Just how much did she disrespect me...

[matius]

Hi:

I've been dating this girl now for about 2.5 months. Everything has been fantastic about 96% of the time. However, on two different occassions hanging out with my friends, she basically ignored/was short with me and took to either one of my roommates. So while she was having a good time with them she sort of left me in the cold.

The second time I talked to her about it, told her I felt disappointed for the way she was acting. She told me that she was trying to get in good with my friends, and trying to not do the 'couple' thing because she knows what it was like to be a third wheel too. My argument was don't try to make them feel included at my expense.

I have a bit of OCD, so I tend to repeat these actions in my mind constantly. She told me that she was sorry and she didn't realize she was doing it. Do you think that I should give her the opportunity to make good, or did she disrespect me enough for me to step.

I like her, and I told her what I thought because I want to try and work through things with her. I just can't get the fact that I'm doubting her out of my mind...

In need of your opinion. I explained this the best I could...everything besides those 2 nights has been great.

Thanks

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by matius
she basically ignored/was short with me and took to either one of my roommates. So while she was having a good time with them she sort of left me in the cold.

My argument was don't try to make them feel included at my expense.

My god you sound like a total wuss... your girl was talking to your friends... either get yourself included or go about your business

This doesn't even come close to getting disrespected

 

[rgeere]

She's testing you, just focus on having fun and tease and make fun of her in a ****y funny manner. Atleast, that's what I would do.

 

[Knicknack]

jealousy is a powerful emotion. just play it cool and go talk with other girls or your other friends. she'll respect you more.

 

[matius]

I'm not a wuss, this concerned me because it happened 2 times. I'm just posting a question that concerns a situation I'm in and I'm not looking for you to tell me what I sound like G.

I wasn't concerned about her hooking up or talking with my friend. It was the manner in which she did it...and acted to me.

I use these boards as a way to think things through...

 

[Hollowpoint]

Consider maybe your "condition" or whatever it is may have made your paranoid....

Don't stress so much about it though.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by matius
I'm not a wuss, this concerned me because it happened 2 times. I'm just posting a question that concerns a situation I'm in and I'm not looking for you to tell me what I sound like G.

I wasn't concerned about her hooking up or talking with my friend. It was the manner in which she did it...and acted to me.

I use these boards as a way to think things through...

The thing is matius is that you might actually be coming off this way, and not realizing it; do you think that it is better that some stranger sees this and tells you on some anonymous forum or the girl you are seeing? I know which one I'd pick and has the least risk for me.

 

[matius]

Well, sure and I'm not mad at Don_Marko at all...I appreciate his post. However, I don't see why talking through something one sees as a problem with his girl being a wuss.

I'd rather talk it out and not hold it back...

She knows she can talk to anybody, I just don't want to feel slighted in the process.

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by matius
However, I don't see why talking through something one sees as a problem with his girl being a wuss.

What'd you mean by this?

Disrespecting you would be her giving the guy BJ or something... convos should be natural and freeflowing... if it's about something you are interested then go get urself included if not then who cares... it's making an elephant out of a fly.

 

[JohnJones]

Can you give more explicit facts? It sounds like she was just chatting, but you never know.

 

[matius]

Donny, I don't necessarily disagree with you. I think you made a really good point- and will keep it in mind for future reference. Let me just give you a quick rundown:

In the span of a week she tells me she really likes my friend *alot*. Then she asks what X is doing and what about X when she comes by. Fine and well, then she has a great time basically just hanging out with him all that night in question...endless free-flowing convos like you say. When I tried to get in on the convo, she was short with me- like I'm talkin' here- and went back to where only he could hear her. If that wouldn't bug you I'm glad for you...

At that point I was just talking to another person at the table and having a drink- enjoying it. Got up and walked around but it bothered me...didn't show it really. I did talk it out w/ my friend and told him I felt she was acting rude to me...not for talking to him at all!

Anyway, I suppose I don't expect you guys to fully understand. Just trying to clear my head you know.

Thanks for all of your posts !

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by matius
In the span of a week she tells me she really likes my friend *alot*. Then she asks what X is doing and what about X when she comes by. Fine and well, then she has a great time basically just hanging out with him all that night in question...endless free-flowing convos like you say. When I tried to get in on the convo, she was short with me- like I'm talkin' here- and went back to where only he could hear her. If that wouldn't bug you I'm glad for you...

Well she's playing a game... be like... look if you like him so much there's no way I'd want to stand between true love, I always thought bros before hos anyways and if you'd like to take things further with him I'd be perfectly happy for you guys.

I am 90% sure she'll get insecure about you and the way you feel about her. Meaning she'll work extra hard to please you.

If not at least you didn't have to walk in on ur buddy boning her one day.

 

[matius]

So not worried about my buddy boning her. If that happened it would have nothing to do with me at all- and I'd rather find out about both of em then continue having them in my life. I trust my friend and believe it or not I trust her. But you've given me a great idea for the next time she seems *extra* concerned about my roommate (and that's why I write these things to begin with- to get some different ideas).

Thanks-

 

[JohnJones]

Those are more irritating facts. If you've explained that acting that way is rude and she does it again, 2.5 mos. is not worth putting up with that kind of atttude, so I say tell her to have a nice time with him.

 

[matius]

Well, what if she is interested in being his friend? Is that a bad thing? Maybe what I took as annoyance was simply her being polite to my friend. After all, she hasn't given any indication of 'sex' (unless you want to take that night) at all with him...

...just wondering

 

[SOLDIERM16]

Ive had a girl once who didnt make any effort to talk to my friends. In fact, she hated them. And so every time i wanted to go out, i had to choose either them or her. And she would get horribly mad every time i chose them... sayin i chose them over her. Blah blah blah.

Men get so caught up in being jealous that they forget that relationships are a two way street. She is with u for a reason. Cuz she likes u. She may go off and have convos and stuff, but she still likes u. just try to remember to tell yourself "yea, that right there is mine." She may have someones attention for a while, but u have her heart. get it?

I wish i had a girl that made friends with my friends. I think its a very attractive quality. Dont let it bother you too much. Just use that time alone as, time alone from her. I think its sort of a freedom within a date. A freedom to go off and have a little fun and not have to worry about catering to ur girlfriend. Just think of it as a break in the date where u can stretch your legs a little and be yourself. She will come back towards the end of the date, and thats when all the good stuff happens anyways.


play on matius

 

[matius]

SOLDIERM16: Thanks man, I really appreciate the Word.

 

[SOLDIERM16]

Any time bro. It might be hard to convince yourself when the situation arises, but just try to remember that she DOES like you, or she wouldnt be there in the first place. Just have fun with it. and keep your cool.


Last week i had a date with my ONEITIS. We were having great convos, but then she told me about this dude she was gonna marry (probably a bull**** test... she aint engaged... hes in another country... most likely aint gonna happen). ANd i totally lost my cool. Told her how i really felt about her. (never do that) And from that point on i was chumped. Never lose your cool. Stay in control.

I should have taken the advice i gave u. She was on the date with me for a reason... she likes/liked me. And if i just convinced myself that she was there with me for a reason, then i would be goin out with her tonight. I learned from my mistake... please learn from mine, that way you dont have to learn the hard way like i did.

 

[matius]

Note taken my friend. But don't think I haven't been there either man. Thing is, I think this was mainly a respect/disrespect issue...only a minuscule tinge of jealousy involved.

If she went after my boy I'd have less respect for her than I do now. No offense to my friend...

...but what you say is right on. I'll think about it next time.