Kinda want to marry the girl I'm with....

[CaptFinnBad]

Never felt this urge with other women (I was with an ex best part if a decade and it never crossed my mind once ) . Just sometimes it crosses my mind when looking at her.
Keep getting afraid one day I'll end up blurting it out and she will say yes.

Don't want to get married though. Got too much too lose. Own my own house outright , money in the bank , Business e.t.c.

If it was like 50 years ago I'd be up for it, it meant something then and was pretty solid. Seems like a massive gamble these days with no gain, only potential lose.

It's kinda a bummer really. It's something I'd like/want but it's not something I will ever do.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

How long have you been a couple?

 

[CaptFinnBad]

How long have you been a couple?

Year and a half. I won't ever marry her. I wouldn't marry anyone for that matter.

Been with quite a few women in my time. She's the only one it's ever crossed my mind with.

This thread is more about putting my thoughts to paper than anything else.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

With this one?

Girlfriend struggling/causing havoc AGAIN!

She has an implant. It's given her PMSD, long story short she pretty much has constant pms with no let up. It's causing havoc with her body and hormones. Doctor advised her to get it out ASAP. She was initially against it. It's clear she should have had it out a long time ago. She had...

www.sosuave.net

 

[ThisIsSparta]

With this one?

Girlfriend struggling/causing havoc AGAIN!

She has an implant. It's given her PMSD, long story short she pretty much has constant pms with no let up. It's causing havoc with her body and hormones. Doctor advised her to get it out ASAP. She was initially against it. It's clear she should have had it out a long time ago. She had...

www.sosuave.net

 

[corsica]

All my exes talked about marriage and kids. I was able to dodge it for some years but what can you do if you want to keep her for more than 5 years? They’ll eventually realize there’s no safety parachute with you. At the same time, you don’t want to risk screwing your life by getting divorced-raped and letting your girl become comfortable (getting fat, no more BJs…)

How do give them some “security” without signing the papers?
- offer her a religious ceremony in some paradisiac island. That way you can call her your wife?
- give the typical excuse that you don’t believe in government interfering in your personal life?
- not marrying an American woman? Sticking to an European or Latina as a safer and pleasant choice?

I’m getting older and I might look for an “official” girl.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

All my exes talked about marriage and kids. I was able to dodge it for some years but what can you do if you want to keep her for more than 5 years? They’ll eventually realize there’s no safety parachute with you. At the same time, you don’t want to risk screwing your life by getting divorced-raped and letting your girl become comfortable (getting fat, no more BJs…)

How do give them some “security” without signing the papers?
- offer her a religious ceremony in some paradisiac island. That way you can call her your wife?
- give the typical excuse that you don’t believe in government interfering in your personal life?
- not marrying an American woman? Sticking to an European or Latina as a safer and pleasant choice?

I’m getting older and I might look for an “official” girl.

Create a romantic moment, tell her you want her to be the mommy of your kids and promise you will be there for her as long as she loves you and then you tell her there will be no contract over your relationship.

Forget marriage unless you are willing to convert to Islam and move to an Arab ****hole.

 

[Michael Chief]

I was about to say that it doesn't really sound like a problem if you want to marry her, but then I realized who you're talking about thanks to CyrusTheGreat's link.

I have experience dating a number of women with mental issues. Sometimes it works out just fine because she works through her issues maturely through therapy even if things get rough at times. However, a lot of the time, it fvcking drains you. Sometimes you end up with a hot-and-cold situation that emulates emotional abuse. Sometimes you get so invested and feeling so high when things are good because the contrast of when things are bad are so damn dark.

Consider carefully if you've been exhibiting any signs of a destructive addiction, and don't let rose colored glasses prevent you from identifying red flags. Also make sure you know what a sunk cost fallacy is. I'm not saying that you're definitely in that kind of situation; I never met either of you. But make sure you're doing what you know is right for you.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Not sure this chick is stable, but that is for OP to decide.

Listen guys. Most young women have the desire to marry and start a family. Not all, but most. So if you are a no marriage ever no matter what kinda guy?

You’ll eventually lose the girl because she will feel you do not love her/want to build a life with her. She’ll hang on for a time, then she will be gone.

This is what happens. Then your girl will find someone else, get married and build a life & family with the other guy. Bear his kids, bury his parents, all that life stuff.

While you cycle through women, assuming you can pull them regularly.

So really it becomes about your choices and motivations. If you are scared of divorce rape, then really at your core you have trust issues starting with your own self doubt about your ability to lead a marriage, about your ability to set up your own affairs sensibly. If you are 23 and have no assets it’s much less to worry about than if you are a 45 year old bachelor who owns a home and a business.

But many states now protect pre-existing assets brought into the marriage by statute, so it really becomes an issue involving assets attained during the marriage.

My fiancé will be signing a prenuptial agreement. He knows the assets I already own are not his, and he will have no say or claim to any of my preexisting business endeavors or to the income they create or to any growth or transactions that occur for those businesses while we are married. If I double my real estate holdings inside my business structure? That is not his. He doesn’t contribute to it nor did he help me acquire it, nor does he assist with it in any way.

Now. If we buy a home together that appreciates? That’s different. But if the contribution to the down payment is not equal and something happens? He gets his portion of the down payment back, and I get mine. Then we split equity evenly. That still can be advantageous to him.

But these are things you can control for voluntarily and prospectively.

Divorce rape fears are not a good reason to avoid marriage in my view. Now if you just want to spin plates? Then sure. Do that.

But plates eventually break. That’s how it goes.

 

[BadBoy89]

All my exes talked about marriage and kids. I was able to dodge it for some years but what can you do if you want to keep her for more than 5 years?

Drop her and get a younger one.

They’ll eventually realize there’s no safety parachute with you. At the same time, you don’t want to risk screwing your life by getting divorced-raped and letting your girl become comfortable (getting fat, no more BJs…)

Good point,

How do give them some “security” without signing the papers?
- offer her a religious ceremony in some paradisiac island. That way you can call her your wife?
- give the typical excuse that you don’t believe in government interfering in your personal life?
- not marrying an American woman? Sticking to an European or Latina as a safer and pleasant choice?

I’m getting older and I might look for an “official” girl.

No reason to go “official“ because you are getting older. The same woman you make it ”official“ with will leave you in 5 years with the help of the government and her friends. Definitely not worth it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Advice from the old lady:

Not sure this chick is stable, but that is for OP to decide.

Listen guys. Most young women have the desire to marry and start a family. Not all, but most. So if you are a no marriage ever no matter what kinda guy?

You’ll eventually lose the girl because she will feel you do not love her/want to build a life with her. She’ll hang on for a time, then she will be gone.

This is what happens. Then your girl will find someone else, get married and build a life & family with the other guy. Bear his kids, bury his parents, all that life stuff.

While you cycle through women, assuming you can pull them regularly.

So really it becomes about your choices and motivations. If you are scared of divorce rape, then really at your core you have trust issues starting with your own self doubt about your ability to lead a marriage, about your ability to set up your own affairs sensibly. If you are 23 and have no assets it’s much less to worry about than if you are a 45 year old bachelor who owns a home and a business.

But many states now protect pre-existing assets brought into the marriage by statute, so it really becomes an issue involving assets attained during the marriage.

My fiancé will be signing a prenuptial agreement. He knows the assets I already own are not his, and he will have no say or claim to any of my preexisting business endeavors or to the income they create or to any growth or transactions that occur for those businesses while we are married. If I double my real estate holdings inside my business structure? That is not his. He doesn’t contribute to it nor did he help me acquire it, nor does he assist with it in any way.

Now. If we buy a home together that appreciates? That’s different. But if the contribution to the down payment is not equal and something happens? He gets his portion of the down payment back, and I get mine. Then we split equity evenly. That still can be advantageous to him.

But these are things you can control for voluntarily and prospectively.

Divorce rape fears are not a good reason to avoid marriage in my view. Now if you just want to spin plates? Then sure. Do that.

But plates eventually break. That’s how it goes.

This is bad legal advice

 

[BeExcellent]

This is bad legal advice

Getting a prenuptial agreement is not bad legal advice. Sheesh.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Advice from the old lady:

Not sure this chick is stable, but that is for OP to decide.

Listen guys. Most young women have the desire to marry and start a family. Not all, but most. So if you are a no marriage ever no matter what kinda guy?

You’ll eventually lose the girl because she will feel you do not love her/want to build a life with her. She’ll hang on for a time, then she will be gone.

This is what happens. Then your girl will find someone else, get married and build a life & family with the other guy. Bear his kids, bury his parents, all that life stuff.

While you cycle through women, assuming you can pull them regularly.

So really it becomes about your choices and motivations. If you are scared of divorce rape, then really at your core you have trust issues starting with your own self doubt about your ability to lead a marriage, about your ability to set up your own affairs sensibly. If you are 23 and have no assets it’s much less to worry about than if you are a 45 year old bachelor who owns a home and a business.

But many states now protect pre-existing assets brought into the marriage by statute, so it really becomes an issue involving assets attained during the marriage.

My fiancé will be signing a prenuptial agreement. He knows the assets I already own are not his, and he will have no say or claim to any of my preexisting business endeavors or to the income they create or to any growth or transactions that occur for those businesses while we are married. If I double my real estate holdings inside my business structure? That is not his. He doesn’t contribute to it nor did he help me acquire it, nor does he assist with it in any way.

Now. If we buy a home together that appreciates? That’s different. But if the contribution to the down payment is not equal and something happens? He gets his portion of the down payment back, and I get mine. Then we split equity evenly. That still can be advantageous to him.

But these are things you can control for voluntarily and prospectively.

Divorce rape fears are not a good reason to avoid marriage in my view. Now if you just want to spin plates? Then sure. Do that.

But plates eventually break. That’s how it goes.

Okay, listen up men ......

1st "Man up! Stop being so insecure!"
2nd "Do the right thing! Or else! (she will leave you)"
3rd "Dont worry, it will be fine! Especially when your young..... then you have no money to lose anyway, right?"
4th "If you are not happy with the laws, move to another state!"
5th "Do it or you will die as a sad, lonely old man!"

Men got into marriages with that advice and they killed themselves because it ruined their life.

As a married man i can tell you it takes a lot of precautions to not get thrown under the bus by family courts.
This includes that the woman if anything should possess more then you, which creates a whole other set of problems.

Nothing is worth that risk.

And let nobody tell you you cant have kids without marriage...... people have been doing it since a couple of 100.000 years.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Year and a half. I won't ever marry her. I wouldn't marry anyone for that matter.

Do the two of you have children or want children? How old is she?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Getting a prenuptial agreement is not bad legal advice. Sheesh.

I have one. It’s not worth the paper it’s written on.

 

[BeExcellent]

I have one. It’s not worth the paper it’s written on.

Understood. You are in New York. Asset protection is something I pay close attention to. I already hold all assets in trust and do not commingle funds. Statute varies by state. Some states take laws very seriously and do not breach statute without extenuating circumstances. I know 2 very wealthy men in California (for example) who married a trophy wife the second time, it didn’t work out, and they had iron clad prenups. And those agreements held up just fine.

So the jurisdiction makes a difference and so do other things like mutual children. If you have children and the wife stayed home (or put the husband through higher education) for example, then yes, that’s different in every state that I’m aware of.

All lawyers are not equal either. I am that person who actually reads statue and also pays attention to case law. Both affect what the courts do. You need a lawyer who specializes in asset protection in your jurisdiction.

 

[BeExcellent]

@ThisIsSparta I agree. I also know couples who had children without marriage and another who have been together nearly 20 years without getting married.

In fact I’m not crazy about getting married again either (my guy is the one who wants it) and we will not be having children, so really its more burdensome for me with regard to asset protection.

But what I said remains accurate. Most young women who imagine having a family do hold out for marriage. It’s what the highest quality women require in modern times.

The exceptions remain a very small minority in affluent circles.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Understood. You are in New York. Asset protection is something I pay close attention to. I already hold all assets in trust and do not commingle funds. Statute varies by state. Some states take laws very seriously and do not breach statute without extenuating circumstances. I know 2 very wealthy men in California (for example) who married a trophy wife the second time, it didn’t work out, and they had iron clad prenups. And those agreements held up just fine.

So the jurisdiction makes a difference and so do other things like mutual children. If you have children and the wife stayed home (or put the husband through higher education) for example, then yes, that’s different in every state that I’m aware of.

All lawyers are not equal either. I am that person who actually reads statue and also pays attention to case law. Both affect what the courts do. You need a lawyer who specializes in asset protection in your jurisdiction.

More likely then not, those wealth men simply let their less monied spouses bleed in litigation to the point where they settled.

 

[Bokanovsky]

With this one?

Girlfriend struggling/causing havoc AGAIN!

She has an implant. It's given her PMSD, long story short she pretty much has constant pms with no let up. It's causing havoc with her body and hormones. Doctor advised her to get it out ASAP. She was initially against it. It's clear she should have had it out a long time ago. She had...

www.sosuave.net

A word of advice for the OP: do not, under any circumstances, marry a woman who is mentally unstable. EVER. Even if it's not her fault (i.e. hormonal imbalance) and she's otherwise a decent person. As Nancy Reagan put it, JUST SAY NO. A mentally unstable woman will turn your life into hell - especially if you make the extra stupid mistake of having kids with her. Unless your girl permanently fixes whatever issue she has, don't even think about it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

A word of advice for the OP: do not, under any circumstances, marry a woman who is mentally unstable. EVER. Even if it's not her fault (i.e. hormonal imbalance) and she's otherwise a decent person. As Nancy Reagan put it, JUST SAY NO. A mentally unstable woman will turn your life into hell - especially if you make the extra stupid mistake of having kids with her. Unless your girl permanently fixes whatever issue she has, don't even think about it.

I cannot second this enough. A mentally unbalanced woman is enough to destroy your life. She’s doing her absolutely very best to try and destroy mine.