Hey,
First on some context and my progress because I'm happy about it, you can skip this.
So there is this girl that was the highest value of the bunch of girls I am dating. She told me she did not see it going further than friendship after two dates, I can't be sure 100% but it is most probably because of my lack of kino and escalation, because all the rest was on point. The good thing is, I felt so disappointed by this that it unblocked me on my next two first dates. I am getting the hang of it, and making out with both girls in the middle of the first date each has really boosted my confidence. I have lined up two more girls, I will see if I can manage to bring them back to my place on the first date and/or see if I can pull off a good recovery if they refuse to.
But now of course, seeing how easy it is in reality (I am above average good looking, no problem holding a conversation at all, and a few quirks that can give me an edge i.e. I am a foreigner etc.), I feel so frustrated I did not have this "revelation" sooner in my life. And I have a more dangerous feeling: I feel really frustrated I did not have the "revelation" before meeting the girl that told me it would not go past friendship. Red flag of oneitis in the making I know, but I keep myself in check for the moment.
She said she would like to hang out in the future. She already rejected me softly, and even if it's a "**** test" which I highly doubt, there is no way I can score so soon after the rejection.
I would like to keep in touch with her / keep her as an option for later. We dated only twice, and I have two months in front of me before having to move away for a while. It's been two weeks since the rejection, but we had plans before hand to go watch a movie together.
My plan at the moment, is to try again when I come back in 5 months - I might change my mind in between, it depends if I manage to score a higher ranking chick before then. Please note that I'm more interested in knowing your opinion on the following rather than if I should ever try again with the same chick: I am not sure I will ever follow through with her but might give it a shot.
What I would like different opinions on:
1) Do you think it's better to cut all contacts right after a dating failure, or to create a quick connection before leaving out of the blue a bit later? I'm also curious to meet the girl's social circle as I have practically none at the moment, but some people suggest that the girl would just act as a ****-block in this situation (paint an image of yourself as beta to her hot friends, or get in the way when you try to game in her circle) I could make some bros though probably.
2) Without taking the previous question into account: can you keep in touch with a girl and occasionally hang out with her WITHOUT diving deep into the friendzone?
I'm curious about your opinions on this, I've read material that support both sides. The main argument for saying it is not possible and it's better to cut contacts immediately is that by hanging out with her, even if you act disinterested and date other girls, you basically accept her terms and it's game over. The other big argument is about knowing the reason why she decided to reject you on second thought - is it really because you were AFC, or is there another reason out of your control? The whole thing might be completely futile, so why even bother.
Others argue that she obviously was initially attracted to you as she went on more than one date with you, but you lowered your value by being AFC. However you are not friends yet, because you don't really know each other, but keeping the same behaviour will 100% sure lead you into friends territory. Unless you change something, she put you on the path towards her friend-zone.
The three main reasons why people were reflecting on this question are they either have a case of oneitis/big ego and feel like walking away is accepting you lost; or that the girl is critical to your social circle, things might get really awkward and you may lose a few friends and shoot yourself in the foot if you go cold turkey. Last reason would be that you are interested in this girl, but she is currently unavailable (in a relationship, can't commit at the moment...)
Which side do you agree the more with?
Among the tactics to keep in touch while avoiding the friend-zone were:
-Act cool and disinterested, no ****s given at her rejecting you. You have other options, but you're cool hanging out with her because you weren't only after her ass in any case.
-Don't be a jerk, but don't be a nice guy either : neg and tease in a perfect balance where you do not overly flirt (she rejected you so pushing too hard will ruin everything), where you're not just being a friend (being too "nice"), and where you still pick her curiosity (keep mysterious, not too available...)
-Always display yourself as a sexual being. This often referred to the "two ladders" theory. If she does not acknowledge your sexual nature, she will see you as a brother and unless she is a sick *****, she's not into incest. This can be achieved by openly talking about sex without shoving it in her face (haha) but be prepared to hear about HER sex life while keeping your cool. Always be subtle, otherwise she'll get defensive / awkward around you.
-Display your success with other girls, flirt hot chicks in her presence, show her you have options. This of course plays on jealousy, and wanting what we can't have.
-Never hint at a serious relationship with her. She might get flirty, and you can answer her flirt with equal force, but never chase her. Do not confess attraction. Make out with her if she makes it possible. You can even bang if the opportunity presents itself. But unless she asks for a date herself and shows weakness, keep acting the same and gaming other girls - and even if you manage to get back to dating her, you have to keep this game up for as long as you can.
-etc.
Now my take on it is that by just following these tactics, you can set yourself up for getting laid and have some fun, but not for an actual boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. I think a break period is essential to change your image and how she perceives you. But at the same time, if you just cut all contact right after she kindly rejects you, of course you assert yourself as Alpha no doubt about this, but don't you basically show that you were mainly if not only interested in sex? Again no issues if you want hook ups and casual relationships. Do you think this forever breaks the potential for something serious though? Kind of the same issue when couples have a on/off relationship where they break up and reunite every few months.
First on some context and my progress because I'm happy about it, you can skip this.
So there is this girl that was the highest value of the bunch of girls I am dating. She told me she did not see it going further than friendship after two dates, I can't be sure 100% but it is most probably because of my lack of kino and escalation, because all the rest was on point. The good thing is, I felt so disappointed by this that it unblocked me on my next two first dates. I am getting the hang of it, and making out with both girls in the middle of the first date each has really boosted my confidence. I have lined up two more girls, I will see if I can manage to bring them back to my place on the first date and/or see if I can pull off a good recovery if they refuse to.
But now of course, seeing how easy it is in reality (I am above average good looking, no problem holding a conversation at all, and a few quirks that can give me an edge i.e. I am a foreigner etc.), I feel so frustrated I did not have this "revelation" sooner in my life. And I have a more dangerous feeling: I feel really frustrated I did not have the "revelation" before meeting the girl that told me it would not go past friendship. Red flag of oneitis in the making I know, but I keep myself in check for the moment.
She said she would like to hang out in the future. She already rejected me softly, and even if it's a "**** test" which I highly doubt, there is no way I can score so soon after the rejection.
I would like to keep in touch with her / keep her as an option for later. We dated only twice, and I have two months in front of me before having to move away for a while. It's been two weeks since the rejection, but we had plans before hand to go watch a movie together.
My plan at the moment, is to try again when I come back in 5 months - I might change my mind in between, it depends if I manage to score a higher ranking chick before then. Please note that I'm more interested in knowing your opinion on the following rather than if I should ever try again with the same chick: I am not sure I will ever follow through with her but might give it a shot.
What I would like different opinions on:
1) Do you think it's better to cut all contacts right after a dating failure, or to create a quick connection before leaving out of the blue a bit later? I'm also curious to meet the girl's social circle as I have practically none at the moment, but some people suggest that the girl would just act as a ****-block in this situation (paint an image of yourself as beta to her hot friends, or get in the way when you try to game in her circle) I could make some bros though probably.
2) Without taking the previous question into account: can you keep in touch with a girl and occasionally hang out with her WITHOUT diving deep into the friendzone?
I'm curious about your opinions on this, I've read material that support both sides. The main argument for saying it is not possible and it's better to cut contacts immediately is that by hanging out with her, even if you act disinterested and date other girls, you basically accept her terms and it's game over. The other big argument is about knowing the reason why she decided to reject you on second thought - is it really because you were AFC, or is there another reason out of your control? The whole thing might be completely futile, so why even bother.
Others argue that she obviously was initially attracted to you as she went on more than one date with you, but you lowered your value by being AFC. However you are not friends yet, because you don't really know each other, but keeping the same behaviour will 100% sure lead you into friends territory. Unless you change something, she put you on the path towards her friend-zone.
The three main reasons why people were reflecting on this question are they either have a case of oneitis/big ego and feel like walking away is accepting you lost; or that the girl is critical to your social circle, things might get really awkward and you may lose a few friends and shoot yourself in the foot if you go cold turkey. Last reason would be that you are interested in this girl, but she is currently unavailable (in a relationship, can't commit at the moment...)
Which side do you agree the more with?
Among the tactics to keep in touch while avoiding the friend-zone were:
-Act cool and disinterested, no ****s given at her rejecting you. You have other options, but you're cool hanging out with her because you weren't only after her ass in any case.
-Don't be a jerk, but don't be a nice guy either : neg and tease in a perfect balance where you do not overly flirt (she rejected you so pushing too hard will ruin everything), where you're not just being a friend (being too "nice"), and where you still pick her curiosity (keep mysterious, not too available...)
-Always display yourself as a sexual being. This often referred to the "two ladders" theory. If she does not acknowledge your sexual nature, she will see you as a brother and unless she is a sick *****, she's not into incest. This can be achieved by openly talking about sex without shoving it in her face (haha) but be prepared to hear about HER sex life while keeping your cool. Always be subtle, otherwise she'll get defensive / awkward around you.
-Display your success with other girls, flirt hot chicks in her presence, show her you have options. This of course plays on jealousy, and wanting what we can't have.
-Never hint at a serious relationship with her. She might get flirty, and you can answer her flirt with equal force, but never chase her. Do not confess attraction. Make out with her if she makes it possible. You can even bang if the opportunity presents itself. But unless she asks for a date herself and shows weakness, keep acting the same and gaming other girls - and even if you manage to get back to dating her, you have to keep this game up for as long as you can.
-etc.
Now my take on it is that by just following these tactics, you can set yourself up for getting laid and have some fun, but not for an actual boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. I think a break period is essential to change your image and how she perceives you. But at the same time, if you just cut all contact right after she kindly rejects you, of course you assert yourself as Alpha no doubt about this, but don't you basically show that you were mainly if not only interested in sex? Again no issues if you want hook ups and casual relationships. Do you think this forever breaks the potential for something serious though? Kind of the same issue when couples have a on/off relationship where they break up and reunite every few months.
