I've taken it too far

[evolvingnerd]

hi fellas
i'm being a dic-head now
i take the neg-hits a little too far
for instance, this one girl who i'm just interested in being friends with (now) i always ragged on her - and a couple of times i called her outright stupid (i meant it jokingly....just teasing her cause she was always saying how lost i was in uni, and i got her at how she was repeating this course)
of course i said it smiling and i believe i sound like i'm joking
but sometimes it just gets kinda awkward
she still hangs around me, so i guess bridges aren't completley burned yet
but wtf should i do?
any tips on how to find the balance?
i read that other post by skweints but found that totally irrelevant

cheers

edit:
i read his addition and this says it quite well actually

So I figured the best thing to do was be the exact opposite. Avoid the NICE GUY syndrom at ALL COSTS. This caused me to go from the loathable nice guy to the crazy mofo jerk. And it worked!!! ... Well, enough to get me to know the girl before she got completely turned off by me for being a complete ass to her.

 

[joecollapoppa]

Don't be out right insulting all the time. mix a little humor and sarcasm in too. Some days, be nice, other days be a jerk.

 

[Paintballguy]

I wouldnt worry about it too much, just do as joe said. Change it up some.... I've been a complete arse to some women before and they still come back. As long as you come back with a different attitude, your straight.

 

[Beethoven]

This is something I'm kinda interested in too. I'm trying to be more of a jerk, but sometimes it seems like there's 'sexy' jerk behaviour and 'just plain annoying' jerk behaviour.

The only bit I think I've got figured out for sure is that you have to give them a 'rollercoaster', with highs and lows so they get the full range of emotions.

Can anyone suggest some concrete examples of good 'jerk' things to do? I had a try at being a jerk this week with a girl on MSN, I pretended to get really angry about something she said, said 'get lost' and blocked her. But I'm not sure it really drew her any closer to me.

Any thoughts?

 

[squirrels]

Eh, you'll learn, by doing, the fine line between being a jerk and being a jerk.

It's all a balance.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

You can't be a jerk on MSN, because it will come out as rude as nobody sees your expression.

Personally I see no point in being a jerk. If you take life lightly, get a sense of humour, you will find yourself making natural neghits which do not offend anyone.

 

[Dukester]

Ya, dont be outright a jerk dude- totally turns girls off. Let her know that your a comical type of guy, so she can expect you to be funny a lot. Also let her know that you can be serious too. Ive found out that it works to let them know you joke a lot (if ya do) cuz then they dont take rude comments, or sarcastic remarks too seriously. But, like i said, there's a time to be serious, and let her know that you arent just a joker all da time. Worked 4 me on this one girl...

 

[Beethoven]

Okay, I've been doing some reading around now, and I found a thread (which I've lost alerady ) that said the jerk isn't unpleasant on purpose, he just doesn't think about what people are thinking about him.

One thing that annoys me is when people don't return my calls. I always return theirs, so (I thought) what's their problem?! But now I'm starting to get the idea that sometimes just failing to respond to a call / text (for the UK people) can be a turn-on for a girl. It shows total disinterest and that they have their own lives.

So I'm trying to be a bit less 'reliable' on the phone... It doesn't come naturally, and it feels nasty, but it might just be worth it.

I think it's been said before, but I'm just starting to 'get it' now: girls aren't attracted to the 'jerk' behaviour per se, but they are attracted to what the jerk behaviour implies about that person.

Hehe, don't rely on any of this info though, cause I'm still working it out!

 

[Cremasta]

A few things here caught my attention...

As for going too far with the neg-hits. Do you remember back in school when the teacher was up against obvious stupidity in a student? They couldn't outright tell you that you were stupid, they would use other words like 'silly' or 'childish'. If you want to use neg-hits, try it in a jokingly condescending tone and choice of words that your teachers might have used. It sort of implies that you look at them as a child, but you don't want to hurt their feelings because they are young and delicate. The keyword here is condescending.

Don't be a jerk. The term jerk is only used on this site because we haven't found a better one yet. What you want to be is your own man. Don't be at her beck and call, you have things to do. If you and her have different ideas about how you should spend your time, money and energy, then your idea should win every time.

I don't know about being less 'reliable' on the phone, that's the wrong way to go... simply don't commit yourself as much to making phone calls or returning them. You are busy, you have better things to do than spend an hour each day on the phone.

 

[SealTeamSix]

Never criticize woman directly.