ive become a halo nerd that sits at home and watches porn [Vice's Journal]

[Vice]

Over a week now with no caffeine, and about 5 days no porn. And my confidence and mood is down right now; I'm not sure if it's because of withdrawal symptons. I was pretty happy a few days ago, so I think it is indeed mood swings from the withdrawal symptoms.

Went out last night, it was like chode's night out. I didn't approach anyone, I was just sad sad sad. I have been taking my supplements/vitamins, eating well, and lightly exercising every day, and lifting weights every 2-3 days. Got an eye infection, so I'm going to be going out with glasses, which I can't see well with. Saw only two girls that I was into, and didn't approach because my state was way lower than theirs, and the other girl was surrounded by dudes. Although it was a gay-friendly club and those guys were probably just platonic male friends, my damn MOOD!

Still going to go out despite being moody. If I can have negative mood swings, I'll take my chances and hope for a positive one while I'm out. Either way, by next month, my body chemistry will settle down and I'll be normal again. I just need to stay away from caffeine and porn.

The weird sh*t I do for p*ssy. Better than spending the weekends playing Call of Duty.

 

[Vice]

Yet another night of hard lessons.

Tonight was first night that I was actually drunk. Yet I wasn't able to approach; what the f*ck is going on with me? I used to be able to cut through crowds of girls and dudes and extract the girl to the dancefloor and makeout! Some weird regression is going on. Must be those withdrawal symptoms. Go away withdrawal symptoms!

I approached a two set - got blown out after being an "*******" because I mentioned how women's greatest weakness was pretending everything is okay on the surface but harboring seething hatred for other girls underneath.

Another two set went okay until I mentioned that football was for lame guys that lived vicariously through their favorite athletes. That didn't go well either. She said "You sound pretty retarded right now". I backpedaled a bit, instead I should have dived right into the ground spectacularly and said something along the lines of "F*ck football".

Lesson learned: Do not talk to girls about things that I don't like, things that are wrong with either sex, and especially don't talk about the same stuff we talk about on this forum. So, BE F*CKING POSITIVE, SON!

I think I've developed an anti-women view from this forum, and women can sense that. Maybe take some time off?

I had a few random sets in between, but they were idle.

I'm not sure if my poor performance is tied to my withdrawal symptoms, or if I'm not really having poor performance and it's just poor choice of girls. I'd have to spend at least a month being out consistently before I decide that.

Either way, I need to get my head back in the game. And maybe drop my standards a little bit to get my confidence back with some okay p*ssy.

 

[Chamber36]

Vice I can really relate to what's going on with you about suddenly not being able to approach drunk. I've gone through the same thing. It happens less and less. I can carry on and keep my state up when I'm drunk rejection after rejection. Then eventually I get a positive response! And I know that I had it in me the whole time, there's just too many AFC's complimenting the girls before they got a chance to talk to me.

It really is hit and miss. That's why the most important thing to me is logistics. Once you put yourself in the right room with the right people things will happen by themselves.

BTW. Imagine if you were addicted to smoking. When you're out you smoke a pack a night. I have spent nights just smoking and smoking. When I'm drunk sometimes I really chainsmoke. I used to enjoy the **** out of it. Then suddenly I ran out of cigarettes and I lost the ability to enjoy myself without them. Once I got a nice HB that turned me on in front of me, my craving for cigarettes was the last thing on my mind.

So don't take your caffeine addiction so seriously. I drink plenty of coffee. It just gives you a bad headache the day you skip your cup. If it's not giving you a headache you're fine.

There's also plenty of anti-oxidants in it. And you could learn to harness the buzz in order to get girls. I drink it often when I have a girl come over. We are in the FZ but it's still good to get me into a more *ALL-OVER-THE-PLACE* vibe that women are so famous for.

 

[Vice]

So don't take your caffeine addiction so seriously. I drink plenty of coffee. It just gives you a bad headache the day you skip your cup. If it's not giving you a headache you're fine.

There's also plenty of anti-oxidants in it. And you could learn to harness the buzz in order to get girls. I drink it often when I have a girl come over. We are in the FZ but it's still good to get me into a more *ALL-OVER-THE-PLACE* vibe that women are so famous for.

It's not much of an addiction (hah!) as much as it is something that I've decided to eliminate from my life for health and money reasons. After a few months, sure, I will indulge in the occasional energy drink/soda/coffee, but that's not until AT LEAST February of next year, after that little relapse protein in my brain is long gone.

Because what happens is that I'll have one energy drink, and then it turns into me buying one or two every day, and my body chemistry gets all f*cked up, etc.

As for porn addiction... these damn relapses are viscous. I wrote a damn eBook on it yet I STILL struggle with following my own plan.

As for this rejection trend, I think it's a combination of my mood and the "winter doldrums". And in retrospect, I may have come across as needy, but my self analysis of the past few nights has been tainted by overanalysis. Things will get easier. And when I finally DO get back in the groove, I'm sure that f*cking a girl on a regular basis will make getting over porn easier.

Hell, I may even decide to settle down with a girl for the next few months if she's cute. I would really like to focus on my business, because calculating my net worth and building up assets is like masturbating my ego

 

[Vice]

Oh yeah, another HUGE thing I would like to reiterate is that when talking to girls, KEEP IT UPBEAT, POSITIVE, AND HAPPY!

Spending alot of time on this forum can create a negative mindset towards women. Especially after reading a blog like Chateau Heartiste. While there is quite a bit of truth out there, what you need to do is INTERNALIZE it, be aware of it, but don't dwell on how much it sucks. And especially don't talk about women's dark side to other women; most people NEVER want to confront their dark side. Don't talk about social conditioning, etc.

In short, DON'T BE A PICKUP NERD.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I used to watch porn and I swear it was the hardest to stop doing it. I haven't watched it in months but sometimes I still have the urges. I just like to see fine women. Ain't nothing wrong with that. I just have been strong and everytime I got the urge I would just hit up one of my girls. When she is doming or smashing me I still be dreaming of them beautiful light skin big booty girls though.

But the main reason I abstain from porn is I know if I watch it my junk won't be hard for a real life girl. When I stopped my stuff would get hard by just seeing the girl. No problems since.

 

[Vice]

Interesting night!

Once again, at a gay club...

So Saturday is full blown gay night. I roll out with my wing girl and another dude, and we post up, have a few beers. Not many prospects, thing this young thing wearing a black miniskirt and a tight white T shirt walks by. Target found. It took me a while to gather the balls to approach her, after the trend of rejection I had been getting lately. But I did it! She was under 21, and bisexual. I made my intentions known EARLY (I said she was "all seductive and sh*t" (Thanks Jeffy) and "gorgeous". Got her number, since she had to leave. Bounced out of there a little later, as I wasn't too interested in anyone else besides these two lesbians that were smoking hot, but my sex drive wasn't that high and I didn't feel like finding out if they were at least bi. Damn porn; I could have had my first threesome tonight!


Back at the house, nearly avoiding DEATH ON WHEELS

So I get to the house early, and I decided to stay in my car and read my book until my wing girl came back, since it wasn't my house. A few minutes later this truck FLIES by, and I'm like "Damn he's going fast". Then it swerves to avoid a traffic barrier, then swerves again to avoid a parked car, and yet AGAIN to avoid a light pole. Stupid F*CK. At the intersection two girls got out of the truck, but I guess the driver was a convincing piece of sh*t assh*le and they got back in. I followed them until I lost them, I wanted to kick the driver's drunk ass. I have ZERO tolerance for that sh*t. Almost kill Vice? Vice kills YOU.

By the time I get back to the house, wing girl was there. So we went into her bedroom and went to sleep, with me setting my alarm so I could get home in a few hours. The other guy was on the other side of the bed. So I'm laying there, and she starts getting all touchy (she was giving me flirty touches all night) and starts feeling my chest/abs, and finally starts touching my d*ck. Fun times, but I'm not big on smashing girls in front of other dudes, so we just teased each other and sh*t.

So, I'll give sexy black skirt girl a call later, if I have time. Confidence is up a little.

Oh, and I decided to have two energy drinks tonight, per Chamber's suggestion. No big deal, I'm going to use them sparingly, and only on weekends.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

What would possess you to get in the bed with another dude on the other side? That's suspect dude.

 

[Vice]

What would possess you to get in the bed with another dude on the other side? That's suspect dude.

lol dude

King size bed; girl between me and the other dude. The guy went straight to sleep while the girl cuddled up to me and started touching me. Her house was closer and it was too late for me to drive all the way back to base. She offered me the couch but I preferred to sleep with the her.

Nothing suspect at all.

 

[Vice]

Oh, and here's the reasoning behind me cutting back on caffeine:

It stresses your body when you take it. In Eben Pagan's program, "Wake Up Productive", he explains how much caffeine, processed food, and drugs strain and stress your body. I've noticed in myself that I get dehydrated after drinking energy drinks, and they're only to be used on weekends that I need an extra boost, or to make me more sociable (as opposed to alcohol, which makes me a little drowsy and unable to drive a car).

Also realized that these mood swings aren't really "swings" as they are just "cycles", and Pagan recommends just "riding the wave" and experiencing the emotions instead of repressing them and getting upset that I'm having them, just like I have been in the past few days.

 

[Vice]

*sigh*

Energy drinks and porn are still challenges. It's very sporadic, I'll go for a while without them, and they BOOM, relapse. Always sucks.

Went back home for Thanksgiving, ended up never going out because I decided to spend time with friends that I don't see very often. The only bad part was that I ended up playing video games, and that was kind of a waste of time.

Hung out with a female family friend pretty much every night while back home, she's cute and likes me, but I never made any moves. I'm going to avoid spending too much time with her because I don't want to get friendzoned.

Met my friend at the beach, and ran into his FINE sister, b*tched out of getting her number though. He told me that she thought I was hot, and I was like F*CK! The lesson I learned was that hot girls think I'm hot.

Went out to a Christmas party on Thursday, went home with the girl, but no sex. I teased her (neck biting, hair pulling, **** rubbing) alot, but she kept giving me LMR, and we were both too tired. At one point I wasn't even horny, I wanted to see how much she could take. I asked her about it later and she said that she was very close to breaking, and said that every time she grinded her ass against my crotch, that was like the "window of opportunity". She tried teasing me a bit too (sucking/deep throating my finger). I wasn't too into it, but I thought it was cute.

Friday, went out to a country bar, which is WAY out of my comfort zone. Dudes running around in plaid shirts, hats with fish hooks in them, and big ass trucks in the parking lot (I drive an economy car). And line dancing. *cringes* I always say line dancing is for people who don't know how to dance... yet I couldn't do it too well. By the end of the night I did alright. Didn't do any approaches, even though I got checked out by a number of women. I couldn't tell who was on a date, because the bar was a little more casual, like where some clueless guy would bring a date. Tons of cute girls though, and I would go again if I was invited again. I stood out because i was wearing a leather jacket among the hordes of plaid/cowboy hats. Maybe when I get more confidence I'll steal some dude's girl; these guys tend to have a scarcity mindset and usually want to fight over trivial things. Country bars are one of those places that the male ego really shows its bad side, in my opinion.

Saturday, it was the gay club! Ran into my f*cking lawyer in the bathroom, awkward as hell. Had a tranny tap his/her heel at my crotch when I walked by. All this happened when I FIRST walked in, which put me in a nervous/freaked out state. Plus my standards and views on women were jacked up due to porn earlier in the day, which also lead to low masculine intent. Approached 4 groups of girls:

1. Guy and a girl (gf+bf), ended up chatting and recruiting the girl to be my arm candy while I browsed the club. And that leads me to...

2. Super slutty girl in "F*ck me pumps" and low cut, tight, red dress with no bra. Saw her on the dance floor, creeped around until she went to the smoking area. Opened the whole group, they were cool with me, and she was excited to talk to me. But she was in a SUPER high energy level, and mine was way lower, and I ended up getting blown out when she had to go back to her friends. In hindsight, I should have danced with her, gone for a makeout, dragged her to a different part of the club, made out in a dark corner, and then "shown her some photos of my vacation" in my car.

3. A girl was sitting by herself along the dance floor, looking bored, so I approached her, and had her follow me out to a quieter area. This time I actually took her by the hand and pushed other dudes out of the way to get us there. That was the first time I did that (before I would just have them follow me without leading them physically). Sat her down, talked a bit. I think I could have gone for a kiss had I had more masculine intent, but I didn't. Her friends came, and they must have been intimidated my me (or she was giving them signals to stay the f*ck back), but I invited them over and introduced myself and told them that I liked their friend. They wanted her to dance, and she was kind of reluctant to go, but I encouraged her to go (I was "running out of things to say"). And off she went.

4. Approached a pair of cute nerdy girls, they liked me. Walked away when I "ran out of things to say".

Lessons learned:

1. Masculine intent is my biggest sticking point; I lose it when I look at porn.

2. I need to get physical faster, and gauge my target. Remember, hot girls think I'm hot, and there's no need to chat a girl up when she's fully *****d out, visiting from a town a few hours away. Go for the pull!

3. Get over my sh*t about dancing. I don't have to be pro, I don't even need to dance much when there's some chick grinding on me. All I need to do is tease her and go for the makeout.

4. GO FOR THE PULL. GET PHYSICAL, SON!

5. Don't freak out when you see people from your personal life at a gay club.

I listened to RSD's "Flawless Natural" on my drive back home from Thanksgiving, and it made me realize that there is no "good" or "bad" nights; it's all about what I learned. And the above is what I learned, and I'm sure that next weekend will be more glorious than this one.

And a random tidbit on my personal life: I'm about to move out of the college dorms in a few months, and I will be getting an awesome raise by about $1400 a month. I found a 4 unit apartment building about 10 minutes away from a good college campus/a few clubs, and when I buy this property I will be making about $1000 extra every month from the cash flow I get from the other renters. So, for buying a house, I get a $2400 per month raise. That's an extra $28800 a year. That money can, and will, be invested, and then used as a down payment for another multi unit apartment building. Exciting times ahead, stay tuned. I'm sure a journal from the perspective of a rich assh*le would be very interesting to read.

 

[Vice]

Went out to the property I was going to buy on Friday afternoon, and my agent told me that the bank accepted another offer just an hour prior to me arriving. We set up the meeting with a contractor to get an idea on what kind of repairs would be needed. I was bummed out, even when I went to the club. I didn't approach at all. The club has a $10 cover, but I have a VIP pass so I get in for free. I just people watched, and realized how chodey most guys (including myself) were.

So I lost out on my first investment property, a property that would have cash flowed me at least a grand every month for living there, combined with the extra money I'll have.

I would have gone out with the contractor on Thursday, but I had college classes. College has officially cost me an investment property, the amount of potential dollars I lost is unlimited because I was going to buy with no down payment.

Oh well. There's a chance the deal will fall through, the bank did act hastily, and I am technically a more attractive buyer, as an owner-occupant.

Back to searching for another building.

What I've noticed is that I have a mindset of abundance. There's so much money out there, so many girls out there. I don't get sad when I go home alone from the club, because I know they're out there EVERY NIGHT. Same thing with real estate (this deal is one of my first losses, whereas I've "lost" dozens of women, so I'm sure after a few more real estate losses I won't get as sad). I've also noticed that my "problems" are GOOD problems. How many guys my age are getting all bent out of shape for getting an investment property snatched away from them? How many guys my age know that there are women EVERYWHERE?

Bring it on, life.

 

[Vice]

Gay club again last night. Set the record straight with both my lawyer AND a coworker, they now know I'm straight and keep an eye out for girls that I'd like.

Ended up making out with this chick that was wearing a low cut black dress with a bikini top (I opened by asking her if it was a bikini top). She asked for my number before she left, and I tried to go for the pull but she "had to wake up early to get some art supplies for her friend". Riiight. Escorted her out to the car, made out (in retrospect, I should have pulled her hair back and went for a car pull) and she drove off. She hasn't called today, and I don't really expect her to. I might see her on Tuesday night (industrial night).

Starting to realize how important daily exercise is. It gives me the motivation and sociability that I need to have good nights. I like to run about a mile and a half and lift some weights, every day.

Found a new house; it cash flows a little even with me living in it, AND it's right down the street from the gay club. If I move in, summer is going to be GLORIOUS. Plus I can drink as much as I feel and not worry about driving, since it's a short walk away. The eclectic part of town is five minutes away by car, and downtown is a short seven minutes away. AND I'm closer to the beach, and away from the crappy area my job is at. Only downside is that my ten minute commute to work has turned into at least 45 minutes depending on traffic, but it's worth it, since living near work is worthless. The town is sketchy and there's no reason for me to travel there aside from work.

Glorious times ahead.

 

[Vice]

Back home Christmas/New Years.

Been hanging out with this gorgeous blonde, my mom's friend's daughter. Only made out so far, I'll of course be escalating when the logistics are right. She's a virgin (from what I've been told) so I'm not sure if I want to invest all the time and energy it takes for these things. My ego doesn't really care about deflowering girls.

Got a number when I was out with my cousin (she's in high school, but she's a good pivot because of her looks). The number was more for practice than anything, I haven't called her but I just sent her a nonsense text message that I don't care for a response.

I'm concerned about my cousin. She's one of the "popular" girls at school. She's your typical girl that's glued to Facebook and her cell phone while life passes her by, and her taste in music is limited to whatever her peers listen to (which is stuff like Lil' Wayne, Drake, all that sh*t). I keep telling her that once she gets away from the mindless black hole of high school she'll start realizing what kind of music and stuff she REALLY likes, not what she's SUPPOSED to like.

But hanging out with her gives me an AWESOME perspective on what it's like to be a hot girl in today's dating environment. And the high school guys that try to get with her are... let's just say their game is clumsy. But they're in high school, so it's expected.

My sex drive has strangely gone down. I've been exercising more consistently and I'll have great energy, motivation, and voice tone, but my sex drive isn't all crazy like it used to be. I'm attracted to women, but I only get horny when I'm making out with a girl and she touches me a certain way. I'm going to look at this as a really good things because it allows me to focus my game very tight.

I've also noticed that my way of thinking and attitude has changed in a positive way. I care less about trivial things. Comments that people make about me don't affect my ego, whether they're good comments or bad. My criteria of irrelevant things is much larger than other's. I'm looking at the big picture of the world more often; my life no longer revolves around women and how cool my car looks.

I also noticed that when I go out to the bars here back home, I'm much more outgoing and willing to open groups. I go out wearing dress shoes, trendy jeans, and a simple black Calvin Klein t shirt, and I stand out among the hordes of Affliction and button down f*ggots. Hell, my opener is easy: "Hey guys, I'm Vice. I'm a f*cking dochebag." Then I go on about apologizing for leaving my Affliction shirt in my mom's dryer and thus tooling 99% of the other guys at the venue. I had a girl sh*t test me about how they could beat me up, and I just smiled.

Having a lot of fun with my life. I'm starting to build momentum and "personal power". I'm engaging EVERYONE I come into contact with; joking with people in line, flirting with the lady behind the counter (regardless of her age/looks and who I'm with), messing with my poor mother (asking her if I can start smoking, then asking her if she can buy me cigarettes). Life is pretty good. I've noticed that when I speak loud and commandingly, people turn into "spectator mode" (credit: RSD's Flawless Natural program) and pretty much become more agreeable.

I'm getting checked out by girls way more often. Pook's post about gaining weight in the gym is spot on; I'm about his height so the post is especially relevant to me in terms of the numbers he uses. I'm only 185 lbs right now, but I'm not doing too bad for this season, since most people gain bad weight over the holidays. Looking to break 200 before summer starts.

Going to gay night at a local bar tomorrow night with friends, and maybe that girl I picked up with my cousin. Let's hope that there's going to be girls, it's my first time going to a different gay club than the one I frequent. I'll leave if it's just a bunch of creepy old gay men and no girls.

This forum is becoming less and less relevant to me, other than going to the Anything Else forum to bullsh*t about random stuff and update this particular thread (masturbation for my ego). I'll read a thread on here every once in a while and just get frustrated at people asking pretty much the same questions over and over again, except different names.

I'm also very close to writing an article on the current state of texting/Facebook and its relation to dating, through my eyes.

 

[AAAgent]

i know what your talking about vice. I only frequent this site really for the anything else, my workout journal, and recently my business journal. The dj discussion forum just annoys the crap out of me as its people asking the most asked questions over and over again but then again i try to remember i was once in their shoes. Sometimes when your caught in the moment you forget to take a step back and look at what you just did. If these guys did that, they'd realize they are getting walked on, disrespected, friend zoned, etc.

Sometimes i find some people actually making changes and i like reading their posts or some insightful article. Those types of posts are few and far between nowadays.

 

[Vice]

i know what your talking about vice. I only frequent this site really for the anything else, my workout journal, and recently my business journal. The dj discussion forum just annoys the crap out of me as its people asking the most asked questions over and over again but then again i try to remember i was once in their shoes. Sometimes when your caught in the moment you forget to take a step back and look at what you just did. If these guys did that, they'd realize they are getting walked on, disrespected, friend zoned, etc.

Sometimes i find some people actually making changes and i like reading their posts or some insightful article. Those types of posts are few and far between nowadays.

I think that it's not that those posts are few and far between nowadays, it's just that you've learned and integrated so much that most threads are now redundant compared when you were new to everything.

I've been thinking of promoting a thread culture where journals are more popular.

 

[Vice]

Utter CRAP three-day weekend.

I'm getting eye surgery soon and I have to wear glasses for about two weeks. I've been wearing them for about two weeks already, and I hate it. I have to turn my whole head to look at stuff, and I wear them so rarely that I'm not used to the changes in depth perception, so I'll grab for stuff and miss, drop things thrown at me, and trip over silly sh*t. Naturally, this makes me super disoriented in clubs, and the fact that my best looking pair of glasses has the worst vision makes things worse. I was TOTALLY out of it.

I'm not setting foot into the gay-friendly club until school is out. I went out on Friday night and didn't see ANY girls I was intersted in, and I had some dude grab my junk. It's not the first time it's happened (comes with the territory), and it won't be the last... this year. For now I'm going to bite the bullet and take the extra long drive that guarantees me a hot venue. There will be more competition, but more girls too. Thank God.

Moving to my new house in a month, super excited about that. New eyes and a new house... this summer will be dubbed The Summer of Glory. I'll do what I need to do at work to change my schedule, and go out EVERY NIGHT. There's even a trip to Europe planned. And weekends are for surfing and finally getting beach game down- one of my biggest fears.

Oh, and today I have officially gone 14 days without energy drinks/soda. I had one small jack and coke the other night, but that doesn't count. I read that it takes nine days to get over caffiene addiction, so it looks like I'm good. Saved money, and I'm sure that I'll lose weight too. This time I'm FINISHED with that stuff, on my last trip home I caved in and had one, and it actually tasted pretty nasty. Then I had a few more and developed a taste for it again. No more. I promise. I'm sure those who read this are sick of me talking about this crap

Until my new house/eye surgery, I'll be working out, swimming, going to school, and going out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to the hottest club in my area. Smell you later.

 

[Chamber36]

I had some dude grab my junk. It's not the first time it's happened (comes with the territory), and it won't be the last...

Yo that was a funny post. If it makes you feel any better I fell down the stairs and I'm recovering from that, and my friend got jumped by 3 cops and he's also recovering.

 

[Vice]

Lame weekend.

Went out Thursday, did ONE semi-approach (motioned for a girl to come over) and got blown out. Deflated right away, didn't approach for the rest of the night. Did see some cuties there, it is indeed the hottest venue in the region. I have decided to quit bringing my phone into the club, it justifies me sitting alone. Also had trouble seeing, I was wearing my glasses and couldn't see much.

Friday and Saturday was spent preparing my dorm room for my final departure, i.e. painting. I ended up eating dinner and falling into a COMA, therefore sleeping away both Friday and Saturday night.

Fortunately, that coma has knocked one of my cylinders on, and I feel AMAZING. TONS of energy, enthusiasm, and all that sh*t.

Day 20 no energy drinks/soda, day 7 no porn. On a f*cking ROLL, son.

I'm getting eye surgery this Thursday (PRK), so I won't be able to go out this weekend because I'll be taking meds and eye drops that will make me sleep more. The weekend following shall be GLORIOUS, my state is picking up momtentum and I'm starting to get out of this little rut that I've been in.

 

[Vice]

My eyes burn like a thousand suns.

Had eye surgery this Thursday, and today (Saturday) is supposed to be the worst day for pain. I'm taking all kinds of eye drops and painkillers. I can't go out because I'm supposed to stay away from smoky environments and get as much sleep as possible. so this is going to be a lame weekend, and a painful one too.

Next weekend will be glorious, and I've decided to work on the same approach over and over until I get htat particular one down.

Been laying in bed listening to RSD audio rips of The Jeffy Show, that stuff is excellent. and super funny