Just want your opinions...

[MenAreBetterPeople]

Yeah, like I said in a post not too long ago, I broke my ties with the ex who broke up with me in early February 2006, with my last words to her being: "If there's no chance of us ever getting back together, then it's best we cut our ties." I broke the ties within the first week of May, after realizing that flirting, neg hitting, the ****y/funny approach, etc. wasn't doing me much good in my efforts to win her back..so, I said **** it. Ok, so a month and a half goes by without any one of us contacting each other. This Tuesday however, I happened to sign into MSN messenger, and BAM!, who instant messages me? HER! Now wait a minute, before you jump to conclusions, YES, I already had her DELETED from my messenger list at this point. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with MSN messenger, when you delete someone from your friends list, they can still see you when you sign on. The only way they can't see you, is if you block them...but I never blocked her, reason being, because I was curious to see if she'd ever message me. Anyway, she messages me literally within the first 5-10 seconds of me signing on with a: "You? Wow." Anyway, call me a ****ing moron, but I'm thinking to myself, "either she's playing games" OR "maybe it's dawned on her that I wasn't ever going to speak to her again, and maybe she was possibly messaging me because she misses me and wants to possibly get back", so I end up responding like 2 minutes later with a: "what's up". And from there we corresponded for about an hour. During the entire conversation I only initiated conversation twice, but the rest of the time acted aloof, and everytime she would initiate conversation, I would take 2-3 minutes to respond. Nail me for this too, but I did flirt and play ****y and funny, and neg her a little during the course of the conversation, reason being, to try and ignite her interest level(yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I still do have feelings for her, but that's not stopping me from sarging other women). Anyway, I haven't spoken to her since, which should indicate that she doesn't want to get back, but...

So, my question is, how weak did I make myself look, since I responded to her instant message?? Did I **** up any possibilities(which I know are not likely) of us getting back in the future?? I say yes to both, but want to get some of your imput. Thanks

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Your answers are right here.

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

Your answers are right here.

Yeah? Where? Maybe I'm missing some screws, but when I back-tracked that thread, I still had the same question.

 

[Desdinova]

Oh, you again.

Maybe I'm missing some screws, but when I back-tracked that thread, I still had the same question.

What part of "cut contact" didn't you understand?

how weak did I make myself look

Who cares? You should be cutting contact with her and moving on.

Did I **** up any possibilities(which I know are not likely) of us getting back in the future??

Who cares? You should be cutting contact with her and moving on.

See ya in a month. The answers will still be the same. :wave:

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

Oh, you again.



What part of "cut contact" didn't you understand?


Who cares? You should be cutting contact with her and moving on.



Who cares? You should be cutting contact with her and moving on.

See ya in a month. The answers will still be the same. :wave:

Des., I responded because I thought there might've been a motive to her instant messaging me, that motive being that she missed me and was getting her feelings back. Since that last conversation, I've had her blocked.

I'd still like to know though if you all think she took it as a weakness and got turned off that I responded to her?

 

[dankane]

Yea this girl is a waste of your time. And you question yourself with her anyways. You shouldn't question what you do, but you should definatly not do anything. If she talks to you, I guess you can talk to her but I don't see why you would. All you want is to get back with her, but you shouldn't be trying for that. It doesn't matter what she thought. That is the answer to that question, it just doesn't matter. Who cares, she talked to you, she probably was thinking she did something wrong, but you can never know what someone is thinking. Just who cares. Don't worry, you arent getting back with her.

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

Keep in mind, "I" caused our break-up.

From what I heard, my 23 yr old cousin ****ed up his relationship with his girl a while back, and for 3 whole months he worked dilligently to win her back while she wouldn't budge...but guess what? He finally got her back. So, sometimes it's worth trying to get an ex back. The only time I can really see making a legitimate effort trying to get an ex back is when you yourself are to blame for the break-up. That's my opinion.

Now I'm not saying I'm gonna try to get mine back again, I'm just making a point.

 

[Latinoman]

Keep in mind, "I" caused our break-up.

From what I heard, my 23 yr old cousin ****ed up his relationship with his girl a while back, and for 3 whole months he worked dilligently to win her back while she wouldn't budge...but guess what? He finally got her back. So, sometimes it's worth trying to get an ex back. The only time I can really see making a legitimate effort trying to get an ex back is when you yourself are to blame for the break-up. That's my opinion.

Now I'm not saying I'm gonna try to get mine back again, I'm just making a point.

The only time it is worth something as you stated...is when you happen to have children with her.

If she was the one that caused the break up...then that goes without saying.

But I might be wrong.

The thing is...when you try to get an ex- back...you are surrendering control. Only time that is worthy is when you have children involved. And STILL...

 

[Desdinova]

I'm throwing you into the lion's pit

Moved to DJD...

 

[Latinoman]

Your 23 year old cousin is a FOOL for WASTING 3 months of his life for a woman that surely does not have the same kind of respect she has for him now that she had back then.

Now...if he went all those 3 months to the field and got involved with several women to realize that his ex was UNIQUE and a MUST have...then I can see a point. But I seriously doubt he would have felt that way if he would have spent 3 months seeing several women.

He didn't...because he couldn't. Do you think his girlfriend doesn't know that?

 

[DonJuanForever]

Hey to the original poster,

I still talk to exs. I still have feelings for them. It's nothing wrong with that. But your situation is causing you problems because of this: take my example.

I have a client, he's a great client, was for a long time and we became friends. He decided to go to an competior. I still think he's a great guy, still even hangs out with him, but am I heartbroken. No...why? BECAUSE I NEVER STOPPED BUILDING MY CLIENT BASE.

When you only have 2 clients and 1 leaves, then you are fvcked up buddy. Keep your ex, keep talking to her. But you must go and continue to get sales. You must go out and get another 10 clients, NOW.

 

[speed dawg]

MenAreBetterPeople.......

Let me give you an example. You won't like it, but listen......

My gf and I have been together 9 months, living together for, h*ll I don't know, 4? Something like that. Well, I was a super-DJ to her, her family loves me, the whole nine yards. I went overboard to the extreme with the DJing. You say you second guessed her feelings. Did you get jealous? What were you overanalyzing? Did you sweat the little things? All these are AFC qualities, none of which I have done in my relationship. If you were confident in yourself, you'd think, "Hey, I'm not second guessing sh1t, I know I'm a prize and she's lucky to have me."

Well lately we had been arguing alot too, ALL of it my fault. I wanted to find things wrong with her. I LOOKED for things wrong, as to convince myself she wasn't someone capable of my time. I threatened to break up, blah blah blah. Pure meanness. Very bad on my part. It's a part of my personality I'm trying hard to change, and have changed. But enough about me.

One night I got hammered and she had had enough. She left me for a few days, basically all the talk of a breakup. The difference is, with me and you, I made a sincere effort to go and talk to her (yes, I pulled some AFC stuff) and it worked. I got her back, but in all honesty, we never broke up. If you've made a commitment to stay together, you can do it. The problem is, I don't think your girl ever "loved" you or ever made a real commitment to you.

I've dated girls like that, and it sucks to be in your position. But, you've gotta move on and block her from your life. You've got to distinguish what kind of a relationship you actually have before you make decisions. In your case, I know it's painful, but....

GAME OVER

Just keep yourself busy and you will get by. All you really need in this life in air water food and shelter.

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

MenAreBetterPeople.......

Let me give you an example. You won't like it, but listen......

My gf and I have been together 9 months, living together for, h*ll I don't know, 4? Something like that. Well, I was a super-DJ to her, her family loves me, the whole nine yards. I went overboard to the extreme with the DJing. You say you second guessed her feelings. Did you get jealous? What were you overanalyzing? Did you sweat the little things? All these are AFC qualities, none of which I have done in my relationship. If you were confident in yourself, you'd think, "Hey, I'm not second guessing sh1t, I know I'm a prize and she's lucky to have me."

Well lately we had been arguing alot too, ALL of it my fault. I wanted to find things wrong with her. I LOOKED for things wrong, as to convince myself she wasn't someone capable of my time. I threatened to break up, blah blah blah. Pure meanness. Very bad on my part. It's a part of my personality I'm trying hard to change, and have changed. But enough about me.

One night I got hammered and she had had enough. She left me for a few days, basically all the talk of a breakup. The difference is, with me and you, I made a sincere effort to go and talk to her (yes, I pulled some AFC stuff) and it worked. I got her back, but in all honesty, we never broke up. If you've made a commitment to stay together, you can do it. The problem is, I don't think your girl ever "loved" you or ever made a real commitment to you.

I've dated girls like that, and it sucks to be in your position. But, you've gotta move on and block her from your life. You've got to distinguish what kind of a relationship you actually have before you make decisions. In your case, I know it's painful, but....

GAME OVER

Just keep yourself busy and you will get by. All you really need in this life in air water food and shelter.

Man, I can sit here for an hour telling you what I doubted her for..it's hard to communicate and explain everything through the computer, because it gets into heavy detail..wish I had the phone to do it, lol...but I look back now and realize that what I doubted her for was stupid and pointless. I remember she used to ball her eyes out whenever we used to have discussions about me doubting her love. I know women will pull the bullsh*t "crying game", but I honestly don't think her's was bullsh*t. I know what it's like when someone fake cries. I remember on 2 occasions she balled for about roughly 30-45 minutes, tears running down her face. One time she even had to get off the phone because she was so upset by the whole situation. At the time, her crying used to confuse the sh*t out of me, cause I remember I would think to myself, "well I could swear I feel she's not showing me love, but wait a minute, she must really love me if she's crying so profusely like this, so I shouldn't be doubting her". Her crying would validate her love for me. But then a week or 2 later, there would be something else I would doubt her for, and the same scenario would repeat itself again. That, more or less, was what our entire relationship was like from the beginning. I look back on it now and feel ****ing terrible inside my soul that I did this. I didn't do it on purpose though, all I can say is that in those moments, I really felt what I felt..but now I look back on it all and say it was stupid and pointless to have doubted her, because she didn't do anything wrong.

And to answer your other question on jealousy, no, I was never jealous.

By the way, what makes you think my ex never "loved" me or made a real commitment to me? What are you basing that on? Are you referring to the incident with her MySpace bulletin?

 

[ElChoclo]

MenAreBetterPeople, let's say your cousin smashed up his car, a complete write- off, but decided, (for old time's sake) to repair it. Let's say he spent a fortune restoring the clunker to its pre-accident condition.

You then crash your car. So you then decide to copy your cousin? Why not get another car, for probably less money. The hold at all costs mentality is the same one which causes people to cling to bad investments, which go south with them passively holding on.

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

MenAreBetterPeople, let's say your cousin smashed up his car, a complete write- off, but decided, (for old time's sake) to repair it. Let's say he spent a fortune restoring the clunker to its pre-accident condition.

You then crash your car. So you then decide to copy your cousin? Why not get another car, for probably less money. The hold at all costs mentality is the same one which causes people to cling to bad investments, which go south with them passively holding on.

El Choclo, Latinoman:

I don't see anything weak about trying to get back with an ex after "you're" the one who ****ed up the relationship. It's a whole different ballgame when "you're" the one who ****ed it up. Yeah, she may have control, because she's now the one holding the cards with the final say, but you're not surrendering control in a negative, weak way. You're acknowledging that you ****ed up, and trying to make amends..nothing wrong with that. Aknowledging you ****ed up, doesn't make you look weak. On the other hand, like I said, it's entirely different if she dumps you WITHOUT any good, reasonable, justifiable cause. In such a case, I wouldn't think twice about trying to get back with an ex.

 

[MacDiddy]

I don't see anything weak about trying to get back with an ex after

It is weak, when you realise that it is not the DJ way, and yet still do it and then endlessly rationalise it as being right...

 

[speed dawg]

By the way, what makes you think my ex never "loved" me or made a real commitment to me? What are you basing that on? Are you referring to the incident with her MySpace bulletin?

That is why I posted my little story. IF both of you made a commitment, you can make it work. It seems only YOU did. Remember, one-itis cannot exist if two people love each other equally and unconditionally.

I used to be a somewhat "woman-hater", but quality women will change your mind. BUT!!!!, do not let my logic rationalize you not seeing the truth here, which is that, quite simply, she's JUST NOT INTO YOU, or she would have come back by now. Did YOU really mess things up, or was she just not tolerant of you? I KNOW I messed my sh1t up, having a terrible attitude and looking for drama that wasn't there. You must see the difference...

And no I'm not talking about myspace, you're thinking too much. STOP OVERANALYZING NOW. Cure that problem before your next relationship. And by the way, don't look for a relationship, it just happens.

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

That is why I posted my little story. IF both of you made a commitment, you can make it work. It seems only YOU did. Remember, one-itis cannot exist if two people love each other equally and unconditionally.

I used to be a somewhat "woman-hater", but quality women will change your mind. BUT!!!!, do not let my logic rationalize you not seeing the truth here, which is that, quite simply, she's JUST NOT INTO YOU, or she would have come back by now. Did YOU really mess things up, or was she just not tolerant of you? I KNOW I messed my sh1t up, having a terrible attitude and looking for drama that wasn't there. You must see the difference...

And no I'm not talking about myspace, you're thinking too much. STOP OVERANALYZING NOW. Cure that problem before your next relationship. And by the way, don't look for a relationship, it just happens.

All I know is, she would warn me that my doubting her love, picking on things, and all the arguing stemming from it, was affecting the relationship. I remember her saying that she was so burnt out with the doubting, the picking on things, and the arguing, that it got to a point where even the thought of me would get her sick. I remember for my birthday and Christmas, she made up an entire book for me, calling it "A Diary of Our Love", filled with pictures of us, love poems she had written for me, as well as poems written by other authors. I remember, in it, she had told me I have to trust her love for me, made in reference to all my doubting. Her words were something like: "I love you with all my heart, you have to trust me on this". That book was about 40 pages. She did a great job with it and put a lot of time and effort into putting it together. Never in my life have I ever had a girl do that for me, nor have I ever heard of it done for anyone else, none of my friends, etc. The girl was even going to relocate for me. I remember, half her MySpace page was dedicated to me, telling the whole world how she was going to relocate for me, to live with the man she loves. There was also a part on her page where she made it clear that she had a boyfriend and that any guys could forget about trying to pick her up. I thought all that went a long way...for a chick to do that, to go to that extent where she would write those things on her MySpace page, that to me, shows a great deal of loyalty and love. But yet I still doubted her and picked on things. She had said that she had basically lost her love for me about a month prior to breaking up with me, and she thought and was hoping she'd be able to hang in there and get her love back for me during that time, but just couldn't get it back. The day after she broke up with me, she called me on the phone the next morning from work crying about how she felt bad about the whole thing, and that she wanted to talk to me later on that day. That week, we talked everyday, and I remember her saying during that time that she was confused, and needed to go away to her friends for the weekend to gather her thoughts and to decide if she wanted to get back...confusing, I know, cause first she tells me she lost her love and can't get it back, then during that same week, she tells me she has to think about if she wants to get back. Another confusing thing I remember was, a week and a half before breaking up with me, she told me to "marry her"....that's something she always said during the relationship..even her mom knew about our plans to marry. Her mom always encouraged it and was behind us 100%. She never made it known to her dad though, cause her dad would've probably freaked..not because he didn't like me or anything(he liked me a lot), but I guess because he didn't wanna lose his daughter. He was always up her a$$.

Anyway, this is where I'm left at. I'll hopefully talk to this new chick tomorrow that I met off the net, and hopefully hang out with her this week/weekend..we'll see what happens and what pans out.

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

That is why I posted my little story. IF both of you made a commitment, you can make it work. It seems only YOU did. Remember, one-itis cannot exist if two people love each other equally and unconditionally.

I used to be a somewhat "woman-hater", but quality women will change your mind. BUT!!!!, do not let my logic rationalize you not seeing the truth here, which is that, quite simply, she's JUST NOT INTO YOU, or she would have come back by now. Did YOU really mess things up, or was she just not tolerant of you? I KNOW I messed my sh1t up, having a terrible attitude and looking for drama that wasn't there. You must see the difference...

And no I'm not talking about myspace, you're thinking too much. STOP OVERANALYZING NOW. Cure that problem before your next relationship. And by the way, don't look for a relationship, it just happens.

Maybe she doesn't "TRUST" me, thinks I'll behave the same way, that's why she hasn't come back..I don't know. Cause I remember her saying twice while we were together, that "she has no faith in the relationship".

 

[Ghengis Kahn]

MABP,

Why exactly did you constantly doubt her love? Sorry if you stated it already and I missed it...