Journey of a new DJ [Journal]

[thenewreign]

Hey guys! I've been lurking for a while and reading some of these threads and finally decided to join the forum. I decided I'd make my own little to just post what's been going on. I'll start off by introducing myself a bit.

I'm 17 and just finished the eleventh grade. Music is pretty much my thing. I play guitar and mostly listen to metal but I'm open to pretty much everything. I don't dress like the typical hardcore kid though. I like to think that I have a decent style of dressing. No piercings or tats or anything like that. I like to write music as well. Mostly metal but I write some rap/electronic stuff on occasion.

I do decent in school, I took some enriched courses and my mark average is usually around 85ish although this year its been a bit lower. I talk to a bunch of people all around and I'm generally accepted with the majority of people in my grade. In the group I hang out with, I'm accepted and tight with pretty much everyone although sometimes I feel like I don't really have much to talk with them about. They're mostly into hockey and baseball while I'm not the greatest at sports. I've lost my social group from grade 9 and grade 10 as lots of people have switched out into the neighbouring catholic school. My best friend also hangs out with this group which I think is why I started hanging out with them originally.

I've had a few things with some girls over the past few years. Had a girlfriend going into highschool and I broke up with her some time after. After her,there were a few other girls who I started talking to. Some I ****ed up or got screwed over, but a few times I got as far as a makeout. I was always that nice guy who always got friend zoned and it took me a long time to realize how many opportunities I actually had but didn't take because I didn't even see them at the time. My love life is a bit disappointing to say the least.

Anyways, my current situation is as such. I've been reading through these some of these threads and applying bits in my everyday life and noticing some better results. There's 3 girls I'm currently talking to, and I know for sure that at least 2 of them like me. For simplicity's sake, well just call them girls1,2,3.

girl1 - I met her this year in my biology class during second semester. I'd known who she was prior but never had classes with her so we never talked. Anyways, we slowly started talking and I could tell that she was beginning to get interested in me as she'd always turn around to look and me and laugh whenever I said anything. She's an HB7, decent face but she's athletic and has a nice body.
girl2 - Found out about her this year in a first semester class I had with her. We also had physics together full year but didn't start talking till towards the end. I'd always catch her staring at me and through a close friend of hers and mine I confirmed she was interested. She's probably a HB6 at best. I don't find her that attractive but whateves, we're just talking right now. She's also friends with girl1 and they hang out pretty often.
girl3 - Met her last year in a class we had together but didn't talk as much till this year. We had english together this year, and she'd always walk me to and from my next class. She's got a b*tchy personality sometimes which is what confuses me. When we text, sometimes she's all flirty and inviting me into her bed and sh*t like that and other times she's all like "i hate you", "you're an a**hole". It's all in a joking manner but it makes it hard to escalate the conversation sometimes. I didn't even see her as a girl of interest all year until closer to the end of the school year. She's an HB7, not the greatest but she's been putting more effort into her self and I'm finding her cute.

So, girl1 invited me to hang out along the river with her friend and 2 other guy friends who I'm decently close with from school. It ended up raining and girl1 and her friend made new plans to go to the mall and invited me. Thought it was a lame idea and declined and said I had new plans.

girl2 sent me snapchat a few days ago saying she found an old movie that she likes and jokingly I suggested we should have a movie night. She made plans for it and invited me and girl1 over tomorrow night. I didn't have plans tomorrow so I figured alright.

I was talking to girl3 for a bit and after some on and off interested/b*tchy convo decided f*ck it, and bluntly just asked her to see a movie that came out recently. She said sure, and then later when I texted her the details, she steered the convo away before agreeing. It was going good from here and then another random mood swing starts being b*tchy again and says "you're an a**hole i dont wanna go with you, blah blah", I just replied okay and then she was saying "nooo im sorry take me back". This is the kinda of behaviour I'm talking about. I'm starting to think she's not worth the trouble but something about me finds her attractive, probably the unpredictable-ness. We'll see though. I've started ignoring her now whenever she does this, I'm thinking of just cutting off all contact till tuesday? Maybe that'd be counterproductive though. We'll see if she flakes.

Future Goals:
-Finish writing an album I've been working on recently
-Start hitting the gym more regularly again
-Improve my social skills and expand my social circle for next year
-Starting summer school in a few days as well to get ahead in my credits. Gonna ace this.

Not really sure how this goes and how many people actually read this, but I'll try to keep updating briefly of what's going on every so often.

 

[thenewreign]

Just an update of what's been going on:

I've been going hard on the workouts lately and it feels good, the weights starting to go up and my muscles have never felt better and more sore LOL . Started my first day of summer school today which went well. When I got back I completed over half the work that's gonna be due this Friday. Also started reading the book for the next unit to get ahead. I'm actually real happy I took this course, feels like my summer is actually gonna be productive this year.

As far as music goes, been writing a few little tidbits here and there but nothing that I want to use for my album. I've been learning a few songs by my favourite bands but the writers block is persisting. I'm gonna brush off my old acoustic and classical guitars and lay down the electric for a while. I haven't touched those in a while and I've kinda lost the will to play them. Hopefully this will open up some new doors. I'm gonna schedule an hour a day to practice my sight reading as its been a while since I've last had to and its beginning to show.

Saturday I went over to girl2's house like planned. There were a few friends there, all who I'm familiar and tight with, as well as her and girl1. girl2 was laughing at pretty much everything I said that night which was a good sign, although I've decided not to go for her any more. Me and girl1 were laying under a blanket with her head leaning on me. I teased her a bit and we "wrestled" over the blanket haha. There should be another movie night soon although I might invite her over earlier than that if I can get the house to myself.

I just got back from the movies with girl3 and wow, I can say that was a flop. I was just not on my game. There was the occasional awkward silence and the conversation was just kinda jumpy. I did some kino, whatever but when I wasn't I felt kinda awkward just standing there. I've been realizing how awkward I feel when my hands aren't occupied with something. Idk what to do with them. Movie was kind of stupid too, we saw This is the End. It was a comedy film with Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and that whole crew and it was based around an apocalypse and the biblical judgement day. Wasn't even really funny and there were just too many scenes with or talking about d*cks. I felt real dumb during these parts for picking to see this movie. In my defence though, everyone at school that watched it said it was great and the trailer didn't look too bad.
Anyways, during the movie she says she's cold and covers herself in her sweater. I notice she's progressively leaning on me more and for some reason it was just hard to bring myself to put my arm around her... Eventually I stop being a p*ssy and go to put my arm around her, and she just looks at me. I think I caught her off guard but at the time I thought "oh crap not interested" and pulled away She was leaning on me more the rest of the movie but I couldn't bring myself to do it again.. I didn't want the rest of the night to be awkward if she pulled away again but what the f*ck did I have to lose anyway. Had some small talk till her till her ride came and that was that. Thought I f*cked everything up but she's texting me now saying she had a good night but still being her classic self. I'll make this a lesson for next time

Current goals:
-dedicate an hour a day to practice my sight reading on guitar
-keep staying ahead with the english work
-hangout with more friends, get more comfortable in different social situtations

 

[RiceandChicken]

Not bad of an update. Can puss out like that though dude. Gotta be able to make certain moves with a girl in certain situations though. It's hard but you got to get past that barrier and do it: shell think you're a confident fella if you do so. I assume you like her or have some sort of feelings for her?

 

[thenewreign]

I think I'm starting to cause I was never like this around her before. I used to mess around with her for fun before and I'd just laugh it off when she'd reject me but yesterday I wasn't that comfortable doing that. I'm not a player by no means but I'm not usually like I was yesterday.

 

[thenewreign]

So yesterday was pretty eventful I suppose. Found some mates to jam with, hopefully gonna be starting a band soon and that seemed to do the trick for my writers block. I sat down and wrote around 2 minutes of music in one sitting, which doesn't happen often.

Last night I went to a bush party. It was mostly just people that I went to school with although later some randoms showed up. I was pretty familiar with most of the people in my grade. I'm good with the guys but only a few of the girls, gotta change that. Also, there were some kids from the grade below mine who I didn't really talk to. That night was kinda ****ty, I just stood around for the most part cause I didn't have anything to talk about with anyone. I felt like I held no social value there whatsoever. I'm sh*t at opening up to people I haven't talked to before and because everyone already knows me as such by now, it makes it even harder for me to open up. Tried to introduce myself to some people but I felt like I gave off an awkward kind of vibe :nervous: Shoulda brought some alc.

After the party was done, me and my best friend were walking over to his place where I was gonna sleep over. We were walking with this annoying drunk chick who couldn't control her sh*t and was yelling and being all sloppy the whole time. I let him put up with that sh*t cause he basically invited her to walk our way (her and her friends were heading to mcdonalds which was near my friends house). I walked with her two friends who were also drunk but they weren't being obnoxious like their friend. Anyways, during the walk I opened up a bit more and talked with her two friends. One told me that she thought I was "the cutest thing ever" and last year she was really hoping that we'd share a bus so that she could get to know me. After feeling ****ty and antisocial that night, that made me feel better. Just makes me think of how many other people have thought the same thing..

Anyways, we get to my friends house and he had just scored some weed so we decided to get a bit high. Last summer we'd get high practically everyday but I've cut down since then and only do it monthly now. I'm a big thinker, sometimes that leads me to over think random stuff and complicate it more than it needs to be. This is also why I see weed more as a mind-expanding tool than a feel good drug. Anyways, we got on the topic of school and he asked me how my exam marks were. I told him mine and he shared his with me as well. I did decent on mine but he absolutely killed his and he's going for early acceptance to uni as well. The whole night I was just zoning out and couldn't fall asleep cause I kept thinking about sh*t. What I came to realize is, I'm just all around decent at everything. I have poor work habits and bad time management and constantly feel like I'm wasting away potential. I don't wanna be good at something anymore, I wanna be f*cking GREAT.

So for this summer, I'm gonna try my hardest to get all the stuff I've been wanting to get done but never got around to.
-start a computer programming project. I've finished gr12 programming this year and I need to keep practicing so I don't lose my knowledge. This is the career path I want to go into

-learn how to sing. I never want to practice unless no one else is home and even then I usually end up doing something else

-start working on some extra math. If I want to continue with enriched next year I need to start putting in the work now so I'm better prepared.

-ace summer school. this is my grade 12 english credit so I gotta make this one count. I'm feeling confident in my work and teacher says I make strong points.

-work on my time management skills and my work habits. I need to stop procrastinating!

That was a nice little break to get everything off my chest, now I'm off to finish the rest of my assignments. peace!