I've become AFC, and she's losing interest....can I save it?

[TheMonkeyKing]

Now it's 10:38am and she's texted me three times ready saying "babe wake up!" And "sweetie?" And what not. Since yesterday she's using a lot more terms of endearment.


Give her some back. But remember the 3:1 ratio. And some days to not endear her at all.

I also notice I'm not as obsessed by her

Good. And nor should you. And you don't want her obsessing over you either. You are there to compliment, not become, each others' lives.

Crazy how fast girls can go from losing interest in you to clinging on to get your attention back after withdrawing a little bit from them!

You're going to have to do this over and over again. This state of communication you are in right now is how you need to keep it, for good. Text her at lunch and then this evening, telling her how busy you been and other people you've bumped in to - keep her on that fine balance, it's not easy, but as long as you maintain that distance (push and pull), you will do fine.

Keep going and by this time next week, you'll have gotten laid!

 

[Echoes]

I'm happy to hear this....but keep your guard up! Keep doing what you're doing and maybe things will turn around.

In an earlier post you said, "....think it would be cool to say something like "I went out with my buddies, time to start doing other things in life than just hanging around you".

I hope you said the first part but left out the bolded part. You don't want to explicitly say this to a girl because it comes off as confrontational and a bit egotistical in my opinion. It sounds like you have to try to be the master of your own space, rather than just being the master.

Better to just say, "I went out with my buddies" and leave it at that. It's matter of fact, direct, and doesn't leave room for any discussion. You are doing what YOU want to do...end of story.

Keep doing what you're doing, try not to slip, and do your best to actually not give a **** if she pulls away. It's hard because you care, but like I said before, you're young and you actually do have options...as long as you get out there and meet and flirt with other girls. Do this and you will naturally start to develop an abundance mindset and it will be reflected in the way you handle yourself and life in general. She will pick up on this without you having to spell it out for her, and she just might want you more than she ever has.

Good luck.

 

[Stfoley23]

UPDATE:

So today we texted more this morning than I texted her yesterday. Switching it up, give her more some days than others. And this afternoon she called me saying "come over and see me". I really had no plans to see her today, so I was like "what for?" And she said "it's the only time I'll get to see you, it's better than not seeing each other at all right?". Now I contemplated saying I didn't want to hangout today, but I knew I wouldn't see her tomorrow, Sunday or Monday so I said heck with it and went to see her, because she hadn't actually asked me to do anything on her own in weeks. So I went over and man, she was like a different person. She came and put her arms around my waste when I was just standing there, then we went downstairs and she was very touchy and loving. She'd put her arms around me and lay on my chest, she kissed me on her own quite a bit, she was stroking my face And back and what not. She even madeout with me for a little bit. Caught me quite off guard. Oh and she said things like "you'll have to get used to me with retainers at night when we sleep together in each other's college dorms". College doesn't start back up til August so that kinda states that she plans to keep me around apparently!

 

[Stfoley23]

You are treating the symptom, but are you treating the disease? That is what generated some of the response that there is "no hope".

Most guys in your situation will end up overgaming and think this is the answer. When you have a hammer everything looks like a nail.

The real question to ask is, what are you doing to improve yourself, your life, and make yourself less needy overall?

I'm treating myself, not the symptoms. I'm going back to living my own life with her there to compliment it. I'm starting to hangout with other friends now and what not and it seems to be taking a burden off of her. And it showed with how she acted towards me today, as if she's missed me

 

[ScoundrelDays]

UPDATE:

So today we texted more this morning than I texted her yesterday. Switching it up, give her more some days than others. And this afternoon she called me saying "come over and see me". I really had no plans to see her today, so I was like "what for?" And she said "it's the only time I'll get to see you, it's better than not seeing each other at all right?". Now I contemplated saying I didn't want to hangout today, but I knew I wouldn't see her tomorrow, Sunday or Monday so I said heck with it and went to see her, because she hadn't actually asked me to do anything on her own in weeks. So I went over and man, she was like a different person. She came and put her arms around my waste when I was just standing there, then we went downstairs and she was very touchy and loving. She'd put her arms around me and lay on my chest, she kissed me on her own quite a bit, she was stroking my face And back and what not. She even madeout with me for a little bit. Caught me quite off guard. Oh and she said things like "you'll have to get used to me with retainers at night when we sleep together in each other's college dorms". College doesn't start back up til August so that kinda states that she plans to keep me around apparently!

Just because she's says that DO NOT assume she is going to keep you around. Remember girls minds can switch just like that. It's only because you are making her feel this way that she is saying that. The worst thing you can do is assume. That is when you start making mistakes and then you're are back on here asking what you should do.

 

[bigneil]

Oneitis 101.

OP, once you get your career, diet, garden and wardrobe in order, you will have so many women you won't have time to keep track of this girl.

Here in Austin, there are so many beautiful women that I've seen first hand how they too can be neglected. I take back everything I've said. The #1 factor is male/female ratio in your local area.

 

[Stfoley23]

Just because she's says that DO NOT assume she is going to keep you around. Remember girls minds can switch just like that. It's only because you are making her feel this way that she is saying that. The worst thing you can do is assume. That is when you start making mistakes and then you're are back on here asking what you should do.

Oh I don't assume she'll keep me, I oNly know it's looking a hell of a lot better than the night I first posted on here.

My only assumption is that taking away her supply of me is definitely increasing her demand

 

[ScoundrelDays]

Oh I don't assume she'll keep me, I oNly know it's looking a hell of a lot better than the night I first posted on here.

My only assumption is that taking away her supply of me is definitely increasing her demand

Good just making sure. Don't want you making the same mistake I did.

 

[TARKUS]

Oh I don't assume she'll keep me, I oNly know it's looking a hell of a lot better than the night I first posted on here.

My only assumption is that taking away her supply of me is definitely increasing her demand

She is after attention, once you start hanging out with her things will go back to like she was don't think you're going to get laid. Keep having fun with meeting new girls.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

^ BPD at it's finest

 

[Stfoley23]

She is after attention, once you start hanging out with her things will go back to like she was don't think you're going to get laid. Keep having fun with meeting new girls.

Why does everyone think my main goal and the most important thing in life is to get laid? I wouldn't care if she wanted to wait til marriage to have sex, it's not important! I respect that she's not into sex as much as some girls. I've had my time of getting with girls for a night and getting laid, it's lost it's appeal.

And just to put this to rest, since we had such a loving day yesterday like we used to I asked her if she woulda had sex yesterday if I asked to and she said "honestly, yeah if we hadn't had so many bad days together beforehand. If things stay like today then yes I do want to."

Keep cutting off her supply of time with me and things should go back into place

 

[sylvester the cat]

Why does everyone think my main goal and the most important thing in life is to get laid? I wouldn't care if she wanted to wait til marriage to have sex, it's not important! I respect that she's not into sex as much as some girls. I've had my time of getting with girls for a night and getting laid, it's lost it's appeal.

And just to put this to rest, since we had such a loving day yesterday like we used to I asked her if she woulda had sex yesterday if I asked to and she said "honestly, yeah if we hadn't had so many bad days together beforehand. If things stay like today then yes I do want to."

Keep cutting off her supply of time with me and things should go back into place

careful OP. if you keep on saying what you're saying you might actually start believing it.

 

[JoeMarron]

Why does everyone think my main goal and the most important thing in life is to get laid? I wouldn't care if she wanted to wait til marriage to have sex, it's not important! I respect that she's not into sex as much as some girls.

Oh you poor thing. Sex will forever be on her terms in this relationship. I can see you five years from now, married to her, getting obligatory sex a couple times a month, sometimes substituted with a very unenthusiastic handjob. Sex comes first! It is the foundation! When you see that the foundation is good then and only then do you start building a relationship on top of it. Or maybe you're just borderline asexual, in that case carry on.

 

[TARKUS]

Why does everyone think my main goal and the most important thing in life is to get laid? I wouldn't care if she wanted to wait til marriage to have sex, it's not important!

Drop the pious act with us we all know you want sex especially when you're asking her this.

I asked her if she woulda had sex yesterday if I asked to and she said "honestly, yeah if we hadn't had so many bad days together beforehand. If things stay like today then yes I do want to."

Keep cutting off her supply of time with me and things should go back into place

Using masking tape for repairs isn't going to fix the real underlying problem you have.

 

[Skyline]

Like soo many before me, me and my gf have been dating for a year now. We've had a rocky past month or two and she's definitely losing interest. I'll admit I've been pretty hardcore AFC. Tonight she told me things like "I still love you and care about you a lot......I just don't know if I'm IN love anymore" and "I just never feel lovey anymore" and "I just feel blah about the relationship anymore".

I realize I've been way too needy and made her my world and put a lot of pressure on her by wanting to see her everyday and stuff and being upset when she does things other than hangout with me.

Do you think I can save this if I make myself less available and change the playing field? Take longer to respond to her texts, not hangout as much...ect and she'll drop the image of me being AFC?

And also, should I bring it up to her that I realize I've been too needy and tell her I'm going to give her more space and not depend on her so much? Or should I just slowly do it on my own and not tell her I'm gonna give her space?

Declare a " we should take a break." Seriously, most people will tell you its over if something like that is said, but the distance from the break will reinstate attraction. That's if she has any left, if there is none then she will most likely "cheat" or move on during this break. But that's just one of the downfalls of being an AFC. Wait 2 maybe 3 weeks of going ghost then after that, get into contact with her and basically start over. That's if she's still interested. Once you start over, don't be so needy and clingy.

If you were to suddenly become distant and alpha-like, she's going to know what's up and may act defensively as well. Declaring a break will also give her the "I might loose you feeling." Like I said, if she still has some attraction left then she'll come back.

 

[asa_don]

pretty sure in the next thread the op will be telling us he had sex with her using his "method" that works.

 

[Don-Kong]

OP you are gaming yourself.

Forget playing hard to get, forget thinking about trying to change her and what she thinks.

You've got the fever. Obsession. And it's driving you crazy. It's a horrendous mental state to be in. Most don't even realise that they are in this type of hell into months after. Bordering on fear of abandonment.

She is not the main priority, although she is all you are thinking about. Your priority is to gain some peace and clarity of mind where you can think straight. It's obviously important for you to be in the relationship with her, but take care of your mental state first.

 

[Stfoley23]

LAST UPDATE:

Well, I've gotten her back. She's definitely in love with me again, after only a few days of playing hard to get. And guess what? She now wants to have sex even. Tonight I had her topless most of it and we were making out a lot and when I got home she Sent me a topless picture of herself. And said this:

Me: so did you have desire to have sex at all tonight?

Her: yes

Me: maybe we'll get a chance in the next few days

Her: perhaps, that'd be nice


I no longer have worries about being dumped, and even if it does happen, it's life and I'll get over it. Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread and advice! Happy to see I've proved the doubters that it could be done. OP signing off!

 

[Stfoley23]

So, she wasn't in love with you a few days ago? Now she is?

Wow. I've never had a woman take me for a spin like that.

Hate to be harsh, but she may have you doing this - - before she's done with you.

Tread lightly, OP. I wish you well in this relationship....just tread lightly.

She won't have me crying. I know have the mindset that I'm the trophy. If she leaves me it's her loss. And it's made things a heck of a lot better. I'm not nearly as needy anymore and she's wanting me more and more because of it!

 

[asa_don]

LAST UPDATE:

Well, I've gotten her back. She's definitely in love with me again, after only a few days of playing hard to get. And guess what? She now wants to have sex even. Tonight I had her topless most of it and we were making out a lot and when I got home she Sent me a topless picture of herself. And said this:

Me: so did you have desire to have sex at all tonight?

Her: yes

Me: maybe we'll get a chance in the next few days

Her: perhaps, that'd be nice


I no longer have worries about being dumped, and even if it does happen, it's life and I'll get over it. Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread and advice! Happy to see I've proved the doubters that it could be done. OP signing off!

no turnaround is going to happen like that, great troll post.