JSIM Social Circle and Dating Thread

jsim

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I'm going to use this as a 'drop-in' journal, so I don't have to start a new thread for every topic I wish to discuss.

I don't know about anyone else, but post college, it's been exceptionally difficult creating a new social circle. Some issues:

1. hot girls rarely join social circles. They don't need to. They get picked off for relationships immediately and are rarely out of a relationship. Plus, they are spoiled and pampered in relationships, no need to pay your own way, drive yourself to an event, etc. Instead, there's been a steady flow of girls in the 5/10 to 7/10 range. This shouldn't be surprising, as most girls fall into this average to cute range.

2. cool peeps break off from social circles pretty quickly as well. It's hard to maintain a "crew" of people who want to hang out.

3. there's really no common purpose or identity to keep the group together. It's not like school where you automatically have something in common and therefore common struggles and aspirations.

I've just joined a new group that I had high hopes for, but even though it's quite popular, the quality of women is disappointing. Checking on Facebook, it looks like the caliber of women is actually dropping, not improving.

I've tried meet up too, but the huge pool of desperate guys makes it unsustainable, even a non starter.

I don't know if other guys are facing the same challenges. I realize I tend to have high standards, but are they so unrealistic? I want a few cool male friends and I want to be able to meet hot cool women consistently. So far I'm not even close to achieving those two social goals.
 

jsim

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Based on my sexual innuendo thread, I think I probably do react conservatively to clear signs of sexual interest. Sometimes I get clearcut verbal signs of interest.

But other times, facial expressions and body language are great tells as well. For example, several times a week, I'll have an attractive woman I'm talking to winking and smiling at me.

I'm at a point now where I can't let this all just pass as goodwill, fun, or even flirty gestures, but as clear signs of sexual intent on the woman's part.
 

TheTurtle

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3. there's really no common purpose or identity to keep the group together. It's not like school where you automatically have something in common and therefore common struggles and aspirations.
Be a regular at the gym. Everyone is there for the same purpose. Plus, the scenery tends to be pretty good too.
 

Steel_Neurons

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I've tried meet up too, but the huge pool of desperate guys makes it unsustainable, even a non starter.
I don't know where you live or what kind of groups you went to. When I moved to the place I live now, I basically went out most nights for many months on end (about 8 or 9 months) to all sorts of meetup groups. I'd say I have around four good male friends (and a couple of female friends) and one very good male friend out of it.

For women to date, I found meetups pretty awful on the whole, personally, especially the singles/weekend meetups. My two main projects this year are salsa and cold approaches during the day. It's a work in progress, but I can see potential there now.

I think Spaz is right, personally. It's very important to (be able to) find some good male friends to hang out with for all sorts of reasons, IMO.
 
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jsim

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I've attended both meet up groups for 20 to 30's and also joined Facebook groups which are similar in nature. It's really striking how poorly many people age. The "young adults" are balding, wrinkling, and almost all of the women are noticeably overweight, and not just by a little bit. It's frankly a little bit depressing.

The contrast between these "young adult" women and college aged gals is stark and sobering. College girls still look like teenagers often but women in their mid 20's on up, at least in these groups, look like land whales. I usually don't drink much but I had several at these events. I don't understand why 5 to 12 years difference in age could so dramatically impact someone's appearance. It's like most of these people are experiencing an accelerated rate of aging. There was zero chance you would mistake any of the 25 and over women for a college gal. Same with the guys, they looked far older than you would expect 'young adults' to look.
 

jsim

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I'm pretty selective about who I spend my time with. I'd rather spend time alone than spend time with an obnoxious, abrasive or annoying person. My tolerance for dumb people is very low.

Most people are pretty eager to network and make new friends or to date someone new. So am I. I generally don't get back to people socially unless I think I can get along with them very easily. I've encountered way too many pointless people to even entertain the thought of trying to max out the number of friends I have.

Most people are super offended if I don't get back to them if (more likely when) I see them again. I'm still working on that. I think my strategy should just be to get back to everyone who contacts me and either come up with some random excuse or make some not so solid plans ('yeah let's get together soon!') type of a thing.
 

Steel_Neurons

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Post #6: I made the mistake of trying out speed dating this year (never again). Age range was 30s and 40s. It was brutal. I've no idea why so many women are like that.

My focus is now on places where people are healthy and into exercise and there are lots of women and where I can develop as a person and have fun. Lots of beautiful women at salsa with nice/friendly personalities, for example.

Post #7: yeah, it's good to be selective. I cut out a lot of individuals and groups over the months (mainly because I just physically didn't have the time to see everyone but a lot of them were dead weight as well).

I'm not sure what I'd do if I were on Facebook and someone contacted me I wasn't that bothered about. I might say something vague like "Nice to meet you too. Catch up with you at so-and-so group next time, hopefully."
 

jsim

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It seems like this post didn't really 'resonate' with anyone else on this forum, so I'll just catalogue it here for future reference. Nonetheless it's been discouraging meeting so many women acting so strangely. Some of these women I've never even spoken to, oddly enough. Others are women I've gamed very, very minimally. As in 'hey, what's up, how's it going' sort of a deal. It's like saying hi means you are proposing to them.


It's largely unintentional, but I suspect I'm developing a reputation for it. In fact, I am 100% certain of it. Girls are talking about me on social media, sometimes by name, sometimes not. They're gossiping about me of course in person.

It's getting very tense in any room where there are single women who have met me before. Even though I can't prove it, I'm pretty darn sure they've been talking. How and why do I infer this? It's because the OTHER women who have NOT met me are extremely tense and suspicious around me, whether they're single or married. These women are tense, glaring, and more than a touch hostile. And this is in environments where everyone is supposed to be superficially friendly or at least polite, to everyone. This means the women who have met me must be talking to those women who have not. There are other possible explanations, but this seems to be (one of) the most plausible.

I can't really talk to any girl in a friendly manner without her wanting it to lead to a relationship. So, I'll chat up the average looking girl at the cafe. Now, she thinks it's ON. But it's not. I was just being friendly. That's 90% of it, and maybe 10% of it is for practice. So after a couple of very brief, friendly chats (my perspective), if I don't look to escalate by at least getting the number, she is now pissed. That means it's no longer relaxing to go that cafe. It's tense af.

I've also seen girls ghost their jobs after they were a bit too forward at work and I suppose they felt humiliated.

Yeah, yeah, the standard advice is: "IDGAF." But it's tense. Now I have a better understanding of why I like really large crowds. I can make my getaway really quickly if I feel like it. In a small group setting, these women can't really pretend to be doing something else or distracted or whatever.

I should learn to enjoy it to some degree if it's inevitable. I know that these women can become more comfortable around me, but even with repeated exposure, a lot of them can't seem to calm down. But that's a bit of a different topic. The principles of psychology clearly point to decreasing anxiety with repeated exposure, so I'm baffled as to why this is not happening. As a quick example, there's this one 27 year old gal who I've known for over a year. She is hardcore into me: I see her staring when she thinks I'm not paying attention to her. And she loses it if she sees me when she is not expecting it. I've probably chatted with her on at least four or five separate occasions, but she's always the same: extremely guarded, and tries to show zero emotion. Whatever.

Straight up, I'm going to confront some of these women about it. I am 100% certain that they will deny everything or simply walk away though, so I don't think that that would be effective or enlightening, really.
 

jsim

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Here's a report from this past weekend. Last year, same time, it was absolutely money. This year, pffffffftttt.


One of my favorite nightspots of all time has gone down the sh1tter. I've been in denial for months, but this weekend was confirmation and proof. I had come up with every excuse in the book: the weather's bad. Tourists aren't in town yet. It's winter. Etc. etc. etc. And all of it was true. But this weekend, none of it was true. Tourists were in town. It's no longer winter. The weather's nicer. And this place still sucked. Some of the horrifying events I saw go down.

Guys Hooking Up With SubHuman Monsters:
In another thread, I mentioned that old people today often resemble creatures from the Star Wars cantina. I laughed out loud when I saw two women who did in fact, look like Jabba the hut. They were absolutely disgusting. I almost vomited when I looked at them. They were dancing by themselves and I thought it would stay that way. Amazingly, a normal looking 20 something guy danced with both. Grinding on them, making out with one of them (the uglier one). I almost fell on the floor. I couldn't believe it. Men have zero standards now. Women who are 2/10 can hook up with normal looking guys!

Guys Trying to Hook Up with Women Twice their Age and Failing:
I saw another guy try to kiss a woman who was at least twice his age. She LAUGHED IN HIS FACE and rejected him. She gave him a conciliatory kiss on the cheek before walking off.

Guys Investing the Entire Night with a Woman Only to Have Her Walk Off with Another Guy (Me):
I knew this would happen. But still, it's startling how predictable this is. Looks always win out.

I didn't even want to write any of this up. Even though I'm winning, even though all of this is utterly predictable, there's still something shocking and repulsive about it.
 

jsim

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What's the difference between abundance and greed?

I am constantly meeting new women yet I still get upset if for whatever reason I lose out on an opportunity. Even though there's a good chance I'll see her again anyway and it'll be on regardless at a future time.

For example, last night I was pretty intent on talking to a couple of girls. I was hanging out with friends, but then later on talked to them both.

I gave our table to another girl. However, she invited me to stay. This girl was hot too. Over 6' tall, amazing body, very nice. But I had already committed to talking to another girl I had seen around.

This girl is tall and hot and surprisingly single. I had always thought of her as snooty but she is the exact opposite. She thanked me profusely for approaching her, over and over again. Her girlfriend was hot too. Tall, thin, great body. She started to chat me up. I talked to her enough to be polite while still focusing on the first girl.

I got both their numbers but now I'm upset that I didn't stick around to chat with the super hot amazon chick. I need to remind myself that I'll probably see her again and it'll be on regardless. But there are so many hot women to get around to I can lose interest in a split second. It's astonishing.

Not to mention, the girl who I had hooked up with months ago, who was avoiding me, she had a hot girlfriend who was also being flirtatious. So even though I'm lamenting the loss of a super hot spot from last year, I should focus on what a hot spot this new place has become.

Another important point is that social circle "game" is totally unnecessary. It's all about male female attraction. There's no way having a dozen other random people there will help you. If anything they are a distraction and a waste of time from your true purpose, which is to meet hot women. Not that I dislike hanging out with friends or acquaintances. But as so many have already pointed out, the potential for ****blocks increases exponentially the more people who "know" you.
 
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