LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

[B-Lemond]

So i'm a junior in HS and she is a freshmen in College. The college she is at is the same one I want to go to in 2 years. I've been going out with her for 7 months. She's gone to college. She called me asking why I didn't call her back. (6 days prior I told her I'd call her back because I was busy). She was worried that didn't like. Its so true what Wildfyre said, she wanted attention. She wanted some affection. I didn't give her what she needed. Instead I asked her if she wanted to see other people. She was unsure. Because she didn't say "NO" I felt like I couldn't trust her and that she probably would do something behind my back, jugding by what she told me about how there so much partying going on. It felt like she changed even though she's only been away for a week. So because of this I just had to break up with her. I didn't want to get played or cheated on. So I told her its better she goes and sees other people. She told me that she still wants to see me and what not. She said "I just want you to know that I love you blah blah blah." and so on. "Your my first love and I'll never forget you". Before she left she said that she would come home as often as she can. She then asked me if she could see me even though its over. I tell her that I didn't want to see/hear from her ever again. Maybe I was a little mean. So the last words I said were. "Good luck. Have a great life. And I'll miss you". She was still crying but I didn't wait for a response, I just hung up. What should I do? Should I call her back and try to have a LDR with her. I don't want to act like an AFC and crawl back to her. Please Help.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by bluelemond
[B I don't want to act like an AFC and crawl back to her. Please Help. [/B]

You answered your own question kid. Dood, you don't even know how much different college is than high school! People drink 4-5x a week, there's massive amounts of alcohol floating around and everybody's fuvkin someone. You did the right thing, now don't regret it. If its suppose to work out it will, but right now you should be single and hang with girls you can see and trust.


PIMP

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
You answered your own question kid. Dood, you don't even know how much different college is than high school! People drink 4-5x a week, there's massive amounts of alcohol floating around and everybody's fuvkin someone. You did the right thing, now don't regret it. If its suppose to work out it will, but right now you should be single and hang with girls you can see and trust.


PIMP

His situation is difficult because he allowed his insecurity over her going off to college lead him to do and say things he probably didn't really want to do or say. That's why he's torn. If anything, he could tell her that if she still wants to try a LDR after 3 months into college that they can talk about it. He needs to get a grip of his insecurity and also find out if she really wants to stay with him once she gets into the college routine.

 

[B-Lemond]

If I give her 3 months to decide if she wants a relationship, its like me waiting for her. (afc) I could see it know, she goes around for 3 months and doesn't find anyone so she comes back to me out of the fear of being alone.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Re: Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by Wyldfire
His situation is difficult because he allowed his insecurity over her going off to college lead him to do and say things he probably didn't really want to do or say. That's why he's torn. If anything, he could tell her that if she still wants to try a LDR after 3 months into college that they can talk about it. He needs to get a grip of his insecurity and also find out if she really wants to stay with him once she gets into the college routine.

Wyldfire, you have a point and I did see that right away when I read his post, BUT college is a totally different ballgame from high school. I'm sure you know this all too well!!

I guess the real question we should ask him is if he has reason not to trust her? Did she ever cheat, is she a w-hore, does she flirt a lot?

LTR'S rarely EVER work out for the lack of time spent and fading trust involved. Whether we like to admit it or not, every girl whether she's attractive or not get's hit on EVERWHERE AND EVERY SINGLE DAY!



PIMP

 

[B-Lemond]

Re: Re: Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle


I guess the real question we should ask him is if he has reason not to trust her? Did she ever cheat, is she a w-hore, does she flirt a lot?

Well, she I did trust her but now she seems like she is changing. She has never drank alcohol and know she is starting, she says that shes lonely and she wants someone/some attention, just like Wyldfire says in one of his posts, and her attitude has changed somewhat. I don't know if it was just because she was sad, but last night she wasn't as responsive to my humor as she was in the past. I don't know what to do. I couldn't have a good night sleep last night. I just keep thinking about it, and I think that I had a dream about it took.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by bluelemond
Well, she I did trust her but now she seems like she is changing. She has never drank alcohol and know she is starting, she says that shes lonely and she wants someone/some attention, just like Wyldfire says in one of his posts, and her attitude has changed somewhat. I don't know if it was just because she was sad, but last night she wasn't as responsive to my humor as she was in the past. I don't know what to do. I couldn't have a good night sleep last night. I just keep thinking about it, and I think that I had a dream about it took.

I'm a 39 year old woman, for the record...but I'd rather you treat me like one of the guys.

I suggest giving her 3 months because by then she will either find someone else if she's going to or will still be holding off for you. That will tell you if you can trust her or not. It'll also give you time to get your head on straight.

 

[B-Lemond]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by Wyldfire
I'm a 39 year old woman, for the record...but I'd rather you treat me like one of the guys.

I suggest giving her 3 months because by then she will either find someone else if she's going to or will still be holding off for you. That will tell you if you can trust her or not. It'll also give you time to get your head on straight.

So what do I do, just wait 3 months and then call? Also do yo advise that I go find someone else? Is that what you mean by getting my head straight? What I do know is that I don't want to wait 3 months and have one-itis. I also want her to help me out with school/college applications/essays. I know that she's probably either crying right now, or she is out at another party trying to move on.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by bluelemond
So what do I do, just wait 3 months and then call? Also do yo advise that I go find someone else? Is that what you mean by getting my head straight? What I do know is that I don't want to wait 3 months and have one-itis. I also want her to help me out with school/college applications/essays. I know that she's probably either crying right now, or she is out at another party trying to move on.

You should date if you want to. I'd call her in a few days and tell her that you aren't sure what you want and want to give it 3 months to see how you both feel then.

 

[B-Lemond]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by Wyldfire
You should date if you want to. I'd call her in a few days and tell her that you aren't sure what you want and want to give it 3 months to see how you both feel then.

So I call...
Her: Hey
Me: Hey, hows everything going?
Her: blah blah
Me: Well, listen I was just thinking about you.....and.....I'm not sure what I want so how about we give it 3 months and see how we both feel then?

Is that good? May I remind you that I already "broke up".


And then not talk to her for 3 months?

 

[B-Lemond]

bump.....help Please even if its just to comment on something

 

[B-Lemond]

Comments, remarks, questions?

Please HELP!

 

[RipItOff]

Hey buddy, I've been in this situation and I can tell you a little about her thought process right now.

First, she'll feel lonely and sad that she was dumped. Eventually, she'll get mad because she was dumped and go and tell all her girlfriends about you and how you're a jerk (I'm not saying you are). They will then all tell her to move on a quick as possible and drag her to a party.

As soon as she has other options, meaning as soon as she's hit on, she will do one of two things:

1- rub it in your face so hard it hurts
2- feel sad and lonely again because she reallly wants it to be you with her

You made the right choice by dumping her IF you truly couldn't trust her anymore. But why not keep her as an option for when she comes home?

Call her up after about a week, because then she'll think you really thought about it and she'll like that and tell her that you still think that you shouldn't date while she's at school but you'd really like to still hang out when she's in town etc... You can fill in the rest.

You'll be fine. Keep on keeping on.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: LDR 1 week in.....NEED HELP!

Originally posted by bluelemond
So I call...
Her: Hey
Me: Hey, hows everything going?
Her: blah blah
Me: Well, listen I was just thinking about you.....and.....I'm not sure what I want so how about we give it 3 months and see how we both feel then?

Is that good? May I remind you that I already "broke up".


And then not talk to her for 3 months?

Sounds fine to me...and you don't have to not talk to her at all over the 3 months...but I wouldn't talk more than once every couple of weeks.

The bottom line is that you need to get a grip on your insecurities. They're clealrly an issue because of the way you reacted. You also need to give both yourself and her some time to see how you both feel once you get used to not seeing each other and doing your own things.

You might meet someone new. She might meet someone new. If there is something strong enough to sustain a LDR after 3 months broken up then you won't have completely burned that bridge.

 

[B-Lemond]

Thanks Wyldfire. I would like to hear some more opinions? Anyone?

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

So i'm a junior in HS and she is a freshmen in College.

Thats a pretty massive difference in age and maturity. College is a very different life and forces one to grow up faster, you're still 2 years away from experiencing what thats like, and it does have a big impact on character development.

Once you're in college you notice yourself coming in a kid and very quickly turning into an adult.

Not to mention she is now being surrounded by booze as someone pointed out, and college guys who are much older than you and probably more mature and attractive (as they're bodies are fully developed, much like college girls are way hotter than h.s. girls).

 

[penkitten]

if you are going to do the three months thing,
i would talk to her once a week
set a certain day if you want to

its kinda a tool
you will be able to tell by what she says shes been doing, who shes been hanging out with and how much things are changing

if she sounds happy when you talk, or if she sounds irritated.


just my two cents

 

[B-Lemond]

Alright so, unlike the 90% of the people who ask questions, I'll actually tell you guys if the advice worked or not.

So I don't know what inspired me to do this but I just did. About 2 days ago I started making a movie on iMovie. I just finished last night. I just put some pictures of me an her having fun and being happy, to remind her of all the HAPPY feelings she experienced. SO anyway it was my first movie.....thank you...thank you...........but it turned out to be AMAZING. It actually did. So I send her the video. After she watches she calls me. I wasn't home so she called about 4x. When I did pick up I said:
Me: Hello?
Her: Hey
Me: Hey who is this?

She was a little sad that I said that because she thought I was serious. (PIMP)
Anyway she thanks me for the movie. She says that it was REALLY good. I said I know it was good, you don't need to tell me. (C&F) So then it was a little awkward talking to her after what happened. So I talk to her for about 1 hour. I know your not supposed to talk on the phone for that long but after I read a few post about LTRs it seemed to me that you NEED to act AFC to succeed. Well at least thats what they said. Anyway she laughs throughout most of the conversation. The awkwardness starts to subside. Then I WAS going to say the 3 months thing, but it didn't feel right. So I just said it was nice talking to you again. She didn't say anything then she said it was nice talking to you too. She kept saying "I'll talk to you later", but waiting for my response to see if I wanted to talk to her again. I didn't give her a clear answer (PIMP!) So that's that. I might say the 3 months thing IF I talk to her again OR I might not bring anything up and if she does, I'll just pretend that we were always BEST FRIENDS and nothing more.

 

[Wyldfire]

I think you did a good job at not coming across too needy or insecure. That will help you in the end. Things might not be able to work between the two of you right now...but you won't ruin any chances in the future by handling things right. If there is something really good between you, it's possible you could end up together again in a couple of years. That's why you don't want to burn that bridge.

 

[coder]

What is it that you want? If you want to be with her, why did you dump her? If you don't to be with her, why do you call her and think about her?

She wants to be with you, is that not clear to you? If you want to be with her, then do it. What is the issue here? You were very ****ty to her and she still wants you. Is there a question here? The question seems to be what is it you want?