"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Learn Complete Self Control

Nocturnal

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One of the mentalities that I have engraved into my skull the deepest is that it is utterly pointless to fret and worry about the things that bother you but that you cannot control. To put it simply, to be more negative than positive will in no way help you become mentally mature and healthy.

When you curse the clouds hovering over your city for pouring rain on you, do they magically disappear? When you get angry enough to punch your computer for screwing up, does the virus go away? When you sulk in misery of how ugly you are, how much of a loser you are, how unintelligent you are, do the problems fix themselves? No.

Ladies and <mostly> gentlemen, time is valuable. The power of the human mind is valuable. A good mood and mindset is valuable and powerful. So why throw them to waste when you complain and allow emotion to control your actions? Instead of yelling at the paper boy who throws the paper in your lawn instead of on your porch, why don't you try to be productive or at least don't waste your time? Ask him if he can be more careful so you don't have to walk through the wet grass in your slippers at 7 AM. Sure, he might blow you off, but is the situation any worse than it would have been?

This does not only apply to those situations in which you are overcome by negative emotion because of something happening to you. Is there a point in worrying about a murder 2 states away? Your odds of being murdered are negligable. You probably don't know the person. It won't change your life at all if you worry about it. There's practically nothing you can do to fix the situation. You cannot benefit from it. You're only using it for entertainment, and entertainment doesn't bring anything to the table. There are plenty of things you can do to entertain yourself AND benefit. Sports are a great way to do that, they can be fun and you can stay in shape/healthy. If you enjoy your profession, you're set.

The only way I can see the average person getting something out of pointing out the world's flaws is conversation. It's always easy to say "did you hear about the guy who killed his wife last week?" But remember, there are just as many good things to point out as bad things. Just keep your eyes open.

Not only can you be more productive, but you will enjoy the world much more if you control yourself and refrain from shedding a negative light on everything. This is a great first step to learning self control because you see immediate results which become an incentive to learn it. Do not kid yourself, the best decisions are made with logic, not your gut.

So the next time you feel yourself getting angry at the mayor for giving a criminal a break, or find yourself in front of the TV watching a 2 hour special about school shootings, ask yourself if you have anything to gain from it other than entertainment. If not, consider what you can do in place of them.

These things may sound insignificant, but they add up to quite a bit when you go about your day with them on your mind.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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AFK Protector

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Originally posted by Nocturnal
You cannot benefit from it. You're only using it for entertainment, and entertainment doesn't bring anything to the table. There are plenty of things you can do to entertain yourself AND benefit. Sports are a great way to do that, they can be fun and you can stay in shape/healthy. If you enjoy your profession, you're set.
Wow this was a great part of the post. It's a very new way of looking at wasting time. It really doesn't put any food on the table. "But I'm a kid! My parents put food on the table!" Well, you're not gonna be a kid forever.

Originally posted by Nocturnal
So the next time you feel yourself getting angry at the mayor for giving a criminal a break, or find yourself in front of the TV watching a 2 hour special about school shootings, ask yourself if you have anything to gain from it other than entertainment. If not, consider what you can do in place of them.
Yes. This form of procrastination is one which we worry about things that indirectly, or may never, affect us.

I've been looking for a post like this about self-control for a while and I thank you, Nocturnal, for giving me one.

Since you said in your post, that "this is a great way to start learning self-control," perhaps there is more on the way?:) just wondering. Keep it up.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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gav

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good point

my friends and family have a curious obsession with watching the news even though whenever the news is on, it's always about deaths, violence or some new disease the chinese have picked up that's coming from pigeons

they insist on discussing negative topics and saying negative things; totally unproductive.
 

Caveman

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I feel the posts on this site get better! This is an excellent post. I tried to get this idea across a little while ago but it got snowed under without anyone really noticing, so thanks to you Nocturnal, for putting it up in a way people understand! :)
 

Styles

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Punching the computer screen?....

Yep I'm guilty:)



Great post man
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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InsidiousNstinct

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Spoken like a TRUE mature man with some wisdom under his belt :cool:


One of the mentalities that I have engraved into my skull the deepest is that it is utterly pointless to fret and worry about the things that bother you but that you cannot control.
If people would take that one peice of information and say it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and....*fingers geting tired* there would be no need for this board whatsoever.
I can't believe how many reality tv shows there are now over physical makeovers. Sure some say "they just wanna improve and theres nothing wrong with that." I say BS....thats simply wanting to be d*mn perfect which isnt going to happen. Dang how'd I get off on that...? LOL anyways, good post man.
 
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