"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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KISMF: Stop looking for signs of high interest, be mindful of low interest

TheCWord

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You can tell summer is drawing to a close.

We're seeing a lot of posts on here from guys whose relationships are ending. Summer romances are reaching their natural denouement. If the posts aren't from guys in LTRs, they are from guys who have gone on a date or two with girl X and she's giving mixed signals.

What all of these men have in common is that they are hyper-analyzing things, walking around like a detoxing Sherlock Holmes - magnifying glass out, frantically trying to find clues that prove their theory correct. Their theory, of course, being that this girl really likes them.

Interest is not a hard thing to find. If she goes along with your plans, makes effort, doesn't give mixed messages - she's interested. I don't know why so many of us in our pre-red pill days that thought a girl's high interest level was somehow hiding from us, like a game of hide-and-seek, and it was our job to uncover it, decrypt it, no matter how much sleep it cost us.

I'm not advocating actively looking for signs of low interest instead - there is too much danger that you will overcorrect and become cynical.

But the key to saving yourself a lot of time and energy... the key to protecting your heart... is to simply be mindful of low interest. Not breaking out the Sherlock magnifying glass and LOOKING for it, but just noticing. Just notice it. Observe a sign of low interest and say to yourself, "That's interesting." That's what a chess player does. When someone makes a move against them that seems a little out of place, has some bad vibes, they say "that's interesting."

Say you were dating a girl who had low interest level. All of us on SoSuave can see her low interest, but you were actively looking for high interest rather than being mindful of her low interest, so right from the start you're screwed. You may go on a few dates or even get into an LTR with this girl - she could be going along with it for any number of reasons - but she doesn't even like you that much!

Had you been mindful of the fact that she never makes counteroffers to your plans, that you're always supplicating to her whims, or that she is asking for "time" and "space" then you would have hit the eject button long ago. Think how many sleepless nights you could have saved!

Rather than trying to find slivers of hope that she might like you, I ask that you - from now on - please - for your sake... KISMF. If it feels like you're trying to solve a rubix cube to date this girl, she's going to eventually send you and your weeping heart to SoSuave to make posts about why it's not working out. If everything is fun and easy and you don't feel like you need a magnifying glass, then enjoy.

KISMF.

Keep It Simple, MuthaFukkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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foreverAFC

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like the great Pauly Shore once said " Either she's into it or she isnt"
 

JoeMarron

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Yep. The problem is dudes use their emotions to determine whether they should keep chasing her or not. "I love her, she's the hottest girl I've been with etc." Every red flag and sign of low interest is rationalized away because of his emotions. Men need to start thinking rationally for a change instead of following their heart like women.
 

TheCWord

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2014 CWord, why can't you be more like 2013 CWord?
 

Siragoos

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This is true, but I have a question.

I had a girl who was showing all classic high-interest signals: "she goes along with your plans, makes effort, doesn't give mixed messages" from your post. Did all that.

But she had a long-term boyfriend. So I assumed she was looking for a surrogate bf when her real one wasn't available, so I bailed from the situation. So, even if she does show high interest, I'm assuming you have to make sure it's sexually as well?
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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TheCWord

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Siragoos said:
This is true, but I have a question.

I had a girl who was showing all classic high-interest signals: "she goes along with your plans, makes effort, doesn't give mixed messages" from your post. Did all that.

But she had a long-term boyfriend. So I assumed she was looking for a surrogate bf when her real one wasn't available, so I bailed from the situation. So, even if she does show high interest, I'm assuming you have to make sure it's sexually as well?
Sex is the key ingredient in this recipe, Siragoos. You've got a lot of good stuff there - she goes along with your plans, makes effort, doesn't give mixed messages - but without sex you are, just as you've evaluated, a surrogate bf.

It's a lot easier for her to act like a perfect mate when there's no chance of sex and she's going home to someone else.

Plenty of fish in the sea, man. Don't mess around with a taken girl. Unless you're banging her - it'd be morally deplorable but at least you're not just being used as some accessory. Siragoos ain't no purse.
 

Siragoos

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TheCWord said:
Sex is the key ingredient in this recipe, Siragoos. You've got a lot of good stuff there - she goes along with your plans, makes effort, doesn't give mixed messages - but without sex you are, just as you've evaluated, a surrogate bf.

It's a lot easier for her to act like a perfect mate when there's no chance of sex and she's going home to someone else.

Plenty of fish in the sea, man. Don't mess around with a taken girl. Unless you're banging her - it'd be morally deplorable but at least you're not just being used as some accessory. Siragoos ain't no purse.
That's what I thought. Sucks because she was my first attempt at trying this stuff and it seemed to work because I never had a girl so "interested" in me. But then I woke up and realized that she's in a 3.5 yr relationship, she wants company. Then I had to trust myself that I recognized it and then to make the right decision and cut it off.
 

TheBossman

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Siragoos said:
That's what I thought. Sucks because she was my first attempt at trying this stuff and it seemed to work because I never had a girl so "interested" in me. But then I woke up and realized that she's in a 3.5 yr relationship, she wants company. Then I had to trust myself that I recognized it and then to make the right decision and cut it off.

I'm always amazed at people who can recognize a situation like that, and pull themselves out. Nice job.
 

teddy

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TheBossman said:
I'm always amazed at people who can recognize a situation like that, and pull themselves out. Nice job.
That's how things start out I think. The power to trust yourself is huge.
 

Siragoos

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TheBossman said:
I'm always amazed at people who can recognize a situation like that, and pull themselves out. Nice job.
I second guessed myself several times. I just had to believe I saw it for what it was and leave, no matter how nice she was to me and the attention she gave me (I'm a recovering afc, so basically first female to show me any attention on her own.)
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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