"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Learn Charisma from TV Hosts

Nex

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Be more charismatic by studying and mirroring talk show hosts. They just sound cool!

MTV, E!, STC, Comedy Channel, and most channels that will have a person blabbering for a long time will obviously have that person be interesting.

Look at how happy, confident, funny and outgoing they seem to be! How'd they do it?

The smile, glitter in their eyes, make these people seem to me completely magnetic.

I think they do to you, too.

The secret is in the body language.

Look at how they smile when they're saying something interesting. Their eyebrows move, they speak loud in a fun tone but not an angry one (some people when they try to be loud they just seem angry).

So my advice to you is if you see some one who seems completely interesting talking on TV (or better yet, in person), ask yourself "Why?"

It's not just what they're saying. Who cares about what they had for breakfast? I don't... but why can't I help but smile while he tells me?

Just look at their face!

Basically, mirror these ways of speaking and you'll get a whole lot of attention. That's what charisma will do for you. ;)

-- On a side note, when I speak correctly in Portuguese (nois = nos, muieh = mulher, veio = velho) I just seem a whole lot more attractive, my voice tone changes and I appear more sociable. I don't know if this applies to the English language, since I only use it outloud when singing. :D
 
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"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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I'm not too sure that is charisma, it sounds more like an outgoing personality which is completely different than being charismatic. Charisma is not about how you appear to other people, it's about how other people feel when they are around you. Given, talk show hosts are personable and have outgoing personalities but I've never felt that any of them made anyone feel anything other than at ease, not better or good about themselves.

What do the rest of you guys think?
 

oOh Nasty

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Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
I'm not too sure that is charisma, it sounds more like an outgoing personality which is completely different than being charismatic. Charisma is not about how you appear to other people, it's about how other people feel when they are around you. Given, talk show hosts are personable and have outgoing personalities but I've never felt that any of them made anyone feel anything other than at ease, not better or good about themselves.

What do the rest of you guys think?
Francisco's right.

Talk show hosts seem kind of fake to me.
 

Jimbo2k

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Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
I'm not too sure that is charisma, it sounds more like an outgoing personality which is completely different than being charismatic. Charisma is not about how you appear to other people, it's about how other people feel when they are around you. Given, talk show hosts are personable and have outgoing personalities but I've never felt that any of them made anyone feel anything other than at ease, not better or good about themselves.

What do the rest of you guys think?
Charisma:
An ability. Charisma measures a character’s force of personality, persuasiveness, personal magnetism, ability to lead, and physical attractiveness. It represents actual personal strength, not merely how one is perceived by others in a social setting.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Originally posted by Jimbo2k
Charisma:
An ability. Charisma measures a character’s force of personality, persuasiveness, personal magnetism, ability to lead, and physical attractiveness. It represents actual personal strength, not merely how one is perceived by others in a social setting.
I agree it's an ability but when I think of a force of personality and persuaveness I first think of a used car salesman. Magnatism, the ability to lead and physical attractivness is all good but it only works if you other people feel good enough around you to follow where you lead!

Personal strength in a social setting? This entire definition makes charisma sound imposing, forceful, overpowering and manipulative. You might as well get a rope to lasso and hog tie the person you are attempting to attract.

I don't know where you found that definition but www.webster.com says that charisma is a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure (as a political leader) b : a special magnetic charm or appeal or a trait that fascinates, allures, or delights, a physical grace or attraction.

No mention of strength, power or even pulling someone in by leading. It speaks of loyalty, delight and fascination which draws people to you without you forcing them.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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