Just Need to Vent... Cluster B Hell...

[Johnny Alias]

Ugh. Each day is a struggle. I'm seeing a therapist, working out daily, still banging women, planning trips... but I'm jacked. I wake up at 4am each day and obsess, I started smoking again, I'm not eating enough... damn that demon I fell in love with.

It came to a serious head last week. We've been broken up for 4 months... I ended it and she moved in with this dude immediately that I know she had been flirting with for a while... maybe more.... wouldn't be surprised. I heard her new meathead bf lost his mind and threw all her crap all over the lawn... so I left a message saying she could stay at my house while I was out of town since he was apparently kicking her out. Stupid as hell I know. Half white knight half thinking we could bang it out and hopefully she would be the gal I fell for. Magic retard thinking...

Never heard back. The gal who let me know about it went to a housewarming party at her house... and was drunkenly attacked by the both of them. Accused her of having an affair with me, called her a liar, and one of his dogs even bit her daughter on the leg hard... and they proceeded to blame the kid!

Just insane. The ex sent me an email saying how happy and perfect her life is. I said I hope she enjoys her next yard sale and blocked her. He reads every text, fb message, and listens to every vm she gets before she does. I guess he knows more about Cluster B's than I did when I started out with her.

This site has helped. Four effing years with that chick. Helping with her constant drama, bills, buying a house for us to have a kid (in my name. I'm not stupid.), her constant health problems, drunken abuse, effed up parents... God.

Thing is she and he sent an email to the gal I was seeing and she freaked on me. Not shocked. Should have expected it. She was a rebound anyway and now its over. Kind of sucks as at least she was a kind person with a great body, but at the end of the day she wasn't going to be a long term deal. I'll find someone else for these winter months.

It helped to read that the ex isn't a person... this struck me completely... more of an animal with base instincts...

"The only thing that matters to her is herself and her own amusement and feelings in the moment."

I was a toy. Meant nothing to her unless I was serving a need. I'm glad she's in this toxic sh1tstorm now. She used to be insanely hot but her hard partying has her looking ridden hard and put away wet at 43. One of few friends left said she's getting fat due to all the booze she drinks. The rest have been chased away by her drunken tirades or paranoia or the realization that she is batsh1t crazy...

Just trying to get over this hump. Been a while since I was really on my own. Thinking of taking Wellbutrin for a bit... any experience out there with that? Just need to calm the OCD.

Thanks for any thoughts you have. Just hurtin a bit... I know it will get better with time and full NC. I'm only 38 and am hitting my prime. I'll be able to find a chick that would actually be a good mom instead of a worthless drunk 6 year old stuck in a middle aged woman's body. Just need to keep an eye out for the red flags of which there were a sea of with this one. I'm tired of the other "woe is me" sites that discuss histrionics, borderlines, and narcissists... they're all the same damned thing... cluster b's.

Anger coming back. Much more productive...

Thanks again...

 

[apprenticedj]

Luckily I've never had to deal with a woman like this but it seems like you have good prespective on the situation. Keep working on yourself and ignore any form of communication from her. As you said, she's toxic and she will suck you into her vacuum of crazy. Wise up and NEVER let it happen again, you'll be just fine.

 

[Renegade357]

She's trash dude. You are so lucky to be away from that mess. Right now she's like a drug in your brain and you're going through withdrawals. Know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Never talk to her again.

 

[HyperAnalyze]

Avoid women and situations of that sort like the plague. Believe or not there are a lot of sane women out there who have little to no drama and will treat you like a man.

You seem to have to have a good conscience of what's going on in your life. Fvck all the other BS going on in your life and just focus on you. Get focused in the gym, make sure yo eat your meals on time, etc.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Thanks guys...

I appreciate the feedback. This is the hardest thing I've ever done... harder than when my mom died.

Got to stop focusing on the good times. I thank god almighty that she's older and her looks are fading FAST. One big realization I had was that as they go she will get more depressed as they serve as her core identity... and were also the MAIN reason I put up with all of her sh!t. As soon as they're gone much of her power over me and other men will disappear. She'll also drink more for the depression this loss causes and I'm sure the abuse would have gotten worse.

On top of all the BPD/HPD tendencies (and yes my therapist agrees with the diagnosis) she is an alcoholic. She self-medicates with it, drives drunk, misses out on her imaginary job as a photographer because she's too hungover or people won't hire her, and most of all just screamed her head off at me when wasted, sometimes in front of other people, every couple weeks. Serious Jekyll and Hyde behavior. It was also causing her health problems with bouts of ulcers where she would puke for two days straight. Plus pounding a minimum of a bottle of wine every night tends to pack on serious poundage.

EVERYONE now thinks I did the right thing by breaking up with her. Even her friends. That helps some.

Seeing my doc on Friday regarding Wellbutrin. God that crazy ***** did a number on me. Wore my self esteem down to **** and then rubbed this new dude in my face. Karma is gonna stomp her like a bug and this time she'll be broke, friendless, and with many more wrinkles.

That feels good.

 

[Dgwizdal]

:cheer: Rootin for ya bra haha

Damn that was a great read, ever consider becoming a writer? Anyway, the only reason way you feel the way you do is because you didn't cut her loose the second sh*t hit the fan and she probably dragged you with her through the tunnel to BPD hell. It's only your ego telling you "how could you be so stupid."

Once you internalize the fact she was a lost cause, her life is f*cked, and you are lucky to have cut the cord now: you'll feel a lot better. The only person you need for the rest of your life is YOURSELF.

Sloots gana Sloot. Cluster B's gana Cluster B. AFC's gana AFC. And Alpha's gana man the f*ck up and move on. F*ck that Bich. :box:

 

[HyperAnalyze]

Lay off the supplements. Trust me.

They will do no good for you. Start doing things that you enjoy. Clear your head space and talk to some people who can liven your spirit up.

Pick up a good book. I recommend Steven Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Stop stressing, that which you resist persists. Meditate from time to time. Start living in the present now that you've left the past.

You're a good guy I can tell. Keep moving forward with your life.

 

[jaygreenb]

My man, went through this stuff over a year and a half ago. I'll link the thread I started back then, got tons of great advice. I promise you it does get better, she is someone that rarely crosses my mind and do not have much feeling except for indifference. Anytime I think about it I kind of just laugh to myself about how I thought and felt. I think I read and re-read everything on the internet about cluster b's for months just to get my head wrapped around it. haha Terrible, I know.

I'll tell you what though, after you have been through one of these relationships all other chicks are a breeze to deal with. You just need to keep focusing on improving yourself and CUT ALL TIES AND COMMUNICATION WITH HER.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196369

 

[Johnny Alias]

Thanks again guys. God this is sooo much better than the whiny sites I've been poring over for months.

A quick update... the rebound gal I was seeing that dumped me after receiving an email from the ex-psychohosebeast? Yeah. Booty called today. She lasted all of three days. MAGIC C0CK. Boom.

Appreciate all the advice and encouragement. Fvckin needed it. Amazing how much your mind can get out of control in spite of what you know is right. I'll consider what you said RE the Wellbutrin Hyperanalyze. Maybe just get some xanax for the really rough bits.

Off to the gym and then to Fellatio country. LET'S RIDE!

 

[papawapa]

Keep on with focusing on yourself. I spent 13 years with a cluster B demon. Im six months out and it didnt get better until I went full no contact and started dating again. Getting laid by women that dont look ten years older than they are makes everything better. Hang in there bro.