Want to get better with women? Yes? Regardless if your goal is to sleep with many different women, or find that one perfect girl, you’re going to need to get physical with her eventually. And before you can do that, you need to be ready to have women ready and wanted to be touched by you.
Touch is one of the most powerful forms of communication between people. You can communicate more potent, more honest, completely unfiltered, real sentiments with touching that you could never put into words. Talking says,
“This is what I’d maybe, umm, like to do.”
Touching says,
“This is what we’re doing.”
Talking does a lot of talking.
Touch can be used to express affection, control, protectiveness, dominance, tenderness, sexual interest, and a lot of things that you couldn’t even begin to put into words.
There are a handful of types of guys when it comes to touching women. There are the guys who shy away from being physical with women. There are the guys who touch women in vaguely creepy, groping ways because they don’t know better. Then there are the guys who touch women smoothly and naturally, without a thought to it. These last guys are the guys that women love and want to be around.
Touching women, my friend, is crucial. It’s not optional. It’s necessary for your social/romantic success. It lets women know immediately what kind of man you are. Women want men who know how to touch them. So let’s go over some fundamentals for you. Before we do, let’s do a quick checkup to make sure your head is straight about touching women. Here’s the bad (wrong) beliefs that guys have about touching women:
“She doesn’t want guys touching her”
Here’s my own experience, from just this last year. At theApproach, we say get kinesthetic immediately - within the first two minutes typically. In all of 2007, I touched a lot of women, I estimate around a thousand. How many told me they don’t like being touched? One. One. That’s one out of a thousand. Every other girl I touched was at worst neutral to my touch - and quite a few of them responded very positively. Sebastian and other members of the crew report similar numbers.
“I don’t know her well enough to touch her”
All I’ve got to say is: Bull****. If you’ve introduced yourself, or said “hi“, you know her well enough to touch her (if you know how to do it correctly… we’ll get there in a minute). If you’ve made eye contact and exchanged smiles, you know her well enough to touch her. Never think you need to do a lot of work to get to the point where you can touch a girl - because in fact, you can touch her right away.
“I’m not sure at what point I should begin to touch her”
You should touch a girl a lot during your interactions with her. Touch her when you are making a point; when she is laughing; when you are laughing; touch her for just about any reason at all. In general, the more good physical contact you have with her, the better.
Here are a few basic rules to keep in mind when touching girls:
All touching should be playful, protective, or incidental
That means either:
* Playful: Touching that’s light fun, and playful. Do this sparingly, not too much or it comes across playerish (light shove, nudge, tickling, bumping her with your hip)
* Protective: Assertive, strong. Should make her feel protected and safe. (hand on her lower back to “escort” her through a room protectively, grabbing her hand when running across the street with her, her arm locked in yours)
* Incidental: “Is just happening”, and neither of you are consciously focused on it (knees locked on barstools, being close to her when you’re talking, sharing an umbrella, sitting next to each other on a couch)
What you shouldn’t do is touch her non-playfully, non-protectively, non-incidentally. That means no stroking, groping, squeezing, or grabbing - well, you can start doing that once she’s your girlfriend.
Be sensitive to their reactions
If she seems to shy away from your touch, you need to make her more comfortable with your touch. If she seems to melt in your arms when you touch her, go further.
Don’t be tentative when you touch - do it for real
Halfway kind of sneaking your arm onto her is never going to work.
Be assertive
With protective kino, pull them close, yank them (gently but firmly) into you, move them physically around.
Keep your eyes on hers
Your eyes should remain on her face while you touch her. Never look where you touch - it subtly “asks for permission”. Looking at your hand is akin to saying,
“I’m not sure I should be doing this, would you let me know if it might be okay?”
Not so good. When your hands are on her, your eyes on her eyes - then it feels natural and right. Those short rules are the big ones for touching.
Now here are some of my favorite ways and places to touch women:
Hand on her elbow (standing or sitting) or thigh (sitting) when making a point. The elbow is a nice gesture and is intimate without being too much so and can be used right away. The thigh is a bit more intimate and should generally be used once a girl is a bit more comfortable with you.
Hand on her lower back. You can use this when guiding her through a crowd or even when just standing and talking next to her. It’s very dominant and protective.
Leg against her leg (when sitting). This is a fantastic way to get a lot of contact in while talking with a girl. If you are sitting with her, always be close enough so that your legs can touch. The bonus is that if you are close enough that your legs are touching, you’re close enough to touch her in other ways too.
Intimate Touching: These are good when she’s comfortable enough that you could kiss her:
Putting her head on your shoulder while sitting. You can use this if she is tired or if there is a loll in the conversation and she feels pretty comfortable with you. This is one actually seems to make girls feel very comfortable with the idea of sleeping with you for some reason.
Playing with her hair or caressing her face. This is more intimate and begins taking the vibe into the sexual realm.
Holding hands with your fingers entwined. When your fingers are laced together with hers, this is a very intimate position and suggests a strong, physical bond.
Hand on her inner thigh, close to her pelvis. This is pretty intimate and if she is comfortable enough to let you put your hand here, things will heat up very quickly.
Those are just a few of the tons of ways you can touch the women you like. It’s important to have the right mindset and always be touching women right from the start of interactions, like a strong leader. Keep an eye on their reactions - the warmer they seem to your touch, the more you should touch them and the more intimately you can take it. Touch is probably the number one most important
step in priming a woman to get physical with you. It is the ultimate tool for making her feel comfortable with you and with your body, and excited about the possibility of getting much more intimate with you. Rely on touch to take you where you want to go, and it will help all your interactions with the women you like.
Touch is one of the most powerful forms of communication between people. You can communicate more potent, more honest, completely unfiltered, real sentiments with touching that you could never put into words. Talking says,
“This is what I’d maybe, umm, like to do.”
Touching says,
“This is what we’re doing.”
Talking does a lot of talking.
Touch can be used to express affection, control, protectiveness, dominance, tenderness, sexual interest, and a lot of things that you couldn’t even begin to put into words.
There are a handful of types of guys when it comes to touching women. There are the guys who shy away from being physical with women. There are the guys who touch women in vaguely creepy, groping ways because they don’t know better. Then there are the guys who touch women smoothly and naturally, without a thought to it. These last guys are the guys that women love and want to be around.
Touching women, my friend, is crucial. It’s not optional. It’s necessary for your social/romantic success. It lets women know immediately what kind of man you are. Women want men who know how to touch them. So let’s go over some fundamentals for you. Before we do, let’s do a quick checkup to make sure your head is straight about touching women. Here’s the bad (wrong) beliefs that guys have about touching women:
“She doesn’t want guys touching her”
Here’s my own experience, from just this last year. At theApproach, we say get kinesthetic immediately - within the first two minutes typically. In all of 2007, I touched a lot of women, I estimate around a thousand. How many told me they don’t like being touched? One. One. That’s one out of a thousand. Every other girl I touched was at worst neutral to my touch - and quite a few of them responded very positively. Sebastian and other members of the crew report similar numbers.
“I don’t know her well enough to touch her”
All I’ve got to say is: Bull****. If you’ve introduced yourself, or said “hi“, you know her well enough to touch her (if you know how to do it correctly… we’ll get there in a minute). If you’ve made eye contact and exchanged smiles, you know her well enough to touch her. Never think you need to do a lot of work to get to the point where you can touch a girl - because in fact, you can touch her right away.
“I’m not sure at what point I should begin to touch her”
You should touch a girl a lot during your interactions with her. Touch her when you are making a point; when she is laughing; when you are laughing; touch her for just about any reason at all. In general, the more good physical contact you have with her, the better.
Here are a few basic rules to keep in mind when touching girls:
All touching should be playful, protective, or incidental
That means either:
* Playful: Touching that’s light fun, and playful. Do this sparingly, not too much or it comes across playerish (light shove, nudge, tickling, bumping her with your hip)
* Protective: Assertive, strong. Should make her feel protected and safe. (hand on her lower back to “escort” her through a room protectively, grabbing her hand when running across the street with her, her arm locked in yours)
* Incidental: “Is just happening”, and neither of you are consciously focused on it (knees locked on barstools, being close to her when you’re talking, sharing an umbrella, sitting next to each other on a couch)
What you shouldn’t do is touch her non-playfully, non-protectively, non-incidentally. That means no stroking, groping, squeezing, or grabbing - well, you can start doing that once she’s your girlfriend.
Be sensitive to their reactions
If she seems to shy away from your touch, you need to make her more comfortable with your touch. If she seems to melt in your arms when you touch her, go further.
Don’t be tentative when you touch - do it for real
Halfway kind of sneaking your arm onto her is never going to work.
Be assertive
With protective kino, pull them close, yank them (gently but firmly) into you, move them physically around.
Keep your eyes on hers
Your eyes should remain on her face while you touch her. Never look where you touch - it subtly “asks for permission”. Looking at your hand is akin to saying,
“I’m not sure I should be doing this, would you let me know if it might be okay?”
Not so good. When your hands are on her, your eyes on her eyes - then it feels natural and right. Those short rules are the big ones for touching.
Now here are some of my favorite ways and places to touch women:
Hand on her elbow (standing or sitting) or thigh (sitting) when making a point. The elbow is a nice gesture and is intimate without being too much so and can be used right away. The thigh is a bit more intimate and should generally be used once a girl is a bit more comfortable with you.
Hand on her lower back. You can use this when guiding her through a crowd or even when just standing and talking next to her. It’s very dominant and protective.
Leg against her leg (when sitting). This is a fantastic way to get a lot of contact in while talking with a girl. If you are sitting with her, always be close enough so that your legs can touch. The bonus is that if you are close enough that your legs are touching, you’re close enough to touch her in other ways too.
Intimate Touching: These are good when she’s comfortable enough that you could kiss her:
Putting her head on your shoulder while sitting. You can use this if she is tired or if there is a loll in the conversation and she feels pretty comfortable with you. This is one actually seems to make girls feel very comfortable with the idea of sleeping with you for some reason.
Playing with her hair or caressing her face. This is more intimate and begins taking the vibe into the sexual realm.
Holding hands with your fingers entwined. When your fingers are laced together with hers, this is a very intimate position and suggests a strong, physical bond.
Hand on her inner thigh, close to her pelvis. This is pretty intimate and if she is comfortable enough to let you put your hand here, things will heat up very quickly.
Those are just a few of the tons of ways you can touch the women you like. It’s important to have the right mindset and always be touching women right from the start of interactions, like a strong leader. Keep an eye on their reactions - the warmer they seem to your touch, the more you should touch them and the more intimately you can take it. Touch is probably the number one most important
step in priming a woman to get physical with you. It is the ultimate tool for making her feel comfortable with you and with your body, and excited about the possibility of getting much more intimate with you. Rely on touch to take you where you want to go, and it will help all your interactions with the women you like.
