Keeping wealth : Hiring private investigators to do discoveries of potential serious mate: howto frame telling them and when to tell them you did this

[Lynx nkaf]

Give me your thoughts; negative ones and any positive ones

 

[Focal core]

You really really dont need to do that, if theres no trust in the elationship i say elation because its only half of the foundations that have started off with this guy,

As a human your instincts will never lie to you. If you find it difficult to trust others, it's because you're so dissociated from your feelings, you can't/won't trust your senses to help you determine whom you can trust, and who you can't.

Honor your feelings, allow yourself to feel them. Build a meaningful strong foundational relationship if youre chasing for ones.. Make it hapens. Pursue it with energy.

 

[metalwater]

trust but verify is ok. no honest man will be upset to be proven honest. but don't sneak, because any sneak is a slippery slope of sneakiness.

 

[RickTheToad]

Not necessary. One, you shouldn't be getting married. However, if you are, three accounts. One for you, one for the household and one for her/him. Two, if you have any real assets, keep them separate. If you have assets, pre-marital, over a million, you may want to consider seeking advice of an elder law attorney and place said assets in an irrevocable trust. You should also have a pre-nup (if you are looking to get married) and/or a cohabitation agreement prior to living with another person. If the person will not sign in front of an attorney (notarized), then something is wrong. Jet.

Please note, this is NOT legal advice, I am just an online toad. When you are ready, seek professional counsel.

 

[Focal core]

Not necessary. One, you shouldn't be getting married. However, if you are, three accounts. One for you, one for the household and one for her/him. Two, if you have any real assets, keep them separate. If you have assets, pre-marital, over a million, you may want to consider seeking advice of an elder law attorney and place said assets in an irrevocable trust. You should also have a pre-nup (if you are looking to get married) and/or a cohabitation agreement prior to living with another person. If the person will not sign in front of an attorney (notarized), then something is wrong. Jet.

Please note, this is NOT legal advice, I am just an online toad. When you are ready, seek professional counsel.

Its a bird! No, its an airplane! No! Its @RickTheToad

 

[BeTheChange]

Your choice of long term partner, paticularly if you plan to have kids, is probably one of the most important decisions you will make in life.

I see nothing wrong with doing your due diligence and hiring a private investigator, before making a legally or emotionally binding serious commitment - marriage, kids, moving in together, etc.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Your choice of long term partner, paticularly if you plan to have kids, is probably one of the most important decisions you will make in life.

I see nothing wrong with doing your due diligence and hiring a private investigator, before making a legally or emotionally binding serious commitment - marriage, kids, moving in together, etc.

Its my thought that intercourse is also emotionally binding.

This is great advice from everyone.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

How to vet for a 'good' private investigator now?
I know its important to do it now, before the need even arises, as this is when one is the most calm, rational and indifferent.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Like the new avatar. I'm assuming you've had that discussion before. It IS different, when they're, yours, though. That's just true...for better or worse. However, when you K N O W you don't want kids, you probably wouldn't warm up to even your own. There are plenty of people walking around, raised by people who didn't want, and never should've had kids. That situation usually doesn't churn out the best end product. Stick to your guns.

What kills me is the people who WANT kids, but don't want to RAISE them....and, the people who WOULD have kids....if the world weren't so uniquely screwed up, in THIS generation. Like there ever was a perfect time in history to have kids....or just to live.

Life is supposed to be and usually is a struggle. Irony is that suicide skyrockets when times are the softest.

now to learn how to learn if a potential mate wants or currently has kids.
I'm determined to learn how to vet properly for this ShePays.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Ask?

annnnnddddd they lie

So then what? Go through the falling in love only to have your heart ripped out when they laugh in your face when they reveal the real truth?(felt like they were laughing at me for falling for them)
waste of my dignity and energy, nevermind my love that someone else may appreciate

 

[Lookatu]

annnnnddddd they lie

So then what? Go through the falling in love only to have your heart ripped out when they laugh in your face when they reveal the real truth?(felt like they were laughing at me for falling for them)
waste of my dignity and energy, nevermind my love that someone else may appreciate

Do your own investigative work or pay the $5-$15 for services like Spokeo, Intelius, and handful of others that are out there that check social media accounts, legal records(divorce, bankruptcy, etc), related relatives and associates, etc.

Another thread I created, I mentioned www.truepeoplesearch.com which can reveal some quick basics that you can piggyback that info to gain other info from other sources.

 

[Bible_Belt]

annnnnddddd they lie

So then what? Go through the falling in love only to have your heart ripped out when they laugh in your face when they reveal the real truth?(felt like they were laughing at me for falling for them)
waste of my dignity and energy, nevermind my love that someone else may appreciate

To be honest, I would feel the same way about you if I caught a pi snooping on me. Relationships are about trust, and if you trust anyone there will always be risk.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Ouch! That's messed up. If that's true, you shouldn't be allowed to pick your own dates, anymore, because you're a terrible judge of character.

I actually do believe in arranged ****...arranged dates, marriages.
Should be the people who know you finding you a mate. They know what you truly need and they provide that social proof for you too!!

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Do your own investigative work or pay the $5-$15 for services like Spokeo, Intelius, and handful of others that are out there that check social media accounts, legal records(divorce, bankruptcy, etc), related relatives and associates, etc.

Another thread I created, I mentioned www.truepeoplesearch.com which can reveal some quick basics that you can piggyback that info to gain other info from other sources.

thanks, I'm in Canada and I will look all these up.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

To be honest, I would feel the same way about you if I caught a pi snooping on me. Relationships are about trust, and if you trust anyone there will always be risk.

I decided I would make it clear they are about to be investigated before I hire the P.I.
I have no intent to be deceitful, just careful

 

[mrgoodstuff]

annnnnddddd they lie

So then what? Go through the falling in love only to have your heart ripped out when they laugh in your face when they reveal the real truth?(felt like they were laughing at me for falling for them)
waste of my dignity and energy, nevermind my love that someone else may appreciate

Thank them, forgive yourself, make a note of what signs were always there, agree and move on.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

If you have someone you trust, a friend who's been itching to set you up, you might wanna give it a shot.

I feel embarrassed asking for love life help. Here on an internet forum is QUITE a bit different than my action, non-computer life.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Thank them, forgive yourself, make a note of what signs were always there, agree and move on.

good advice
the forgiving myself the hardest part-reading that brought the feels but I'm not about to cry in a tire shop waiting room ffs.
Good advice man. I haven't wrote out all the signs yet. Pretty painful and like a type of shame I feel(like I'm stupid)

 

[Lynx nkaf]

You shouldn't ask advise from anyone who doesn't have your best interest at heart, and who hasn't demonstrated personal success in the area in which you're looking for help. Family, family friends, childhood friends...

No matter what anyone says about love being about trust, if you start getting feelings, and it starts getting serious, have him checked out for any deal breakers. Better that you get any bad news sooner than later.

As far as having kids, a PI can tell you if he's hiding any. As far as WANTING kids.... let's be honest, no man in his forties or fifties, marrying a woman in her forties, is planning to have kids. If he wants kids, he's looking for a woman in her early thirties, max. Still, if you get with a widower with grown, established kids, you don't need to worry about any of that. You might end up babysitting some grandkids, though....

no thanks, no kids, no exceptions

 

[Lynx nkaf]

So, you don't just not want kids, but you really dislike kids, too? Were you mistreated by children?

thanks for advice ShePays, must be a sensitive topic, I see that now.