E-Z Rider
Master Don Juan
My girlfriend of six months and I broke up about a month ago. The problem? It still seems to me like we both *want* to be with each other, but there are bad circumstances that lead to a break-up. I admit that she did the majority of initiating the break-up. So my question is: would it be reasonable to give it some time (being completely isolated from each other, living our own lives) then try again, from scratch?
Info: I'm 18, she's 17. I'm in college (Georgia Tech), she's a senior in H.S, about 45 mins away from college.
B]The Relationship[/B] :
It was fantastic. Especially the first four months. I basically DJ'ed her perfect, without even thinking about it. We hit it off pretty quick. She is probably the hottest girl in her highschool (I went there last yr, that's where we hooked up). For people that don't know her, she tends to come off as a snobby ice queen. She gets a lot of attention, and a lot of sh!t, for being attractive. She dated a black guy a few years ago, and being in the region we live, she got a LOT of sh!t for that. She lost friends (she had been very popular before, but then almost overnight people were spreading all kinds of crazy rumors about her), and is universally known by the school population as "the hot chick that dates black guys".
Me, I could care less who she dated before. Plus, I kind of prefer it when chicks don't have a lot of "popular" friends. Anyways...she has a very unique personality that I didn't think I would like when I first got with her. But I grew to love it. She is the quintessential 'giver'...a total oppositie of what you'd expect by her defensive and callous exterior. Our interest levels were sky-high during all this time. No not-returned phonecalls, cancelled dates, anything. She called me and e-mailed me, leaving sweet notes and everything. Another interesting thing about her was that she totally 'got it' when it came to DJ-ing principles. She would tell me how she loved the way I didn't put put her on a pedestal just b/c she was pretty. She basically quoted this site, without even knowing of the site's existence.
She has her downsides too. She is very emotional, and prone to making not-very-well-thought-out decisions when she's in an emotional state. More on this later. But sometimes I like her emotionality, it's fascinating to me b/c I'm not usually very emotional. She is strong-willed as all hell. Which is invigorating sometimes, but can be pretty bad at other times. But I'm like this, too. So her downsides aren't very weighty.
Basically- I think we're a particularly good (if unlikely) match. She's dated two types of guys before- jerks and chumps. She was attracted to the jerks, but they treated her like sh!t and played her, and she has enough self-respect to look past the attraction and get rid of them. The chumps would tell her how they were "done" (actual quote) if she wouldn't date them. I, being a budding DJ, know how to attract her like the jerk, but treat her with respect. And I can appeal to her on deeper levels too, personal interests and beliefs, sh!t like that.
The Break-up
I'd say about 4 months into our relationship, there started to be troubles. Her interest level I don't think has ever wavered much. I really believe that. If not, she's an actress for the ages. The troubles: We, uh, had a little fun in my college dorm one afternoon, didn't have sex, but were both naked, did stuff. Blew her mind. But then the next day, she started getting the silly idea that she might have gotten pregnant (I came (head), and I guess she thought the sperm might have somehow gotten inside of her somehow). I tried to reassure her, but she still freaked. She was sitting in class worrying all the time about being pregnant. Well...I probably should have chilled at that point and let her worry on her own, but I started to get angry at her for being so stupid about it. So we had probably our first big fight. Her birthday was around that time. I took her out, we didn't even say a word the entire meal.
This lead to her starting a trend of questioning if our relationship was 'good' or 'bad' basically, though it was clear she was loved me. Around me she was fine and happy, but sometimes she would be by herself and start finding "bad" things with our relationship. This lead to her calling me to break up with me, in tears, but I talked her out of being stupid. However, she still did the up and down thing. One day, she'd write an e-mail saying "I love you-everything is great", the next "Hey baby- I'm feeling bad again =( Love you always". So, her negativity ended up getting the best of her, and she called to break up again, this time with more resolve. I talked to her for a while, basically told her it was her loss. She ended up saying she wasn't sure, and I said, maybe we should just take a two week break. She agreed. So she ended up talking to me in about a week and a half, and let me know she figured everything out. She had talked to her mom or something and had a revelation that she loved me and she was being retarded looking for problems.
So we started again. We had agreed to 'just date' instead of be 'together' for a while after the break, but we couldn't keep away from each other. Things were great again. This lasted abt a month. Then, one day she brought up something a friend of hers had said about a Christian girl boyfriend/husband needed to be at the same point in their walk with Christ. She is a little bit more Christian-y than me; it never bothers me unless she brings me into it. I kind of got offended; I took it as her saying I wasn't good enough for her spirituality (although that wasn't the case). So we got in a fight, and we ended up breaking up that night. I think we both realized how stupid it was to break-up for that, and she called me back, and we ended up getting together again on a Sunday. I went over to her house and she cooked me dinner and stuff, she was all over me. I went home and later that night she called me and said "We can't do this, we can't get back together, we've broken up too many times". She was pretty resolute.
However, she ended up calling me about a week and a half later. (I hadn't made any efforts to contact her after she broke up). We talked on the phone some, conversation came to where we both were talking about how we can work it out; we should give it another chance, etc...we had basically agreed to hook up again the next weekend when I came home from college. Then she switched again. Before I even talked to her again. But she did invite me to a party, b/c she had already told me we would go. So we went and she was acting ice cold. I was like, "this is gay". I started being really ****y-funny and warmed her up. I swear, I can lite this girl up like a fire-fly. She was trying her best (as she later admitted) to act 'platonic'. She dropped me off early after the party was over, but then came back and called me and asked if I wanted to get something to eat. So I went. Despite her best efforts to appear aloof and unconcerned, we ended up parked, kinda gazing at each other. I could see the pain in her eyes. The pain of something she wants but, in her mind, is unnatainalbe. In this moment, I started touching her face with my hand. She was practically trembling. I went for a kiss. But she IS strong-willed like I said before, so she pushed me away, with tears in her eyes. I got pissed and left. She seemed kinda stunned and hurt. Ended up calling me that night. She said she was sorry, and she wanted to kiss me more than anything, but she couldn't let herself do it. We agreed there was probably life in our relationship if she could get over her issues- I told her I'd call her sometime after the New Year and see what was up. She said cool, but didn't know if she could wait that long for me. She said she'd call me sooner if she was ready. We ended up having phone sex (I guess not having it for a while makes a girl horny, eh?).
Whatever...a week later, she calls me and asks if I was with anybody. I said I have some options..blah blah, basically we agreed to get back together this next weekend and then the next day she calls...same sh!t, except this time, even more resolute. I don't know if she'll let herself talk to me this time, she might kill herself first.
OK...
That's how it stands. I hasn't been a week quite since that last "breakup". I'm doing ok...I'm improving myself physically and academically, and I'm about ready to do the DJ Bootcamp or some version of it. So it's not that I'm super-depressed; in fact, these breakups haven't really "hurt" me that much. Sure- I like this girl a lot, but I think b/c I *know* she still feels the same abt me, I don't feel that hurt. Just intense frustration and anger.
I can definetly think of things I would have done differently. I wouldn't have 'gotten' back with her as many times. I would have waited longer initially.
Info: I'm 18, she's 17. I'm in college (Georgia Tech), she's a senior in H.S, about 45 mins away from college.
B]The Relationship[/B] :
It was fantastic. Especially the first four months. I basically DJ'ed her perfect, without even thinking about it. We hit it off pretty quick. She is probably the hottest girl in her highschool (I went there last yr, that's where we hooked up). For people that don't know her, she tends to come off as a snobby ice queen. She gets a lot of attention, and a lot of sh!t, for being attractive. She dated a black guy a few years ago, and being in the region we live, she got a LOT of sh!t for that. She lost friends (she had been very popular before, but then almost overnight people were spreading all kinds of crazy rumors about her), and is universally known by the school population as "the hot chick that dates black guys".
Me, I could care less who she dated before. Plus, I kind of prefer it when chicks don't have a lot of "popular" friends. Anyways...she has a very unique personality that I didn't think I would like when I first got with her. But I grew to love it. She is the quintessential 'giver'...a total oppositie of what you'd expect by her defensive and callous exterior. Our interest levels were sky-high during all this time. No not-returned phonecalls, cancelled dates, anything. She called me and e-mailed me, leaving sweet notes and everything. Another interesting thing about her was that she totally 'got it' when it came to DJ-ing principles. She would tell me how she loved the way I didn't put put her on a pedestal just b/c she was pretty. She basically quoted this site, without even knowing of the site's existence.
She has her downsides too. She is very emotional, and prone to making not-very-well-thought-out decisions when she's in an emotional state. More on this later. But sometimes I like her emotionality, it's fascinating to me b/c I'm not usually very emotional. She is strong-willed as all hell. Which is invigorating sometimes, but can be pretty bad at other times. But I'm like this, too. So her downsides aren't very weighty.
Basically- I think we're a particularly good (if unlikely) match. She's dated two types of guys before- jerks and chumps. She was attracted to the jerks, but they treated her like sh!t and played her, and she has enough self-respect to look past the attraction and get rid of them. The chumps would tell her how they were "done" (actual quote) if she wouldn't date them. I, being a budding DJ, know how to attract her like the jerk, but treat her with respect. And I can appeal to her on deeper levels too, personal interests and beliefs, sh!t like that.
The Break-up
I'd say about 4 months into our relationship, there started to be troubles. Her interest level I don't think has ever wavered much. I really believe that. If not, she's an actress for the ages. The troubles: We, uh, had a little fun in my college dorm one afternoon, didn't have sex, but were both naked, did stuff. Blew her mind. But then the next day, she started getting the silly idea that she might have gotten pregnant (I came (head), and I guess she thought the sperm might have somehow gotten inside of her somehow). I tried to reassure her, but she still freaked. She was sitting in class worrying all the time about being pregnant. Well...I probably should have chilled at that point and let her worry on her own, but I started to get angry at her for being so stupid about it. So we had probably our first big fight. Her birthday was around that time. I took her out, we didn't even say a word the entire meal.
This lead to her starting a trend of questioning if our relationship was 'good' or 'bad' basically, though it was clear she was loved me. Around me she was fine and happy, but sometimes she would be by herself and start finding "bad" things with our relationship. This lead to her calling me to break up with me, in tears, but I talked her out of being stupid. However, she still did the up and down thing. One day, she'd write an e-mail saying "I love you-everything is great", the next "Hey baby- I'm feeling bad again =( Love you always". So, her negativity ended up getting the best of her, and she called to break up again, this time with more resolve. I talked to her for a while, basically told her it was her loss. She ended up saying she wasn't sure, and I said, maybe we should just take a two week break. She agreed. So she ended up talking to me in about a week and a half, and let me know she figured everything out. She had talked to her mom or something and had a revelation that she loved me and she was being retarded looking for problems.
So we started again. We had agreed to 'just date' instead of be 'together' for a while after the break, but we couldn't keep away from each other. Things were great again. This lasted abt a month. Then, one day she brought up something a friend of hers had said about a Christian girl boyfriend/husband needed to be at the same point in their walk with Christ. She is a little bit more Christian-y than me; it never bothers me unless she brings me into it. I kind of got offended; I took it as her saying I wasn't good enough for her spirituality (although that wasn't the case). So we got in a fight, and we ended up breaking up that night. I think we both realized how stupid it was to break-up for that, and she called me back, and we ended up getting together again on a Sunday. I went over to her house and she cooked me dinner and stuff, she was all over me. I went home and later that night she called me and said "We can't do this, we can't get back together, we've broken up too many times". She was pretty resolute.
However, she ended up calling me about a week and a half later. (I hadn't made any efforts to contact her after she broke up). We talked on the phone some, conversation came to where we both were talking about how we can work it out; we should give it another chance, etc...we had basically agreed to hook up again the next weekend when I came home from college. Then she switched again. Before I even talked to her again. But she did invite me to a party, b/c she had already told me we would go. So we went and she was acting ice cold. I was like, "this is gay". I started being really ****y-funny and warmed her up. I swear, I can lite this girl up like a fire-fly. She was trying her best (as she later admitted) to act 'platonic'. She dropped me off early after the party was over, but then came back and called me and asked if I wanted to get something to eat. So I went. Despite her best efforts to appear aloof and unconcerned, we ended up parked, kinda gazing at each other. I could see the pain in her eyes. The pain of something she wants but, in her mind, is unnatainalbe. In this moment, I started touching her face with my hand. She was practically trembling. I went for a kiss. But she IS strong-willed like I said before, so she pushed me away, with tears in her eyes. I got pissed and left. She seemed kinda stunned and hurt. Ended up calling me that night. She said she was sorry, and she wanted to kiss me more than anything, but she couldn't let herself do it. We agreed there was probably life in our relationship if she could get over her issues- I told her I'd call her sometime after the New Year and see what was up. She said cool, but didn't know if she could wait that long for me. She said she'd call me sooner if she was ready. We ended up having phone sex (I guess not having it for a while makes a girl horny, eh?).
Whatever...a week later, she calls me and asks if I was with anybody. I said I have some options..blah blah, basically we agreed to get back together this next weekend and then the next day she calls...same sh!t, except this time, even more resolute. I don't know if she'll let herself talk to me this time, she might kill herself first.
OK...
That's how it stands. I hasn't been a week quite since that last "breakup". I'm doing ok...I'm improving myself physically and academically, and I'm about ready to do the DJ Bootcamp or some version of it. So it's not that I'm super-depressed; in fact, these breakups haven't really "hurt" me that much. Sure- I like this girl a lot, but I think b/c I *know* she still feels the same abt me, I don't feel that hurt. Just intense frustration and anger.
I can definetly think of things I would have done differently. I wouldn't have 'gotten' back with her as many times. I would have waited longer initially.
