Journal - A freshman's struggles.

[TheMusic]

After hesitating for a while I think it's the right time for me to start this journal. I am TheMusic, and I'm making this journal to keep track of my actions, to ask for your opinions on certain things but mostly to keep myself motivated. One of my main concerns is my lack of confidence. I used to be a very shy guy, so talking to girls really gets me out of my comfort zone. One of the biggest things that helped me with this has been acting and performing. To improve my confidence, I tried to join some bootcamps here on SS, but due to holidays/illness I was never able to finish one, and always quit around the second or third round.

A little bit about myself:
- Interested in acting
- Interested in modelling
- Musician
- 6'2''
- 17 years old
- Freshman


For now, I set some goals to keep myself motivated.
- Become Famous
1. Become a better actor
A. Take acting lessons
B. Do a lot of castings for experience
2. Become a model
A. Make a portfolio
B. Become better looking
a. Work out
b. Skincare
c. Eat healthy
3. Become a better musician
A. Make a practice scheme for all your instruments
B. Perform more
- Move out
4. Get basic skills
A. Cooking
B. Washing & Ironing
5. Find a room
- Other
6. Become better at sailing
A. Train 2 times a month
7. Find a job
8. Get high grades in school

These goals are also to work on my confidence, so in the end it'll help me with the ladies.

In this journal I'll keep track of my life with the girls, and also tell what I'm doing to achieve my goals.

Any comments? I'm open for suggestions or questions!

 

[jericg]

Get started!

 

[TheMusic]

Friday 28-09
Tonight, it's party time! Started with some beers at the bar across my school with some other random people from higher years. After that had some fries (actually, it was a huge package), shared it with the friend and girls I was with. Went back to school, got my stuff, delivered it a my sleeping adress (a girl, named V, I'll talk about her later 'cause that's a weirdass story…), and went back to school, to find my friends. We gathered there, and went to the party at another bar. Had some beers, talked to a few people (however, no hot girls - shame on me!). It was getting hot in there, so got out with a hot girl in my class, walked a while and went back. Then I drank some more beers (I seriously need to drink less.). Got hungry, went to get some Durum Döner with a few people. Had the funniest talk with the cook there. Smelled like garlic, so approached 2 random chicks to ask for gum. They didn't have it, so I went back to the party and asked it there. Ugly girl gave me peppermint, I was happy. Had a nice talk with some dude. Party became boring, went out with a group of classmates and we all went to a club.

In the club we danced, drank a lot, and had some fun. After I while, I became completely bored. All the girls were older, and there were a lot of older guys (ratio 5:1). I still have no idea how to approach girls in clubs (I suck at approaching on the streets too btw.). So I was bored as **** in that club for a few hours, had some vodka. Then we went out, friends started smoking, didn't join them 'cause I wanted to stay sharp. Then we went to have some more kebabstuff at another store. After that I met with the girl I was sleeping at (V).

A little background about her: don't know the girl very good, she was on the same highschool as I, but a year higher. Asked here if I could crash at her place, was in the end no problem. The problem was her. She drank a little bit too much, and when we lay down, she started to touch me everywhere and sht. I was like; fck it, don't care, as long as I can sleep. But then she tried to kiss me and she smelled like **** (probably too much beer…) So I said no. She kept touching me the whole night, It annoyed me like ****. But I was happy I could stay there and didn't have to travel home, so I kept my mouth shut. Problem is; next morning, when she was sober, she started pulling that touchy sht again… I got really annoyed, left as soon as I could.

Saturday 29-09
Got home. Was tired as fck, but decided to go join some small amateurorchestra, 'cause I remembered one of my goals; "Perform More". Well, that was fun. And now I'm gonna bake 2 pies, to learn cooking. Also made a schedule for practicing my instruments, and I'm gonna make another workoutschedule today. Being very productive.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Blowing?

Im assuming the V girl wasn't hot?

And names like 'V' and 'BJ' don't work, cause they're impossible to keep track of who's who.

 

[TheMusic]

The V girl wasn't hot indeed. Just average. Next time I'll assign nicknames, and I think the V girl won't be mentioned again.

 

[TheMusic]

Sunday 30-09
Had some family over. Ate the pies (they were delicous). Got a new instrument (a melodica), 'been practicing for a while and it sounds nice. Played a lot with the family, but didn't get out of the house.

Other thing: texted with a girl I know from 4 years ago (when I had guts to approach random chicks in the swimming pool...) She reminded me on FB that we still had to go swim sometime again.

Me: Swimgirl! How was studying? Are you some kinda sexy nerdchick now?
She: TheMusic. I've always been one, you know that. And how's your night?
Me: True. We should stop postpone and pick a date. What are you doing on a random thursday?
She: Well.. Most of the time I'm free on thursdays. So that shows some perspective on a swimming date with you!
Me: Gonna be a little bit lonely in the pool. I don't mind to do anything else than swimming?
She: Haha that's gonna be exciting... No just kidding haha, lets plan something else? You have any suggestions?
Me: Would be a little sad for the pool supervisors. On the other side; you in a bikini...hmm. Movie is not gonna work. Is there anything to do in your region?
She: Haha. Bad.. Hmm little i guess! But, with you it's always fun, isn't it?
Me: What about a trip through the country? We could take a picture with a statue in every town? Just need to put in some bikinipart..
She: Haha that's really an amazing idea! I'm serious. Hmm than you can get that later.
Me: Okay. I'm gonna find a route, you're gonna think about the day and your outfit. Goodnight!
She: Deal! Sleep tight.

Monday 01-10
Long day at school. Fell almost asleep next to a cute girl in train. Was too shy too talk to her. Too bad, 'cause she sounded very sweet when she asked if I could maybe move a little so she could get out. I'm noticing that I'm having major problems with talking to strangers. I have problems with talking in general; even with friends I can't keep a conversation going. Should work on that, anyone tips?

Texted with Swimgirl again.

Me: Hey Swimgirl, which places do we need to see? X, Y, Z?
She: Ehm, defenitely X! Or we just pick a train and see where we land? haha
Me: We can start the tour in X, [description], and then end with a trip to Swimgirl's room?
She: Haha pfft, you're not very subtile, are you?
Me: I'm on a mission.
Me: I hope your outfit is adventureproof btw.

She didn't reply after this, so I probably messed up, but **** it.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I don't see a problem. You just need to meet up with this girl and not fvck up on text and make a move when you see her.

 

[TheMusic]

Tuesday 02-10
Not much to say. Didn't have any connect with Swimgirl, dunno if she is still interested.

Wednesday 03-10
First day of visiting some business for my study. Had fun, met my new temporary colleagues, but was freaking tired. Had to get up early to get there in time, and when it was about 13:00 I felt like it was late in the evening. Then traveled back home, watched some show and stepped back into the train. Was in there for about two hours, 'cause I was going to give sailing lessons on thursday to some schoolkids. Arrived there in the evening, had fun with them, one girl was definitely into me, but they are too young and I have my principles. Played some tabletennis, found out I was in school with a lot of brothers and sisters of those kids and went to sleep very late.

Thursday 04-10
Had an exhausting day. Busy sailing with kids for the whole day, the wind was a little too strong in the afternoon, so worked my balls of to keep them safe. Felt responsible. Had a lot of fun with this one girl, pretended she was my sister, all the kids believed us. I noticed that I felt like a real alfa when I was there. All the others looked up to me, and I was social to everyone. I should be able to use the way I felt back then in my actions with girls later.

Friday 05-10
Didn't fap for quite a long time, became kinda desperate, contacted a girl on wednesday, she said it was okay for me to come by on friday. Went to her place directly after school. We started messing around for a while, watched a movie on her room. Holded hands, I knew we were going to make out, but something stopped me. I hesitated for a long while, because she wasn't as hot as the last girl I've been with. Then started making out, feeling around. She stopped me every time my hand went down (probably because her mom was at home). Then I left, I got bored. I was very boring, 'cause I was tired. Had nothing to say, still scored. Dunno why.

 

[TheMusic]

11-10 - Party 1
Started drinking at some classmate's house. Had a lot of beer, drank , made music and had a lot of fun with all my classmates. One of them is kinda into me, too bad she's not the hottest one.
Then we walk to the trainstation (me carrying that girl that's into me and walking arm in arm etc.). In the train we start singing all a cappella pieces and make wonderful (way too loud) music. It's a miracle that people didn't complain. When we arrived in the city we went to a club. But when it was my turn to go in, they looked at my ID and said "Sorry man, you're too young". So I was like, **** it. My friends followed me out of the que, and we went to a bar. There we drank, and they all made plans to get me in. I knew they all really wanted to go, but that they didn't wanna leave me. Made me feel bad, so I said "Guys, just texted some friends. I'll be hanging around there for the evening, you go to the club." They looked really happy, so I walked them to the club and then started wandering around.
Didn't have the balls to approach girls (perfect opportunity, I know..) Then I texted some girl from my school, went to her place, drank tea and talked for two hours. After that, went back, walked around the city for a while, then went back to the club. There my friends just got out. We all had kebab, I lied about what I did that night and slept at a friends place.

12-10 - Party 2
Party at my old school! No booze, no old chicks, just me. Went in there, felt great. Everybody greeted me, I knew so many people (others noticed, got interested). First took a picture with a lot of girls, then went in to party. Danced with all hotties of my age, had fun with younger girls, convinced some girls to start dancing with a young friend of mine, had a wonderful night (too bad this one chick who was really into me got out with her drunk friend and didn't come back… Texting with her atm, arranging dates). It felt good to be like the king of the school.

13-10 - Party 3
A good friend of mine celebrated his birthday, so came over to party like madmen! On the couch, some slut sits on my lap. Had some beer. Then I stood up to get a drink and someone takes my place. When I come back, I ask a girl to stand up and offer her my lap, so I can take her seat. She agrees. Have fun trying to open her bra through her shirt (I really need to practice that). Then I got behind the piano and started to sing. People joined me singing, and the people at the party got all very happy. After that we decided to go out.
Went to some bar first, saw some old classmates, talked, got back, sat at the table and then we decided to go to a club. Arrived there, saw some chick I knew, greeted her, talked for 2 secs and then she went back to her friends. I was there with a lot of dudes, and all of them (except one) are afraid of girls or something like that. I danced around like a beast, had fun, some ugly students grabbed me by my tie and dragged me to them, I got an "approved"sticker (teehee, made me so damn proud) and then went back. Then the guys all decided to leave. I saw some hot girl, wanted to go talk to her, but she disappeared. One of the guys seemed not afraid of girls, helped me look for her. Than he saw a girl he wanted to go for, walked there with him, introduced, and then I left them.
The group wanted to leave, I was like "Hey, I wanna score chicks!". Hoped the other chickloving guy would think that too, but no. He didn't… So we went out (he scored the number of the girl) and then waited for some friends of his (also the hot girl I saw earlier).They arrived damn late, so we couldn't get back into the bar where the others were. Sat outside, ate something, saw the hot girl being very drunk and making out with some dude. Approached some girl I once had seen somewhere with a question, and then walked away cause I was bored. Other chick ****ed me with her eyes and then walked away. Should have approached.

18-10 - Party 4
So, another party where I just know about 3 people… Introduced myself to a lot of new guys and girls, danced with them for a long time. Had fun with some younger girls, asking them to teach me dance moves. They loved me.
Then there were these two girls. Blonde and Brunette. Met Blonde first. Had fun with her making crazy dance routines, and highfives and stuff. Then Brunette enters. Getting really close after a while, dancing a few times (never longer then 10 sec) and I thought she was really attracted to me. Then (when I found out I was on Lower School [I don't know what's the name of the school before highschool] with her) her girlfriend whispered something in her ear, and all of a sudden, she said "Maybe you should know that I've been having a boyfriend for the last 2,5 years". BAM! That hurts man, I really thought I could see she was attracted to me. I didn't handle the situation well, said something like "So? Don't really care". Was stupid.
Then went to some friends, danced there, Blonde came over, highfived, danced, but we didn't have that killer eye contact or deep connection I had with Brunette. Then, when I was about to leave, she walks up to me and whispers in my ear "You have become freaking hot since lower school". Maybe I should try talk to her, see if we can end that relationship of hers…

 

[TheMusic]

21-10 Night out with the colleagues
We started of with some boring walk through the city (was about 15:00). Started drinking beer about then. After that we went to some all you can eat place, where you could have unlimited drinks for €5,-. Everybody got pretty wasted, we drank a damn lot... Then we went to some bar. Sat on the couch, with 2 of my female colleagues on my lap, chillin' out. Across the table, on the other couch were 2 girls and a guy, one fatty, and one, pretty cute curly girl. After a while me and 2 friends went out for a walk. I asked that friend if he knew any girl around here, to come join us. He did, called her, I got a glimp of the number and texted her (I was pretty bored). When we went back, I got a lot of free beers (I didn't pay after that €5,- for the whole evening )

After that, we went to two other places with some guys and girls. It was fun, but I didn't have the guts to approach. Two other guys of the group chatted up some Milfs, we had a nice talk, they said us to go to some place, went there, was not that special. Then went back to the bar where we were.

Danced for a while there with my group of friends, then went to another part of the dancefloor. Sat down on the table and saw the cute curly girl sitting next to me. She was waving at herself like a madmen, so I smiled at her, and she started explaining why she did that. Then introduced myself to her, started talking. Ended out on talking about studys and stuff pretty fast, so I was like f*ck it, and started using some canned material. We did the questiongame [source: simple pickup], then danced for a while (she asked for my number when the song "Call me Maybe" came on ), then I sat, pulled her into me. Talked a while about stuff, don't remember. Lost my friends, so I said to her "We're gonna do one more dance together, and then I'm leaving". We danced, didn't feel any chemistry, but kkay.
So I sat down again, pulled her into me, then put her arms around my shoulders [source: the pick up artist TV series] and asked "On a scale from one to ten, how good of a kisser are you"[source: the pick up artist TV series]. She said she wasn't that good. Tried to go for the make out, but she said "No, I don't do that with guys I just know." I looked her in the eye pretty deep, and then started to make out with her. She didn't hesitate after taht. Was pretty fun.

Problem: my friends left with my ride home. So I decided to look for other colleagues I knew, called them. Curly girl and her fat friend walked me to the trainstation, then I got a call from a colleague to come to his house. Drank a bit, then crashed on the couch. Fun night. Andddd I did my firs cold approach ever.

Goals for the future:
- Quit drinking. I'm not having any benefits by it.
- Score hotter chicks. (All the girls i've had i would give in the original order a 6,5 - 7,5 - 6 - 6,5 - 6 - 6,5 - 7,5 - 6,5 - 7 - 8 - 6 - 6,5 )
- Do more cold approached
- Work on the goals in the first post.

 

[TheMusic]

02-11 Night at some girls place
I believe she's one of the 6,5s in the list above. Talked to her a lot on facebook, after not seeing her for about half a year. Started texting with her 2 days ago, arranged to meet (we still had some vague deal about a massage I would get). So went to her place, claimed my massage, gave one, then laid down at her bed 'cause I often get bored at girls places. She started making out with me.
To make a long story short; got her topless, but wasn't allowed to do anything else, because her little sister was in the room next to hers.
Then she seriously hesitated about 20 minutes about giving me a BJ, but in the end she didn't, because of little sis. Convinced her to go with me to the forest nearby, so we could finish things there. And then, when we were outside, her parents came home and she didn't wanna go anymore.
Trying to meet her again next week, when she's home alone, to finish things.

Other thing: I quit masturbating about 40 days ago.
Benefits:
- I sleep better
- I talk to more girls in a more sexual way
- I really take action and arrange dates and stuff.
Bad sides:
- I'm getting bored.

Short question to end this post with:
Guys, how do you get a girl to actually blow you when she's in doubt? I don't need some trick, or things like "force her" but when she is really in doubt, I just don't know what to say...

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Put it in her mouth/turn her on.

 

[TheMusic]

Then Brunette enters. Getting really close after a while, dancing a few times (never longer then 10 sec) and I thought she was really attracted to me. Then (when I found out I was on Lower School [I don't know what's the name of the school before highschool] with her) her girlfriend whispered something in her ear, and all of a sudden, she said "Maybe you should know that I've been having a boyfriend for the last 2,5 years". BAM! That hurts man, I really thought I could see she was attracted to me. I didn't handle the situation well, said something like "So? Don't really care". Was stupid.
Then went to some friends, danced there, Blonde came over, highfived, danced, but we didn't have that killer eye contact or deep connection I had with Brunette. Then, when I was about to leave, she walks up to me and whispers in my ear "You have become freaking hot since lower school". Maybe I should try talk to her, see if we can end that relationship of hers…

I'm a cruel man.
All of a sudden, she messaged me on facebook "Maybe we should stop talking" (I've been messaging with her a lot since that party). I asked why. "I notice that I see things in you that I really miss in my boyfriend. Or I'm starting to miss them in him because I see them in you. And I know our conversations aren't that special, but I can't deny that I find you attractive and a very hot guy. And I notice that lately I've been wanting more... I'm more looking forward to a message from you than to things from my boyfriend. And I don't find it fair for my boyfriend, 'cause I notice that I like him less when I compare him to you".
Turned this **** into a normal talk. Dunno what I'm gonna do with her.

11-11 Some crappy party
I've been walking and standing from 10 till 8, was very tired. Decided to go to the party anyways, because this girl asked me to come. She was hot. There was some sexual tension between us a year ago, wanted to finish business. So went there, had her on my lap, but couldn't close. So I had to go home, they went out. Went with her to the club, said goodbye too others, got her to follow me to my bike. Then her friend suddenly joins her. So I can't het rid of that *****, end up with a peck on my cheek and the promise that we'll meet soon. I asked about it next day, and her excuse was that she couldnt stop herself from making out with a hot guy, but that she didn't want to make out because she wanted to be able to see me in a normal way, that's why she took the friend. Then she tried to friendzone me, luckily escaped that and turned the conversation the other way around.

 

[TheMusic]

No Fap - Day 70.

Having fun by making girls send pictures with not so much clothing to me.
Going to some girls place next wednesday, hope I'll get head.

Need to start watching the blueprint again.
Searching a job atm, and still need to do a fotoshoot to get into castings.

Have to set priorities and stop doing nothing...

 

[LearningSlowly]

I'm really impressed by that brunette. She was so forward with you and really explained what she thought. If you'd like to date her, I think you could. Don't break up her relationship over a hook up though.

You might be developing a bit of an ego. Be careful of that. Remain confident while eliminating your ego (the bigger the ego, the more it hurts when a rejection happens).

 

[TheMusic]

That's a good one... Although I still need to figure out how I can eliminate that ego.

& I don't want her to break up her relationship. But I'm still keeping contact in case things go that way.

 

[Gripped]

I bet you find poon easy to come by- if you're a model AND a musician, unless of course you mean you play the triangle

 

[TheMusic]

I'm not a model. I would like to be a model. Just auditioned for some student project (a movie). And I'm maybe doing a shoot with a friend of mine soon. Would be awesome.
Besides, I'm a shy guy, and I find it hard to talk to people. So that's where things go wrong

 

[TheMusic]

02-11 Night at some girls place
I believe she's one of the 6,5s in the list above. Talked to her a lot on facebook, after not seeing her for about half a year. Started texting with her 2 days ago, arranged to meet (we still had some vague deal about a massage I would get). So went to her place, claimed my massage, gave one, then laid down at her bed 'cause I often get bored at girls places. She started making out with me.
To make a long story short; got her topless, but wasn't allowed to do anything else, because her little sister was in the room next to hers.
Then she seriously hesitated about 20 minutes about giving me a BJ, but in the end she didn't, because of little sis. Convinced her to go with me to the forest nearby, so we could finish things there. And then, when we were outside, her parents came home and she didn't wanna go anymore.
Trying to meet her again next week, when she's home alone, to finish things.

So.. met her again this morning. She said she would be home alone, but when I got there she was like "My little brother can get home any moment".
Didn't get a bj, but I did finger her. Seems like I have talent, she liked it
Still ****ed up that she left me with blue balls for the second time...

 

[TheMusic]

Went out with the hockeyteam. Started at some other friends house, grabbed a beer, then went to McDonalds, where I met the team. Ate some stuff, then we went to a bar. Had 2 beers, no big deal. Then the Brunette with the Boyfriend (read the 18-10 Party 4 Entry) texted me, that she was going out and wanted to see me. (I asked her to set me up with one of her hot friends). So we went to a club, convinced her to come. She was there before me, so she was getting out when we got in, convinced her to stay (it was her birthday). Gave her 3 kisses on the cheeks. Then, inside, it was just boring. Her friend wasn't hot... After 30 minutes I said "You should go, your friend is bored, and you should party 'cause it's your birthday" (we were in a really dull place but my team was here, so couldn't leave). So she hugged me goodbye, 3 long kisses again, and damn, the way she touched me was just... I still think she wants me. But she is too afraid to loose the boyfriend.

Anyway, after that I used an old trick of mine. Saw 2 girls doing some weird dance. Started copying it. One of my teammates joined me. The girls laughed, I went to them, asked to teach me the dance. They introduced themselves. One of them (Blonde) was looking at her phone all the time, so I asked the other (Brunette) what was going on. She didn't respond well. Anyway, I convinced Brunette to get the phone from Blonde girl and give it to me. I saw my friend was interested in the Blonde, so I gave him the phone and whispered in the Blondes ear "I gave him your phone. Maybe, If your really nice to him, he'll give it back". She smiled at him and started dancing with him. The Brunette tried to get her friend back, so I started dancing with her. Then I saw my friend making eyecontact and such, but not doing anything. So I put the Brunettes girl around my shoulders, and started making out. 1 second later they were making out too. She was pretty, although I heard 5 minutes later from some dude she was a slut... Dunno.
However, winging for my friend felt pretty good.

Hope to go out with him more. He's a nice guy.