I've Given Up, I can't lie anymore

[loving]

hi

my names chris and on every snigle forum i will post this letter i go under the name loving

but my name is a lie. truly in life i have very little happiness and almost everything makes me miserable.

near the very top of this list is talking to people. some of these people who have 50+ years on me and backgrounds in psychology say im an extrovert. but i dont see it. talking to people makes me feel very bad, and it includes both genders of people. i dont know the reasons why, i will tell you i spent the better part of the last two years of my life trying to figure that out, and i dont care anymore

so i've decided to stop. talking to everyone. no. not just that.

i learned alesson a long time ago from ziggy marley that i have yet to apply. it is the same lesson as is taught in religion and the secret, etc. his words are "just do what you feel, and dont you fool yourself"

i feel the feeling of comfort when i am with myself and talking to myself and neither this feeling nor anything near as positive comes out when i talk to people. Or when i go on the computer or when i play video games or when i go on these seduction forums and pretend like im going in a direction i wanna be

the truth is i need to listen to ziggy and to stop trying to trick myself. the real truth is what ive been doing up until now has been tearing me up inside and im loosing my sanity.

the only time i would enjoy life is high after smoking and i realized now all that did was give me an i dont care attitude about life. so i decided to take from my positive experience and stop caring. stop caring about what all the unnecessary crap in my life means and is about and the plethora of reasons to keep me focused on it.

in truth the only two things i like are being alone and playing sports. talking to people is too much effort, and ive decided to no longer seek reward in what is outside of me, but to try and find what ive been searching for deep down inside.

i am very confused at this point and do not know if this is a path of self-liberation or depression but i am sure of one thing, and that is i am sick of the old path. setting up basecamp then waiting for a magical positive thinking bubble to bring me to the top of everest hasnt been working, and ive been at it for a long while.

this is not to say i am never happy. i have done experiments with various masters in the field that have lead me to astonishing results of feelings which i could then control but i wonder why? why put all this effort?

it has come to a point where my 'good' feelings are causing me physical pain. i was high when i listened to eckhart's power of now and the beginning anecdote of when he experienced that void in his chest that he later made into great meditative feelings, and being impressionable as i am while high, i began to feel that there too. the next day i could control it and still can do this day, but when i am not making a feeling come out of there, i experience a deep pain that a few days ago, actually made me sit down during my presentation for the class.

even when i have such great feelings and see the following results, they dont lead me to actions that fulfill my goals.

some girls give me lots of iois some give me sois some even give me literal physical signs like waving me over and screaming before ive even met them. some of the ones i know turned from this to negativity towards me and some of those ones turned back, but its all been a waste of my time. ive been learning seduction for almost a year now and have had no success because i cannot motivate myself. i learned from my past that the only thing that motivation does is tips you from the side of 'i dont wanna' to 'i wanna', over that very thick line called 'stuck in your head'. i realized i just plain dont wanna. their touch feels good but talking to girls is ****ing boring and i dont want to have to do something that makes me feel miserable just to get a load off in the end.

this is a lot i had to get off my chest before i stopped my social life completely, i am 17, in grade 12 and not willing to do more than the bare minimum of what gives me happiness. im not willing to thread through the pain because i believe there shouldnt be any. i am also aware of the future and that i must come back to the other side of the pond some time, but why? why should i be doing these basic things i feel like i would rather not be? why must i struggle in a life i do not want? why must i live and act in the realm that makes me so unhappy?

I.. I don't know.. And this is my tipping point.. I can't stand not to know anymore

 

[SharinganUser]

i am 17, in grade 12 and not willing to do more than the bare minimum of what gives me happiness. im not willing to thread through the pain because i believe there shouldnt be any. i am also aware of the future and that i must come back to the other side of the pond some time, but why? why should i be doing these basic things i feel like i would rather not be? why must i struggle in a life i do not want? why must i live and act in the realm that makes me so unhappy?

News flash homeboy, anything that is going to make you truely happy, is going to be hard work and stresssful in the beginning. It's a scarry world out there, and if you don't stay in the game you can just lie down in a grave and let your enemies throw dirt on you.

I think you are just a scared little boy who can't face the world. You can't become a man if let every little thing bother you.

I read the whole post and you didn't give one single reason as to why you are unhappy with life. Your lack of a social life is just a poor excuse. The sad part is that you aren't giving up on your social life, you are giving up on yourself.

No sympathy here.

 

[Groovy]

Whoa whoa whoa!

calm down! CHILL!

Don't stop trying to improve yourself. IF you do NOTHING with yourself and your problems, you'll feel DEAD, and worse then you have ever been. You have to do something! You're alive! Don't loose hope, if you caused your problems, you can sure as hell solve them. I think no one is THAt ****ed up that his problems can't be solved with a little effort and hard work!

First off, LET your emotions GUIDE you. Anger and anxiety are signals and you need them. Don't ignore them, they aren't negative- they are valuable and tell you what's wrong with you.

So next time you are feeling angry or anxious... Ask yourself, what's the reason for this? Get to the root of the problem.

Don't choose to ignore these signals and give up as you are doing now, listen to them, think what aer the causes, and remember, EVERYTHING in your mind has a solution. YOU created these problems, then you can solve them if you want to... Think twice, do you really wanna quit on yourself? Didn't think so.

So you have to find your problem... Are your fears rational? If you are insecure, why so? Are your needs being met? What's missing there? Is your problem something vague?

I dunno how can I help you with this, but I'm going to PM you some links (Dunno if I can post them here) and you follow that and try to help yourself as you can. Good luck!

 

[daygameguy]

You need to work hard for everything that has value or great returns.

The skills that we discuss here in forums, are geared towards getting chicks, but its also directly related to your personality development.

Wouldn't you want to walk around the world with a smile on your face, having a skill set to attract any woman you want, having cool friends in your social circle, and living a fulfilling life where you have your health wealth and relationships balanced?

The difference between the chumps and the champs is their ability to go through the pain period.

 

[everywomanshero]

I think you should see about getting diagnosed by a mental health care professional. I don't say this to be funny, but I actually think you need to find out what's going on inside of you first before you try to worry about interacting with other people and such