Lady blowing hot then suddenly cold

[saab1981]

hey guys, just hoping for a bit of advice here really. i used to be on here circa 2003-04, and managed to bag a girl, - we had a 6 year LTR. It was great, but we drifted apart gradually, and this is now over, and not why i am on this forum today!

I have been in touch lately with a lady my own age (29), we met via a dating site and have flirted via emails and text for the past 9-10 days. She is just out of a 'going nowhere' LTR. For now, we are happy to have no-strings fun, maybe date, and see how it goes from there. She says I am the only person she has got in touch with, and our fun has escalated over a 8-9-day period.

The content of our messages has been very sexual and explosive, and very enjoyable for us both. She is probably a 7 or 8, with long black hair, slightly curvy figure, full breasts, kind of indie-ish -we also like the same music, films, you name it really. I'm not bothered about meeting supermodel-type women, just someone I get along with - that isn't a total horse!

We have agreed to not call each other (to add to the mystique) and also planned to meet up in the near future (we have busy schedules, etc). We have also exchanged photos of ourselves. I can vouch that she is genuine.

Now all of a sudden, she has gone completely cold on me, and I am finding it hard to see why. The last time we messaged each other (Wednesday), it was really good, lots of sexual fantasies etc, including a picture of her looking hot with a pout. She has said how much I 'rock her world' and what an 'amazing fella' I am in previous messages - I always play it cool and fun with her, a bit teasy, not giving too much away, and always leaving her wanting a little bit more.

So in the intervening days, I have sent a couple of cheeky, fun texts to ask how she is but she is not responding at all. 3 whole days have now passed, without any contact at all which is not like her. I am not going to ring her, as this will come across as desperate and a bit creepy at this stage, IMO.

I've done all I can at this stage, so is it best to just stop all contact and wait until she gets in touch? (if ever..)
Is there a reasonable deadline I should give her for this before finally moving on? I guess I like this lady so far..but I will not let her hang me on the end of a rope.

I guess i'm just wondering how it's gone, in the space of 2 days, from exchanging all these flirty, horny messages and her being really keen to meet for some fun - to just nothing, just total silence! Your thoughts would be appreciated guys..

 

[Falcon25]

There is one answer to this; As this happened to me with a young girl this week.

When a woman goes suddenly cold on you, there is only one explanation;

Another man.

The other guy came back and stepped up his game. He was always there. They always are. Cause god forbid a woman can't be alone. It's another guy. Don't worry about it.

 

[saab1981]

Thanks bro, I'm guessing this is probably the most logical answer, albeit accepting it reluctantly.

Regardless of her reasons, I've kinda agreed with myself to give her til Monday evening to get in touch anyway. I'm not doing any more chasing, and If I've heard nothing by then, then its definitely a case of 'Next'

 

[jophil28]

She is just out of a 'going nowhere' LTR...

Women say that when they are getting ready to leave their current boring b/f and they are looking for another branch before letting the old one go.
OF course they cannot tell you that so they lead you to believe that the LTR is all over when it is not.

It is possible that she and the b/f have "made up' and are giving it another shot, OR perhaps her b/f discovered her online "activities" and he shut her down.

Of maybe she got hit by a bus..

 

[saab1981]

Women say that when they are getting ready to leave their current boring b/f and they are looking for another branch before letting the old one go.
OF course they cannot tell you that so they lead you to believe that the LTR is all over when it is not.

It is possible that she and the b/f have "made up' and are giving it another shot, OR perhaps her b/f discovered her online "activities" and he shut her down.

Of maybe she got hit by a bus..

To be fair, they're all equally plausible! I mean, she had a house with the guy, and I did have the gut impression they were still together, albeit with the relationship hanging on for dear life (he was apparently a miserable kind of guy, and never wanted to have sex).

Plus, she spent the last 3 days at a conference in another part of the country - I only heard from her on the first day, then the silence began..I guess I'm just a bit frustrated that it didn't even go from 'Hot' to 'Warm' to 'Cold' - It just went from 'Red Hot' to 'Sub Zero' overnight! - even a bit of closure either way would be nice eh guys?

 

[1 Bad Dude]

To be fair, they're all equally plausible! I mean, she had a house with the guy, and I did have the gut impression

Three possibilities: She's testing the waters before she leaves(branch swinging); testing you to make sure you can keep it no-strings fun; or there's another man.

they were still together, albeit with the relationship hanging on for dear life (he was apparently a miserable kind of guy, and never wanted to have sex).

You honestly don't believe this do you?

Plus, she spent the last 3 days at a conference in another part of the country - I only heard from her on the first day, then the silence began..I guess I'm just a bit frustrated that it didn't even go from 'Hot' to 'Warm' to 'Cold' - It just went from 'Red Hot' to 'Sub Zero' overnight! - even a bit of closure either way would be nice eh guys?

(read the bold) In any event, you should just forget about it and move on. It sounds like you are over thinking this. Thats how oneitis starts. For that reason I recommend a next. But if that isn't the case, then just put her on the back burner and pick up where you left off if you hear from her in the future.

 

[Warrior74]

We have agreed to not call each other (to add to the mystique) and also planned to meet up in the near future (we have busy schedules, etc).

Yah I liked to know who initiated that. If she did it's a red flag and lends validity to the previous posts. If you did, wtf dude? That's just kind strange. Everyone knows the game goes, online, phone, meet up, sex, sex, sex, sex, relationship or breakup. Mystique can be maintained on the phone and even in person. I call shenanigans on that.


As for the busy schedules, that's BS, people make time for people they want to see. Even if it's just an hour, its worth it if you really want to see someone. I've known women with kids, two jobs and aging parents who could always find time to spend with me, until it was over and then I started hearing the busy schedule crap.

 

[Colossus]

SAAB-

One thing stands out to me from your post that I'm surprised no one else has mentioned: YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET HER!!!

I understand you are getting back in the dating game so your expectations of reciprocity might be a bit skewed. Dont expect any measure of loyalty with a girl you arent 'established' with, much less havent even met. This might sound defeatist but it's really just pragmatism. When in doubt, assume she has other guys in the wings whether they be ex-bf's, current bf's, hook-ups, etc.

As for the reason she went MIA, I'm betting it's another guy. But take it from me---it's irrelevant. For the sake of your own mental health dont agonize over the reasons why, because you dont know and you are only speculating (probably wildly) which just causes unnecessary negative emotions for YOU. Over a girl you have never even met!! She went cold, you made a couple attempts at contact, no response= move on brotha.

 

[Falcon25]

Keep this in mind. Whenever a woman turns cold IN THE BEGINNING of meeting and getting to know her, it is 99.5 percent of the time ANOTHER MAN. An ex, husband, fuvk buddy, another guy pursuing, etc.

 

[JustLurk]

@thread: Stop trying to predict something totally unpredictable.
Oh, you think you can predict this with over 50% accuracy? Go run a brokerage, you'll make a f***load of money.

@OP: Figure out the truth, don't take guesses.

 

[Lexington]

If she was so into you, why didn't you setup a meeting in person? You have to strike when the iron is hot....especially for online dating sites (you can be sure those girls are getting bombarded with messages.)

The fact that you've taken the time to write out such a long post means that you are in the early stages of Oneitis. Seems to me like you became accustomed to a relationship and now that you're single, you miss it a little.

If you're wondering if she thinks you're desperate, you ARE desperate. Relax and take a deep breath. This was a girl you exchanged a few messages with. Move onto the next one.

 

[saab1981]

thanks for the advice guys, I'm guessing she's hooked up with the ex b/f again, also when I asked last week if she was free in the next few weeks, I always got a vague kinda 'i'm busy for the next few weeks' sort of response, but without a clear indication of when she was free. Then in the texts she would say 'i can't wait to meet and have some fun' - so lots of mixed signals I guess too. I also noticed that she goes on a sports forum I frequent occasionally, and she really acts like a total prick tease to the guys on it..guys of all ages, she doesn't care. my bottom line is that her current or recent b/f was a bore , but she can't bring herself to Leave him (house together, mortgage etc) and uses satellite males, who she'll never meet, to give her that thrill she lacks with her guy. I'm glad I realised that.

 

[jophil28]

.. my bottom line is that her current or recent b/f was a bore , but she can't bring herself to Leave him (house together, mortgage etc) and uses satellite males, who she'll never meet, to give her that thrill she lacks with her guy. I'm glad I realised that.

You got it in one.

 

[window]

She is most likely not a real person. These chicks do it for a kick. The golden rule is if she is not prepared to meet you for a coffee or a short date after 2 - 3 emails click delete. Until you meet them in person you are wasting your time.

 

[amoka]

They guys here are all right on the money.


You may never hear from her again.....but then again, in a week's time you may just get a text.

Something along the lines of "My phone broke" or some other lame excuse.

Your duty is to ignore and delete.

Classic excuse..

 

[CrashOverRide]

Yah I liked to know who initiated that. If she did it's a red flag and lends validity to the previous posts. If you did, wtf dude? That's just kind strange. Everyone knows the game goes, online, phone, meet up, sex, sex, sex, sex, relationship or breakup. Mystique can be maintained on the phone and even in person. I call shenanigans on that.


As for the busy schedules, that's BS, people make time for people they want to see. Even if it's just an hour, its worth it if you really want to see someone. I've known women with kids, two jobs and aging parents who could always find time to spend with me, until it was over and then I started hearing the busy schedule crap.

Right on!


In general I will say this though; One of the hardest truths about the game to accept is that you can build so much rapport by spending time and effort trying to court a female... and they can go cold instantly making the work and time you put in inconsequential!

 

[saab1981]

I've decided to have a cool off period from this lady, with a final email to her on Wed. I will say I have been busy all week, and then offer to take her for a drink the following week. I'm only doing this as I feel she is worth it, but other than that, well...Can't do any more!

 

[jophil28]

They guys here are all right on the money.


You may never hear from her again.....but then again, in a week's time you may just get a text.

Something along the lines of "My phone broke" or some other lame excuse.

Your duty is to ignore and delete.

I am waiting for this one," The dog ate my iPhone ."

 

[jophil28]

I've decided to have a cool off period from this lady, with a final email to her on Wed. I will say I have been busy all week, and then offer to take her for a drink the following week. I'm only doing this as I feel she is worth it, but other than that, well...Can't do any more!

So you are still going to chase her but pretend to yourself that you are not ?

Saab, her silence IS the message. She used you for fun, entertainment and an ego bloat.
You served your purpose and now you are no longer required.

Take the hint before you surrender your dignity by sending her a "final email" and then another ....and then...another.

 

[window]

yes sending a "final" email after she's had you on ignore is like falling on your sword.