Just friends, nahh

[Sart]

I don't really believe that men and women can be just friends, there is always a sexual tension there. Unless she is ugly as. Women like to speak about their boy freinds but really, do you think they are that different to us? That stupid? They know that we are interested but firstly, they can't make the first move and secondly, they have you as a back up plan anyway. It is timing.

There is always a sexual tension between men and women that can be converted given the right surrounds and the right timing. When they say "don't be relegated to the friendship zone" I don't fully agree. If it suit you to be there, stay there for a while, just dont be her emotional dumping ground. Down the track or when you think the timing is right, bust a move.

What do others think? Can men and women really be friends given the laws of attraction? The fact she hangs with you AT ALL means there is some form of attraction underlying it.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

I disagree. I'll reword your first sentence to one I agree with:

I don't really believe that men and women can be just friends when there is a sexual tension there, which isn't always the case.

There isn't always a sexual tension between a guy and a woman. In HS I was friends with this one really awesome girl, yet neither of us 'liked' each other in that way....we just enjoyed each other's company and found each other to be really funny (I still have yet to know a girl with as great of a sense of humor as her).

 

[jakeyboy]

that's true. i hang out occasionally with this group of HBs i've known since HS. they're just great people to talk to but we're not interested in each other sexually...strange, but i guess that's what happens when you get to know them too well. they jsut become old time chums though if i'd never met them before in my life and i saw them on the streets, i can sure as hell say i would love to bang one of them.

 

[Sart]

sure

As I said, if she is butt ugly! Otherwise you are either one of the new androgynis species or they haven't dropped yet. How old were you?

This one time? at band camp? like this girl, she like said we were like friends? we just hung and like, she was really cool? And like, why hang with men and play football when like, you can watch a girly movie with a really hot chick who may as well have, like, a penis?

Sorry mate, I just cant help but see things for what they are. You have been raised to believe your own crap and it would take a massive debriefing and re wiring for you to stop this ****. It probably wouldn't have bothered you if she nailed your best freind in front of you right? Perhaps gave him a blow job then came back to you for a cool and groovy talk. Perhaps the two of you could have giggled like girls about it?

What has become of men these days? You see these massive androgynes groups out for a group drink all denying any normal human feeling. Is it the baby boomers divorcing that caused this?

 

[jakeyboy]

? good lord, fine, if you want to see ALL women as mere sexual objects alone, then that's fine, i was simply saying i had more than just a physical friendship with those girls, i talked to them casually, they were cool people to chill with.. nothing more. i didnt have any interest in them, most of them were from my HS, i practically watched them grow up! just because the girl is hot, doesn't give you any more reason to go for her, unless you're looking for a fling, then in that case, fine go ahead and give it your best shot.

 

[Sart]

jakeboy

I wasn't replying to you. Lets rephrase this. Not a girl you knew when you were 9 but one you meet as an adult. Also, even the ones you knew when they were kids, you never thought, "gee, id like to nail that"?????????

 

[jakeyboy]

with that being said, i guess what you say does stand to a certain extent yeah, i did want to bang the occasional chick from my sunday school. for some reason, purity gets me weak in the knees. however, meeting women as a grown man, its rather different. urgh, i wish it was still as simple to have a relationship now as it was then.

 

[Sart]

JAKEBOY

Thanks for being honest....so many men in here simply kid themselves. Now, the girls are no different, they kid themselves. Why would a woman want to be "friends" with a man? To keep him around as part of a pack of men she may be able to have at a later date.......obviously. See what I am saying, there IS a sexual tension, its just nature.

To all men with a girl "friend" YOU KNOW deep down you want to pork her. You know that on some level she wants you to pork her. Society can say what it wants but nature and instinct is innate, natural and keeps the species multiplying.

Thanks for your honesty and intelligence once again mate, it was refreshing.

 

[jakeyboy]

you're welcome dude. and thank you for that insight. made me stop and think for a bit..

 

[MindOverMatter]

I have several female friends, they're not as close as my male friends of course, but I still keep them around and will never fool around with them.

They're not ugly, and I'm certanly not androgyneous. I'm friends with them because I've known them way too long, am never stressed out for action. The only people who long for their friends and try to get in their pants are AFCs with no other options. As for your argument about guy vs female friends, female friends can do things for you that male friends can't.

Female friends make the best wingmen(or wingwomen) out there. Here is a trick we do when I go out with one of them to a club. I'll approach a girl in the club, start a conversation, 2-3 mins in, my female will walk by, pretend to recognize me, give me a hug, flirt, ask what I've been up to, completly ignore the other girl and then take off. I'll resume talking to the first girl, and her interest in me will multiply by 10 because I just introduced competition and I demonstrated that I can get and keep girls interested in me. It's the easiest pick-up I've ever done in clubs.

Next, your question, what if she blew your best friend? I really wouldn't give a damn heh. I'm not lacking sex, and I always have options. I can enjoy a friendship with one of these girls without having sexual tension. Also, some of my female friends are undatable girls. When you know someone for over 5 years, you learn their flaws. You know a lot about them, enough to never enter a relationship with them. So that only leaves one night stands and f*ck buddies as my options besides friendship. I can have that with a random stranger in a club, why throw away a friendship for it?

Oh, and about emotional tampons. You're only an emotional tampon if you have feelings that go beyond friendship for the girl and vice versa. Otherwise, you're just having a friendly discussion. I'll joke around with my friends all the time about some girl I'm seeing and how weird/annoying/crazy/ditzy she is, etc. It doesn't make them emotional tampons.

Oh, this only applies to the girls you haven't had a relationship with, if you have dated and she LJBFs you, you move on and never talk to her again.

edit - I should also mention that almost every child on my family tree is a male. My grandfather had 3 sons, each of them had 2-4 sons, etc. It's nearly impossible to have a female child in our family, so I've never had a sister. This probably explains some of my behaviour.

 

[Sart]

yes but

If you are genuine, this is a totally different scenario dude. Once again, you are young and have known them for well over 5 years? If they are beautiful and you have never thought "gee, Id like to give her one" then, whats wrong? I mean, you dont have to act on it, but if you haven't even thought it, sheeeeit.

You have enough sex with enough chicks so you dont really give a toss, I can see that. Do you think they have never wondered what it would be like to have you fukc them? Be honest, think about it. I would even say that on some level, at some time, they have had a twinge of jealousy.

 

[MindOverMatter]

If she's a woman, sleeping with her will cross my mind. But at the same time, I can evaluate whether or not it is worth my time. I know enough about these girls so that I can't enter a relationship with them, so I could only use them as fck buddies or one night stands. this is something you can do with a stranger, why would you mess up a good friendship over it?

And I'm sure sleeping with me has crossed their minds, but it's the same scenario for them also. They know my flaws (i.e. I don't trust women, I walk away too easy, and I test the hell out of my girls) and know that they can't have a relationship with me. So there is no point in ruining a friendship over it.

It's a situation where you can only trust the person as a friend, and anything more then that would equal a disfunctional relationship. Not worth my time.

 

[Sart]

agreed

Thanks Mindovermatter, once again the truth comes out. I think people have a knee jerk reaction to reading "men and women can't be just friends" and want to shut it down. After you speak reasobaly with them they will say, well, yes, I do sometimes want to fukc her and yes, we have come close and yes, she does sometimes cross that line.

YOU two guys aren't the issue, you have decided not to act, I am irritated at those men who would like to act but don't. They instil this myth of freindship when, as one of you said, they are total AFC's secretly desiring sex. These are the men who are fukcing up society for the rest of us. These are the men that make us look like a bunch weakass wannabes.

I have female friends, but could convert them to sex partners, as you two could. But you are not out there shouting the rules of "friendship ony" relationships. I just get tired of women saying, "he's my best friend" and men saying the same when it is total rubbish. If it were true, they wouldn't be in here trying to learn how to manipulate women, lets face it. Action speaks louder than words.

 

[MetalFortress]

You can't argue against experience, and when I say that it is possible to have 100% platonic female friends, it is possible. I'm not gay, I'm not androgynous, and they aren't ugly. In fact, some might even be hot. But I DON'T HAVE INTEREST IN THEM. If you think I'm lying, you are free to fall into a ditch.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

I can see where you're coming from here.

I met a girl atg College who has a boyfreind and I'm absolutely fine with just being mates with her because there's 6 or 7 girls without blokes that I am interested in and she's a generally cool person.

But I also know that if she didn't have a boyfreind and/or we were both drunk something could quite easily happen.

I used to find it impossible to JBF with hot girls because I'd always become infatuated, now I'm not, mainly thanks to this place as I now have several options and I'm not really ****ed if anything goes wrong.

 

[Sart]

a good test

If I had said "my ltr has this best freind who is a guy" and asked what I should do, the response would be, "tell this hoe to expletive etc". I have read threads numerous times where blokes have had this concern. When you rework the question from the other side, all of a sudden we have a great big melting pot of love and friendship.

Thanks for the replies especially jakeboy and mindovermatter, you two got the irony of the situation and dont fool yourselves either.

For the record, females and males who are friends are attracted to each other on some level, its a force of science. You CAN deny the feeling but it actually is there, somewhere. Its just a matter of whether or not you convert it. Women aren't any different, they really dont want male friends per se. BUT a male friend is better than nothing, preferably he would be gay or ugly.

Stacks of ltr dudes started as plutonic friends, as a matter of fact, almost half that I know of. Later, they admit, that they had always had "something" for each other.