I've been distant and irritable lately should I apologize?

[biobotz1001]

Lately (past week) when I've been with the girl I've been seeing (past 6 months) I've been irritable and distant.

I think this has been causing her significant stress. Though she has done things worthy of irritation lately (what woman doesn't at times), my irritation has be disproportionately large in comparisson.

Lately if I'm with her, I try to find an excuse to leave early. I am usually happy to help with something if she askes but lately any non-serious request for my time or labor are seeming like a hassle or burden. If she says or does anything displeasing I find myself getting distant and impatient immediately.

She has done things in the past I fault her for, but she has been trying very hard to be as close to perfect as she can for the past month and doing a good job. I don't want to reward her efforts negatively, and I am feeling bad about my current reaction to being around her, I am usually (as she says) very thoughtful and loving.


MY QUESTIONS:
#1. Since this would be no way to maintain any relationship in the long term I was wondering if space apart would help this, since we've both been under stress lately maybe we should try to talk out any problem, or should I take it as a sign we are growing apart. Any Advice?

#2. Should I apologize for for being so irritable lately, and if so how should I go about it? (wait to see how long she takes to call me again, or call her soon), or Should I assume being a jerk all the time works out well for jerks, and a bought of jerkness is healthy on occasion and not apologize.

 

[rgeere]

#1. Since this would be no way to maintain any relationship in the long term I was wondering if space apart would help this, since we've both been under stress lately maybe we should try to talk out any problem, or should I take it as a sign we are growing apart. Any Advice?

Anyone who sayd this is just asking for the kiss of death in a relationship. Don't initiate time apart unless you feel that she possibly will do the same, then do it first.


#2. Should I apologize for for being so irritable lately, and if so how should I go about it? (wait to see how long she takes to call me again, or call her soon), or Should I assume being a jerk all the time works out well for jerks, and a bought of jerkness is healthy on occasion and not apologize.

Don't apologize, just accept that this occured and do you best to be strong and eliminate the thought/feelings/actions or whatever it is that causing you to become irritated. Don't internalize anything it causes violence and aggression in the long run.

 

[biobotz1001]

what about

Then should I just call her up like normal tomorrow, or should I wait to see when she calls again? If so and she distances herself in responce and takes a while to get in touch again how long should I give her before I contact her.

If she responds to a sudden more pleasant behavioral shift by calling me on being jerkish lately? How should I reply?

 

[rgeere]

Re: what about

Then should I just call her up like normal tomorrow, or should I wait to see when she calls again?

If I was in your situation and she is getting anoyed and distant at my behaviour I would slow down, see her half as often, and call her 3 times for every time that she calls me.

Ok, so you used the term "sepration" above, which is basically a kiss of death when used in the context that you said it, but slowing down the relationship is not necessarily bad; it can actually help the relationship when a woman is annoyed at submissive or whimpy behaviour just so you arn't confused.


If so and she distances herself in responce and takes a while to get in touch again how long should I give her before I contact her.

Like I said above, probably about one time per every three times she calls you.


If she responds to a sudden more pleasant behavioral shift by calling me on being jerkish lately? How should I reply?

Again, if I was in your situation, I wouldn't give a direct answer when she askes you a direct question it sounds weak. Respond with another indirect question like "Why do you think I am being considered so jerkish now?" and listen to what she says. I'd just keep asking indirect questions until she becomes self-satisfied with the conversation. Ask her how she thinks the situation can be improved in a positive way.