Key to Success - Remaining Emotionally Detached

[Double J]

This tidbit of information (or something of this nature) is probably found in the bible somewhere, but I thought I would bring it up anyway. I think the key to having success with girls and avoiding the dreadful oneitis so many guys suffer from is keeping your emotions in check. As long as you can do that, and the girl knows this, you have her on lock. As has been said before, you do this by distracting your mind: playing sports, joining clubs, focusing on school, etc.

It's easier to do this if your interest level in a particular girl you're dealing with isn't too high. And sometimes you can't help but become emotionally involved - it just happens. But the way I think of it is this: My emotions/feelings are permanently locked in a box inside of me, and when I find a girl who is deserving, that box will open (hence, opening up my feelings and emotions to her). Until then, it's closed for good, and the only part of me that comes into play when I'm dealing with AW's and other psychos i'm not interested in this way will be the physical (sex, etc).

It's probably easier said than done, I know, but it doesn't help to give it a try. It's worked for me in the past - and it worked because I later learned that the girl I could have potentially fallen for either had problems or just wanted to use me.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

This is very true, you gotta remain detached, almost like a black hole, most importantly because it will keep you out of the dreaded friend zone.

I think I inadvertantly discovered this quite some time ago, but didn't realise that I do this until I started reading sites like this.

I've had lots of first sexual encounters with women I've known for sometimes up to 2 years before it happened, and I was always aloof and detached (because I was in an LTR) the whole time with them. That's why when my LTR ended, a whole bunch of them came out of the woodwork for a chance to unbuckle my belt.

It was shocking really. Some of them even knew my ex.

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by Double J
But the way I think of it is this: My emotions/feelings are permanently locked in a box inside of me, and when I find a girl who is deserving, that box will open (hence, opening up my feelings and emotions to her).

Cool...but don't keep that box close for too long because the emotions might build up and it just might explode...

 

[HB_Hunter]

Yeah but A Man doesn't divide himself from his emotions and desires . I mean we should risk emotionally every now and then else we will be going against our nature ......that's to say Buck nature and you will be miserable , living in hell (pook) .

We should put our ego on the line and Humanize not Dehumanize . Express your emotions but don't be Gushy .

What confuses me is that sometimes There are the shot-gun type girls that hide thier true feelings till it's very obvious that you like them , meaning that you have to be persistent in showing them your desires , emotions even if they didn't go out with you for a couple of times . Sometimes i confuse this with the using , having problems type .

Detaching work well becuase you aren't focused on 'her' only . You have other girls , hobbies , thus your high interest in this one girl will be shared on these other things that you like but Hiding doesn't work for me becuase when i do this , it's like something unatural is occuring especially if i have high interest for this girl . It's like i will explode inside . I don't think there is nothing wrong if you show her that you 'want' her not 'need' her Even if she doesn't show that she likes you at first( some girls are afriad and shy) .

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by HB_Hunter
Yeah but A Man doesn't divide himself from his emotions and desires . I mean we should risk emotionally every now and then else we will be going against our nature ......that's to say Buck nature and you will be miserable , living in hell (pook) .

We should put our ego on the line and Humanize not Dehumanize . Express your emotions but don't be Gushy .

I don't think there is nothing wrong if you show her that you 'want' her not 'need' her Even if she doesn't show that she likes you at first( some girls are afriad and shy) .

Well said!

Emotion and passion is a very attractive quality and women generally warm to men who can show them affection. You just have to make sure it is expressed in a controlled and deliberate way.

Emotion is never a bad thing unless we fall victim to it.

 

[Virtú]

Would I be out of line if I said that I thought that I needed MORE emotion and passion for women ... and life in general?

Because out there in the real world, I have an unfortunate tendency to be so wrapped up in my routine and therefore so emotionally and intellectually detached from everything else that the women and even my own sex drive might as well not even be there.

I've never suffered from oneitis or been LJBF'd so I'm probably missing the point of this thread.

 

[Kaine]

Good advice.

Yes, this detachment mindset is important during pickup and after.

Apply some detachment mentally to protect yourself and convey some (detachment) to keep her interested. Yes be affectionate once you've found a girl who is deserving, but keeping some of the ambiguity keeps them hooked as well. Be the good jerk.

For me it actually takes work not to put out so much, but if you want to keep a good women interested you can't be lazy no matter which way you go.

Ironic isn't.

Kaine

 

[Kaine]

I've never suffered from oneitis or been LJBF'd so I'm probably missing the point of this thread.

You'll need to understand your situation.

Do you date often? Do you have low s3x drive?

Low energy and Low testerone levels may mean a lack of interest in women in general.

Perhaps you just haven't met a women you are passionate about.

This thread applies to most normal men, to attract and maintain a women's interest, as well as to protect themselves.

Kaine

 

[gruby]

I have to disagree, i was always emotionaly detached and actullay was told by 2 girls who LJBFed me that it was a nice quality... but so what as they still ended up LJBFing me. Since then i show more passion have have way better results. Grab bull by the horns. You want here, show here and take her. She will follow.

 

[So Many Ways]

Originally posted by gruby
I have to disagree, i was always emotionaly detached and actullay was told by 2 girls who LJBFed me that it was a nice quality... but so what as they still ended up LJBFing me. Since then i show more passion have have way better results. Grab bull by the horns. You want here, show here and take her. She will follow.

I agree, being emotionally detached and indifferent can go too far real easily. I don't think there's anything wrong with showing some passion.

 

[Desdinova]

It's all about balance. You also need to realize that a woman is just another human being. Women can come and go, but you'll be with yourself the rest of your life. You need to put your own priorities first in life. Everything else comes after. It turns bad when a man puts his happiness into the hands of a woman. He should let the woman ADD to his happiness. Therefore, when she leaves, she'll have a minimal effect on the overall happiness of the man.

 

[Kaine]

I agree, being emotionally detached and indifferent can go too far real easily. I don't think there's anything wrong with showing some passion.

Absolutely

I put passion in a class of it's own.

Passion is sexual

Affection is hugs, flowers, candy and fluffy stuff.

I am stressing detachment as a form of ambiguity.
i.e. You kiss/s3x her up with passion. Then you go away and not call.

In fact affection and Passion is even more effective when used with the idea of detachment.

Why? Contrast.

No one is telling you to be a stiff, is a dead body going to move her?

Kaine

 

[Kaine]

double post

 

[RedKnight04]

I think having a detached attitude is extremely necessary to your inner game.

I basically wrote down everything thats going good in my life and what a girl would be lucky to receive by seeing me. For instance I'm a bomb chef and if she does get the chance to fuk me she will be in complete bliss by the skills I possess!

But you have to atleast offer a chance for the girl to get lucky to even brush your presence but if she is a royal ***** well then I feel sorry for stupidity. And tell her PEACE!!

 

[AFK Protector]

Re: Re: Key to Success - Remaining Emotionally Detached

Originally posted by DjDreamer
Cool...but don't keep that box close for too long because the emotions might build up and it just might explode...

...damn. Can you get anymore cliche? And that's a sh1tty cliche too. i've kept my "box" closed for a loooong time, and I don't plan on opening it anytime soon. I haven't exploded and never will. Emotions do not classify as tangible energy. It doesn't built up and stay there . It fades away on its own. This is why oyu can feel happy one momeny and sad the next without "letting" anything "out."

 

[HB_Hunter]

Originally posted by Desdinova
It turns bad when a man puts his happiness into the hands of a woman. He should let the woman ADD to his happiness. Therefore, when she leaves, she'll have a minimal effect on the overall happiness of the man.

Absolutely ! but can it really be controled ?? I mean Im asking you if you had an experience with someone that you deeply loved or was infatuated with . Someone who make you feel warm , energetic , happy etc... . I believe that getting detached from this someone is very difficult .

I know that women are not the main dish ...they simply add or they are the ice on cake but any guys who are in similar situation like the one i wrote ...shall give their advice .

 

[thefonz]

this is an area thats hard for me to learn, my father died when i was young so i had no male role model. my mother always encouraged me (as well as conditioned i believe) to express my emotions. So i don't feel Double J is spitting out cliches when he says covering emotions might cause you to blow up. I definitly feel that time to time. I feel these days i'm drifting too far into emotionless states where i become dull and uninteresting because it's my emotions that in the past have always given me reason to express myself and be happy (aswell as the opposite which is why i need to control them). I dunno, i need therapy man.....i've been on this site since october and i'm still depressed and afraid of approaching and talking to strangers. I just don't see the point, the gap between me and my goals is too big.

 

[Kaine]

Absolutely ! but can it really be controled ?? I mean Im asking you if you had an experience with someone that you deeply loved or was infatuated with . Someone who make you feel warm , energetic , happy etc... . I believe that getting detached from this someone is very difficult .

Yes, I can only speak for myself that this was a big mindset change for me. Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to play any mindgames? If we could just speak our minds and bask in the warm glowyness and profess our undying love for the girl of our dreams.

Yeah, in Hollywood maybe.

Call it genetic call it social conditioning. For anyone who is in tune with their humanity, this will take a little work. Love, sh1ts and giggles with a girl will always be something you need to work on and work for.

Mitigate this by having a life, grow a hobby, hire some friends and lift some rocks. Psychologically speaking, emotions rule over the rational mind, invariably by moving your centre of focus away from her you make yourself and your relationship better.

Kaine

 

[DjDreamer]

Re: Re: Re: Key to Success - Remaining Emotionally Detached

Originally posted by AFK Protector
...damn. Can you get anymore cliche? And that's a sh1tty cliche too. i've kept my "box" closed for a loooong time, and I don't plan on opening it anytime soon.

You create emotions for a reason...you do not create emotions so you can lock them up in a box...you gotta use emotions for your benefit...you gotta differentiate between good and bad emotions...you gotta develop emotional maturity...

This thread is basicly about Stoicism...

 

[HB_Hunter]

Originally posted by Kaine
Yes, I can only speak for myself that this was a big mindset change for me. Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to play any mindgames? If we could just speak our minds and bask in the warm glowyness and profess our undying love for the girl of our dreams.

Yeah, in Hollywood maybe.

Call it genetic call it social conditioning. For anyone who is in tune with their humanity, this will take a little work. Love, sh1ts and giggles with a girl will always be something you need to work on and work for.

Mitigate this by having a life, grow a hobby, hire some friends and lift some rocks. Psychologically speaking, emotions rule over the rational mind, invariably by moving your centre of focus away from her you make yourself and your relationship better.

Kaine

Well , I disagree with this ...As nature has set this system for us to be a part of and for us to work within . I mean having a life , hobbies , work out etc... all detach you from that one-itis your having . But if you are living your life like this meaning that you are busy doing your work , enjoying your time with hobbies , friends etc... you won't have any time for mind games and you will be a challenge naturally . Im speaking of experience as i used to come here and read all the **** regarding girls , how to get them , mind games , tricks etc....

This shouldn't be the way that we live , I mean all women want is the masculine attitude , A Rock , A Solid Guy who has got a backbone not a wuss . All these other things are just nonsense and vanity . If your living life like you want , defining your life , being busy in what you love and still has emotions for a girl . she'll melt and melt and you will sweep her off her feet . So embrace your emotions , accept them but don't be gushy or let these emotions contain you .