Kinda weird problem

[042208]

I'm not a bad conversationalist. Most people like me and I don't find it that hard to make interesting conversations. The problem is that I think people find it really hard to start up conversations with me, they really have no idea what to ask or tell me. A girl yesterday told me straight up: "I really want to talk to you because I haven't seen you in a while, but I don't know what to say". While smiling, but still. I just smiled, ignored the comment, asked her a random question and had a normal conversation with the girl. But it did strike me that I think most people seems to struggle with just that, both guys and girls. I've tried to figure out why, but can't come up with anything. Suggestions? Solutions?

 

[Stripes]

hey

i'll be the first to admit, perhaps my advice is crap and im a terrible conversationalist
my opinion
she genuinely does not give two ****s about you and she sucks at covering it up, if she did she could have been asking how you have been. shes just toying with your head to determine if you are to be dominated and crushed by her or your some sort of challenge in which there might be a chance for your to dominate and crush you

What kind of random question did you ask btw? im curious because like her i don't know what to say half the time either. in fact i think im kind of like a women, trapped in side a mans buddy.... a lesbian women hehe but all is well with me thinking that because it is true in my opinion, most women are much more what a man should be and most men are much more what a woman is
yea im crazy, let me get that random question, i would have been at a loss for words and screwed things up

 

[042208]

i'll be the first to admit, perhaps my advice is crap and im a terrible conversationalist
my opinion
she genuinely does not give two ****s about you and she sucks at covering it up, if she did she could have been asking how you have been. shes just toying with your head to determine if you are to be dominated and crushed by her or your some sort of challenge in which there might be a chance for your to dominate and crush you

What kind of random question did you ask btw? im curious because like her i don't know what to say half the time either. in fact i think im kind of like a women, trapped in side a mans buddy.... a lesbian women hehe but all is well with me thinking that because it is true in my opinion, most women are much more what a man should be and most men are much more what a woman is
yea im crazy, let me get that random question, i would have been at a loss for words and screwed things up

I doubt so. If that was the case, noone gives two ****s about me. I know for sure that that isn't the case, because I know how it feels when people actually does avoid you

Can't remember what I asked her. Just ask people a so-called open question, where they can't answer with one word. People LOVE talking about themselves, and as long as the question isn't about something extremely boring, they'll jab away

 

[042208]

Maybe you look like you have a bit of a mean streak? Maybe the people around you are boring? Does this happen a lot or was it just one or two, in which case it's probably not a real problem.

Try to look a bit mroe laid-back, or even easier, start conversations with THEM.

This happens a lot. Most of my friends are talkative and popular, so it's not their fault.

Yeah, I think my appearance is the root to the problem. I think my voice is a bit monotone which makes it sound like I don't really want to have a conversation with people. More smiling and laughter wouldn't hurt either, I guess.

 

[guru1000]

This is called Rapport and Compatibility.

It a futile waste of time to expend energy on a girl with whom you are not compatible with.

Next time a girl says that to you, Walk Away.

If you cannot make a girl laugh, Walk Away.

If she just doesn't get you , Walk Away.

Only give your attention to the worthy.

 

[042208]

This is called Rapport and Compatibility.

It a futile waste of time to expend energy on a girl with whom you are not compatible with.

Next time a girl says that to you, Walk Away.

If you cannot make a girl laugh, Walk Away.

If she just doesn't get you , Walk Away.

Only give your attention to the worthy.

I didn't make myself clear enough, I think. This isn't just with girls, it's basically with everyone. Co-workers, close friends, not-so-close friends, customers, family, you name it. Now I make it sound worse than it is, but you get my point. She didn't say that to be mean, by the way, even though it may look that way on the internet.

I do agree with you, though. Lack of comfort with a person shows lack of chemistry and compability.

 

[guru1000]

Don't try so hard. It only becomes a problem if you make it a one.

People must ACCEPT you as you are. Do not look for VALIDATION from people to complete you.

You complete You. This means going after your goals and ambitions. This means to get up everytime you get knocked down and continue. You come FIRST.

Never let others dictate your Value. You build your own Value.

If someone doesn't catch your DRIFT, no biggie. Do not question or surrender your Character to anyone.

PUT yourself first and foremost. Concern yourself only with YOU; no one else.

 

[042208]

Don't try so hard. It only becomes a problem if you make it a one.

People must ACCEPT you as you are. Do not look for VALIDATION from people to complete you.

You complete You. This means going after your goals and ambitions. This means to get up everytime you get knocked down and continue. You come FIRST.

Never let others dictate your Value. You build your own Value.

If someone doesn't catch your DRIFT, no biggie. Do not question or surrender your Character to anyone.

PUT yourself first and foremost. Concern yourself only with YOU; no one else.

Great advice, but I am looking to improve myself at all times. I don't care if people is bothered by the fact that they can't start up convos with me, but I do care about the fact that I am bothered with it. I want no weaknesses. This is a weakness.

 

[guru1000]

Great advice, but I am looking to improve myself at all times. I don't care if people is bothered by the fact that they can't start up convos with me, but I do care about the fact that I am bothered with it. I want no weaknesses. This is a weakness.

Actually, you are making it a weakness rather than a strength.

A MAN who does not supplicate his worth to people knows his worth and thus is not concerned about conversating with people. People are concerned about conversating with the Don Juan, not vice-versa.

You have the wrong CONTEXT.

Are you willing to communicate?

If the answer is YES, this is all you need to open communication.

You give this DYNAMIC power by focusing on it as a negative. It then manifests itself as an Insecurity rather than a Strength.

People want to associate with Strength, not weakness. Do not give power to a DYNAMIC by being bothered by it.

Instead, embrace how selective you are. You choose who to communicate with. Not vice-versa. In other words, who ever is worthy of conversation with you will make a valiant effort and RAPPORT will naturally happen.

Do not make it a self-fulfilling prophecy of Negative Thought manifesting itself into a reality. Simply WITHDRAW your focus from this DYNAMIC and watch how RAPPORT magically starts to develop.

Good Luck.

 

[042208]

Actually, you are making it a weakness rather than a strength.

A MAN who does not supplicate his worth to people knows his worth and thus is not concerned about conversating with people. People are concerned about conversating with the Don Juan, not vice-versa.

You have the wrong CONTEXT.

Are you willing to communicate?

If the answer is YES, this is all you need to open communication.

You give this DYNAMIC power by focusing on it as a negative. It then manifests itself as an Insecurity rather than a Strength.

People want to associate with Strength, not weakness. Do not give power to a DYNAMIC by being bothered by it.

Instead, embrace how selective you are. You choose who to communicate with. Not vice-versa. In other words, who ever is worthy of conversation with you will make a valiant effort and RAPPORT will naturally happen.

Do not make it a self-fulfilling prophecy of Negative Thought manifesting itself into a reality. Simply WITHDRAW your focus from this DYNAMIC and watch how RAPPORT magically starts to develop.

Good Luck.

Haven't looked at it this way. Thanks, it's appreciated.