Keeping in contact with an ex

[Bible_Belt]

I bang all my exes. It's not like we broke up because of bad sex.

 

[jophil28]

Jophil, what you've written is pretty sad and I've seen this time and again how a woman professing her undying love and telling you how she doesn't know what she'd do without you. Yet when it's over she treats you like an enemy and it's shocking to see this playout.
.

Their hateful behavior is also linked closely to their insatiable need to be "the innocent victim".
Every "victim", by definition, has been abused or mistreated by someone (or something), at least allegedly.
So you are appointed "the perpetrator"and she is the self appointed "victim" . WHat follows is that this "victim" then feels justified in acting and saying whatever she wishes to you, or about you, because your 'perp score' is 1000 and she claims that her subsequent actions are merely her reactions to your repeated abuse. .At this point the "victim" becomes the new perpetrator (a fact that no woman will ever own) and the perp in now a victim of her abuse of him...and so on and so forth.
And thru it all lawyers buy more BMWs.

 

[KontrollerX]

"your assuming that she is done with you - this is not always the case."

Actually I'm not assuming anything of the sort.

I could care less whether a chick who has screwed me over either by cheating or just deeming me unworthy has it in her mind to make me a future prospect.

I'm of the Desdinova mindset when it comes to this DJ game and that is when a woman cheats on me or rejects me that is the last time she will ever get to cheat on me or reject me.

I certainly respect other DJ's beliefs to live differently and knock it out with or emotionally tamp0n it up for all their ex's that they want.

I just don't like it and find it absolutely absurd when someone says if you don't re-establish contact with an ex at some point this is somehow you being immature.

How about instead it is you being practical or even you not wanting to be hit with a ridiculous restraining order just for saying hi? See there really is no point of contacting an ex unless you are really hard up for a fvck and hope you get lucky or you are harboring AFC oneitis for her.

Understandably I know there are other DJ's like Bible Belt who just keep em around to have as many women to potentially fvck as possible but hey what can I say I'm still with Desdinova on this matter.

A chick disrespects me by cheating or deeming me unworthy she loses the priviledge of having my c0ck or me in her life ever again in any major capacity.

I think DJing the Desdinova way is the absolute pinnacle of inner game and making oneself the prize.

Metrosexual males and feminist sympathizers might see this way as being childish but I could give a sh!t less what such people think.

And again I do respect other DJ's different beliefs surrounding this like once again Bible Belt's way of handling things.

We all have to do what works for us.

 

[Warrior74]

KX I'm with you. When your done your done. But when you have children involved then you have to make some consessions to be civil in each others presence. Then again I've had more **** buddies than girlfriends....so I don't find it hard being in touch with an FB, I just want to fck anyway.

You disrespect me. You loose me. Simple.

 

[mrRuckus]

NO SEX = NO GLORIOUS ENTERTAINMENT FROM MrRUCKUS

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear ControllerX,
Your statement about restraining orders is spot on and an ever present danger,also crying rape.....I made love to an Ex one afternoon,out of the blue,got a restraining order within 48 hours....Like Jophil says they have to feel abused or the Innocent victim...Like Bible,I still think its worth the risks,but their moods change quicker than the Weather...

 

[edger]

I am amazed. It's as if when people leave you they have an operation to remove their heart and substitute a block of ice. I don't get it.

Yeah when my ex broke up with me, her behavior and demeanor towards me literally took a 180 degree turn. This girl went from telling me:

"We're meant to be together forever"

"You complete me"

"I want to marry you"

"You are the chosen one for me"

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

"We are destined to be together"

"You're my soulmate"

"I will always love you no matter what"

Etc. etc. etc.

TO

Completely being and doing the opposite of all that, treating me as nothing more than a friend...and that was what really freaked me the f*ck out. I knew this girl one way with me, and now all of a sudden she was acting a way with me that she had never acted before. It was the worst feeling I have ever felt yet. Worse than severe nausea...and I'm not exaggerating. I can't even describe the feeling, there's no word in the dictionary for it, it was that bad.

 

[Juando]

"We're meant to be together forever"

"You complete me"

"I want to marry you"

"You are the chosen one for me"

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

"We are destined to be together"

"You're my soulmate"

"I will always love you no matter what"

Powerful ammunition, I got the same from the ex- feelings so powerful and so deep that they could melt steel.

But what I got to find out after much soul-searing pain that left me in shock was that, great- even if all that stuff is sincerely felt and communicated in the moment, it's completely worthless if the source does not have the maturity to take it home, that is, to back up the words and feelings with actions that resound in the real world.

Tonight I was with a beautiful girl that I am slowly winning over but I will be damned if I give myself over to her until she's proven herself. And my standards have gone through the roof after my "trial by fire".

 

[edger]

even if all that stuff is sincerely felt and communicated in the moment, it's completely worthless if the source does not have the maturity to take it home, that is, to back up the words and feelings with actions that resound in the real world.

When I think about what happened to me, I say to myself, "if that stuff was sincerly felt and communicated in the moment, then there's no way you could just loose your love for someone. If you loose it, it would only be temporary."

No matter how much someone(family, etc.) has hurt me in the past, I never lost my love for them..maybe temporarily I did, but through reconciliation on the offenders part, I was able to love again....I just don't understand it, I'm at a loss. The only real conclusion I could come to, is that my ex never really loved me, especially the way she said she did. This girl "played" me in that respect...but it wasn't like she played me because I was naive or anything. In the beginning, I would take her words and poems professing her degree of love for me with a grain of salt...but she kept reiterrating it and reiterrating it and reiterating it, over and over, to the point where I finally said, "I believe this girl, I truly believe she really does love me to this degree". This girl drilled it into my f*ckin' head on a regular basis, to the point where it literally was "programmed" into me. And that's when I began to buy into the whole "soulmate" thing. And then BAM!..she left me hanging...hanging as if I was literally on a ledge of a 30 story building...I was just left to hang and die. I pleaded with her and tried to reconcile the best I could, as I felt guilt(put forth by her), but my efforts were so useless...so useless man. It was sad, and it still is sad. All I can say in life, is that, "I gave my heart away once...I can never do it again"(George, my old musician buddy, I quote you on that)...forever till my last day spent on earth, I can never do it again...and that is no exaggeration. My ex brought me a lot of happiness(not that I wasn't happy to begin with, but she magnified that happiness to a greater degree)...that time with her is forever irreplaceable. That is the legacy I leave behind. I hope everything comes together and works out for you in this life.

 

[LoneRanger]

I keep in contact with my ex because she is more a friend than anything after we split. No chance of getting back together and I don't want her back (she has pronounced intimacy issues = unable to have sex).

But we still talk about stuff almost every night. I think it is nice. However, I can see why some don't want anything to do with their plates after breaking up.

 

[STR8UP]

Yeah when my ex broke up with me, her behavior and demeanor towards me literally took a 180 degree turn. This girl went from telling me:

"We're meant to be together forever"

"You complete me"

"I want to marry you"

"You are the chosen one for me"

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

"We are destined to be together"

"You're my soulmate"

"I will always love you no matter what"

Etc. etc. etc.

TO

Completely being and doing the opposite of all that, treating me as nothing more than a friend...and that was what really freaked me the f*ck out. I knew this girl one way with me, and now all of a sudden she was acting a way with me that she had never acted before. It was the worst feeling I have ever felt yet. Worse than severe nausea...and I'm not exaggerating. I can't even describe the feeling, there's no word in the dictionary for it, it was that bad.

Women are "in love" with the IDEA of love, not love itself, and certainly NOT unconditional love of a particular person.

People call me a cynical bastard and such, but fukk them, I know the score. They want to pretend and live a fantasy, let them.

After experiencing the same thing you have experienced more than once, I will never again for a second take for granted that a woman "loves" me. She loves the romanticized image of me, as long as i am able to maintain it, but even the most loving, compassionate woman has a switch inside of her that she can flip the SECOND you become dispensable to her.

Men are much more loyal. Men are more compassionate. Men feel GUILT when they have wronged someone.

I dunno....my theory is that it's hardwired into the female psyche to be able to quickly sever emotional ties with a man when he no longer serves her purposes. A necessary function that allows her to quickly secure another source of intimacy/provisioning/etc.. Basically a survival mechanism, if you will.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Women are "in love" with the IDEA of love, not love itself, and certainly NOT unconditional love of a particular person.

People call me a cynical bastard and such, but fukk them, I know the score. They want to pretend and live a fantasy, let them."

Amen to that. This whole post of yours Str8up is the fvckin post of 2008 bro. Best on site.

"After experiencing the same thing you have experienced more than once, I will never again for a second take for granted that a woman "loves" me. She loves the romanticized image of me, as long as i am able to maintain it, but even the most loving, compassionate woman has a switch inside of her that she can flip the SECOND you become dispensable to her."

Yep, here today gone tomorrow. The what have you done for me lately selfish entitlement mantra pounds through their heads constantly.

"Men are much more loyal. Men are more compassionate. Men feel GUILT when they have wronged someone.

I dunno....my theory is that it's hardwired into the female psyche to be able to quickly sever emotional ties with a man when he no longer serves her purposes. A necessary function that allows her to quickly secure another source of intimacy/provisioning/etc.. Basically a survival mechanism, if you will."

I suppose I only differ with you on this point if you believe women are inherintely fvcked up.

Me? I don't think that, I think we are all pretty much neutral at birth.

I guess I blame society, bad uninvolved unloving parents and the mainstream media's bullsh!t for how fvcked up modern women have become. The hardcore part of the feminist movement also hasn't helped matters either for the mental health of young women.

In short I think women have become victims of modern day corruption in many forms and as the saying goes hurt people, hurt people and thats when the hurt and corruption that they have gone through effects us in a major and devastating way that makes us members of forums like these.

2pac said it best...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfXwmDGJAB8

When he talks about it being time to heal our women it means society as a whole has to work towards that change. Not any individual capn save a ho's of course.

Sadly society is so corrupt change never occured for the better during his time and now its gotten even worse with that horrible thinspo anorexia culture among girls developing and getting stronger day by day.

 

[mrRuckus]

Women are "in love" with the IDEA of love, not love itself, and certainly NOT unconditional love of a particular person.

People call me a cynical bastard and such, but fukk them, I know the score. They want to pretend and live a fantasy, let them.

After experiencing the same thing you have experienced more than once, I will never again for a second take for granted that a woman "loves" me. She loves the romanticized image of me, as long as i am able to maintain it, but even the most loving, compassionate woman has a switch inside of her that she can flip the SECOND you become dispensable to her.

I don't disagree with this.

I've been awakened with a girl whispering in my ear saying "guess what? I love you." Then two weeks later dumping me without about zero courtesy in the event and just giving me a blank stare and zero compassion. I personally can't really even bring myself to dump someone. I agonize on it for a few weeks and no matter what i still feel for her and even if i'm angry at her for making me want to dump her and she's been a complete b1tch lately, i still don't like making someone sad like that.

Then she turns around again after days or weeks and of course she "made a mistake" and missed me and is suddenly all loving and caring again and wants to "make it up" to me. Fvcking light switch of emotion. And that sure as hell hasn't been the only girl who has done that sh1t.

Their brains are completely dysfunctional. I don't get how people say women mature faster when emotionally that part of their brain never finishes developing.

 

[jophil28]

I don't get how people say women mature faster when emotionally that part of their brain never finishes developing.

Nobody should ever take social scientists seriously. This statement is proof.

 

[DrNoAWs]

I just don't understand it, I'm at a loss. The only real conclusion I could come to, is that my ex never really loved me, especially the way she said she did. This girl "played" me in that respect...but it wasn't like she played me because I was naive or anything. In the beginning, I would take her words and poems professing her degree of love for me with a grain of salt...but she kept reiterrating it and reiterrating it and reiterating it, over and over, to the point where I finally said, "I believe this girl, I truly believe she really does love me to this degree". This girl drilled it into my f*ckin' head on a regular basis, to the point where it literally was "programmed" into me. And that's when I began to buy into the whole "soulmate" thing. And then BAM!..she left me hanging...hanging as if I was literally on a ledge of a 30 story building...I was just left to hang and die. I pleaded with her and tried to reconcile the best I could, as I felt guilt(put forth by her), but my efforts were so useless...so useless man. It was sad, and it still is sad. All I can say in life, is that, "I gave my heart away once...I can never do it again"(George, my old musician buddy, I quote you on that)...forever till my last day spent on earth, I can never do it again...and that is no exaggeration. My ex brought me a lot of happiness(not that I wasn't happy to begin with, but she magnified that happiness to a greater degree)...that time with her is forever irreplaceable. That is the legacy I leave behind. I hope everything comes together and works out for you in this life.

Hey edger,

Sounds like kinda AW with some serious issues. Search for HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder). Especially the posts by KontrollerX and Jophil28.

Might give you some interesting insights. My eyes were wide opened.

btw. many thanks to KontollerX, Jophil28 and all the others for posting their experience on this important! subject.

 

[DJDamage]

After experiencing the same thing you have experienced more than once, I will never again for a second take for granted that a woman "loves" me. She loves the romanticized image of me, as long as i am able to maintain it, but even the most loving, compassionate woman has a switch inside of her that she can flip the SECOND you become dispensable to her.

Men are much more loyal. Men are more compassionate. Men feel GUILT when they have wronged someone.

I dunno....my theory is that it's hardwired into the female psyche to be able to quickly sever emotional ties with a man when he no longer serves her purposes. A necessary function that allows her to quickly secure another source of intimacy/provisioning/etc.. Basically a survival mechanism, if you will.

Good post STR8UP.

This also help's explains why women initiate 90% of all divorces. Most men would rather stick it out because even if the marriage is in shambles they are still somewhat loyal and care for their wife and the institute they are a part of.

When a woman initiate's divorce, it tends to be ALL ABOUT HER and as far as she is conerned the man she spend 10- 20 years with can burn in hell. A woman will fight in court so she can get every little red cent she can get her hands on from her ex husband, without even giving a damn if he is able to survive and cope with the unjust ruling. In most divorce proceedings the courts tend to favour the woman over the man because of the belief that a man is able to bounce back on his feet quicker then the woman due to his masculine abilities.

I believe that the reason women are so ruthless in court is due to the fact that their little marriage fantasy didn't come true and therefore its the ex husband's fault for "wasting her time" all those years and therefore they deserve a big restitution.

Once they stop loving you, the gloves come off.

 

[mrRuckus]

Nobody should ever take social scientists seriously. This statement is proof.

I wasn't serious.

 

[mrRuckus]

That is why the poster who said he is not able to "dump" a girl needs to wake up to reality. The moment you've decided she isn't up to par, YOU HAVE TO DUMP HER QUICKLY AND CLEANLY.

I didn't mean to imply that i won't or haven't. It's just something hard for me to do. I'm not talking about some one month fling either. That's easy to do.

But telling someone you do still care about to take a hike sucks, so i do hesitate still.

 

[true romance]

But telling someone you do still care about to take a hike sucks, so i do hesitate still.

It comes with pratice....
Keep contact or No contact has its consequeces...
it's your belief and principal. stick to it...

 

[STR8UP]

That is why the poster who said he is not able to "dump" a girl needs to wake up to reality. The moment you've decided she isn't up to par, YOU HAVE TO DUMP HER QUICKLY AND CLEANLY. Why is this so important? Because not doing so destroys your self-worth. Internally, you've decided that you are such a loser that you are going to hang onto someone who doesn't treat you right. This creates a negative feedback loop causing the viscious cycle of codependency and passive aggressive behavior. FK all that; life is far too short. She's not up to your standards, move on. Period. Even if you don't have another lined up or you enter a dry spell, at least you will respect yourself; and that is the true key to happiness.

Not doing so destroys your self-worth, and on top of that when SHE dumps YOU it's quite possibly the worst feeling in the world. Nothing worse than being dumped by a chick that YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD HAVE DUMPED.