Jealousy issues

[thecraftylefty]

It's not often I ask for help, and I'm not really sure about how to go about asking for help so here it goes: how do you guys deal with jealousy??? I'm not talking about the girl you had a ONS with or a quick makeout session. No, I'm talking about the jealousy you feel when you hear about the girl you've been dating is being flirty with other guys. I know I shouldn't feel jealous, but I do. I can't help it.

Any help is appreciated (especially by the veterans who've been through a lot).

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Just know deep down inside you are the man bro.... it's that simple. She can date King King, but he ain't got nothing on you.

Let me tell you what one fine honey once told me about her boyfriend having jealousy issues... she said simply...

"I don't need another father, I have one. If there's one thing women hate, it's jealous men."

For real.... jealousy says, you are insecure, not confident, and who wants to be with that?

 

[JohnJones]

I do a couple of things:

1) I know that I meaninglessly (and without intention of doing anything wrong) flirt, and that's what she is doing

2) Physically relax and assume that if she did anything wrong, she wasn't what I thought and that my only error was not seeing it. No Sweat. She knows if she did that I would just disappear anyway (no scene, no injury, just she wouldn't be good enough anymore).

3) If she's doing it in front of you, it is probably to get a reaction from you (up to you to decide what you do about that).

Don't know if these will work for you, but it works for me.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

The only way to deal with jealousy is to yield to it and work with it, have some fun with it, use it to mind f*ck your women. Don't *try* to fight and conquer jealousy it just won't work and will simply amplify your problems. Embrace jealousy and look at it objectively and you'll soon realize that it has no power over you.

For example, your chick is hanging out with some male friends and it bothers you deep inside? Well, you simply tell her something as follows: "Hey Sandy, are you going to hang out with Robert tonight?" She'll say "yes I think so". You say "great. I hope you have some fun. You know that Robert is really smart and sexy. Sometimes I think you and him would make a better couple than we do. I mean you guys have all the same interests, you never argue, and you even dress alike (here you're subtly putting down the guy or her...or whoever dresses like crap...) Sandy, if ever we decide to start seeing other people, I'd really want you to hook up with Robert"....This will make her all insecure and jealous about you. She'll say things like "Lefty, what do you mean if ever we start seeing other people? And by the way, me and Robert fight all the time and I think he's so unattractive really. I think of him as a brother...Do you want to see other people? Is that why you're mentioning me and Robert?".... It may seem simple but it works like a charm. Now you've made her jealous and insecure about you, when she's the one hanging out with the other guys.

What I do with my LTR chick just for fun is the following:

She's an artist while I'm a finance dude in a suit and tie. So we already look incongruent together.

So every once in a while we're walking downtown and some bum on the street with tatoos and rags walks by begging for money, he looks like the artsy type of guy with all kinds of piercings and stuff and I'll say "hey babe, check out this guy, he must be a musician or a painter, just like you. Maybe you should date him and simply have an affair with me"...hahahaha....

She goes nuts every time I pull this trick. She'll get all insecure and think that I want to fool around on her....or that I see that we're not compatible in the long run. She'll say me and her are like "Dharma and Greg" from that stupid sitcome...

Other times, I'll deliberately start an argument about something where I know she'll have strong feelings for and then I'll use that as a launching pad for more fun and games.

For example, the other day she was talking about how the Vatican is against gay priests. So I'll say "the Vatican should never f*cking allow gay priests in their ranks. Gay priest are perverted sick animals"... LOL...and then she'll get all riled up and comes up with a million rational arguments that just blow away my irrational nonsense....

and then I'll say "you know what, lets just agree to disagree ok sweetheat. The bottom line is that I'm a conservative finance guy and you're a liberated artist; we're two totally different people. If you want a guy to agree with you, you should date that musician/painter we saw on the street today begging for money"....hahahahaha... "Baby, some artsy fartsy guy will agree with everything you say and you'll live happily every after".

And then she'll get all worried that I don't see a future with her....

So to answer your question, by doing stuff like this, I'm never jealous of this chick because I'm litterally throwing the guys at her while she's always qualifying herself to me....


BTW: One last thing, whenever I sarge a new chick who tells me she has a boyfriend, I'll say "oh that's great tell me about him" and she'll tell me a bunch of crap, and I'll say "he sounds wonderful I'm sure you two will get married" and she'll start with stuff like "we'll we're not that serious, we're just seing each other, it's only been a few weeks" blah blah blah. Chicks never wan't to agree about anything. So while I'm pushing them onto the boyfriend, they are actually throwing him off....

BTW#2: Why are you even jealous of a chick dude? You should be gaming the hell out of them.

Cheers,

Cesare Cardinali

 

[prosemont]

When you act jealous, you give her power and reduce yourself.
I know YOU wouldn't act jealous, so your question is how not to BE jealous.

If you view what she is doing as testing you and objectify it as if you are an actor in a play, you can take some of the human emotion out of it. You can look at it more clinically, ie. "oh, here she is trying to make me jealous to evoke a response. How cute. I'm not responding or, in fact, I'm going to encourage her (as Cesare does). Or, I'm going to fight fire with fire and use a woman's greatest weakness, her own insecurity, against her by flirting with women."

Having said that, contrary to popular opinion, if I think a woman is disrespecting me (by continuing to flirt all the time, etc), I tell her so. I don't care if I then appear jealous or insecure or WHATEVER because I'm bottom-lining it. She'll know that if she persists, she's out of there. I can always find another woman, I'm not about to put up with any shiite from her and, hence, my insecurity and jealousy doesn't matter. I don't lose any control or respect with her because if she persists she won't be around TO HAVE any control or TO respect me or not. I trade her in for a new and improved one.

 

[thecraftylefty]

Thanks for the responses guys. Great input.

InLawsHateMe--Nice anecdote. I understand completely. I'm going to make a note of that, "I don't need another father, I have one. If there's one thing women hate, it's jealous men." Good stuff.

JohnJones--Good way of putting the whole jealousy situation.

Cesare--Thanks for all the advice buddy. I'm gonna take it to heart. I try not to play too many games back at her but when I feel she deserves it I'll definitely take it up a notch, or even to the next level.

BTW Cesare, I know I shouldn't get jealous. I know this but I still do (sometimes). I just gotta overcome it and make the most of it.

prosemont--So true man, so true. I don't ACT jealous around her, but I definitely AM jealous at times. Learning to separate yourself from the situation and see it objectively is exactly the remedy. Also, I don't think she's doing it to disrespect me. She's a good looking girl and I understand guys are going to flirt with her, so I can relate.

I'm going to take all this advice and use it as best I can. Thanks a lot.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[xblitz44x]

Good advice everybody. I do a lot of what Cesare does with the "That's cool, everybody says that guy is hot, it looks like you found yourself a real catch there." But you can't REALLY do that unless you don't feel jealous. The bottom line is that she is going to do, what she wants to do. PERIOD. She might marry you, she might want an LTR and stay faithful, she might get into an LTR and fvck a football team, she might be doing porn behind your back... you just DON'T KNOW. And you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out - or change it.

Know deep inside that if she wants to be with you, and only you - she will and she'll be faithful to that; and it won't even be her choice. She won't WANT to cheat or flirt. If she isn't into you enough to over-ride any flirting or cheating tendencies, then she was never worth enough for you to get upset over to begin with.

For the lounge boys : )
You are going to need to detatch yourself from that ego-attachment that you have to that girl (or any girl if that's the case). You love what it feels like to be with her, or to talk to her, or to have her like you, whatever it is. And when she is flirting, you see it as a THREAT to gratification. When something threatens the gratification, your ego crys and crys and says "Get that out of the way, it's going to stop my gratification"...and hence JEALOUSY is born as a "desire" to remove the threat.

Take control of yourself, and your ego. The ego is a two year old, and it's running you right now. Everytime you feel jealous, remember that; then over-ride that.

-Jim

 

[thecraftylefty]

Thanks a lot Jim, I needed that. What you said struck a nerve, but in a good way.

Originally posted by my boy Jim
You are going to need to detatch yourself from that ego-attachment that you have to that girl (or any girl if that's the case). You love what it feels like to be with her, or to talk to her, or to have her like you, whatever it is. And when she is flirting, you see it as a THREAT to gratification. When something threatens the gratification, your ego crys and crys and says "Get that out of the way, it's going to stop my gratification"...and hence JEALOUSY is born as a "desire" to remove the threat.

Take control of yourself, and your ego. The ego is a two year old, and it's running you right now. Everytime you feel jealous, remember that; then over-ride that.

At times it's hard to separte myself from my ego, but I know it's the right thing to do. Thanks man.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by prosemont
When you act jealous, you give her power and reduce yourself.
I know YOU wouldn't act jealous, so your question is how not to BE jealous.

If you view what she is doing as testing you and objectify it as if you are an actor in a play, you can take some of the human emotion out of it. You can look at it more clinically, ie. "oh, here she is trying to make me jealous to evoke a response. How cute. I'm not responding or, in fact, I'm going to encourage her (as Cesare does). Or, I'm going to fight fire with fire and use a woman's greatest weakness, her own insecurity, against her by flirting with women."

Having said that, contrary to popular opinion, if I think a woman is disrespecting me (by continuing to flirt all the time, etc), I tell her so. I don't care if I then appear jealous or insecure or WHATEVER because I'm bottom-lining it. She'll know that if she persists, she's out of there. I can always find another woman, I'm not about to put up with any shiite from her and, hence, my insecurity and jealousy doesn't matter. I don't lose any control or respect with her because if she persists she won't be around TO HAVE any control or TO respect me or not. I trade her in for a new and improved one.

True, however I wouldnt fight fire with fire. Both of you will only get burnt. She will in turn flirt more, then u in turn will flirt more, until one of you breaks, and u will create even further distance between the two of you.

I would tell her to stop if she keeps doing it. If she doesnt stop, LOOSE HER, then no doubt she will come crawling back. After a while, she will probably just do it again, since ultimately she is an attention *****. Then u will go through the same sequence of events. If she truly loves you, she WILL stop. It might take u a few major fights and a lot of heartache, but if she is worth it and loves you enough she will stop, however this is HIGHLY unlikely.