Hi, I used to have an account here but I forgot my username. Anyway, I define myself as r-AFC, I have made HUGE mistakes regarding women in my past and I have had little or not success in this field all my life. I realized that I needed to take the bull by the horns and try to change for the better because my situation was unbearable (constantly depressed, falling behind in my career, no enjoying life so much, I think you get the picture). First thing I noticed is that I needed to focus on me first, so I went back to school, obtained another degree, found a nice job ,moved to another place. I started to work hard day after day and I felt great, all this time I didn't try to approach girls since I was focusing in myself. I did read a lot of the excellent posts around here, books on evolutionary psychology, human sexual selection , etc. It has been a total transformation, and using an usual metaphor around here " I was unplugged from the Matrix ". I have been taking baby steps, since I was/am a critical case. I have been improving my wardrobe, trying to make more eye contact with people, be more outgoing, etc. It has not been easy, but I guess I am moving slowly forward.
So in principle I guess it is a good start. So why am I pissed at myself? Well last couple of weeks I just noticed I have been infected with "oneitis" . I have just passively "fall in love :cuss: " with a co-worker . It is the whole pathetic package : Cute, very feminine girl who is clearly not interested in me (little or no eye contact, doesnt laugh at my jokes, no touching, come to me to talk strictly about work) but she is obviously drooling for another cubicle mate ( great pal, totally alpha, up in the ladder, etc). They flirt a lot and is obvious he could have her by just snapping his fingers ( dont know if he has done it yet, he has an on/off gf ) . So I have to be honest and describe all the nasty emotions I feel, jealousy, despair, sadness , anger, pure negativity. I am pissed at myself, this is the kind of **** I had to deal with when I was a teenager, this is a stupid and cruel re-run of all those times. I know in an intellectual level that I am being stupid, that I should focus on me, forget this girl, who is a waste of time. I know this a classical case and even know what I am supposed to do. But my gut feeling, my body, betrays me. Now work is a trap, I don't enjoy it ( she is going to be there) now I hate office parties ( I go anyway to force myself to overcome these feelings). I dont even look at other girls in the street. I have become depressed again and although I am still doing things to improve, this f**king void in my stomach hurts. A 30 yo guy should never say that, but for me it is the awful truth.
I guess I am just venting , because I have kept all this to myself and haven't tell anybody ( I think there is not much use to it). Writing has been always a good therapy for me and I hope this will help me . I really hope.
Thanks so much to you gentlemen for your attention.
Best Regards!
So in principle I guess it is a good start. So why am I pissed at myself? Well last couple of weeks I just noticed I have been infected with "oneitis" . I have just passively "fall in love :cuss: " with a co-worker . It is the whole pathetic package : Cute, very feminine girl who is clearly not interested in me (little or no eye contact, doesnt laugh at my jokes, no touching, come to me to talk strictly about work) but she is obviously drooling for another cubicle mate ( great pal, totally alpha, up in the ladder, etc). They flirt a lot and is obvious he could have her by just snapping his fingers ( dont know if he has done it yet, he has an on/off gf ) . So I have to be honest and describe all the nasty emotions I feel, jealousy, despair, sadness , anger, pure negativity. I am pissed at myself, this is the kind of **** I had to deal with when I was a teenager, this is a stupid and cruel re-run of all those times. I know in an intellectual level that I am being stupid, that I should focus on me, forget this girl, who is a waste of time. I know this a classical case and even know what I am supposed to do. But my gut feeling, my body, betrays me. Now work is a trap, I don't enjoy it ( she is going to be there) now I hate office parties ( I go anyway to force myself to overcome these feelings). I dont even look at other girls in the street. I have become depressed again and although I am still doing things to improve, this f**king void in my stomach hurts. A 30 yo guy should never say that, but for me it is the awful truth.
I guess I am just venting , because I have kept all this to myself and haven't tell anybody ( I think there is not much use to it). Writing has been always a good therapy for me and I hope this will help me . I really hope.
Thanks so much to you gentlemen for your attention.
Best Regards!