Mistic
Senior Don Juan
A while back I was praying to God about my mixed feelings about my bisexual tendencies. My wife has always supported me on my path of MMA and my wrestling carrer. But more and more I was distancing myself from her and spending more training at my local facility. Thats where I met Steven, a tall, blonde haired, blue eyed MMA fighter from Germany. At first we were really focused on tightening up our jits and wrestling, and we would spend a lot of time after training discussing the bible. Sometimes when we were taking turns reading scripture in the locker room after practice, I would catch Steven looking at me. I never discussed my sexual deviance with him, and I had no idea what his were. I wasn't sure if there was any attraction between us, but there was an occasion when Steven left his speedos behind after our bible discussion in the locker room. I was just curious and began to sniff the crotch and anus area. He had doubled back realizing he forgot them and caught me in the act. That was the first time we kissed, and what led me to the consequent problems I am now finding myself in.
In the following months after this first incident, Steven and I began a passionate love affair. I was lying to my wife more and more often about out of town fight events so I could spend time with him. My wife was growing suspicious because I was coming home from a "tournament" not beat up in any way. I resorted to having Steven beat me during our love making so I would have bruises and cuts to show my wife. I didn't realize I had a liking for s&m until this time either.
So I was feeling clearly confused having gotten sucked deeper into this violent sexual life style. I began praying to god more and more frequently because I was desperate for answers. Not only was I involved with a violent sport, but I was having a violent homosexual relationship with another fighter. The answers I was receiving from God were very confusing to me. God told me that he created me to be a fighter, and that he blessed me with strength and agility to use in fighting to glorify HIS name. He then told me that the biggest distraction for a fighter was a woman, and that he allowed fighters to engage in homosexual relationships because it helped to keep a fighters minds clear of women and marriage. God told me to divorce my wife so that I wouldn't need to have Steven beat me anymore. I asked what was the difference between fighting in the octagon and violence during sex. He said that the violence in the sex was not to glorify his name, thus it was a sin. But because having Steven as a lover let me focus more on fighting where I COULD glorify HIS name, he made it okay for me to be in a relationship with Steven.
I dont want to question what God has instructed me, but I am having very mixed feelings. I have even met other Christian fighters who are in homosexual relationships, and they had a similar understanding. But something in me doesn't sit right about this. I dont want to anger god by breaking it off with Steven, but I feel like I maybe shouldn't have left my wife. She always supported me as a fighter, so i dont understand why God wants me to be with Steven. This has been making me very depressed lately, and I feel like quitting MMA.
Can anyone here help bring me some clarity around this issue. I feel truly lost right now. Im confused about my fighting future, my sexual preferences. I am confused about my faith. I really ned help right now.
:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
In the following months after this first incident, Steven and I began a passionate love affair. I was lying to my wife more and more often about out of town fight events so I could spend time with him. My wife was growing suspicious because I was coming home from a "tournament" not beat up in any way. I resorted to having Steven beat me during our love making so I would have bruises and cuts to show my wife. I didn't realize I had a liking for s&m until this time either.
So I was feeling clearly confused having gotten sucked deeper into this violent sexual life style. I began praying to god more and more frequently because I was desperate for answers. Not only was I involved with a violent sport, but I was having a violent homosexual relationship with another fighter. The answers I was receiving from God were very confusing to me. God told me that he created me to be a fighter, and that he blessed me with strength and agility to use in fighting to glorify HIS name. He then told me that the biggest distraction for a fighter was a woman, and that he allowed fighters to engage in homosexual relationships because it helped to keep a fighters minds clear of women and marriage. God told me to divorce my wife so that I wouldn't need to have Steven beat me anymore. I asked what was the difference between fighting in the octagon and violence during sex. He said that the violence in the sex was not to glorify his name, thus it was a sin. But because having Steven as a lover let me focus more on fighting where I COULD glorify HIS name, he made it okay for me to be in a relationship with Steven.
I dont want to question what God has instructed me, but I am having very mixed feelings. I have even met other Christian fighters who are in homosexual relationships, and they had a similar understanding. But something in me doesn't sit right about this. I dont want to anger god by breaking it off with Steven, but I feel like I maybe shouldn't have left my wife. She always supported me as a fighter, so i dont understand why God wants me to be with Steven. This has been making me very depressed lately, and I feel like quitting MMA.
Can anyone here help bring me some clarity around this issue. I feel truly lost right now. Im confused about my fighting future, my sexual preferences. I am confused about my faith. I really ned help right now.
:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:
