Keeping the flame alive after kids

[AttackFormation]

I post this in the MM section despite my age because you guys are the ones who have the experience to answer my questions in this topic. I plan to have kids one day but I want a good life for my family, I don't want to be like my own mentally defective parents and cause broken childhoods and a sh!tty life together before they break up to abandon the family.

1) How can you make living apart work so you can have time to miss each other, if you have kids? what are your experiences and ideas?

(mine is you have one main apartment and then a cheap one too that you rent out and stay in whenever the relationship needs space, that way the kids won't have to move around week by week and see both of their parents most of the time).

2) What are the worst critical things you can do for both your family life and your romantic life together (beyond obvious things like "don't be beta")?

3) What are the "smaller", day-to-day things that kill romantic and family life, which you may even think are harmless or not even realise?

 

[sodbuster]

There ARE no answers to your quesitons, and your solutions aren't solution...

You HAVE to be together in a marriage, you CAN have hobbies that get you out of the house, but a second apartment? She'll think you are beta for leaving, or you'll have a wife with GNO crash pad to do other men.....

In a marriage, you CAN'T let go of alpha .... EVER. When you think it isn't worth a fight? SHe'll think you are being beta. Want to cry on her shoulder? you can't..... talk to us. She'll think you are weak.

you'll NEED a date night, time out from the kids.... at least weekly. It's WORK to do it, but you have to put YOUR relationship and sex life first.

When she's picking and looking for a fight? She needs one, let her have it.... but be calm and unperturbed, let HER get all wild and emotional....

Whatever happened in your parent's marriage that made you think it was bad? Or was it just not up to "leave it to Be@ver" standards? My dad was and is an azzhole, but he runs the roost for the most part.... still married after 57 years

 

[speed dawg]

I post this in the MM section despite my age because you guys are the ones who have the experience to answer my questions in this topic.

Sorry pal, rules exist for a reason. I suspect this will get moved to DJD.

I plan to have kids one day but I want a good life for my family, I don't want to be like my own mentally defective parents and cause broken childhoods and a sh!tty life together before they break up to abandon the family.

Good outlook. I rescind what I said about your age and moving your thread. I'm just glad to find another guy on this forum that understands that kids are the future.

1) How can you make living apart work so you can have time to miss each other, if you have kids? what are your experiences and ideas?

(mine is you have one main apartment and then a cheap one too that you rent out and stay in whenever the relationship needs space, that way the kids won't have to move around week by week and see both of their parents most of the time).

This is dumb. Game has to be internalized. Once you are married/living together, you cannot hide. You can't go ghost physically (well, at least if you want to stay around your kids). 'Getting away' can only be done for a few hours at a time (or a few days if working) if you want to have any semblance of a decent family and quality time with kids.

2) What are the worst critical things you can do for both your family life and your romantic life together (beyond obvious things like "don't be beta")?
3) What are the "smaller", day-to-day things that kill romantic and family life, which you may even think are harmless or not even realise?

Hand over control to your wife. They want to be led. They want decisions made for them. They want to feel secure.

Main thing - keep yourself sharp. Do not get lazy and take anything for granted.

 

[MOTU]

Attackformation, I suggest you read Athol Kays work on this topic. It is very good.