Kiss Close then LJBF'D

[Red Man]

So anyways guys last night was awesome. It lifted my spirits a bit after a miserable friday night I had. This is sort of a continuation field report from the cadillac ranch sarge where I started dating this girl. She text me all week saying how she missed me and all this other stuff a girl normally would say to her boyfriend. I was getting all sorts of green lights and IOI's from her. She explained to me at the start of everything that she didn't want to move fast and to take things slow so she said slow and steady wins the race. Not wanting to rush things with this girl I agreed with her. I had her come over my place a few weeks ago since she needed to borrow one of my military shirts for a party she was having where they dress up military like so I told her to come over. She came over and I was running kino on her to pump her buying temperature up since I hadn't kiss closed her yet and wanted to take things slow till she couldn't take it anymore although I risked getting ljbf'd from the beginning by not going for the kiss close when she left my place. She texts me when she left saying, "No urges to make out with me this time? lol ; )." I told her wow I know you have an urge to make out with me girl but be patient tonight was all you get for now ; ). Then she told me that after tonight her patience ran out. I was like wow major IOI's lol. She then text me saying good things come to those who wait so I told her I know geez that's why I have to keep telling you to slow down. The following week she sent me all sorts of messages and kisses over the phone so I knew that next time I saw her I was going for the kiss close. She asked me when I wanted to chill this week and I told her to come over on Thursday night. She came over and once again I ran kino compliance tests on her and just kino in general without any objection. She passed all of my compliance tests. As soon as she walked in my door for the night we kissed for a hot few seconds as I greeted her. Later on as she was leaving my apartment I went for a major kiss close. We started making out and she stuck her tongue down my throat beginning a french kiss makeout session. Then she left my apartment for the night. Now here's the crazy thing fellas because this has never happened to me before EVER so I'm completely stumped. She text me the next night saying, "Okay so I've been thinking about the kiss and I have to admit that I didn't feel anything. I feel like we should remain friends. I would hate to lose you as a friend. Sorry I should've said this in person. Sorry >>>>> So I explained and acted like nothing was a big deal at all because being reactive would have lowered my value so I explained to her that it was only a kiss. I don't think this is buyer's remorse but I could be wrong because I told her before to slow down. This has never happened to me before and when I kiss close a girl it's a done deal for me so I can't believe this??? Any ideas guys because I'm totally confused as to what's happened here?

 

[Alphamale1821]

sounds to me like the whole taking it slow was a shiit test. I feel like from what i've read that she mainly was in control of the frame and you simply spiked her intrest, but you still didn't steer the frame. What a chick says and does are 2 different things. Sure she is saying she wants "take it slow" but by her always coming over and you having the chance to probably fuuck her, but you didn't maybe she feels likr tee your just friend. Sure you kissed her, but it was still on her terms. That or maybe you suck at kissing but i doubt that.

Sure playing the "nice guy" and taking it slow seems like it work nicely but in reality i see it as frame control and girl testing to see how bad you really want her. Unless you have invested a serious amount of time and energy into a women and i'm talking a Serious GF, potential wife then your needs as a man COME FIRST. IF you have a desire to **** her or kiss her the first time you want to, while you shouldn't focus on it you should definielty let it be known through your actions. I'm willing to bet that this chick is a closet freak dude, but to ratiozlize in her mind and to make her self seem like less of a slut she uses the whole "take it slow". However i'm willing to bet that if you would have said fuuck that(not directly) but by actions and showing her that you don't care to take it slow, she might have gone into your frame and you could still be dating or possibly fuucking her.

NO worries tough man just look at every chick and situation as experience, your all good dude go out and find some more hotties and GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT. When it comes to seduction and fuucking, don't listen to a womens words so literally, yet what her body language and sublte ioi's are telling you. Best of Regards

 

[Red Man]

Thanks bro I really appreciate it this helps a lot.

 

[Lexington]

It seems to me there is a narrow window of time in which to act. If you spend too long just acting like friends without making a move, the girl places in you in the friend zone. A big mistake a lot of guys make (and a mistake that I have made several times) is to first be friends with a girl. When the girl said "let's take things slow" you were essentially being just friends.

It's best to establish rapport, escalate, make a move and see her reaction and then just move on if she says no. There's no use in pursuing a girl that doesn't want a relationship when there are lots of other women out there. The move should be made quite early on (at most 2 weeks). If you wait longer, you just fall into the friend zone.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation to you. I kiss closed on a chick who I became close friends with and who I thought was interested. She says she isn't ready to get involved with anyone because she just got out of a 4 year long relationship that ended terribly.

I asked a fellow member of this forum who is further along than I am what my options were and he gave me 3, which I think are good:

1) Continue to just be friends but pursue other chicks. Don't however pursue other chicks just to get this girl. Genuinely get after them. There's a good chance she'll get jealous. Right now she's enjoying all the benefits of a relationship without the sex. If you pursue other women, she could realize what she'd lose. If she doesn't get jealous, you'll have other women.

2) Make another move on her and tell her you want a relationship in no uncertain terms. Don't be afraid to make it awkward (there's a good chance that it will be awkward if she turns you down). That's a risk you have to take. If she says no, then the chances of a relationship are most likely over. At this stage it's best to move on. She might get jealous at some point, but don't count on it. Put it behind you and get on with your life.

3) Make a move on her and tell her that you're willing to continue as friends but that you just want to be physically intimate. Tell here there are no strings attached and that neither of you are committed. You can pursue other girls and she is free to pursue other men.

With the third option, you have to be comfortable with the idea of her pursuing other men. Be sure that you're not hoping that it will eventually evolve into a relationship.

 

[MisterMcGee]

"If you spend too long just acting like friends without making a move, the girl places in you in the friend zone."

I've personally learnt this 100% depends on the social setting you are in and what the situation is.
If you go to school together and have 'kinda known her for a while' type thing (like is true in most schools cause they aren't ginormous), being acquaintances is totally fine.
If you work together, being acquaintances is totally fine (I recommend it cause doing cold-type stuff in a workplace can creep people out, no matter what frame of mind you're in).
If you're at a bar or club, don't effing waste time being friends or acquaintances. HOWEVER, if the girl is a friend of your friends and youre essentially all in the same social circle, you can get away with simply hving fun and teasing her but not totally going out of your way to game her all of a sudden.
You're allowed leeway when in the same social circles. But not as friends, as acquaintances only. The moment you become friends, you've got very little time before she understands that you're not BF material to her. If you feel you're 'buds' (whether that be work buds, math buds, or whatever), then DO SOMETHING ASAP. If you feel like she doesn't give you buddy-type attention (such as not being completely open to you, treating you differently that other guys, happy to see you even though you dot talk outside of work or school at all and haven't seen each other for a week or two, etc), then you're simply an acquaintance who she may be holding some interest for. You're on the 'backburner zone' until you get yourself out of it, basically.

But only in social circle type situations.
So when a girl says she's "only went out with guys who she was friends with first", she means she was simply acquaintances with them. The point of being an acquaintance is so she can get to know you a bit without actually dating. This is why, in grade school and highschool, it's rare to see people actually 'date'. Why? Because SCHOOL is the 'date'. When a guy asks a girl out, it's really just asking her to be exclusive - "wanna be my girlfriend" or "wanna go out with me?". It's the same when you grow up, but you and the girl need to be in the same social circle or be forced to 'meet' every now and then, so you can become acquaintances who don't 'plan' to meet each other (make things official), but do anyways.
Guys love working with girls and hanging out with new girls because it's like a free, fun, no-pressure date. It's why girls love going out with guys they've been "friends" with (read: acquaintances) - there's no pressure. Of course, you still need to escalate, but you all get my drift.

 

[Lexington]

I think the key to what you're saying, Mr. McGee, is that girls love going out with acquaintances because there is no pressure. Perhaps I should have qualified what I meant by "friend."

If you actually become buddies i.e. establish a meaningful friendship, that's when it gets hard. When a girl is buddies with a guy, it is all very pleasant and nice. But relationships can and do get ugly and she risks losing a lover and a friend.

This is why it's better to make the move sooner rather than later; the girl is more willing to try the relationship thing if there's not a great deal at stake. She doesn't know you all that well so cutting ties with you wouldn't be a huge loss.

The stupidest mistake that I've repeatedly made with girls is to establish meaningful friendships with girls I like. That led to me being placed in the friend zone and made it highly unlikely that any move I made would succeed.

Think of it like this: a relationship is a swimming pool. You want the girl to dive into the swimming pool. The better you get to know her, the higher the diving board and the harder it is for her to take the plunge.

 

[MisterMcGee]

When she does ****-test stuff like "bla bla i didnt feel anything" or "bla bla im not comfortable doing this" just laugh and say "yeah okay" or "dont fool yourself" or something else to relieve the tension that she's feeling.

 

[Following_of_Me]

I'm sure this has already been said, but still, never hurts to hear it twice.

You played into her game. She told you to take it slow, and you worked as slow as possible, made her wait to make the move an exceptionally long time, then when you finally did she was underwhelmed because by now she had been losing more and more interest in you, and whatever interest she had in you before was what made her kiss you back. But thinking back, she realized that it wasn't what she thought it would be, and that's because you waited too long.

Next time just make the move. If she tells you to take things slow with her, she doesn't necessarily mean it. Next time just start with kissing, just don't jump for the lay that night, and you should be fine.