Journal...

[Mr. Mystery II]

This post is more of a stream of consciensness than a post with a point, but I'm gonna post it anyway A-hole!

I was writing a post/journal entry earlier today and I found it interesting how my attitude changed by the end of writing it. I've never written something outside of the forum and then posted it here until now, but I like what I wrote and I think I might start doing it more often.

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You all look at Pook on this forum, and you see a guy who is suffocated in worship and idolization. Good for him right? He's gotta be getting such an ego boost from this right? No. It sucks to be idolized.

This is a point I've been at for awhile now, in real life. I have trouble relating to people because I'm put on a pedestal, and occationally I become a target for some fake alpha trying to knock me off the pedestal in an effort to take my place, funny stuff since I don't wanna be on the pedestal anyway. I don't want down from the pedestal, I'd actually rather have a few more people join me up here.

I tell people that I have great general love for mankind, but I have much trouble with individual love.

The reason for this is that I can't relate to people. I think completely differently than most people. Becoming a strong, self-reliant man is a good thing to aspire to, but when you get there you will find yourself very much alone in this world of weakness. Now I sound like an egotistical a$$, right? Well let me tell you the story of how I got where I am. I have always had a great deal of self esteem, I never did care about what others said or did, I was going to do what I wanted to do. I had the best girls in school all throughout Elementary. People said I was the sweetest kid they had ever met, I felt sympathy for everyone and everything. This brought about Depression. I was diagnosed with Manic Depression at age 10, and by age 11, I had gone so far as to attempt suicide. Where did things go awry? I cared too much, and I found the world and people in it to be terrible, but I still cared for both so much it made me crazy. I took anti-depressant drugs from the age of 10-13 or 14 when I finally decided that drugs where only handicaping me from getting better. I stopped taking drugs and started High School. Same story here, I learn to deal with my depression enough to manage ok socially, people respect me, but I don't respect them. I'm extremely judgemental of everyone. I place general morals on myself and follow them, people tell me I'm the realist guy they know, but I don't see anyone else following these moral. No eveyone else is too worried about being precieved as "cool" and will do anything to gain that preception. Fast forward to senior year H.S.: I look around me and I see all these people having fun, dating each other, and just taking it easy. I realize my flaw. I am judging them by my morals. I had a superiority complex, I was sure that I was right and they were wrong and I judged them by the laws I lived by. I decided I wanted to have fun, I wanted to lighten up, I wanted be happy. I started reading books on positive thinking and even tried going to a psychiatrist, something I hadn't done since I was 13 or so, but the psychiatrist didn't work, the books however did help alittle, one in particular: "Psycho Cybernetic" - Maxwell Maltz. Then after seeing the movie Swingers, I started trying to get girls. It wasn't easy at first, but I have become very good at everything I've ever put time and effort into so I knew that if I kept at it, it would become easy and natural. Throughout H.S. girls occasionally like me, but I always found something wrong with them. Now I was going and talking to random women, it was nerve wracking but I was determined to get better. Then I found my way to SoSuave through I believe Askmen.com. I loved all the info to find at SoSuave, I read the tips daily at the main website for months before I figured out there was a forum. I joined the forum and started giving advice. Most of my advice was from not the bible, but common sense, then the rest from either experience or the bible. I got better and better with women over time, but the key to my happiness was not judging others the way I did in H.S. But in going through so much I lost my sense of pity for others.

This brings me to the present. I still live by the same morals that others seem to ignore, but I don't worry about what others are doing now, unless it affects me directly. Here I am, I am a man, people like me, and respect me, but I can call few of them friends because I can't relate to them. I find it easy to connect with people I just met, but beyond that there is little to keep me interested in them, which in turn makes them try to earn my affection for a short time until they give up, and lose interest in me. I have love for everyone in general, but I have trouble loving individually. I can only hope and assume this is just a phase in my growing path to manhood. I don't know. I hope that I start running into more people that are more like myself, I still have a long way to go as far as where I want to take my career, perhaps I'll start meeting more self-motivated interesting people through that. But then I think, perhaps to be great truly is to be lonely. To be great is to only rely on yourself including emotional support and good times. Ah, I'm starting to think clearly now. I'm relying too much on friendship, I take it way too seriously! Why does there have to be alot of trust, friends should be there to just have fun with, they don't have to be people you've known forever and that know you. You don't have to count on them, you should only count on yourself. Man, glad I started writing this I was feeling pretty down, and I didn't even realize it until halfway through writing this, this happens almost in cycles, ups then downs, and everytime I pull myself out of a down by realizing that I'm taking things way too seriously. I truly believe the key to happiness is a nonchalance and joy of life.

Wow I went pretty off topic there. Alright back on course, I truly do feel alone. But does anyone that is truly self reliant, or relatively close to it able to relate easily to most others? I don't know. I'll be curious to figure that out later on in life, or at least spend a minute or two thinking about.

People meet me and want more from me than I have time, energy, or motivation to give. If you want to be that fun loving, easy going guy people will love you, but you can't stay too easy going because everyone wants to be your best friend and you don't have time, so you gotta be an a$$hole and keep telling them to back off. This is something I'm still not good at dealing with. I more or less just politely as possible brush off the subject of hanging out with people that don't really want to hang around. I'm still not really comfortable with telling people to basically "fvck off" without being an A-hole.

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And thats where I stopped.

Mr. Mystery

 

[DJHoolahoop]

try reading some other books on being sincere when telling people you don't want to hang around them.

two favorites of mine right now is the classic "how to win friends and influence people" by dale carnegie and the other is How to talk to anyone: 92 little tricks for big success in relationships... they give you the hands down of communication and being a person people can warm up to and understand without coming off the wrong way.

now here's a question i have for you.. what were you trying to get at in that journal? frustration? loneliness? if those things are a cause of something, maybe you should look for a solution.

if you feel you need to lower your standards in order to make and keep friends, then you should. because i've had to do that in order to give and not just take.

for instance, i had to learn how to talk with people in order to help compromise as opposed to how i'd guilt people into doing the same thing. one has more rewards than the other, obviously, and one is more respectful than the other.

i heard a great quote from a movie or show or alike and it went like this "if you count on people to make you happy, they can also make you unhappy" and it brings upon the point that you should look to yourself to bring out happiness and refuse to rely on others to fulfill the void. I know it's tough being alone, but look at the benefits of being able to do what you want without being tied down. And look at the fact that when you're busy, you don't feel as lonely because time is moving faster and those people will want to be in your life when you give them the same interest.

Just don't do it at the expense of yourself is all. Odd thing is, I sensed a lot of me in this post as it truly reflects on myself in the same manner as i grow older.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

DJhoolahoop:

I don't really know what I was writing about, like I said it ended up being just a stream of consciencness. I think I started out writing about lonelyness and just went from there.

I have read HTWF&IP, and I'm now rereading it. Alot of stuff in that book is good for business more than gaining actual friends. I'll look into that other book you mentioned.

The reason I posted it is that it shows my thoughts progress from very pessimistic to optimistic. I talked myself out of it on paper. Alot of people ask how do you maintain a happy mindset? Well I think this is the best answer I can give. I get down sometimes but I'm always able to smack myself outta it by asking myself a few logical questions, reminding myself I'm not gonna be here forever so I should enjoy the time I got, and remembering how nice it is to be happy. Funny how we overinflate our problems sometimes.

Don't let the sound of your own wheels make ya crazy! Thank you Don Henley.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Wow I went pretty off topic there. Alright back on course, I truly do feel alone. But does anyone that is truly self reliant, or relatively close to it able to relate easily to most others? I don't know. I'll be curious to figure that out later on in life, or at least spend a minute or two thinking about.

Heres something I think I got figured out. a man that is self reliant doesn't seek to relate to others at all, he just doesn't feel alone for he only relies on himself, duh. Kindness towards others is just a bonus I guess, it doesn't really have anything to do with self-reliance.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Dominant]

The reason it's hard to relate to people once you start becoming emotionally independent and accomplishing goals in your life is because most people just don't have the initiative and the drive to do what you're doing.

Most people are too scared or too lazy to make something of their lives. If you're going for the amazing life and spending most of your time attaining a great life as opposed to watching TV and playing video games, that puts you in the minority.

If you're ambitious and hard working, you simply can't relate to the common man. There are others out there like you, you just gotta find them. You gotta proactively find them because they are rare. Most people limit their capabilities and thus won't ever reach your stature in their life. Sad but true.

-Dominant