keep getting flaked on

[taporsnap17]

I have this problem, I've talked and got numbers from 12 different girls in the past month. All say when I ask them to hang out, but when the time comes around they always have an excuse for why they cant hang out. Should I just not ask in the first place. Thanks for your help

 

[BlueSteel]

Just move on **** happens to me to....within the last week I decided "her loss" and now when it does happen it doesn't bother me.

Your in high school go with the flow and recognize girls are easy. I discovered that a few weeks ago...sadly I didn't learn till 3 months before I graduate and had some serious one-itis cases.

 

[taporsnap17]

Appreciate the advice. I have moved on. I'm just trying to reduce getting flaked on. I feel like there is something I'm doing wrong and I wanna prevent it during future hook ups

 

[Analyzeit]

Maybe you come on too quick with asking to hang out?

Being like.... wanna hang? really doesn't work often lol.

One good piece of advice is teenage girls like having fun, and not in a dirty way they like having fun.

Meting them, just the two of you when you don't know em to well can be boring.. awkward.. ect especially if you just hanging at a house, and you don't want a boring first impression so you shouldn't want this either. And you might be saying... "i can make the her have heaps of fun just the two of us alone" and maybe you can if i may say so myself I'm the type of person who could make being in an empty unwalled room fun with just the two of us, and i don't mean in a sexual way. buuuut girls don't know this, so they can be nervous and stuff as well.

Anyway point is lol when you first hang out with a girl you might wanna make it a bit more fun and more social as in not just the two of you. Like "hey wanna come to mini golf with my mate, bring your friend?" like spare of the moment, don't give them time to decide and bam lol make sure they have fun and you got a chance.

A lot of girls don't want a one on one alone thing or a date, you kinda gotta build it up first on a foundation of fun... Girls love fun! trust me and when they say man i had fun doing this and that. they actual say man i had fun doing this in that with "your name here" lol you get my point i hope.

Just try to avoid "isolation" at the start, escalate to that later get that isolation, it just stops the flaking when they think they just going for a friendly fun time, and not so much a date

Hope i helped

 

[taporsnap17]

thank you. I never thought of that.

 

[Igetit!]

I have this problem, I've talked and got numbers from 12 different girls in the past month. All say when I ask them to hang out, but when the time comes around they always have an excuse for why they cant hang out. Should I just not ask in the first place. Thanks for your help

Look,if you've gotten 12 different numbers from 12 different girls,and ALL 12 OF THEM flaked,it's YOU dude.


The most common cause of flaking is a lack of comfort.

So you can't just ask a girl for her number,then run off.


You need the interaction in which you get these numbers to last longer.



Your attraction phase seems fine. It's just the comfort/"getting to know you" phase in which you seem to need more work.


But I'm just assuming.


To know FOR CERTAIN where the problem is,you need to give us an example of your standard approach style.



So tell us....

What do you say to a girl when you approach her? What EXACTLY?

We know you get the number when you ask for it,but what happens after you get it?



Also,how long do you wait to call a girl after getting her number?



If you can answer these questions,we should be able to help you eliminate the problem.

 

[jeffthechef]

Look,if you've gotten 12 different numbers from 12 different girls,and ALL 12 OF THEM flaked,it's YOU dude.


The most common cause of flaking is a lack of comfort.

So you can't just ask a girl for her number,then run off.


You need the interaction in which you get these numbers to last longer.



Your attraction phase seems fine. It's just the comfort/"getting to know you" phase in which you seem to need more work.


But I'm just assuming.


To know FOR CERTAIN where the problem is,you need to give us an example of your standard approach style.



So tell us....

What do you say to a girl when you approach her? What EXACTLY?

We know you get the number when you ask for it,but what happens after you get it?



Also,how long do you wait to call a girl after getting her number?



If you can answer these questions,we should be able to help you eliminate the problem.

i'm curious..what's your opinion on analyze's post..
"Just try to avoid "isolation" at the start, escalate to that later get that isolation, it just stops the flaking when they think they just going for a friendly fun time, and not so much a date"

i never thoguht about building a foundation of fun..i usually just go to one-on-one outings straight after getting the number..and never had problems yet..although i could see how comfort level would have a thing to do with it

i had a friend, who had lots of numebrs..though they were usually not from approaches/by himself...he usually got them with a friendly intent..and whenever he tried to set up an outing, they would make up an excuse, or flatout flake and he was stuck waiting..

he was a great guy..but i think comfort level had a thing to do with it..he wasn't the best conversationalist..and things would go silent/awkward..

so like igetit said, i think it's just the attraction level...good job getting the numbers, but they just aren't into you that way..
it's a physical attraction..not your personality..unless of cousre, you've known these girls for a while...but i'm assuming you haven't known these girls for a long time

 

[Igetit!]

i'm curious..what's your opinion on analyze's post..
"Just try to avoid "isolation" at the start, escalate to that later get that isolation, it just stops the flaking when they think they just going for a friendly fun time, and not so much a date"

Hmm. Well it's an interesting suggestion,and if Analyzeit has success with his method,then I think the op should go with it.


Me personally,I ALWAYS isolate. Analyzeit is right when he said that the flaking will go down if the girl just thinks it's a friendly fun time instead of a date,but to me that's a "bait and switch".


I personally don't want to have to "trick" or "deceive" a girl into being interested in me.



I don't do that. I just come straight out with it. You can click on my username and check out the last thread I made to see what I mean.


I'll ask a girl if she's married or if she belongs to anybody,and if she says no,then I just straight out tell her I WANT to see her.



And she knows I mean romantically/sexually because I just got finished asking her if she was married or not.


If the OP tries out Analyzeit's suggestion,yes,the odds of getting flaked on will go down,but your chances of getting friendzone will go up.




The reason why is because the second to introduce yourself to a girl,HER EMOTIONS start forming for you,either towards being friends,or being sexually attracted to you,and it's the way YOU APPROACH HER that decides which.



If you approach as a friend,friendly feelings start forming.

If you approach as a guy who romantically interested,then romantic feelings start to form.



If you approach her pretending to be a friend because you're scared to be upfront about your interest,she'll develop friendly feelings because she doesn't know your friendship is a front.




Your friendship may be fake,but the "friendly feelings" she develops because of it are REAL. So then later on,when you finally do get up the courage to tell her you want to date her,it's too late. She already sees you as a friend....AND has the emotions of FRIENDSHIP to back it up.




To me,if letting a girl know I'm ROMANTICALLY interested in her makes her lose interest,then she was never interested to begin with.

i never thoguht about building a foundation of fun..i usually just go to one-on-one outings straight after getting the number..and never had problems yet..although i could see how comfort level would have a thing to do with it

Well I don't agree with using "fun" as a fountain for a SEXUAL relationship.


It should be a part of the relationship,but not it's foundation.


To me,SEXUAL ATTRACTION has to be the foundation because if a man's not attracted to a woman.or a woman to a man,then NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.



You can be nice
You can be good
You can be a decent person
You can have a cool personality
You can dress well
You can have a nice car

and on and on and on. But if the person you're with doesn't "turn you on",you'll be unhappy.



I mean the WHOLE POINT of a SEXUAL relationship is to be SEXUAL.


EVERYTHING ELSE is secondary.

i had a friend, who had lots of numebrs..though they were usually not from approaches/by himself...he usually got them with a friendly intent..and whenever he tried to set up an outing, they would make up an excuse, or flatout flake and he was stuck waiting..

The reason he got many numbers with few results was because of HOW he got the numbers.


He got them through deception. He made the girl's think one thing,but in his heart of hearts,he wanted something else.

He should have just been upfront from the getgo. Had he done that,the girls would have either turned him down,or would have returned his interest from the start instead of him wasting his time.

he was a great guy..but i think comfort level had a thing to do with it..he wasn't the best conversationalist..and things would go silent/awkward..

See the part I put in bold,about him being a "great guy"?


That DOESN'T MATTER.


It doesn't matter how "great" he is,if there's no SEXUAL attraction there,it's useless. And that's for both men AND women.

 

[taporsnap17]

Look,if you've gotten 12 different numbers from 12 different girls,and ALL 12 OF THEM flaked,it's YOU dude.


The most common cause of flaking is a lack of comfort.

So you can't just ask a girl for her number,then run off.


You need the interaction in which you get these numbers to last longer.



Your attraction phase seems fine. It's just the comfort/"getting to know you" phase in which you seem to need more work.


But I'm just assuming.


To know FOR CERTAIN where the problem is,you need to give us an example of your standard approach style.



So tell us....

What do you say to a girl when you approach her? What EXACTLY?

We know you get the number when you ask for it,but what happens after you get it?



Also,how long do you wait to call a girl after getting her number?



If you can answer these questions,we should be able to help you eliminate the problem.

I usually say something based on the situation (where I'm at, whats going on, etc) or try to say something funny when im in the moment.

I usually get to know the girl for a lil bit before I get the number.

After I get the number: I dont spend alot of time trying to chit chat, I usually try to set up a date.

how long I wait to call: half the time I've asked them in person. other times I will text the girls to see if they want to hang out.

 

[Igetit!]

I usually say something based on the situation (where I'm at, whats going on, etc) or try to say something funny when im in the moment.

I usually get to know the girl for a lil bit before I get the number.

Well commenting on where you two are,or the environment you two are in or being funny is great to use....as an opener.


But to get the girl,you have to go deeper than that. You need to connect to her on a personal level.



I'm not saying to stop doing what you're doing,only to ADD a few more things to it.



I do the same thing you do as far as opening,but after the opener,I get personal. I ask her about her status (her being married or not),and whether or not she has children.


Another thing you need to do is to get her to invest in the interaction.


Check out THIS THREAD by a member named Lust.


It's freakin' EXCELLENT,and it explains how to get a girl to invest in the interaction far better than I could explain it.

 

[Analyzeit]

Igetit's right it does give you a higher chance using my method of going in to the friendzone but it's all about how you act

It's not a "bait and switch" your not going in with the intent of being a friend your not dodging sexual comments your not being an emotional tampon either. you do exactly the same as the bible suggests but with a bit more "foundation of fun"

it won't work for everyone this method, but it'll sure help some.

And igetit, your perspective seems a bit unhighschoolish.... sometimes these little high school girls freak out with the idea of just a sexual relationship (in the front of their head but in the back of their head they want it) so a fun/sexual relationship is better and sh!t seconds is always better lol

 

[taporsnap17]

Many people I talk to say I should treat women like they are not important. but it seems when I do this they retaliate the same way. I feel like Im not getting the big picture. Im tired of chasing.

 

[jeffthechef]

Many people I talk to say I should treat women like they are not important. but it seems when I do this they retaliate the same way. I feel like Im not getting the big picture. Im tired of chasing.

don't chase, in fact women who want you, dont want you to chase. but women who do not want you, want you to chase. Confusing eh?

Basically girls who really want to be with you, dont want you to CHASE cause it shows a lack of worth and an abundance of desperation. Make her work for you attention. How? Show her what a great guy you are. If she's interested, she'll try everything within her power to amke it work. If she's not interested, she won't do ****, but probably just continue to be friends, if you were even friends to begin with.

Dont treat women like they are not important. But dont treat them like they're what makes your life meaningful. Women are great, and once you find true love, they're very important. But at this stage, they're not AS important. BALANCE. FIND BALANCE. Treat them equally, like you treat your friends. However, you must simply treat girls in a different but equal way (lol i immediately thought of "separate but equal.")
treat girls, sexually..but value all girls equally, even the ones you have no interest in cause this will drive the girls You ARE interested in, wild/jealous...and show them that you don't NEED them, and that there are other girls after you

 

[koolness]

look for girls that are looking at you like you're a piece of meat, with their mouth watering an sh.it, get these girls numbers. If you were that kid off of that Twilight movie, they would be dieing to date you. Thats how interested they need to be. Think of it as a rifle marketing approach, find consumers that need your product and sell it to em