Just seeking for some opinions and feedback.

Styr

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I feel I have become a lot better with women over the last year or so, but still need to smooth some parts out, hence this post.

While I have not had s3x for roughly 10 months, I have made some significant improvements.
1 - I can spot women's interest in a lot of cases.
2 - I can then approach confidently. This may or may not lead to dates, and the dates may or may not be good, but I am not too worried about this part at the moment.
3 - I have had a reasonable number of women being touchy-feely around me, creating some sexual tension between us, and/or outright saying they really like me (that they came to a particular venue/event just to see me, etc).
4 - As I have had positive exposure to quite a few women, I have also developed a kind of abundance mentality (in the sense that women are interested in me, and feeling the sexual tension between me and many of them).

So the situation is like this: I am participating at a fraternity-sorority dance lesson. I myself am a rather good dancer, the others are mostly newbies. For the last two lessons I have danced with a particular girl (girl B, 20-21 years old) (I am 40), and she was really impressed with my dancing and leading, making her feel really nice. She had previously told me that she has a boyfriend, but during the last lesson where we danced, she was looking at me as if she would jump on me if only we were in a more private location. Turns out also that she would attend a big sorority anniversary the next day, together with another girl from the same sorority (girl A, 20-21 years old) whom I know, but have not had the chance to talk to a lot.

So, the next day I went to the anniversary. Both of the girls were there, and I ended up talking to them, and taking with the girls, but mostly girl A, just because I like her more. We missed the opening waltz, but we did two dances, and she was enjoying it. We could have danced more, but rest of the songs were not really suitable for ballroom dances, though I told her that we will do a viennese waltz, if the band plays it, to which she happily agreed. (The band never played it though, in the end)

Now, in the beginning of the first dance the photographer suddenly appeared at our side and started complimenting me (both my dancing and my merchant navy uniform). At first I quickly a accepted the compliment, but he kept on bothering us, trying to talk to me, almost grabbing me and being in our way. I was annoyed, but I let him talk for 10 seconds or, until I told him off (politely), and that we could talk later. The girl then asked me if I knew the guy, which I did not. What should the right course of action have been in this situation? Should I have told him to go away right away? Just ignored him? In the end the girl did not seem to be bothered too much, maybe she even liked that I did not react too much to the guy, and managed to solve the situation. It is just that I feel I could have dealt with it in a better way.

I spent the most of the rest of the evening with the girls, with a male acquaintance of ours joining us at times. Girl A seemed to be interested in me, though I did not feel any sexual tension. She did leave me a few times, but always told me precisely were she would go. Once she got me slightly off guard, by taking the second girl with her to take themselves a cup of tea, asking me to stay at the table and keep an eye on the cakes. She did look back at me and I gave her a slightly unapproving but flirty look. When they came back I asked her why she had not brought me any tea as well. She did take a few seconds to respond, then asked me if I wanted some tea, and then went back for it.

Later on we began talking about organizing a joint event with my fraternity and their sorority. She was really into it, and also complimented my organizational skills and my auctoritas. (Last time we met I was hosting a fraternity party, and while I sat down next to girl A and another girl from the same sorority, I had practically no time to talk to them as I had to attend to the party and other guests. I imagine this also left her a good impression. The girl she was sitting with (girl C) is one I know from earlier, and has or had a crush on me (she is a fun girl but I do not consider her really attractive and take her as a friend - and also, there never was any sexual tension with ther either). Still, I have spent some time with her in the past, taked her sailing, etc, and I am pretty sure they also talked about me while sitting at the table, letting girl A know the (good) experiences girl C has had with me.

Anyway, we talke a lot about organizing the next event, and I was quite open and flirty and teasing (more than I would usually be), and she was very responsive to it, tough again, there seemed to be no sexual tension. In the end we spent so much time planning the event, that when it was time to board a bus which would have taken us to the city and an afterparty, it was full, and we missed it. I remained calm and called a friend of mine, who turns out had left 10 or so minutes before, but he came back and drowe the girls home and we ourselves went to the afterparty. Meanwhile, girl B was again complimenting me how I get things fixed, but also reacted in a "how dare you" way when I was on the phone with my friend and I implied that there is room on the roof of the car.

I did not expect to write such a long post, but the main question is: How come with some girls I can sense the interest and sexual tension immediately, and with some girls (who otherwise seem to be interested) there really does not seem to be any tension? The girls in question are quite (or very) conservative, could that play a role in it?
 

Clockwerk50

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Reasons why some women may display sexual tension and some don’t:
  • Emotional Investment: Women who are genuinely interested create more tension, as they are emotionally present, making it easier for sexual tension to develop. The ones that do not may not be interested.
  • Comfort Level with You: Some women may feel more comfortable expressing attraction, while others may hold back due to unfamiliarity or reservations.
  • Environmental Context: Situations like your dance or organizing an event reduce opportunities for sexual tension to build naturally since the setting isn’t conducive to flirtation.
  • Personality type: Some women are more receptive to flirtation and teasing, while others may prefer more reserved, intellectual conversations that don’t spark the same energy.
There are probably more reasons while some women may show sexual tension towards you while some don’t. Some instances you may have to lead them and create opportunities for the sensual tension to occur while others that do not display this during your interactions may just be because they are not into you. You will save a lot of grief, manuvering, mental/emotional investment, games, and time if you just ask them out. If they agree it most likely means that they want to peruse something romantic with you.
 

BPH

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Consider for a moment that if it's been almost a year since you've had sex, maybe you're not as good with women as you think you are.

The way you describe yourself before getting into your situation paints a very different picture of your "skill" when it comes to women, compared to what you actually presented.

Anyway, a few things come to mind that seem like they may not be obvious to you.

First and foremost, you are DOUBLE these girls' age. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you need to look at this situation from their perspective; they might assume you're married or have kids, and they're likely being courted by Chad Thundercoq in (insert top-tier fraternity here). I myself am 30 years old, and noticed that when I was 28 hitting on girls at a local college bar a lot of girls would go from hot to cold when I shared this information - so much so that I made a post asking about why this was happening, since I was encountering it much too frequently.

Second, you seem to assume these girls' interest in you, and I'm not sure why. You're in a position of authority as an experienced dancer, maybe you're even an instructor, so of course they're going to treat you with a level of kindness and respect. However, it never goes beyond that; there is no isolation, you are not escalating in any way, and I'm going to assume you don't have these girls' phone numbers or any plans to ever see them again. I agree with Clockwerk that you can cut through a lot of this guesswork by being more direct.

I'd say the key takeaways are this:
  • You're probably not as good as you think you are when it comes to women
  • The fact that you're significantly older than these girls probably plays a role
  • You seem to assume interest, which is good, but you never do anything with that - that confidence is wasted because you never put your assumption to the test
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Styr,
As you can Viennese Waltz,you are a very good Dancer,keep attending the Dance lessons,I feel sure you will soon be able to pick and choose from the newbies.
 

Giovanni SouthSide

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Bro, sex is literally the easiest thing for a man to get. You need to make drastic adjustments to your approach to women.
Most men don’t have a problem getting laid if placed in the right setting. The crux of the issue is that they don’t have social exposure and it’s a downward spiral from there. That is why having a reliable social circle or even going out solo is crucial for game.
 

ManlyMan

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Just something to keep in mind. Some things I have noticed. Women are very good at displaying any emotion they choose. Meaning they can very effectively be whoever they want to appear. Even though it may not be completely accurate.
 
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