King of the Orbiters (a PSA)

[Jifto]

When I first found this site years ago I was completely blind to dating. I was a chump that did all the 'movie stuff' like buying girls things, constantly complimenting, etc. I've grown quite a bit over time and increased my success rate. This weekend, however, was possibly my biggest failure and I just wanted to highlight how poorly I did to this group in case anyone else is in a similar situation.

• A little over a year ago I met a girl at work who was super attractive and fun. I nearly immediately started running my best game.
  Failure: I intentionally neglected that she had a stable of orbiter guys around her. While I never associated with them, I knew she had a habit of leading guys on.
  
  
• She showed many indicators of being interested (touching me, doe eyes, messaging me, talking about me to other people) etc. And even told one of her friends she liked me.
  Failure: I put a lot of stock in these indicators / messages, but her actions spoke louder than words. I asked her out once and didn't hear back. I soft-nexted at that point.
  
  
• I moved across country and she continued to message me but I had moved on, was dating other women and no longer interested.
  Failure: She pulled me back into being interested when I had already made the decision on good principles to next her.
  
  
• I returned to my work on a business trip and saw her. She told me that she wanted to get drunk together / hang out the next time I was in town. We made plans and I thought it was a done deal.
  
  On the evening we hung out she invited over a bunch of other people. The party was going well until another dude showed up that I realized she was definitely banging. There were a lot of subtle indicators that he was in there, but she continued to flirt with me. I realized what was going on pretty early and bailed.
  Failure: The second she invited other people to hang out, I should have been out.
  
  
• After leaving the party I drunkenly texted her that I thought the evening would be different and wished her the best.
  Failure: Everything. Somehow alcohol made me completely lose what little I had left of my frame.
  
  
• She texted me the next morning (was probably hooking up with the other dude that night) that she really liked me and if I didn't live across the country would date me. I was polite but said very little.
  No failure on this one.
  
  For some reason I played this one about as poorly as any I've played before. I should have known she was just looking for another orbiter / attention while getting her needs actually satisfied by another dude. Now she's texting me a ton and talking about meeting up in the future. I'm taking forever to respond and will likely just completely block her soon. Thankfully she just took another job and won't be working at my place anymore. What's ironic is that another girl I hooked up with was really into me and I wasn't feeling it. I was direct AF with her and told her politely it wasn't going anywhere. Interesting how much different the girl in this post acted in my shoes.
  

 

[Spaz]

It always starts off by admitting and then progressing from there.

You've taken an important step forward and that's a good sign.

Keep up the good job !

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I don't see your first point as failure. MOST girls would love to have orbiters, and many have them. Yet they still want/need sex so they are giving it up to someone.... like that guy at the party. He got it. She's attainable. You won't know until you ask and try.

I don't see your second point as failure either. She was giving you good IOIs, you asked her out. You didn't hear back, you moved on. That's a textbook example of how to operate, in my opinion.

I don't understand your third point. You said you'd moved on, but were you responding to her texts? If so, I would consider that a mistake. It would have to be long-distance anyway at that point and there is no point in doing that.

Fourth point, I agree. I would have cancelled the date once I found out other people were coming. I wouldn't have said that is why, I would have just suddenly had "something come up... but let me know when you are free to get together again."

I agree the drunk text was a mistake.

You learned something and it's made you a better person. No shame in that. You recognized what you did and will do something different. Good job!

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

This sounds like the other end of the same story I responded to the other day....

Your only real failures were firstly becoming emotionally invested in someone who is essentially little more than an acquaintance; then secondly admitting it to her. By the time you had got the hump about her inviting other people, you had already lost.

Every woman will have both orbiters and other guys she is interested in. You need to view both of those sets of men with equal disregard. Your only responsibilities are to control your emotions and set yourself apart from all those other guys on a sexual level.

Not really sure why you expected anything different when you live so far apart. You put yourself in her orbit, but unfortunately returned to your old 'movie stuff'. What you could have done is either accept the challenge and party on regardless, or just declined the offer and invited her out exclusively instead.