Just realized I may have played it wrong and got the rules confused.

[drift king]

they say you're suppose to act aloof and cool IF she contacts you out of the blue (a formery uninterested girl) as she just wants your attention, and that's how you start to raise her IL again, does this apply also if YOU are the 1 who is contacting her again?

i think i've got things confused and may have shot myself in the foot by trying to be too cool and might be too late to salvage things.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190122

i text her yesterday at 3pm to say: 'are you still planning to go away for xmas?'

(i promised her i'd spend xmas with her and she wanted me to, when things were going good a month ago.. she spent past 2 xmas's by herself studying getting high, crying.. shes not close with her family anymore)

she responded an hour later with: hey, not sure actually but it looks like it will be after new year. how have you been? any plans for christmas?

i didn't reply, i waited till this morning at 11am to respond (i usually used to reply staight away or a few hours later or at most that night)

with: hey, sorry for late reply. yeah im great, been busy. no plans yet for xmas

now i realize this might be wrong coz i was the 1 who initiated the convo and i've cut it short, naturally i would ask what she was doing next but i was a afraid of her ignoring the message whereas at least this way it's closed ended. but it seems like it's backfired and not doing what i need to, is it too late now to follow up with 'p.s. and yourself?'

it's cos i'm tryna play games and don't know how to. maybe i played it perfectly, maybe i p1ssed her off, if she was open to seeing me again, her thinking i'm seeing other girls may not be the best image to project esp when i made out to her she was 'special'.

 

[perseverance]

Christ talk about overanalysing a situation.

Who says you have act aloof and cool if you want to raise her interest levels of a formerly uninterested girl? If there is a girl sniffing around me who wasn't interested in the past then she gets dumped in my "mate's pen" and that's where she stays until she can prove to me that she is worthy of me. This hasn't happened as of yet though. I don't tend to go back to women who have rejected me/not been interested. I tend to look towards the future, not back into the past. Life is much easier this way.

I treat everybody the same, men and women, if a woman wants me to treat her differently she has to earn that priviledge and this priviledge can be taken away from her at any moment. I am content being single and I am happy with life, she is just an added bonus, a bonus that I can walk away from at a moment's notice.

If you adopt the same attitude as me, then inititating contact is not an issue, arranging meet up's is not an issue, none of what you have posted is an issue. I don't play these silly waiting games either, if someone texts me and I am not busy I will reply as soon as I get the message. Sometimes I will be out, will feel my phone vibrate, will check the miss call and forget about the call. This is rude of me, but it happens, that's not me playing games though. If a girl is really into you then initiating contact isn't an issue. Just don't start bloating her phone up with double texts and missed calls. Life is better when everything is kept in moderation.

"I'm trying to play games I don't know how to", yes Drift King which is why you are probably coming across as a brainless idiot to this girl. I don't usually use text to initiate contact, but a quick text conversation doesn't hurt, but it's not something I'd get used to as I hate texting and calling might be slightly more expensive, but at you least you can say what you want to say in a 2 minute conversation instead of sending it in 5 text messages.

You need to forget about girls that aren't interested in you! Focus on the one's who are! Focus on progressing with them instead of wanting someone you cannot have.

 

[drift king]

Christ talk about overanalysing a situation.

Who says you have act aloof and cool if you want to raise her interest levels of a formerly uninterested girl? If there is a girl sniffing around me who wasn't interested in the past then she gets dumped in my "mate's pen" and that's where she stays until she can prove to me that she is worthy of me. This hasn't happened as of yet though. I don't tend to go back to women who have rejected me/not been interested. I tend to look towards the future, not back into the past. Life is much easier this way.

I treat everybody the same, men and women, if a woman wants me to treat her differently she has to earn that priviledge and this priviledge can be taken away from her at any moment. I am content being single and I am happy with life, she is just an added bonus, a bonus that I can walk away from at a moment's notice.

If you adopt the same attitude as me, then inititating contact is not an issue, arranging meet up's is not an issue, none of what you have posted is an issue. I don't play these silly waiting games either, if someone texts me and I am not busy I will reply as soon as I get the message. Sometimes I will be out, will feel my phone vibrate, will check the miss call and forget about the call. This is rude of me, but it happens, that's not me playing games though. If a girl is really into you then initiating contact isn't an issue. Just don't start bloating her phone up with double texts and missed calls. Life is better when everything is kept in moderation.

"I'm trying to play games I don't know how to", yes Drift King which is why you are probably coming across as a brainless idiot to this girl. I don't usually use text to initiate contact, but a quick text conversation doesn't hurt, but it's not something I'd get used to as I hate texting and calling might be slightly more expensive, but at you least you can say what you want to say in a 2 minute conversation instead of sending it in 5 text messages.

You need to forget about girls that aren't interested in you! Focus on the one's who are! Focus on progressing with them instead of wanting someone you cannot have.

calling doesn't cost me anything, i'm in europe we have mins for that. besides here texting is equally as fine as calling, it's not like in the US where texting is shunned upon by guys.

but i get your point. thing is if i call her she wont pick up, probably wont call me back any time soon. so i'm waiting on the opportunity to get across my message, and when she does call back i may not be ready to take that call. if i avoid that and call back, she may not pick up again. people are busy you know. but that's besides the point.

all i know is i talked about other options a few weeks ago so seeing as i haven't seen her for a few weeks she expects me to have done what i said i'd do. though i've seen girls, my options have dried up again but i still need to act as if i have them.

she did have interest before, we got naked together.. i have to make that point. but i left that night cos we didn't have sex, and that's probably why she lost interest cos she felt i was just using her for sex and when i didnt get it, i left.

i'm just trying to act as if i have options now rather than desperate dog i was a few weeks ago. i guess i need to just perservere and wait it out till next week and then recontact again, let her wonder what i'm doing.. though she probably wouldnt care if she has no interest anymore?

she's going to be lonley at xmas, she's difficult girl, very fussy. isn't just going to shack up with any guy otherwise she would have by now.

 

[perseverance]

calling doesn't cost me anything, i'm in europe we have mins for that. besides here texting is equally as fine as calling, it's not like in the US where texting is shunned upon by guys.

I'm not from the United States.

Calling to me displays a greater deal of confidence and it is always nice to communicate via formal routes than informal routes. Blackberry messenger, MSN and SMS from mobiles is why there are so many socially inept people in this world who have no idea how to communicate in an articulate manner.

I prefer talking on the telephone, but that's just me, if you want to text then text, the choice is ultimately yours.

but i get your point. thing is if i call her she wont pick up, probably wont call me back any time soon. so i'm waiting on the opportunity to get across my message, and when she does call back i may not be ready to take that call. if i avoid that and call back, she may not pick up again. people are busy you know. but that's besides the point.

You're too outcome dependent and that's half your trouble. You care too much about the outcome, though I'd argue that the outcome came about when she lost interest in you for whatever reason. If she doesn't call, she doesn't call, who cares? Go and meet new people, new women and focus on those one's.

all i know is i talked about other options a few weeks ago so seeing as i haven't seen her for a few weeks she expects me to have done what i said i'd do. though i've seen girls, my options have dried up again but i still need to act as if i have them.

Who cares what she expects from you? The only expectations that should matter to you are the one's that you expect from yourself. You're allowing one girl who isn't interested in you to control a huge chunk of your life. This is oneitis and this is not healthy. Also, why do you have to act as though you have options? The girl doesn't need to know if you have options or not, it's none of her business what options you may or may not have. A magician never reveals his magic tricks and a poker player never reveals his deck of cards until it benefits him and gives him an advantage, you need to operate with the same mindset. Don't be such an open book, your personal life is personal and you owe no one an explanation or an answer.

she did have interest before, we got naked together.. i have to make that point. but i left that night cos we didn't have sex, and that's probably why she lost interest cos she felt i was just using her for sex and when i didnt get it, i left.

If that's the case then she needs to get over herself and you need to find someone else who is interested. If a girl gets naked with a man and then refuses to have sex, she can have little gripe when the man walks away from the situation disappointed and slightly annoyed. If she thinks you were using her for sex then she is an idiot. If a man and woman are attracted to each other the woman can have little complaint when the man acts on his natural instincts. Sex is as natural as breathing and eating food.

i'm just trying to act as if i have options now rather than desperate dog i was a few weeks ago. i guess i need to just perservere and wait it out till next week and then recontact again, let her wonder what i'm doing.. though she probably wouldnt care if she has no interest anymore?

Why would she care? She has her own life to live and her own problems. She won't care if you have women hanging off your arms or not, if she's not interested. Just get on with your life and leave this girl to her own devices.

she's going to be lonley at xmas, she's difficult girl, very fussy. isn't just going to shack up with any guy otherwise she would have by now.

I couldn't care less what she is, and I am not particularly bothered that she'll be lonely at Christmas, that's her problem, not mine. Hell, it's not your problem, so get over it and make sure you have a good Christmas.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

I agree with the overanalysing. Everything past that point in the replies is overanalysing.

 

[Iceberg]

perseverance, you're doing a good deed by trying to help this guy.

But if you'll look at his posting history, you'll see that pretty much ALL of his recent posts are about this girl.

He's gotten all the help he's gonna get. At some point he has to cut the cord and start figuring stuff out on his own.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190122

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190043

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189595


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189486

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189197

 

[drift king]

perseverance, you're doing a good deed by trying to help this guy.

But if you'll look at his posting history, you'll see that pretty much ALL of his recent posts are about this girl.

He's gotten all the help he's gonna get. At some point he has to cut the cord and start figuring stuff out on his own.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190122

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190043

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189595


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189486

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189197

yes, noted. time to figure this out on my own by trial and error.

thanks for the help guys.