I've been on this site for many years and I've been following a lot of the advice I've learned here. Some of it has served me very well, yet some of it has caused me big problems with women. It has taken me a long time to realise just what it is that's been holding me back, but here it is...
One of the biggest problems with this forum, forums like this and PUA material is that most of us here are control freaks! Or, to put it more politely, we are men of action!
It is our nature to try to control our environment and our future and we learn that all good things in life are achieved by taking action. This is absolutely true of most things, but when it comes to women, this can be a major flaw.
Think about the sort of advice you've read on here and how many times you've been told to call a girl out if she's disrespectful, next her, make her jealous, dump her to try and raise her interest and so on. How many times have you seen guys asking "what do I do?" or "what do I say?" and how many times have you guys ignored advice to "do nothing"? How many of you have broken No Contact with an ex just because you had to take some kind of action?
When it comes to women, we have to go against this instinct and instead of trying to control a situation, we need to be thinking in terms of self-control and patience.
When I look back at all of my rejections, I would say that 90% of them broke down because I took the "wrong" action. I tried to move things forward. I tried to raise falling interest with my words or my actions. I came on too strong, too desperate, instead of giving the girl space and time to wonder about me.
When my ex girlfriend was under stress and stopped showing me affection, I remembered all the seduction advice I read and figured I needed to stand up for myself and refuse to take this disrespect. As a result, I pre-emptively dumped her, hoping it would bring her running back to me. Instead, it p!ssed her off and showed me to be a selfish and spoilt brat. She called me out on it, so not only did I break up with her and let her down, I showed her a very unattractive side to myself
In fact, a lot of the actions us guys have been conditioned to take when a woman loses interest are nothing short of temper tantrums.
Time passed and my ex got back in touch. She said she still loved me and she wanted to see me again and talk. All good, right? But once again, instead of just meeting her and seeing what came of it, I decided to try and raise her interest, apologise for my mistakes, explain myself, tried to push her into getting back together and wrote her a letter. She backed away completely and stopped contacting me.
After not hearing from her for 2 weeks, I decided to take action yet again and this time I called her out on messing me around. We got into a horrible argument and it turned out she hadn't been in touch because her dad had died! And now I had just thrown another tantrum and proven to her I was the same spoilt and selfish guy I was when we broke up.
What could I have done differently? How about if I did nothing at all? In each of these situations, inaction was the key. And this is true of many relationship and dating situations.
However, I'm very pleased to say that I have learned from my experiences and at just the right time.
I've recently started seeing a girl and I won't lie...I'm pretty crazy about her. Her interest level has been sky high from the start and climbing with each date. She blows up my phone with texts every day, even if I don't reply. She says I'm exactly her type and she's full of compliments and eager to impress and please me.
We went out for a really nice date last week and it went exceptionally well. The next day she text me to say thank you and said how good I looked. I replied saying the same and that was the last I heard from her for 3 days.
I felt that temptation rise in me to "call her out" or prompt her for a reply or push for an explanation. My mind was running wild. What went wrong? How could she go from such high interest to ignoring me so fast? But I resisted the urge to contact her and I decided to learn from my past mistakes.
I chose to do nothing at all.
3 days later she contacted me to say she had been taken to hospital and was texting me just to apologise for not being in contact and would contact me when she's back home.
Now if I'd taken some kind of action, like I did with my ex, I may have pushed her away too.
These are just a few real life examples, but this applies to so many situations I can recall. Sometimes, you just have to turn that controlling instinct upon yourself and show some self-control and patience.
Just as important is the concept of being a challenge - being indifferent and keeping her guessing. When a girl wonders why you're not chasing her? Why you're taking your time to contact her or why you're not all over her and kissing her ass, you set yourself apart from all other guys and her interest will go through the roof!
I think it's time we all took a good look at ourselves and identify that control freak within and how often it ruins our chances with women. The very fact that we log into a forum like this, study techniques and methods to seduce women tells me we all have controlling tendencies and overcoming these may be the key many of us have been seeking.
One of the biggest problems with this forum, forums like this and PUA material is that most of us here are control freaks! Or, to put it more politely, we are men of action!
It is our nature to try to control our environment and our future and we learn that all good things in life are achieved by taking action. This is absolutely true of most things, but when it comes to women, this can be a major flaw.
Think about the sort of advice you've read on here and how many times you've been told to call a girl out if she's disrespectful, next her, make her jealous, dump her to try and raise her interest and so on. How many times have you seen guys asking "what do I do?" or "what do I say?" and how many times have you guys ignored advice to "do nothing"? How many of you have broken No Contact with an ex just because you had to take some kind of action?
When it comes to women, we have to go against this instinct and instead of trying to control a situation, we need to be thinking in terms of self-control and patience.
When I look back at all of my rejections, I would say that 90% of them broke down because I took the "wrong" action. I tried to move things forward. I tried to raise falling interest with my words or my actions. I came on too strong, too desperate, instead of giving the girl space and time to wonder about me.
When my ex girlfriend was under stress and stopped showing me affection, I remembered all the seduction advice I read and figured I needed to stand up for myself and refuse to take this disrespect. As a result, I pre-emptively dumped her, hoping it would bring her running back to me. Instead, it p!ssed her off and showed me to be a selfish and spoilt brat. She called me out on it, so not only did I break up with her and let her down, I showed her a very unattractive side to myself
In fact, a lot of the actions us guys have been conditioned to take when a woman loses interest are nothing short of temper tantrums.
Time passed and my ex got back in touch. She said she still loved me and she wanted to see me again and talk. All good, right? But once again, instead of just meeting her and seeing what came of it, I decided to try and raise her interest, apologise for my mistakes, explain myself, tried to push her into getting back together and wrote her a letter. She backed away completely and stopped contacting me.
After not hearing from her for 2 weeks, I decided to take action yet again and this time I called her out on messing me around. We got into a horrible argument and it turned out she hadn't been in touch because her dad had died! And now I had just thrown another tantrum and proven to her I was the same spoilt and selfish guy I was when we broke up.
What could I have done differently? How about if I did nothing at all? In each of these situations, inaction was the key. And this is true of many relationship and dating situations.
However, I'm very pleased to say that I have learned from my experiences and at just the right time.
I've recently started seeing a girl and I won't lie...I'm pretty crazy about her. Her interest level has been sky high from the start and climbing with each date. She blows up my phone with texts every day, even if I don't reply. She says I'm exactly her type and she's full of compliments and eager to impress and please me.
We went out for a really nice date last week and it went exceptionally well. The next day she text me to say thank you and said how good I looked. I replied saying the same and that was the last I heard from her for 3 days.
I felt that temptation rise in me to "call her out" or prompt her for a reply or push for an explanation. My mind was running wild. What went wrong? How could she go from such high interest to ignoring me so fast? But I resisted the urge to contact her and I decided to learn from my past mistakes.
I chose to do nothing at all.
3 days later she contacted me to say she had been taken to hospital and was texting me just to apologise for not being in contact and would contact me when she's back home.
Now if I'd taken some kind of action, like I did with my ex, I may have pushed her away too.
These are just a few real life examples, but this applies to so many situations I can recall. Sometimes, you just have to turn that controlling instinct upon yourself and show some self-control and patience.
Just as important is the concept of being a challenge - being indifferent and keeping her guessing. When a girl wonders why you're not chasing her? Why you're taking your time to contact her or why you're not all over her and kissing her ass, you set yourself apart from all other guys and her interest will go through the roof!
I think it's time we all took a good look at ourselves and identify that control freak within and how often it ruins our chances with women. The very fact that we log into a forum like this, study techniques and methods to seduce women tells me we all have controlling tendencies and overcoming these may be the key many of us have been seeking.
