Joke with a profound message on gold diggers

[Killswitch_Blackout]

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 100 - 150. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 150,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.


--------------------


THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

 

[Big Pappy]

wow.
I'm just stunned.
Stupefied.
Your reply was spot on, but my reactions are to the ad placed on Craig's list.

Is half a mill really middle class in NYC? I'm thinking not. I'd place 45k more middle class, but I'm from way down south where 32k is probably average.

 

[Tiguere]

it wasnt his reply. this have been around the net for a few years already. no confirmation if it was even truth.

 

[GotED?]

I like 'stick a fork' in you.

That was the best line for a long time to come now.

Most of this (whether if it is true or not on the net) has a good solid foundation on logic.

Thanks for sharing.

Exodus

 

[Colossus]

Yeah that has been circulating Craigslist for at least 5 years now. Still hilarious though.

This is really just the age-old sexual bartering paradigm played out on a modern scale:

Youth and beauty for provision and security.

It's quite natural actually, although not necessarily fair. Men do want youth, beauty, and homemaking. And women want security. But like the guy said, beauty is a depreciating asset. Women know this instinctively, if not cognitively. Provisioning is lifelong.

A good DJ needs to expect more out of his woman than youth and beauty if he is going to give up his free agency and share his earnings with her. Of course in reality monogamy is more than just an exchange of assets, it's a relationship. You need to actually LIKE the girl.

That's the problem I'm having now. I meet these women who bring some good feminine qualities to the table, but I'm just not feeling them for one reason or another. They might be 15lbs overweight, they might talk about themselves too much, they might be too clingy, they might be too worn out. It's disheartening.

 

[Zarky]

It's a good reply. Very rational and thoughtful. Brings up an excellent point about depreciation in the mating market. And not linear depreciation but accelerated. Thanks for sharing.

 

[goundra]

wtf would a guy who makes that kind of money want some cvnt who is looking to spend HALF or more of it every year? Indeed, why would any guy bother with any of these stuck-up,lazy ignorant US bvtches? sheesh.3rd world women think nothing of killing a fish or chicken, gutting it, cooking it on a wood fire and serving you a fine meal, washing clothers by HAND, in a CREEK, wtf would you want some cvnt who "thinks' that loading the dishwasher and warming something in a microwave, maybe doing a load of laundry in a laundromat is a "day's work". ?