The Gambler
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2012
- Messages
- 375
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If you have ever received advice on how to get a girlfriend from family, friends or any other leadership figure in your life, you have probably heard the phrase "Just be yourself."
Well, what does that mean?
First off, let me say that "Just be yourself" isn't bad advice, but you need to understand what the true meaning of this entails... Without a little guidance, you might be a little confused and think it is an excuse to keep being who you have been, and to keep doing what you have been doing. This brings us to our first point:
1. "Just be yourself" SHOULD NOT BE AN EXCUSE TO AVOID SELF-IMPROVEMENT.
There's an old saying that basically states "Keep doing what you're doing, and you'll keep getting what you're getting." Isn't that true more often than not? Of course it is! There are many ways we can improve ourselves, regardless of how old we are or how many women we have had relationships with. For example, the way you speak is a big one. Do you speak fast, nervously and with a high pitch when you talk to people?... especially to girls? Girls pick up on this really quickly and realize that guys who speak this way are not confident. Work on being deliberate with the way you speak with a slow, even delivery... after a while, you'll speak that way without even thinking about it.
Another BIG part of the self-improvement process is your appearance. When a girl sees you, especially for the first time, if she is looking for a boyfriend she subconsciously (or consciously) imagines herself standing next to you as your partner. She will choose one of three things here: "Hmmmm... I could REALLY see this happening", or "Hmmmm.... I MIGHT see this happening", or the dreaded "Hmmmm... this AIN'T gonna happen." This filter is almost purely physical, unless she happened to get some clues about you beforehand. And think about it, YOU probably use the same filter on the girls you see too!
So how should you improve your appearance? Well, what kind of girl do you want? If you want a punk rock girl, be ready to buy that Ramones t-shirt and Chuck Taylor Converse. If you want a typical stylish girl, go for the American Eagle and Aeropostale shirts. Think about it guys... can the girl you want imagine herself standing next to you holding hands? Now, let me make a BIG point here. You may say, "But Gambler, why should I dress like someone I am not?" The answer is that ONLY YOU can choose who you are and who you are not. It is YOUR choice alone. Was anyone ever born already wearing a Ramones t-shirt or a pair of Hollister jeans? Hell no... Every person you see wearing any type of clothing has made the decision to look a certain way, and are doing so because they want others to react a certain way. Right?
Now please do not buy one nice shirt and wear it every day. I literally have a closet full of shirts that I purchased from local thrift shops, and have never paid more than $5 for any of them (American Eagle, Chaps, Dragonfly, Nautica... they're all there). When you go to a thrift shop, or any other shop as well, be ready to leave without buying anything.... If the shirt is not your size, DO NOT BUY IT! If the shirt has already been worn out and abused, DO NOT BUY IT! If the shirt doesn't really fit your style and looks kinda borderline on the rack, DO NOT BUY IT! Your closet will be full of well-fitting, stylish clothes soon enough.
When you are confident with the way you speak and the way you look, you will notice things around you start to change. By the way, I am not saying you should take anything to the extreme here, especially with the way you dress (a hot-pink shirt and wide-brimmed pimp hat comes to mind). If 80% of the girls you see dress nicely and stylish, but not over the top, then why should you? By you doing the equivalent of what they are, you are putting yourself into play with an awful lot of gals!
Now, a little more on this confidence thing. The Gambler is 41 years old, and here is something I know as a fact.... 95% of all the girls/women I have ever met ARE INSECURE IN SOME WAY! Sure, there are the other 5% who really think they know everything and have all the answers, but take my advice and stay the hell away from them.... You'll find nothing but misery with that kind of person, But, getting back to the other 95% of girls, most of them are just as anxious and scared as you when it comes to the opposite sex and relationships. They don't want to be hurt any more than you do. So another thing that girls just naturally know to look for is a guy with confidence. You don't need to be the captain of the football team or the toughest guy in the hallway, but you DO need to give the vibe that you are happy and content in your own world. Ok?
So Gambler, what about the "Just be yourself" topic?
Oh yeah, back to that.
2. "Just be yourself" SHOULD MEAN THAT YOU DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO.
The advice I wrote above was intended for you to be who YOU want to be, and the girl(s) who are attracted to that type of guy will start heading your way. Please understand that I will NEVER give the advice that you should change into a certain style just to impress someone, but otherwise you would have had no interest in that style. See, I think this might be what mom was really trying to say... Don't fake who you really are, because girls will eventually see right through it (and you will be miserable). If you enjoy playing the PS3 and watching adult cartoons in the evening, there's nothing wrong with that! The fact that you now wear Hollister has nothing to do with your interests. The only thing to add here is that, if you want a girlfriend, you will have to make SOME time for her, yes? Plus, she never has to know you're on the PS3 while she's babbling to you on the phone....
3. "Just be yourself" SHOULD MEAN THAT YOU ARE CONTENT WITH THE LIFE YOU ARE MAKING FOR YOURSELF.
Let's face it... Sometimes two people just aren't meant for each other. It happens all the time. I'm not talking about your self-improvement here, but rather the fact that it just ain't gonna work with her (or even a guy friend). Life is too short to spend all you time trying to fix other people. Sure, you might be able to help here and there, and that what friends are for, but don't get sucked into always being the ear for everyone's problems. And please don't YOU be the person who is always needing someone else's ear! Take care of your business. Be a young man with a plan. Take responsibility for the things you do, both the good and the bad. Girls notice these kinds of things, you know.
4. "Just be yourself" SHOULD MEAN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND LIKE WHAT YOU SEE.
If you weight 200 pounds and much of it is fat, there's a good chance you'll never go down to 100 pounds again... So be realistic but do challenge yourself. Set a goal to go down to 180 pounds in four months, and down to 170 in six months (losing five pounds a month should be possible if you are serious about it). You will look much better and feel much better at 170, believe me. Who knows, maybe 160 will be in your future? But the point here is that "yourself" deserves to be its best. "Yourself" deserves respect. "Yourself" is not a second-class person. Wanting girls to notice you is always a HUGE motivation for the things we do (no need to lie here), but finding your own inner peace is even more important. Not one of us are perfect, but are you doing what you can to move forward?
One final thing. Don't take everything too seriously. By that, I mean the things that will inevitably happen to all of us... You babble a string of nonsense while talking to a girl... You slip and fall on the stairs in front of everyone... You walk around half the day with a piece of something stuck between your teeth... And so on. These things come and go, and tomorrow these things will be forgotten. Don't overreact to embarrassing things that happen, because it will only make the episode worse.
Thanks for reading, young brothers. Best of luck with your endeavors and let us know how things are going!
The Gambler
Well, what does that mean?
First off, let me say that "Just be yourself" isn't bad advice, but you need to understand what the true meaning of this entails... Without a little guidance, you might be a little confused and think it is an excuse to keep being who you have been, and to keep doing what you have been doing. This brings us to our first point:
1. "Just be yourself" SHOULD NOT BE AN EXCUSE TO AVOID SELF-IMPROVEMENT.
There's an old saying that basically states "Keep doing what you're doing, and you'll keep getting what you're getting." Isn't that true more often than not? Of course it is! There are many ways we can improve ourselves, regardless of how old we are or how many women we have had relationships with. For example, the way you speak is a big one. Do you speak fast, nervously and with a high pitch when you talk to people?... especially to girls? Girls pick up on this really quickly and realize that guys who speak this way are not confident. Work on being deliberate with the way you speak with a slow, even delivery... after a while, you'll speak that way without even thinking about it.
Another BIG part of the self-improvement process is your appearance. When a girl sees you, especially for the first time, if she is looking for a boyfriend she subconsciously (or consciously) imagines herself standing next to you as your partner. She will choose one of three things here: "Hmmmm... I could REALLY see this happening", or "Hmmmm.... I MIGHT see this happening", or the dreaded "Hmmmm... this AIN'T gonna happen." This filter is almost purely physical, unless she happened to get some clues about you beforehand. And think about it, YOU probably use the same filter on the girls you see too!
So how should you improve your appearance? Well, what kind of girl do you want? If you want a punk rock girl, be ready to buy that Ramones t-shirt and Chuck Taylor Converse. If you want a typical stylish girl, go for the American Eagle and Aeropostale shirts. Think about it guys... can the girl you want imagine herself standing next to you holding hands? Now, let me make a BIG point here. You may say, "But Gambler, why should I dress like someone I am not?" The answer is that ONLY YOU can choose who you are and who you are not. It is YOUR choice alone. Was anyone ever born already wearing a Ramones t-shirt or a pair of Hollister jeans? Hell no... Every person you see wearing any type of clothing has made the decision to look a certain way, and are doing so because they want others to react a certain way. Right?
Now please do not buy one nice shirt and wear it every day. I literally have a closet full of shirts that I purchased from local thrift shops, and have never paid more than $5 for any of them (American Eagle, Chaps, Dragonfly, Nautica... they're all there). When you go to a thrift shop, or any other shop as well, be ready to leave without buying anything.... If the shirt is not your size, DO NOT BUY IT! If the shirt has already been worn out and abused, DO NOT BUY IT! If the shirt doesn't really fit your style and looks kinda borderline on the rack, DO NOT BUY IT! Your closet will be full of well-fitting, stylish clothes soon enough.
When you are confident with the way you speak and the way you look, you will notice things around you start to change. By the way, I am not saying you should take anything to the extreme here, especially with the way you dress (a hot-pink shirt and wide-brimmed pimp hat comes to mind). If 80% of the girls you see dress nicely and stylish, but not over the top, then why should you? By you doing the equivalent of what they are, you are putting yourself into play with an awful lot of gals!
Now, a little more on this confidence thing. The Gambler is 41 years old, and here is something I know as a fact.... 95% of all the girls/women I have ever met ARE INSECURE IN SOME WAY! Sure, there are the other 5% who really think they know everything and have all the answers, but take my advice and stay the hell away from them.... You'll find nothing but misery with that kind of person, But, getting back to the other 95% of girls, most of them are just as anxious and scared as you when it comes to the opposite sex and relationships. They don't want to be hurt any more than you do. So another thing that girls just naturally know to look for is a guy with confidence. You don't need to be the captain of the football team or the toughest guy in the hallway, but you DO need to give the vibe that you are happy and content in your own world. Ok?
So Gambler, what about the "Just be yourself" topic?
Oh yeah, back to that.
2. "Just be yourself" SHOULD MEAN THAT YOU DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO.
The advice I wrote above was intended for you to be who YOU want to be, and the girl(s) who are attracted to that type of guy will start heading your way. Please understand that I will NEVER give the advice that you should change into a certain style just to impress someone, but otherwise you would have had no interest in that style. See, I think this might be what mom was really trying to say... Don't fake who you really are, because girls will eventually see right through it (and you will be miserable). If you enjoy playing the PS3 and watching adult cartoons in the evening, there's nothing wrong with that! The fact that you now wear Hollister has nothing to do with your interests. The only thing to add here is that, if you want a girlfriend, you will have to make SOME time for her, yes? Plus, she never has to know you're on the PS3 while she's babbling to you on the phone....
3. "Just be yourself" SHOULD MEAN THAT YOU ARE CONTENT WITH THE LIFE YOU ARE MAKING FOR YOURSELF.
Let's face it... Sometimes two people just aren't meant for each other. It happens all the time. I'm not talking about your self-improvement here, but rather the fact that it just ain't gonna work with her (or even a guy friend). Life is too short to spend all you time trying to fix other people. Sure, you might be able to help here and there, and that what friends are for, but don't get sucked into always being the ear for everyone's problems. And please don't YOU be the person who is always needing someone else's ear! Take care of your business. Be a young man with a plan. Take responsibility for the things you do, both the good and the bad. Girls notice these kinds of things, you know.
4. "Just be yourself" SHOULD MEAN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND LIKE WHAT YOU SEE.
If you weight 200 pounds and much of it is fat, there's a good chance you'll never go down to 100 pounds again... So be realistic but do challenge yourself. Set a goal to go down to 180 pounds in four months, and down to 170 in six months (losing five pounds a month should be possible if you are serious about it). You will look much better and feel much better at 170, believe me. Who knows, maybe 160 will be in your future? But the point here is that "yourself" deserves to be its best. "Yourself" deserves respect. "Yourself" is not a second-class person. Wanting girls to notice you is always a HUGE motivation for the things we do (no need to lie here), but finding your own inner peace is even more important. Not one of us are perfect, but are you doing what you can to move forward?
One final thing. Don't take everything too seriously. By that, I mean the things that will inevitably happen to all of us... You babble a string of nonsense while talking to a girl... You slip and fall on the stairs in front of everyone... You walk around half the day with a piece of something stuck between your teeth... And so on. These things come and go, and tomorrow these things will be forgotten. Don't overreact to embarrassing things that happen, because it will only make the episode worse.
Thanks for reading, young brothers. Best of luck with your endeavors and let us know how things are going!
The Gambler
