Just Be Yourself!

[Johnny_Kage]

Now, I know what you're thinking: shut up, Kage. That doesn't work....been there, done that, **** results, etc.

But hear me out.

By 'be yourself', I mean be your BEST self. Be the self that everyone wants to be around. Be the life of the party. YOU set the tone of every interaction. Other people should react to you, not the other way around. Be your true core alpha self.

To many people (especially newbs), this might seem really difficult, maybe even impossible. But after spending many months in the field and objectively looking back to see what works and what doesn't work, I've come up with 2 things (just 2) that are ultimately necessary for picking up girls:

1) YOUR state/attitude
2) sexual intent

When you are having one of those nights where everything seems to come easy for no apparent reason....girls throw themselves at you....everybody is your friend....you open people with anything and everything (I know many of you guys know what I'm talking about), it is because of your state. Because you are in the moment and not inside your head looking for stupid pick-up lines and other nonsense. You are 100% confident in yourself....because that's really all it comes down to: confidence = attraction, pure and simple. Confidence to say whatever comes to your mind, confidence to touch women from the beginning (Read: sexual intent), and confidence to make the move at the right time.

Newbs, I encourage you to go out and be your BEST self. When you talk to people, say whatever the **** comes to your mind. No filter! Just talk. If people think your weird, so what? This will build your social calibration quickly and you WILL get much better much faster.

- Kage

 

[faiNt`]

It's funny, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about when you say "those days where everything is easy ..." I can remember exactly what they feel like, it's great. I also remember that I did do whatever the hell I wanted on those days, I didn't think about saying the "perfect thing." Usually what I said was freakin amazing just because of the confidence that backed it up.

Great post, it's so true.

 

[IsiMan84]

Be the life of the party. YOU set the tone of every interaction. Other people should react to you, not the other way around. Be your true core alpha self.

When you are having one of those nights where everything seems to come easy for no apparent reason....girls throw themselves at you....everybody is your friend....you open people with anything and everything (I know many of you guys know what I'm talking about), it is because of your state. Because you are in the moment and not inside your head looking for stupid pick-up lines and other nonsense. You are 100% confident in yourself....because that's really all it comes down to: confidence = attraction, pure and simple. Confidence to say whatever comes to your mind, confidence to touch women from the beginning (Read: sexual intent), and confidence to make the move at the right time.

I was trying to explain to my friends and figure out why I had such a good time last night...couldn't quite put my finger on it. But that paragraph almost explains it to a T. Everything felt easy, a couple girls threw themselves at me, and the majority of people who walked by me said at least one thing. I just said whatever I felt like and people were eating it up.

I thought maybe it all had to do with the fact I was wearing a headband and sunglasses inside a bar so I stood out, or maybe a combination of that and everything above. Whatever it was though, I need to put my finger on it and recreate it every time. And what also floored me was the fact it was a Wednesday night (I normally don't go out during the week) and I accomplished more than I do in an entire weekend.

 

[DJVladdy]

I know too.
Seems like the right mix of brain chemicals/hormones.

 

[ready123]

it's called being "in state"

 

[orly]

My natural self is...

Staying in my room for every free hour I have playing WoW.

Saying whatever comes to mind means...

Talking about video games, giant robots, and other arcane nerdy stuff like that.

Needless to say, that is not exactly something that attracts the ladies.

I've quit video games cold turkey. I try to refrain from any nerdy interests unless they can at least in some roundabout way help me get a girlfriend - for example, stuff that would help further my career and increase my earning potential.

No, "being myself" is the road to self destruction for me. I have to totally change.

 

[betterthandead]

Wow, this is completely new and super duper advice ever, you get A+++ reward from me.

Did you know that fish can breathe underwater too?

 

[thederekeffect1]

I need to put my finger on it and recreate it every time.

You let yourself go and had fun. Most of the time when people go out to have fun, they're still in another state of mind. They just got done with work and had a horrible day at work, they're thinking about all the different ways they can approach the woman at the end of the bar, They're thinking about how to look cool without embarrassing themselves. They're just not in that moment, thus they aren't really having a good time. So, basically, every time that you need to recreate what you did that night? Let yourself go.

My natural self is...

Staying in my room for every free hour I have playing WoW.

Saying whatever comes to mind means...

Talking about video games, giant robots, and other arcane nerdy stuff like that.

Sounds kind of like me, except with a computer. I just moved to a new city (a smaller town and I'm used to bigger cities), which should be more of an excuse to get out. It sounds kind of bad. Me giving advice and I'm the type of guy whose usually spends his free time at home, alone, reading forums and playing games online. My defense is that I'm knowledgeable in the area of psychology and I obviously have a lot of time to think. And at one time, I was way more outgoing then I am now. So, why am I like this? Well, it's as the old saying goes. It's easier to help yourself, then to help other people.

I think what guys like us need to do is just spend a few days away from the computer and the PS3, forget our PSP at home and just get out there. Even if we do end up talking about video games and giant robots, atleast we'll have some social interaction. If anything, we can find a second player for our guitar hero nights.

 

[Tekniq]

Wow, this is completely new and super duper advice ever, you get A+++ reward from me.

Did you know that fish can breathe underwater too?

You aren't exactly providing anything to help people.

 

[AKA FLEX]

Personally, I think just the title of the OP could help most of the dudes here if they would actually take it to heart.

 

[Alphamale1821]

this post is golden because it is so true. I can recall days when i was opening chicks with the most outrageous of openers and and most random **** that came to my mind. I just didn't give a ****. Lately it's been kind of hard to be "in state" but thats because i haven't had the chance to go out. But all it takes is one night. Good post OP newbies and rusty guys alike should definitely take note of this.

 

[02hero]

Being yourself is great advice, when you are truly yourself and are not putting on an act or trying to impress, you are naturally displaying higher value.
Wouldn't you rather a girl liked the real you rather than a performing monkey?

 

[StevenR]

that is what I am doing. I am not a natural DJ or very good at this PUA stuff, but I just said f'it, I figure if I go through enough women, meet them, and talk to them, eventually I am bound to hit it off with a certain percentage. If they like me they like me, if they don't they don't. So far this approach already seems to have worked at least once in the short time I have been doing it. I think different guys will hit it off with certain types of chicks naturally better than with other types of chicks. DJ's/PUA's are just better at faking it with the chicks they otherwise wouldn't hit it off with right away.

 

[slaog]

My natural self is...

Staying in my room for every free hour I have playing WoW.

Saying whatever comes to mind means...

Talking about video games, giant robots, and other arcane nerdy stuff like that.

Needless to say, that is not exactly something that attracts the ladies.

I've quit video games cold turkey. I try to refrain from any nerdy interests unless they can at least in some roundabout way help me get a girlfriend - for example, stuff that would help further my career and increase my earning potential.

No, "being myself" is the road to self destruction for me. I have to totally change.

Video games are your comfort zone because you don't feel comfortable being with other people. This is due to a lack of confidence, self esteem etc... it's easier to turn to material things then people but it doesn't mean it's the real you.

As you gain confidence etc you'll notice you'll be more comfortable in social situations and thats the real you coming out.

The natural you didn't evolve to play video games so that cannot be the real you.

 

[IsiMan84]

You let yourself go and had fun. Most of the time when people go out to have fun, they're still in another state of mind. They just got done with work and had a horrible day at work, they're thinking about all the different ways they can approach the woman at the end of the bar, They're thinking about how to look cool without embarrassing themselves. They're just not in that moment, thus they aren't really having a good time. So, basically, every time that you need to recreate what you did that night? Let yourself go.

That seems to explain it a bit. I felt like I was just unconscious and hitting 3 pointers all night. I didn't have much concern about my appearance, which I would say was a hit-or-miss look because it was different from everyone else. On top of that I had no game plan so I just went out and did whatever.

After talking with one of my friends, he decided I needed some sort of control to the experiment, since I hadn't been able to put my finger on the exact reason. I was with a certain friend that night so I told him to come out again, but another friend came too so it was the 3 of us. I wore similar clothes, but instead of the headband just a typical hat. We were at a table with a couple girls I'd been talking to so I wasn't as mobile as I was the first night. Pretty uneventful to be honest. I noticed the majority of the time I was even talked to was when I was walking around or away from the table, which my friends stayed at most of the night.

So far I'd have to go ahead and say it was probably my outgoing attitude, somewhat peacocked appearance, and what the hell let's throw the headband in there too. My friend who suggested the experiment figured what I wore the first night (headband, sunglasses and mardi gras beads) probably made me look like the biggest party animal on earth, and easily approachable. And as the only guy wearing a headband, I heard a few comments about it here and there. Then throw in the fact I was talking to anybody in my vicinity, and said whatever I felt like because the glasses almost felt like a shield between me and whoever I was talking to.

All in all, I've inspired one friend to consider the headband look to see if it works for him too haha. More research in the works!

 

[PuaMedia]

that doesnt work my friend.....


www.puamedia.net


Hit the VIDEOS!!!

 

[facadegeniality]

i think to be urself is to keep ur good traits and work on ur not so good traits...

u cant just be urself and expect a major change in your life...aint gonna work that way.

 

[Johnny_Kage]

The guys who are saying "all i ever do is play video games, but when I talk to girls about videogames, they don't like it" are having trouble b/c they don't get it!

In fact, I'm willing to bet that most guys have never even tried talking to girls about videogames. They just think it won't work b/c everything says it won't work, just like talking about politics and religion "don't work." Guess what? I talk about all this **** and more with girls and I STILL GET LAID. Why? B/c girls don't care. Some girls even LIKE videogames. My point is talk about what makes YOU happy, not what makes them happy. Talk to them b/c it amuses you. STOP trying to impress them with talk about other bs that you don't like.

As far as "just being yourself," most guys CAN'T be themselves b/c of their social conditioning. They think that "be yourself" means to do what you have always done, which is not what it means.

Example: A nerdy guy who was taught by his over-protective mother not to talk to strangers, used to get made fun of others in high school, and generally just stands around in social situations b/c he doesn't know what to say. THIS IS NOT HIS TRUE SELF. This is the way he views himself as deemed by society. His true self is under all of that. Sometimes, it is so far in that we don't even know it exists....but it is there....and we ALL were born with it.

That's why you have to go out and experiment. See what type of social interaction YOU enjoy. That's why a lot of the stuff taught in the communities: negs, C&F, qualifying, etc. is great for newbies and guys that don't have a lot of practice. It's great b/c it shows you what's out there and extends the limits of your beliefs. But going out and saying whatever will help your game immensely b/c not only are you releasing your inner self, but you are getting rejected for YOU and not some pick up line. This will hurt more, but it will make your skin thicker MUCH faster (and you'll get over your bruised little ego).

That's why whenever I take any newbie friend of mine out (no matter how socially awkward they are), I tell them to just say whatever pops in their head. Our goal is to have fun, not to get laid. It's actually much easier to learn that way than to learn with all this technique bs.

 

[orly]

In fact, I'm willing to bet that most guys have never even tried talking to girls about videogames. They just think it won't work b/c everything says it won't work, just like talking about politics and religion "don't work." Guess what? I talk about all this **** and more with girls and I STILL GET LAID. Why? B/c girls don't care. Some girls even LIKE videogames. My point is talk about what makes YOU happy, not what makes them happy. Talk to them b/c it amuses you. STOP trying to impress them with talk about other bs that you don't like.

I have most definitely tried. There seems to be fewer hobbies that will earn a girl's scorn, disrespect, and disinterest faster than admitting to being into video games, or general nerdiness. In fact, I think nerdiness is way up there amongst the ranks of shyness, lack of confidence, "niceguyness", etc. in qualities that girls shun. The exception being if you're some Silicon Valley millionaire or Wall Street quant type who's struck it rich through your nerdiness.

Society in general portrays video games in a very negative light. It's considered the staple of losers, people who live in mom's basement, people with no social lives, etc. Whether that is true or not is debateable, but that's not the point - this is the way society portrays it.

Like I've said, I've tried it and done it. The conclusion I reached was that I had to excise these elements out of my life if I want any kind of success with girls.

And no, I am not into the trekkie/anime/D&D convention hopping nerd girls.

 

[Phyzzle]

With all this video game talk, I couldn't resist posting this.

http://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc215/chswartz/videogamegirl4if_1.jpg

(Who knows if she's actually plays them, though.)