reading still doesn't always do the trick. Remember, we've been brainwashed and are continually brainwashed on a daily basis by commericals, TV, movies, and songs.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Originally posted by joekerr31
few months has gone by,..

And this is the operative here now isn't it? Understanding that you're wasting your time should only take a few minutes, not a few months. If you'd had more options and were spinning more plates you wouldn't have wasted more than a half hour on wondering if she was down with you.

 

[joekerr31]

haha. not true. im spinning other plates. dont know why this one caught my attention as long as she did.

but i agree, i have wasted my time.
well not completely, in learning that i wasted my time im apt to not do so again.

J