Kirt's journal

[kirt]

Inspired by darksprezzatura and cheyne, I’m starting a thread with my monthly plans and reports on self-development. It’s mostly motivational, but an occasional advice and support would be much appreciated.

I’ve been switching careers to web design but things were tough and I wasn’t focused enough so I lost a few years. The lack of focus (and resources) was mainly due to a severe ONEitis with a very demanding girl (LTR, 6 years). She finally dumped me this spring after I lost my job and ran out of resources for “upholding relationship” (mostly trips, presents and going out to keep her entertained). Well, some guys learn the hard way, right? Anyway, now I have healed enough to be able to finally get my **** together. I'm going to report here at the beginning of each month now.

Current state:
–3 on Heartiste’s SMV test (Lesser beta).
Look: 32 years old. Skinny. Average. High-pitched voice.
Money: No job, no house/apartment. Returned to dwell in a room of my parent’s house.
Status: No finished education. I have basically one friend and I’m kinda de facto an outcast in my extended family.
Game: Got dumped after a 6 year LTR this spring. Currently no sex, no girlfriends. Overall, I had only 3 girls in my life; 1 ****buddy, 1 LTR (1 year), and 1 LTR (6 years).

Goals for this August:
1) Body fundamentals:
- Start lifting weights.
- Proper nutrition (macronutrients ratio, no sugar, no processed food).
- work on my voice. Practice the "hmm" technique.
2) Financial fundamentals:
My main focus is here.
- Return back to college and finish the last year to get a degree in design.
- Add 3 more works to my freelance portfolio.
- Reply to at least 4 job offers for part-time junior designer positions, hoping for part-time job.
3) Social fundamentals:
- Hang out with my only friend for a couple of weekends. He’s also into self-improvement, but much more successful than I.
4) Game fundamentals:
Temporary accept my incel status. Not looking for new friends either. I really need my time and resources focused on my career.

Reading:
DJ Bible (5 week reading challenge)

 

[macallik]

I see you were online today. Where is the update? Have you at least listed some small goals that you can tackle to reach your larger goals? For example:

Body Fundamentals

• Meal prep to avoid cheating on your diet
• Downloading an app to log your workouts and track your progress
• Look for a workout buddy to hold you accountable

Also that Heartiste SMV test is among the least favorite things I've ever come across on this site FYI. This is a close second:

Temporary accept my incel status. Not looking for new friends either. I really need my time and resources focused on my career.

There is no time like the present to start working on yourself socially. Start the Don Juan Bootcamp and join some meetup groups to socialize a bit more.

 

[kirt]

Didn't do the September update because my ex tried to come back to me and I was stupid enough to let her do it. Yeah, I know. But like every other AFC I thought that she's a unicorn and our case was different. The result was more pain and misery and all this stuff derailed me for a few weeks.

August-September update:
1) Body fundamentals:
- Lifting weights - done rigorously, without a single day skipped. Added about 4 kilos (9 pounds) in body weight.
- Proper nutrition - pretty hardcore in that too. No sugar, no processed food. I'm using Myfitnesspal to watch the calories.
- work on my voice. Practice the "hmm" technique. - dropped after about 10 days, but I should continue because this stuff seems to work.
2) Financial fundamentals:
- Return back to college - done. Studying is quite hard though, especially given my emotional state. I have already missed some inessential deadlines which is lame because I planned to ace this course.
- Add 3 more works to my freelance portfolio - failed miserably. My ex and my studying derailed me.
- Reply to at least 4 job offers for part-time junior designer positions, hoping for part-time job - failed miserably. My ex and my studying derailed me.
3) Social fundamentals:
- Hang out with my only friend for a couple of weekends. - I did that in August, but he left the city in September and will return only in about 6 months. Still, this thing was beneficial.

Reading:
- DJ Bible (the first 3 chapters "Newbies", "Uplifting Material", "Jerk versus the Nice Guy") - I liked it for a very positive and holistic approach, but I see how it's useless without simultaneously applying it in practice.
- Corey Wayne, How to be a 3% Man - this coach is about natural Game. So natural that he refuses the concept of "gaming" altogether and instead offers a more integral approach of naturally becoming an Alpha, rather than adapting some Alpha traits and strategies for manipulation. I liked his positive yet realistic attitude to women, at the same time being very firm about what you want in your life. For example, he admits that attraction cannot be created, only discovered, and PUA skills mostly help you not to screw up what you already have in terms of attraction (so he is heavy on spinning plates, reading interest level and NEXTing often). His ideals are close to Pook's "The Good Guy", but sometimes Corey Wayne sounds a little bit too nice like being OK with some DJ sins like saying sorry or accepting exes back (for the latter part he did say "are you sure this is what you want though? Do you really want to have such a person in your life and sleep with a one eye open?").
- Dean Delis, The Passion Paradox - It was helpful in understanding the basics of passion, this SMV balance etc., but there is a lot of attempts to "negotiate genuine desire" through talking when things go wrong.
- Stefan Molyneux, Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love - a very broad and generalist approach to relationships. Very little on romantic relationship, but a lot on family and even citizen-to-government relationships. I like Stefan, but he is a moralist and in terms of romantic relationships he sounds really blue pill. For example, he believes that good communication is the solution to LTR problems, which is doubtful after reading Red Pill material. Also, the level of honesty you need for that even with yourself... well, this skill alone will take years of focused efforts.
- About 300 posts from The Rational Male blog - this stuff is dry and although it rings true, it is simultaneously a bit depressing. I understand that Rollo's goal is to effectively destroy Blue Pill ideals that can literally kill you (suicide ONEitis etc.) or make you suffer really, really bad (divorce rapes etc.), but it's hard to learn to love women again after that. DJ Bible preaches roughly the same stuff but in a much more upbeat way and without politics.
- Coach Red Pill videos - the guy is like Rollo Tomassi, but he has a very nice "the dad you didn't have" delivery and he is much more down to earth. His video "Women Gatekeep Sex—But Men Gatekeep Relationships" especially helped me to get over my ex this time. I've listened to it almost every day, and sometimes several times a day, when I felt low.

October goals:
1) Body fundamentals:
- Keep up with lifting weights and proper nutrition.
- Work on my voice. Practice the "hmm" technique. Come on, it's just 10 minutes a day.
2) Financial fundamentals:
- Fix my issues with college. I'm old and low on money and I won't have the opportunity to earn enough to pull another one year full-time studying. So I have only one chance to finish it and I must not screw it up. I downloaded a time-tracker app to watch my productivity. The schedule is already there so I just need to consistently pull the hours.
3) Social fundamentals:
- Got no friends in my city left. I will hang out with my family more. There is a couple of birthday parties in the extended family this month. Maybe I'll rebuild some lost connection.
4) Game fundamentals:
- Don Juan Bootcamp. I cannot afford any relationships now, but I will still do the approaches, just to become more resilient and deal with that fear of rejection.

Reading:
DJ Bible. Other than that I'd better dive into the professional texts for my degree.


What is a better scale than Heartiste's SMV test? I need something to benchmark my SMV and my progress.

 

[AttackFormation]

- Stefan Molyneux, about a decade or so back when I briefly listened to him and from the video titles I've seen with him since, comes off to me as a "mad hatter" demagogue clown.
- Rollo Tomassi's stuff made me more bitter and depressed too. In the end, I decided those feelings weren't beneficial to me or women. You can be realistic, but you can't focus on the negative and being paranoid as those posts either themselves do or end up making you do.
- Coach Red Pill said that looks don't really matter in one of the videos I saw linked of him, which establishes him to me as either completely clueless with his head in the sand or intentionally deceptive.
- Corey is right and Delis is wrong, although it was ages since I listened to Corey and I haven't heard of Delis before. You cannot and should not try to negotiate desire.

- Heartiste is a hateful joke of a person. I wouldn't take anything he writes seriously or read it at all. Just google "looksmaxing guide" or "looksmaxing scale", then add your social status to that and there you go, you now have an SMV scale.