I think all of us 'good guys' can relate. I still think about my first real girlfriend and that was 20 years ago. What helped me get over her was when she tried to get back with me a couple years after we broke up. We went out a few times and it made me realize that our memories play tricks on us. I had forgotten all the bad things about her and only remembered the good stuff. That was it for her. The next year I met a girl that made me feel like an idiot for ever being interested in the first one. Of course I screwed that one up too, but that's not the point! Either decide it is all in your head, or look her up and make certain that it is. Good luck!
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Kind of a lame topic, but does one ever truly get over a one-itis?
- Thread starter Adakkon
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
The Inside Man
Master Don Juan
For me...Yes. I can say that I have gotten over my worst oneitis of 2 years ago who broke up with me when I went back to school after summer. But that doesn't mean I have totally forgotten about her, theres just no emotion attached to the memory anymore. Some girls you totally forget about, but the ones that meant alot or caused you alot of pain are harder to forget. . The key is knowing that there are thousands of other beautiful girls out there, all different, with different personalities. I had the fortune of hooking up with/dating one or two girls whose positive memories outweigh the negative memories from other girls.
I was just dating a girl over this summer, who I was pretty into. We were both in the same classes and clubs in college, but same situation..I was moving away again at the end of the summer, except this time it was 1500 miles. Same situation, different girl so I knew what to expect...if she liked me, or even if she didn't, she was probably going to withdraw closer to when I left. She eventually did that and said she liked me but it was too hard on her that I was leaving. I'm rambling here but I still think about that girl, she is more recent. I maybe feel a little tug at the heartstrings if I look at a picture where shes looking gorgeous. But then it's gone after a second, and that little tug will dull with time until it is nonexistent. Don't live in the past, the future holds greater possibilities. It also helps of course to be talking to other girls, or going out and trying to meet or just chat with salesladies(another good recent post I forget who wrote it), girls walking dogs, etc... If I'm thinking about the hot little brunette with big boobs I saw working at the mall earlier, I'm less likely to think about a past girl.
I was just dating a girl over this summer, who I was pretty into. We were both in the same classes and clubs in college, but same situation..I was moving away again at the end of the summer, except this time it was 1500 miles. Same situation, different girl so I knew what to expect...if she liked me, or even if she didn't, she was probably going to withdraw closer to when I left. She eventually did that and said she liked me but it was too hard on her that I was leaving. I'm rambling here but I still think about that girl, she is more recent. I maybe feel a little tug at the heartstrings if I look at a picture where shes looking gorgeous. But then it's gone after a second, and that little tug will dull with time until it is nonexistent. Don't live in the past, the future holds greater possibilities. It also helps of course to be talking to other girls, or going out and trying to meet or just chat with salesladies(another good recent post I forget who wrote it), girls walking dogs, etc... If I'm thinking about the hot little brunette with big boobs I saw working at the mall earlier, I'm less likely to think about a past girl.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
The only way to get over it is if you really want to get over it. As long as you choose to hold onto the past you'll never get over it. It's your choice on how your past effects you.
justjosh47
Don Juan
Okay I found the Citizen Kane quote and it reads-
A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl.
My experience is that one girl replaces another but some are harder to fill the space of others ...it had taken me three years to get over my first real girlfriend and even after that despite her bad qualities and even knowing it was never meant to, I still find my self falling asleep at night thinking about certain woman I have dated even when I’m sleeping with another.
A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl.
My experience is that one girl replaces another but some are harder to fill the space of others ...it had taken me three years to get over my first real girlfriend and even after that despite her bad qualities and even knowing it was never meant to, I still find my self falling asleep at night thinking about certain woman I have dated even when I’m sleeping with another.
Jon Favreau said it best (well, he wrote it, Ron Livingston said it). The intro to possibly the greatest movie ever written, Swingers.
Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.
Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Poonani Maker
Master Don Juan
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I don't have TIME to waste forgetting about her. I Want Her Now!!!! Damnit!!!
Randallpink83
Master Don Juan
I think what we are dealing with here is your "FIRST LOVE".... no you wont ever get over your first love... not entirely.. it will always be apart of you. Its a major teaching point... All first loves were meant to fail and teach you something, its natures way.
War Against Betaism
Master Don Juan
I haven't gotten over mine...I was just at a party last saturday, and I was dancing with every girl there and mad flirting with them afterwards...and then I saw my oneitis. She left early because she was just stopping by, but after seeing her, I didn't want to see any other girl that night and spent most of the night getting drunk and high with my guy friends. All the girls that tried talking to me I basically tried ignoring. Oneitis is a nasty thing.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.