Just to remind me i ****ed up hard!

[Cazam]

Hi all first post,
I have to write this down to remind me that i totally ****ed myself over from doing all the right things to being full AFC again.

The Story starts about 2 years ago i met this really nice girl and of course pushed the right buttons knowing all the stuff thought here. Already the first date i set went great, i took her to 3 different locations did a lot of C&F, created rapport and we ended the night at my place on a high note.
I was really into this girl and thought i was ready to get into a LTR with her.
The next months everything went great i stuck to my self i had controll i lead the relationship i was just myself.
Then after 4 month i had her (or did i ?) and she whispered those words into my ear "I Love you".
Now i notice that this was the turning point in the whole story.
I stopped doing the things i thought i knew very good.
I stopped doing my thing like going to the Gym hell i have 30 pounds more now.
I stopped seeing my friends.
I started to pay for everything.
I stopped setting boarders when she treated or behaved badly.
This was like 6 month into the relationship.
I noticed after 8 month that we were having a lot less sex that she got angry very fast that i was doing to much for her and to less for myself.
**** i knew what to do and she also tried to get me back in my masculin self by telling me why dont you hang with your friends and stuff.
But i was just to damn stupid and continued doing the same **** knowingly.
Now 2 years later we broke up last sunday, she said she wasnt happy anymore but doesnt know why. Hell i do know i know all the **** i did wrong and now i think to myself how stupid can one person be.
Well probobly not stupid just not as centered and grounded believing in myself as i thought.
So now i have to start from zero regaining my self getting over it and being the best i can be again.
I already started going to gym again, already lost 8 pounds at least and gone NC.
But it is hard and i still have all her stuff here and so have to see her again when she collects everything.
I hope i can get through it and be myself again.
I had to write this down and share since i think it might help me getting through it and in the futur remind me of not ****ing up that hard again.

Good thing i found this site to start from scratch!
Greetings cazam

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Try to minimize your complaining or even talking about it after this one. As a man you need to assess the damage and take action. There are many similar stories on this website. Probably the fastest way to gain/regain a females interest is to start fvcking another. It's also the quickest way to start recovering self esteem after a relationship blow out.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Welcome to the site. I'm glad you wrote all that down. We can all relate here. Just about all of us have been through the same thing.

It's great that you have recognized where you went wrong, as that awareness is the essential catalyst for change. It seems that we men have a tendency to slowly turn our S.O. into a combination of mom/therapist and it happens before we even know it.

If you have to see her again for her to collect her stuff, you're just going to have to pull it together and go through the performance of being a stoic, pulled-together man, and that will leave quite an impression on her (perhaps making her doubt herself), but more importantly will also teach you that you can rise above, even if just for a few minutes at a time at first.

The thing to avoid AT ALL COSTS is engaging in conversation about it with her at that time. Just project strength and an air of acceptance. If you engage in conversation you WILL lose. It might be the hardest thing you've ever done, but keep it cordial and friendly and you will find you've taken a huge step toward your own freedom and self-respect. Scream into a pillow after she leaves if you must, but play the part for the few minutes that she is there.

We're here to support you, if you take our advice and insights seriously.

 

[Cazam]

Thx for the words guys i sure will take you seriously! And i wanted to exactly do what you told me when she comes getting her stuff.
Just one thing i dont know should i pre Pack her stuff or just leave it since its quite a lot?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Personally I would pre pack it as it shows a take-charge pro-activeness and a willingness to move on. Plus it will limit the temptation to "get into it" with her and discuss. Others here may disagree, but that's what I would do.

Oh, just a clarification... when I say "take it seriously", that just means giving serious consideration to what we suggest, not that you have to agree with every single thing. We get some guys in here who look for advice about their situation but are hell-bent on closing their ears completely to the honest advice offered and they ignore it 100% and/or argue with us about everything. Those are the ones who are doomed to fail because they are certain that they "know better".

There is a lot of experience here and much good advice is counter intuitive to the male mind. But it sounds like you have a good handle on where you went wrong so I think you're going to be fine, and a much better man for it once you get through it.

 

[Cazam]

My ears are all open to advise i know i have to restart so ignoring or arguing instead of recieving and improving would really make me a fool.
I will prepack the stuff and be freindly and cool when she collects her belongings.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My ears are all open to advise i know i have to restart so ignoring or arguing instead of recieving and improving would really make me a fool.
I will prepack the stuff and be freindly and cool when she collects her belongings.

If you get it packed and ready to be loaded there's nothing to discuss . When she's on the way you can move it all to the outside of your place.

 

[Cazam]

Update.
She just texted when i am Not Home tomorrow since she wants to collect some of the stuff. I said in the first place i dont wanna be there when she collects Things.
I was weak immediately answered and asked if she meant all stuff or just some of it and now she doesnt answer.
Wtf why did i reply. St least i just asked about her Plan with the stuff. Should i aswer if she texts again i am lost again.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Update.
She just texted when i am Not Home tomorrow since she wants to collect some of the stuff.
I was weak immediately answered and asked if she meant all stuff or just some of it and now she doesnt answer.
Wtf why did i reply. St least i just asked about her Plan with the stuff. Should i aswer if she texts again i am lost again.

Dude have all of her shyt ready to go . Move it outside by time she gets there. Weak for what?

Listen: https://m.y0utube.com/watch?v=CozmVSWIQRY

Replace the "0" with "o".

Incredible powerful motivation .

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Fvck that bytch! Bytch down to her her and hand over your balls for what?

 

[Cazam]

I am gonna Pack up the stuff for sure.
In my way right now to get boxes.
Just i am anoyed she didnt state if she wants all the stuff. I just wanna get rid of the ****.
...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I am gonna Pack up the stuff for sure.
In my was right now to get boxes.
Just i am anoyed she didnt state if she wants all the stuff. I just wanna get rid of the ****.
...

Of course she'll leave something back to try to bother you and stay on your mind. Did you listen to the YouTube. It's only one minute

 

[Atom Smasher]

Listen, @Cazam , you're about to take charge of your life for the first time. You're the King. YOU call the shots. YOU say what happens and doesn't happen.

Pack up ALL her stuff, and either leave it outside somewhere when you're out (telling her this is her ONE shot to pick it up), or else be there and tell her to take it out to the car and scram.

There should be none of this "some" or "all".

Remember, do not engage with her about the relationship. It will blow her mind if you are cool and collected and just take care of necessary business.

 

[Cazam]

Alright packed almost all of the stuff.
Set a definite Time frame to her until the stuff has to be gone.
Now she calls me an ******* and how i treat her with hate only. And that she doesnt know me and i must have been another Person blabla.
Only thing i regret trying to Talk at the end of the relationship i tried to tell her what went wrong and mentioned i know this stuff thought in this forum. I thought that way she might see why she is feeling that Way. She really hates me for Never telling her i know PU and if she knew at the time she Never would have gotten thogether with me.
I regret that telling her having lost her cause being like a beta AFC.
I was calm and collected during our conversation whilst she was crying and srcreaming and trying to give me the ******* card.
I just said in wanna Clean Slate and move on.

 

[Spaz]

Listen, @Cazam , you're about to take charge of your life for the first time. You're the King. YOU call the shots. YOU say what happens and doesn't happen.

Pack up ALL her stuff, and either leave it outside somewhere when you're out (telling her this is her ONE shot to pick it up), or else be there and tell her to take it out to the car and scram.

There should be none of this "some" or "all".

Remember, do not engage with her about the relationship. It will blow her mind if you are cool and collected and just take care of necessary business.

^This.

If I were you, I'd follow this advice. You won't go wrong with it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sounds like you're handling it like a boss.

One thing though... Never talk about the Fight Club. Ever. It's not for women to know about.

What this "ALMOST" everything? Why not everything?

She's furious because she's losing her power. Perfect. She will rant and rave and scream, but stay the course and be cordial, and keep on calling the shots. After her little pity party and tantrums, she will see that you're acting like an authentic man, and you will feel it inside too.

She will try every trick in the book, because women are not sane and they will say the cruelest things in the world, things that a man would never say, in order to affect you and throw you off balance.

Who holds all the cards now? YOU do!

Keep up the good work bro!

 

[Cazam]

Almost all because it is so much stuff i ran out of boxes. Already got more though.
Yeah i regret talking about the fightclub that was bad on my side.
I hope it really went that well since i think i talked to long with her.
But still setting a date for her to get her stuff Not srcreaming and keeping calm felt good.

 

[Cazam]

Update:
Was alright last days. Today feeling bad again.
I beat myself up about knowing what to do but not doing it.
Thats the hardest thing for me cant forgive myself acting like a AFC.
How do you forgive yourself and Stop beating yourself up for acting badly when knowing better.

 

[Atom Smasher]

By remembering that most men go through exactly the same thing in their journey. It’s pretty much a rite of passage these days.

First comes the head knowledge (which you have). Then comes the internal “heart” knowledge which comes through experience. Usually that experience comes through pain.

You’re on track for an enriched life. It just doesn’t feel like it yet. Stay strong and don’t beat yourself up for your learning process.

Did you get that ebook in my signature? It’s enormously helpful in removing that pain.