I've had it, I want (and must) become a social person

[SayWhat]

Hi guys

Long story short

I've worked in a bar for over a year and a half, thus met a lot of people, had a lot of opportunities to work on this and it worked till some point. Last 4 months I quit because of another job I really wanted. This week I had a week of holidays and decided to work at my old job as a waiter for a couple of days.

My social skills were back to square one, even worse I think. The costumers that come there are regulars and I don't know what to talk about, they ask how I've been, I answer to that and that's it. Nothing more comes from the conversation. I hate talking about myself and telling them what I've been doing these last months and when I ask them about them, it sounds so forced.

Basically I'm fed up, I see people talking to other people like it's nothing, but I have so much difficulty with it, what should I say, how should I stand when saying it so to seem interested,... Not thinking about it is an easy solution, but in practice it's so hard.

Please help

 

[wifehunter]

lighten up... sounds like you're trying too hard! I struggle with this too.

Just find something funny. There's things everywhere to laugh at. Constantly observe!

Go watch some Eddie Murphy or something, and work on your timing, and delivery...

Buckwheat!!!

 

[amazingswayze]

A positive mindset is the most helpful.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

You might just care too much what others think of you. That's probably keeping you from being yourself. Just be yourself. Say what feels right and do what feels right. Your social skills will develop in result

 

[Serenity]

People talk when the pressure is off. You're putting yourself under too much pressure and too high expectations, if nothing is good enough to talk about then nothing it becomes. I used to struggle with this exactly the same way you do, but it doesn't take much to just talk. I have very low expectations when talking to people, while a lot of it is not very interesting on both sides it's usually stimulating enough to bring on the really awesome topics and stories.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Most people don't care about what the talking is about, they just care about talking in itself. It fulfills an emotional need, that of feeling part of a group, so don't worry too much about having extra-interesting conversations, and just talk about anything.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm this thread is a bit short on immediately actionable advice.

Put it on them. "Hey what's new" or if they mention a topic "what s the story with that'. They ll either eject "you know the same old thing" or carry it further and then you re talking

most people love talking about themselves you just have to give them a prod to get them started.

for the mental attitude the other posters were on Point

 

[Atom Smasher]

Could it be that you've outgrown that job and just can't connect with the people the way you used to in that particular situation because you've mentally moved on? If so, it's not a problem, but rather a sign of growth.