Jealousy is getting the best of me...

[Southern_PU]

Hi guys.
I've been playing the field since 2000...

I'm not a top PUA by any means, but have quite some girls under my belt. I even had a 3some once...

I started dating this girl, a year and two months ago, after breaking up with my GF of 2 years. Actually, I was getting tired of that relationship but cut it off AFTER dating my current GF for month & half.

You can say I didn't want to be alone in the field again...

Anyway, I NEVER been jealous before, except once or two when my ex went out dancing with friends... and never been with my current GF.
She even confided that she has bisexual fantasies, of she having sex with another woman (no, I was not included in her fantasy :cuss: ) and about 6 months ago, when she told me that, I didn't have ANY problem with it.
I even told her "If it's a girl, then I don't care, cause she wouldn't be taking my place in your life".

But a month & half ago two guys who are a few years younger than me (I'm 25, she is 36) went to her house to have dinner and have drinks. These guys are friends, she knows them from a vacation she had in 2007.

One of them is the son of the couple she went vacationing with and he calls her affectionately "aunt".
So the problem was that I couldn't stop thinking of those guys and a secret plot to get her drunk and **** her the two together...
Then, we went on a short vacation and I started thinking about the fantasy and when having sex, told her that I would like to have sex with her and another women. During sex, she got hot with that thought but talking later she told me it wasn't her fantasy.

Well, a couple of days later I thought about her being touched by another women and started feeling very bad, like a heavy anxiety and anger.

And eversince, every day I keep thinking about her lying to me, staying late at work to be alone with coworkers, etc., all the time being jealous and distrustful of her...

I talked to her about it and she admitted that she had problems with BF in the past getting jelous, cause she talks about other men a lot.

She keeps telling me stories (not sexual) about ex boyfriends. Something that made me REALLY mad is that she saw porn videos in youporn with these two guys who went to have dinner with her. Just for curiosity, but ****, no guy will interpret that as anything else that sexual interest...
Also, she has some male friends. Myself, on the other hand, I have NO female friends.

My problem is that, on the other hand, I've cheated on her 3 times... first, my ex, then a friends GF sister and then with a girl at a club...

I've been thinking about that and since I love her I don't want to cheat no more. But I need to have other women in my life.
One reason for that is that I want to have sex with a wider variety. I want to be single, have multiple **** buddies and do not need to hide it from a GF. But at the same time I fear being alone and taking time to findn a **** buddy. And I also love her.
The other, is that I think that the only way for me to stop feeling this anxiety and anger about my fantasies of her betraying me is to stop needing her so much... I think that the bottom line is that I fear she will cheat on me with another guy (or girl :crazy: ), she'll like them more and then she'll dump me.

If I had options, I think this fear will be less. I envy her because I see she has WAY more options that I do. She is a woman, she can **** whoever she wants... male are simpler than girls. Also, this lesbians chicks she's talked over MSN want to **** her ASAP. So... I see myself in a situation of very low power.

I just want to go back and feel so carefree as I did... ignorance IS bliss...

Can you guys help me out on this? I really need a hand with this...

 

[Guybrush]

Whoaaa man. Your story is so complicated. Involves luscious fantasies, threesomes, yourself cheating, your gf's potential cheating...

We might have to consult a Mature SoSuaver for this one!

Bump!

 

[Southern_PU]

Some guys at another forum (3 actually) commented that I started fearing this because I started desiring sex outside the relationship.
So in a way, I projected my desire as something external.
I answered this, which I can can tell you more about the situation:

"I totally agree with that analysis. This insecurity started when I saw a video I recorded of my ex and myself having sex and started thinking that I wanted to **** other women again.

I'm sure that in order to feel fulfilled, I need to have a period of PU without a GF.
But how do you guys handle this longterm?
Let's say you are 35, ready to settle down, love a good woman and want kids.
Fast forward, you are 38 and want to go pimping again.
I see 3 options:
a) You dump her.
b) You cheat her, being sure she doesn't find out, in order to avoid hurting her.
c) Get into a weirdo swinging or open marriage arrangement.

I think I'll always want to **** other women, no matter how strong my love for a woman is.

Is there a good solution that leaves the two parts of myself satisfied? The PUA in me & the guy who fell in love with a women?
I think not, I fear these 2 aspect are incompatible.

Have any of you guys stopped wanting sex outside the relationship? Or at least had a weaker need?"

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm 25, she is 36

That is a big deal that stacks the odds against you two having a long and successful ltr. But she should be the one worried about you straying, not the other way around. She might have more options this minute, but she has an eleven year head start. As you get a few years older, the novelty of being with an older woman will wear off. Don't make too much of this one chick, who is past her prime and going downhill in her looks, which is the quality that men value the most. And btw, most women have bi fantasies. That is only normal. Don't think that she is some kind of freak or make big deal out of it; it is actually pretty normal. Also, women tend to figure out that expressing this interest to men is a powerful tool to get attention and manipulate behavior.

 

[everywomanshero]

There is a thing, and I kid you not there are scientists studying this, called mate guarding strategies. There are scientists who believe that this is an innate response to potentiol cuckolding.

What is mate guarding? according to Buss?
"Mate guarding refers strategies designed to (a) preserve access to a mate while simultaneously (b) preventing the encroachment of intrasexual rivals, and (c) preventing a mate from defecting from the mateship "

You can read about jealousy triggers and mate guarding strategies at the link below.

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/Homepage/Group/BussLAB/pdffiles/Human%20Mate%20Guarding.pdf

 

[Jeffst1980]

You're not gonna want to hear this, but I think you need to get out of that relationship, the sooner the better.

She sounds like she has some issues if she's talking about other guys (and girls) all the time and flaunting her options, despite knowing that it bothers you. You have a right to call her out if you feel she's crossed the line into disrespect, just do it calmly.

On the other hand, you are sabotaging this relationship plenty on your own. If you can't trust someone, don't stay with them! Your jealousy is eating away at you, and why? You HAVE the girl. She's with YOU, not some lesbian, not some youporn star (??). You have no reason to believe she's cheating---except for the fact that YOU'RE CHEATING ON HER!!!

I give you credit for owning up to all this, and the fact that you KNOW that you are cheating out of insecurity. Now you need to do some soul searching. Break up with her and meet other girls--you've already done the latter, and there is no way you are going to get past your jealousy issue in this relationship. Stay away from LTR's for now, wait until you have a better sense of self. You CAN conquer jealously.

 

[Southern_PU]

everywomanshero: VERY interesting read. It's along the lines of "The selfish gene". It makes a lot of sense biologically to be jealous.

Jeffst1980: yes, I think you are totally right in what you just said. I need to be alone, go out, meet anonymous girls... I think I need to get a good taste of life before settling down and this girl need someone who is past that.
So it's the best for both... I love her, but unfortunately, we are unsynchronized.

The problem is... I can break up with her, **** around for 5 to 10 years and then get happily married... but then? Let's say I REALLY love my wife... but I want to **** around again? Man, this **** is hard. I wish once you fell in love you'll stop desiring other people, life would be much simpler...

 

[DJDamage]

I'm 25, she is 36

That is a big deal that stacks the odds against you two having a long and successful ltr. But she should be the one worried about you straying, not the other way around. She might have more options this minute, but she has an eleven year head start. As you get a few years older, the novelty of being with an older woman will wear off. Don't make too much of this one chick, who is past her prime and going downhill in her looks, which is the quality that men value the most. And btw, most women have bi fantasies. That is only normal. Don't think that she is some kind of freak or make big deal out of it; it is actually pretty normal. Also, women tend to figure out that expressing this interest to men is a powerful tool to get attention and manipulate behavior.

Listen to Bible Belt, he knows what he is talking about.

I just hope you are using rubber. At 36 years of age, she just might want to have a baby and 'forget' to take the proper birth control pills or if accident occur then she won't get an abortion.