Jealously

[colonel]

Ok how am I supposed to feel about this...

I've been with my girlfriend for 2 months. It's got very serious very fast on both our parts. She tells me she wants to be with me forever.

I am not seeing her tonight as I am watching the footy round a mates.

She lives on her own and is having a male friend round for dinner tonight. I wouldn't have a problem with that, but it is someone who has fancied her for ages, she knows this and reckons he has backed of since I came on the scene. She has also told me he will probably stay over, and sleep on the couch.

I am pretty sure I trust her but I definitely don't like the way I have felt since she told me about the plans.

I know this shouldn't bother me because I am supposed to be secure in the knowledge that this girl wants me and me alone.


Any comments???

 

[FlyGuy]

It doesn't sound good, but what are you going to do about it? First of all are you two in an officially committed relationship or are you still just "dating"? If you're just dating and haven't made it officially committed then you really can't complain much even if she was shagging this dude. Heck, you could be out shagging other chicks too.

If you ARE in a committed relationship then I dunno what to tell you. If you act all jealous and ask her not to have her "guy friend" sleep over (dinner is one thing, sleeping over is another!) then it could blow up in your face. Then again she could very easily be screwin' this guy when he comes over. Do you really trust her?

If it were me and I was in a committed relationship I would ask her to respect me and not have this chump sleeping over unless there was a good reason for it. If she gave me **** over it I'd bail, I've had too many girls turn this thing around on me and use it as a guilt trip. You know "What!? Don't you TRUST me!?" Of course I trust you... until you have dinner and a sleep over with a guy that is trying to get into your pants. What it gets down to is that if she respects you and cares about how you feel she will at least understand why you feel the way you do and make a compromise.

 

[Leporello]

Beware, colonel, of jealousy. It is green-eyed monster.

Seriously, what does suspicion get you? If she's inclined to be faithful, you got worried over nothing. If she's not, your harping will only make her resentful, and push her further away.

I know, I know. It's hard to just let it go. But you have to learn how.

 

[Exiled]

Do nothing. But just let her know by signals that u don't fancy the idea.

 

[matius]

colonel- This would piss me off beyond reproach. And it is precisely the kind of mental gymnastics women can play to drive men insane. You all know that it's true. This is a case in point.

This is a catch-22. You cannot show that you are jealous in a way that makes you look like a moron. You cannot show that you are jealous in a way that makes you look controlling. And you can certainly not yell at her and come off as a father-like figure.

On the other hand...You think WHY in the F()CK does this Mutha Fu cka have to SLEEP over at my girlfriends APT. Is he going to be too drunk and stoned to leave. Just how much do I trust her and how easy will it be for her to have sex with this guy after a few glasses of wine. I'd say fairly easy, if she is hot and you know it - it's a problem.

Now, I can see a chick that's fairly good looking right...she is not that special to you (or maybe she's somewhat) and you are seeing other women. Ok, here you can take whatever position you want...you have other choices and you don't have too much invested. She has other close male friends in her circle who come over and drink and all that.

To me you make it sound a little more involved, and her telling you this means she is trying to make you bonkers. To ME, this is very disrespectful unless you know the doink and you think I don't give a shyte if she does...

What I would do is vacate the premises for a time. Exit out the back door in a clandestinely manner. Make it known in a subtle fashion that you disapprove...and go meet other women who don't treat you this way. No matter how good it has been, it's only been a couple months. You be the one to wait it out and control things on the situation rebound.

You've already invested emotionally in her, but once again, to ME, this is a sign of her calling it off...unless you KNOW it is just a friend of hers (old chums, old buddies or ol pals)...but if you suspect this dude digz her and she's just invited him over for DINNER and DRINKS and a place to SLEEP- then I WOULD say you have a lovely wrapped pile of dog shyte that STINKS. That's just my opinion, you know the rest.

 

[gr8one]

lol..."sleep on her couch"

ask yourself this question though,

If you had a choice;

Would you want to know?....or not?

 

[uniassign]

Definitely a sh!t test on her part.

I would just cut her bullsh!t right away and ask her if she is trying to make me jealous for not spending the time with her.

Puts the onus back on her without losing points on getting myself worked up on her little game ...

It matters not what she answers because if she is playing the jealousy card, you have indicated to her that you know the effect. If she is genuinely having her "friend" over for dinner then she has pre-warning that you will get jealous and suspicious.

Just to warn you, I usually have a girl over for "dinner" or I go over to a girl's house for "dinner" on a second outing. Usually the dessert is served on her...

 

[htemorp]

I agree that if you're dating, you can't do much about it, but show her small signs that you're unhappy about it. But if you're exclusive, I would bring it out to the open that you don't like the idea of a guy sleeping over at her place. Does he live on the street or something? Why is he spending a night at her place? It's not the matter of you being jealous IMO, but rather you need to stand your ground on situation such as this. What's there to be jealous about? It's not like you are telling her not to hang out with this guy or spending time with this guy, but when he's spending night over at her place, I feel that you should bring it out and discuss it.

I don't think jealousy has anything to do with this, but rather a principle.

 

[( . )( . )]

Colonel mate, firstly , wake up and smell the seamen spattered on your chicks face.

She tells me she wants to be with me forever

You should know by now that this means NOTHING an hour after she says it .. yes?

I've been with my girlfriend

Ok you did just say girlfriend, so that means you 2 are exclusive, in couple language i guess.

She lives on her own and is having a male friend round for dinner tonight.

here we go.

is someone who has fancied her for ages, she knows this

youve just been spat on in other words.

I am pretty sure I trust her

keep telling yourself that

She has also told me he will probably stay over, and sleep on the couch.

LOL this b!tch has balls.

this isnt about jealously my friend, its about DISRESPECT

if shes a f* buddy thats a different story, but she a "girlfriend" personally the term is bollocks after 2 months but anyways..

be calm relaxed, look at her with a hint of a smile and say have a good night.
and go and meet other girls.

there are sh!t tests yes , this isnt one.

 

[trajhenkhet]

If its a commited relationship, then do not worry about "laying down the law of the land". It must be done sometimes. If its just a date let the bird fly.

In any case maintain control at all times

 

[Ronin I]

There are red flags all over the place.

I had to deal with the same situation only it was her sleeping on the couch at his place.

Bullsh!t. I tolerated this sh!t (acted as if I wasn;t jealous) but I did tell her that I wasn;t happy with it. ANyway she wound up dumping me within two weeks and was dating her new "friend".

This situation is lose-lose. From my expereince I would call her out, tell her you're not comfortable with it and that she should respect your wishes - as her boyfriend you should come first.
See how she reacts to that. If she agrees and he doesn;t sleep over than maybe this is salvageable. If she puts up a fight you're fvcked.

Do a search on the internet on Histrionic personality disorder.

"I want to be with you forever" after only two months - another red flag.

Take my advice and begin to emotionally diversify yourself immediately.

 

[DJ Logic]

Run away and dont look back! NEXT this biatch before she does it to you! (Its only a matter of time)

 

[Quick]

A lot of people have good points in this thread. If you're committed, you shouldn't just take it. I already have a problem with a girl having dinner alone at her place with a guy who has declared his interest in her. The sleeping over part is where I draw the line though. The girl, as a sign of respect for your relationship, shouldn't let that happen. It's unfair to even make you tell her. She should know it's wrong. I'd ask her if she would be okay with a girl who liked me having dinner at my place and then sleeping over. If she says no, i'd tell her to act like it. If she says yes, i know she's a liar or doesn't care too much for me. I'd go find other girls and start having dinner with them at my place. Hopefully one of them would make a better girlfriend.

As far as the "be with you forever" Ronin and (.)(.) are right. I was with a girl for 1.5 years. She gave me a card for no reason telling me how much she loved me and listing all the reasons and saying how lucky she felt to be with someone as special as me. Two weeks later when she went on a vacation, she cheated on me. Girls don't operate on logic and an expression of love means different things to them than us.

 

[matius]

colonel- Let us know what happened man.

 

[htemorp]

Ya they always say those shiet. I had girls said the same shiet to me about being with forever, action speaks louder than words, ALWAYS! Remember that, and her action certainly gone without need to speak a word in this situation, and u need to recongize it.

 

[Umbra]

I'm with matius and Quick. I'd stay away from her for a while and be cool and distant. When she eventually insisted on communicating, either by continually calling or physically coming over to my place, I'd let her know very calmly that she disrespected me in a serious manner and I don't put up with that type of treatment. I would tell her that I would never do that to her, and therefore, I expect to be treated with as much respect. If she doesn't even bother calling enough to finally reach you or take time to come over and find you, dump her ass. If she does, but makes no apologies for her behavior, dump her ass.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by htemorp
I agree that if you're dating, you can't do much about it, but show her small signs that you're unhappy about it. But if you're exclusive, I would bring it out to the open that you don't like the idea of a guy sleeping over at her place. Does he live on the street or something? Why is he spending a night at her place? It's not the matter of you being jealous IMO, but rather you need to stand your ground on situation such as this. What's there to be jealous about? It's not like you are telling her not to hang out with this guy or spending time with this guy, but when he's spending night over at her place, I feel that you should bring it out and discuss it.

I don't think jealousy has anything to do with this, but rather a principle.

EXACTLY!! Face the fact, chicks love attention, this is why she is still hanging around a guy who likes her, not because she also likes him, simply because she feels flattered by him. And when she is haning around him (especially when he is staying at her house), things can happen, then she will tell you she loves you and that she doesnt know what happened. But she put herself in the situation to begin with. Man this is the kind of **** that will drive you crazy, and if you keep acting like it doesnt bother you she will keep doing it until you explode. Tell her to stop doing it and stop letting her just pull the chain when she wants. Seriously man, if she gets angry and things go bad between you two, what the f*ck, she wasnt worth it in the first place. This is disrespectful and you have to let her know. This is a situation when "the rules" go out the window.

 

[rbd]

Originally posted by Umbra
I'm with matius and Quick. I'd stay away from her for a while and be cool and distant. When she eventually insisted on communicating, either by continually calling or physically coming over to my place, I'd let her know very calmly that she disrespected me in a serious manner and I don't put up with that type of treatment. I would tell her that I would never do that to her, and therefore, I expect to be treated with as much respect. If she doesn't even bother calling enough to finally reach you or take time to come over and find you, dump her ass. If she does, but makes no apologies for her behavior, dump her ass.

This is what I'd do as well.

When she told me this I would have said something like:

"Alright xxxx, you're going to do what you're going to do, but just think about what you just told me. What if I had said that one of my female 'friends' who was hot for me was coming over to my place and she was going to spend the night? I think that's just disrespectful." and went from there depending on her response. If she realized what she had said and didn't go through with it, I'd say you still have a change (albiet a small one) with this chick. Otherwise, my gut doesn't like this situation one bit and there's red flags all over the place.

She could be genuinely interested in this guy or it could be that she just wants some chump attention, either way she's got problems if she'll try to pull this crap and not think twice about it and then tell you she wants to be with you forever. Histrionic, I'd say!

 

[htemorp]

I swear girls like to say that shiet about being with you forever and such...JUST IGNORE IT! actions speak louder than words!

 

[drZaius09]

"It's all about respect."
"Don't let her disrespect you."

You guys sure love spitting out these hackneyed quips and phrases. But let me ask you a question: whose respect really matters to you? Personally, I covet respect only from certain people whose opinions of me actually matter, such as:
- My boss
- My subordinates
- My customers
- My mother
- My brother
- My best friends
- Myself

Some b1tch who I happen to be d1cking at the moment does NOT fall into this category. Why? Because her respect means NOTHING to me. Why should it? I'm only f*cking her. If she wasn't here I could be f*cking any other of about a million chicks. My feeling is that some of you have an unhealthy need to be respected by others stemming solely from a deeply-seeded insecurity and lack of respect for YOURSELF. I promise you'll never be happy with this attitude. Take it from someone who knows what it's like to be there.