I've become a flake!

[styleman]

Recently, I flake on girls a lot, for two main reasons...

1. I think I can get better, so why waste my time (although not always true)
2. If I go for a date with them, and no sex comes of it, it would have been a waste of my money and time.

Guys tell me is this a bad way of thinking? If it is how do I overcome it?

 

[the_great_gaia]

Although he may have defeated his chances of having "Miss Right", I will say that he has a wall built up somewhere deep within.

I used to reject girls just for the h3ll of it because I also knew I was capable of better. And I just had my standards. This year alone, I have already been with 27 girls thanks to sosuave.com. Because without sosuave.com, I'd still be a virgin probably. But, I would fvck girls i was temporarily attracted to until i found something wrong with them (ugly breasts, skinner than usual legs, jacked up teeth, unattractive eyes, clingyness, etc.), i'd just **** them and leave them alone. I couldn't help it, i mean, my wife did me the exact same way I've done these girls. I'm getting a separation now and my wife has a problem with that, but she can kiss azz. I met someone who i think is special and I wanna stick with her. (I really just made this thread all about me, didn't i? Sorry styleman) I'm rotten inside, but now there's someone who wants to bring out the "good" in me, and most of the time, I just don't feel the "good" inside... i can't really tell you why I wrote this. lol

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Recently, I flake on girls a lot, for two main reasons...

1. I think I can get better, so why waste my time (although not always true)
2. If I go for a date with them, and no sex comes of it, it would have been a waste of my money and time.

Guys tell me is this a bad way of thinking? If it is how do I overcome it?

Learn how to qualify women up front.

 

[Obsidian]

Learn how to qualify women up front.

Well said.

If you want, you can continue to be a flake. But just remember that every time you do it, you're acting like a woman.

 

[Slick101]

Recently, I flake on girls a lot, for two main reasons...

1. I think I can get better, so why waste my time (although not always true)
2. If I go for a date with them, and no sex comes of it, it would have been a waste of my money and time.

Guys tell me is this a bad way of thinking? If it is how do I overcome it?

STYLE

 

[wjh]

Well said.

If you want, you can continue to be a flake. But just remember that every time you do it, you're acting like a woman.

Yep.

 

[styleman]

1. What does qualify women up front mean?
2. How do I overcome this?

 

[Obsidian]

It means don't ask out low-quality chicks. That means if someone is below your standards physically, you can hang out with them, befriend them, and/or use them as social proof, but you refrain from significant amounts of kino -- and you don't ask them out.

The same applies to girls who are good-looking but still low-quality. You try to figure out their values and interests by asking them questions and asking them to do things that YOU like. If they don't like your date offer or give you an answer you disapprove of, you move on to someone better. (Same goes if they show low interest in some way.)

 

[Mental]

Recently, I flake on girls a lot, for two main reasons...

1. I think I can get better, so why waste my time (although not always true)
2. If I go for a date with them, and no sex comes of it, it would have been a waste of my money and time.

Guys tell me is this a bad way of thinking? If it is how do I overcome it?

Yes, it's a bad way of thinking.

1) If you think you can get better (lofty goal, and it's your choice. Sometimes you CAN do better. But sometimes you can end up being overly picky... again, your choice, but just be careful of what your priorities are)

It's good to want the best from your woman. Of course, I'm hoping she wants YOUR best too.

2) Why is "no sex" a waste of your or her time? When you choose to get a long term relationship, I would think there'd be something else to your relationship than just sex. That actually sounds a little shallow and depressing, and dare I say, maybe a little chumpish. There are more things in life than sex.

If sex is all you expect/want, then you're going to probably act moore desperate. Not a good thing.

There's a healthy interest, then there's obsession. Once you get the sex... then what? Drop the chick? Keep her around for just mindless sex?

If you're wanting to date women not for romance or love; Women (in my opinion) will sense that, and I think you'll find you ave a harder time with women, since I would think most would want some sort of relationship and deeper connection.

The choices in your life don't have to be "sex or you're a wimp" There is something great to be said for a chick that doesn't put out on the first date. If a chick put out on every first date, I'd be careful of her, cause your wang could start bleeding green pus or turn orange.

Add sex into the mixture, and you've got a lot more problems. I've had some ppretty desperate women in my life. I've had three (luckily minor) stalkers, and I'm 27. Imagine if I slept with any of them. They'd REALLY turn creepy.

3) What else do you do (outside of women)? I can guarantee you that to someone, it's a waste of time and money. What matters is if you want to waste that time or money and if you think it's worth it.

I juggle on occasion. Waste of money? Right now, I don't earn anything from it yet, so that's a yes. Waste of time? Once a month, two hours... a waste of time.

But... it's worth it to me. I get out of the house, practice a skill that not many have, gain hand eye coordination, friendships, and from time to time, I meet hot women.

I'm personally looking for something deeper than just mindless sex, all the time. And so when I sleep with the woman, it's going to be a lot better and more valuable to both her (and to me).

If you're concerned about being "jaded" or "cynical" or "too picky" then look into improving yourself without the woman. or learn to make it into a positive. Too picky? Become picky about the right things, and don't give up on finding the "right chick."

I will not date a smoker. I'm really "picky" about that, and this is a good thing. I don't see myself going out with a smoker because it's not what I need or want, and it'll hurt me (and others) in the long run. I would be wasting my time DATING the smoker. Now, I would consider hanging out with the smoker, because there might be something about her that I have to use to learn. I have the right priorities for myself. I'm being "choosy" and standing up for myself and what I want, but I'm also looking to get to know people and improve. See?

 

[CORVETTE06]

i am also too picky myself where i just stop hanging out with girls because i dont like something about them.

i DO not date smokers, or girls who only care about partying and getting drunk

 

[styleman]

Yes, it's a bad way of thinking.

1) If you think you can get better (lofty goal, and it's your choice. Sometimes you CAN do better. But sometimes you can end up being overly picky... again, your choice, but just be careful of what your priorities are)

It's good to want the best from your woman. Of course, I'm hoping she wants YOUR best too.

2) Why is "no sex" a waste of your or her time? When you choose to get a long term relationship, I would think there'd be something else to your relationship than just sex. That actually sounds a little shallow and depressing, and dare I say, maybe a little chumpish. There are more things in life than sex.

If sex is all you expect/want, then you're going to probably act moore desperate. Not a good thing.

There's a healthy interest, then there's obsession. Once you get the sex... then what? Drop the chick? Keep her around for just mindless sex?

If you're wanting to date women not for romance or love; Women (in my opinion) will sense that, and I think you'll find you ave a harder time with women, since I would think most would want some sort of relationship and deeper connection.

The choices in your life don't have to be "sex or you're a wimp" There is something great to be said for a chick that doesn't put out on the first date. If a chick put out on every first date, I'd be careful of her, cause your wang could start bleeding green pus or turn orange.

Add sex into the mixture, and you've got a lot more problems. I've had some ppretty desperate women in my life. I've had three (luckily minor) stalkers, and I'm 27. Imagine if I slept with any of them. They'd REALLY turn creepy.

3) What else do you do (outside of women)? I can guarantee you that to someone, it's a waste of time and money. What matters is if you want to waste that time or money and if you think it's worth it.

I juggle on occasion. Waste of money? Right now, I don't earn anything from it yet, so that's a yes. Waste of time? Once a month, two hours... a waste of time.

But... it's worth it to me. I get out of the house, practice a skill that not many have, gain hand eye coordination, friendships, and from time to time, I meet hot women.

I'm personally looking for something deeper than just mindless sex, all the time. And so when I sleep with the woman, it's going to be a lot better and more valuable to both her (and to me).

If you're concerned about being "jaded" or "cynical" or "too picky" then look into improving yourself without the woman. or learn to make it into a positive. Too picky? Become picky about the right things, and don't give up on finding the "right chick."

I will not date a smoker. I'm really "picky" about that, and this is a good thing. I don't see myself going out with a smoker because it's not what I need or want, and it'll hurt me (and others) in the long run. I would be wasting my time DATING the smoker. Now, I would consider hanging out with the smoker, because there might be something about her that I have to use to learn. I have the right priorities for myself. I'm being "choosy" and standing up for myself and what I want, but I'm also looking to get to know people and improve. See?

Thank you for the excllent advise.

In response to 2 - I see it as a waste of my time for a few reasons, all the mind games that go with it are frankly a pain and pathetic. She calls, I miss the call (noisy environment, cannot hear the ringing), she leaves a voicemail. I try to call back straight after, no answer... You know the kinds of things that go on.
The mind games are a minor irritation for me though. I think the main reason is that I have a very bad case of oneitis (five years). So many times I've tried to drop all contact with that girl, but it never works. I developed strong feelings for her, and in a typical (good looking) female way, she gave just enough affection to keep me holding on, but never let me have her commitment or real affection.
So I go out and get on with my life, because even though I don't deny that it is oneits - after five years no sane person can wallow. Not only that in 5 years several girls made advances with no effort on my part, and it is really not possible to say no because I am wallowing...! So I go out and date girls, but they always have to be compared to the oneitis, and they never reach that standard (at least in my mind).
That's why I suppose all I want is sex from them. It is terrible behaviour, I know, but I have sex with them because I think it will help me get over the oneitis, and it usualy does work for a small ammount of time.
In response to 3, I am an investment banker.