It's over and I'm crushed.....

[Ricky]

I just moved to a new town. My girlfriend came up to visit here from Thursday until tomorrow (Monday)

I could hear in her voice before this week that things were changing.

I on the other hand was hopelessly in love with her. This was serious. I never felt this way. I don't care how AFC it sounds. I went with it, with my complete heart leading the way.

She broke up with me. It really kind of happened Friday night after a great night on the town. We started to get intimate and she called it off and told me she didn't want to have sex and let me think things were allright.

Yesterday I held it together for most of the day because I had things to do, but at night I fell apart. I cracked. In public no less.

I balled my eyes out in the bathroom in a stall. I called a few friends, they made me feel better.

Part of it is that I'm starting a new job in a new town in a new career. I don't know anybody here and now I need a new girlfriend.

I'm pretty ****ing depressed but I'll be OK.

I just have no gumption to go out and meet new girls now. I'm going to throw myself into the job and hitting the gym and try my best to forget that I thought I really had found the greatest girl.

My faith in women has been challenged to the max on this one.

I'll post more about specifically why it bothers me later. She's here still and leaving tomorrow.

I guess I just keep myself busy that's all one can do. I hate feeling like crap.

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

Hey man, I know the feeling. You have this whole image of what your future is going to look like, and suddenly it's torn away.

Definitely don't force yourself to see other women if you're not ready. Take time for yourself. Sounds like you're on the right path.

 

[earthshyne]

Yea, it hurts. It's like someone dying, because all the stages of grief apply.

I know it looks miserable right now, but you will get over this in time. Don't deny your feelings, but there's no upside to dwelling on them either. Give yourself a limit of, say, a month, to feel crappy. The length of time is entirely arbitrary, the point is about giving yourself permission to feel what you need to feel without dragging it on unnecessarily.

ApocalypseCow (great handle, by the way - I keep picturing Martin Sheen in a bovine outfit) - has got it right: Don't force yourself to look for other partners when you're in this state. You'll get nowhere, which may further make you depressed.

In the meantime, go for a jog. Take the dog for a walk. Go play volleyball/basketball/hockey/whatever.

Good luck.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. make it a good one.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

bro..I'm sorry to hear about this one...and with the added stress from a new move, job, etc...its gonna be tough..

of course you'll get through it...you have no other option.

i remember you posting msgs about this girl before...i think in hind-sight..you saw it comming...

in honesty...sometimes i think relationships really have little to do with love and more to do about control.

Control of a situation, control of emotions, controlling a person.

Just want you to think about that for a bit. Are you upset because you ACTUALLY lost this girl...or are you MORE upset because you lost the 'control' of this girl...

Remember..the only person you can control is yourself. Take a deep breath and realize that nothing you can do will control her judgement. Her thoughts, her judgement, her move...HER LOSS.

Keep with the working out...hit the gym...make some buddies at the new job and go out to happy hour with them or shoot some pool..

F*ck women for a bit...and just work on making friends in your new area...

Good luck bro..

 

[penkitten]

ricky, take your time. learn the area and make some friends.
you dont have to jump into a relationship with the next girl that comes along. bid your time , good things will come to those that wait .
im sorry things didnt work out, however if she can just walk away that fast when you needed her the most ( moving to a new area and all) then she was never worth your time.
you want your next ltr to be with someone who wont walk away when your chips are down, or heck one that wont walk away at all.
like i said, take your time. things will be ok .

 

[Ricky]

Thanks guys.

Alot of things are going through my mind right now.

First off, my move up here for this job was a choice I made for myself, but she had talked about moving as well. It was a tough choice but one I made because it was to go to work at a really prestigious place.

My plan was to work here for a year or two, for her to move up iin the fall and then to transfer to a job in her hometown after that year or two. Basically she moved for me, I moved for her.

This job I am going to treat like a new learning opportunity. I will put my full soul into it.

I never want to feel this crappy again....

I'm taking a break from thinking about women. I will surely be on here still.

What do you think the best way to get over a relationship is?

For me in the past I'd always move on as quickly as possible and start dating a new girl. That did help and it kept my DJ skills up but in this case, I am really really really HURT and don't know if I can do that and I know I don't want to right now.

 

[Ricky]

"im sorry things didnt work out, however if she can just walk away that fast when you needed her the most ( moving to a new area and all) then she was never worth your time.
you want your next ltr to be with someone who wont walk away when your chips are down, or heck one that wont walk away at all.
like i said, take your time. things will be ok ."


She did apologize for the timing of it, but I have to agree, she picked a damn bad time to do this to me. She was here from Thursday to Monday (just left 5AM, it's 6 AM now).

Now all i can do is focus on the following

1) Gratitude- For my true friends and people like you guys who I also consider great friends who have been there for me during this move and now the breakup

2) Service- The job I'm in will focus on cancer patients. I will do my best every day for them.

3) Belief and faith- That things will work out for the better and that the future is bright. My faith in finding a great woman again has really been tested. I have no doubt I can find another girl to date, but I just don't know about finding one that I clicked with as much as I did initially with her.

4) Taking things one day at a time. I will only focus on one day at a time

5) Bettering myself- I have a golden career and personal development opportunity. I can't waste it.

Thanks again to all. I will survive. I really know how being completely heartbroken feels now.

 

[Squid]

Dude, I'm really sorry about this as well. I can sympathize with you for sure, I'm still picking up the pieces from a similar experience. I second guess myself every day actually.

I can promise you one thing for sure, things will get better with time, and you will meet someone eventually who makes you glad that this one didn't work out. I know it's a cliche, but experiences like this do make you smarter and stronger in the future.

Good luck with the new job and keep us posted on how things are going.

 

[San]

*passes the chillum*

Don juan, like the most of us here do, we've been deep into that part of soul and feeling.
I've been there as well, and sometimes.. just sometime i dwell there still.

but..

you can't have the one, without the other..

Wish you innerstrength! after all... what is time exactly?

 

[NewMan]

What do you think the best way to get over a relationship is?

To be selfish.....

You've spent the best part of your LTR probably putting her first and foremost. Doing things for the woman in your life - only to be rejected at this point.

It hurts - and it's not something you will get over easily.

But first and foremost you must put yourself.

She will want to keep in touch with you. She will call you when she is lonely - or when things are not going well for her - so that you can give her emotional comfort - so that she knows there is someone out there for her still - so try not to fall into this trap. Cut off contact with her - after all she wants out right?


It has taken me a long time to get over my ex - and I've made lot's of mistakes along the way.

Going out with friends helps. hooking up with girls helped. What helped the most though was re-evaluating my life, where I was and where I wanted to be. I made some changes and came out of it a better man (DJ).

I travelled - took up some new hobbies and was SELFISH. I put myself first - and still do.

 

[penkitten]

its ok to go thru a "me phase"

ive gone thru it in the past and took some time for myself . was the best thing i could have done at the time.

 

[Ricky]

I feel so much better now.

Alot of it is that I'm excited about the job again...

The weather was also beautiful....

Time at work is great because there are people there, since I don't anybody outside of work yet.

What solved was I posted before

1) Feeling gratitude
2) Knowing that many others in my new town are transplants and getting their training here, going through the same experiences.
3) Knowing that I am lucky in life.

Also since I'm in the new town, my ex gf wouldn't have been here right away anyways. I'm going to enjoy my loneliness

 

[NMMWCR]

I recommend renting the movie "Castaway" with Tom Hanks.

It is truly a deep movie. The next to the last scene where Chuck Nolan is relating his philosophy on how he is going to cope with the loss of his girl is a moment of pure and sublime truth. Perhaps a bit painful but full of much wisdom. The scene goes beyond the relationship you have with any woman. It is much deeper life advice about the relationship you have with yourself.

 

[MrHarris]

It will pass. Trust me on this.



She is probably moving in on or have moved in on another male since you've left. I would bet money that she started with the new one before you even left.

Why, cause she didn't want to be alone and isn't interested in a long distance thing.

She didn't want to betray the new guy by sleeping with you the old guy. He probably doesn't even know she was with you when she came up to see you.

Now you must look at the facts. You have a good job and have just been transfered to a new town. A new town loaded with tons of fine women to date.

All you have to do is start your own boot camp! You need to retrain yourself in the game since you have been out of the loop dating just that one female.

Your a perfect example of a dude who learns some techniques and catches his girl, calls himself a DJ or whatever and then loses her and falls back to his real self.

Now you must rebuild YOU. You must work on becoming the kind of DJ who can go anywhere in the world and find women.

Living well is the best revenge. Travelling to your old town with your new women and parading them in front of her is the sweetest icing on that old cake of revenge.

So you need to get busy and up your gaming skills to a godly level.

And have fun while your at it.

You were trying to hold on to that old one because your selfish. You didn't want to let her go even though you know a long distance thing is hard to do. She being a woman of course is looking at the long term effects. Which I'm sure she explained to you when you two broke up.

If you look deep inside you will realize that your love for her isn't all that great anyways. You just don't want anyone else to have her now do you.

You can't stand the thought of her laying with that other guy who either exist right now or will in the future.



"You must remember that your the prize, as that saying is going around on the internet. But this is true. You need to work on your inner game and attitude.


Your the CEO of your life. You hire and fire all of the people who spend time in your life. If a person in orbit around you is causing you grief, it's your fault. You shoulda fired them from their job long ago before it ever even became a problem in your life/business.

How well you run your business/life as a ceo will determine how successful you will be in your own life! "

 

[Ricky]

The bad part about this one is that she didn't make me mad or piss me off.

I felt like she was really great especially compared to the last several girls I dated.

If we had fought or something then I would have felt better. In the end most of the problem was the distance.

Thanks for all the great advice guys.

 

[Ricky]

I want her back. I hold out some hope although not much.

I have had exes come back to me in the past. In this case, we didn't fight at all (ok we had one small argument over the phone). The problem is mainly the distance.

She helped me out through a very stressful time in my life in which I was finishing my masters degree and evaluating different job offers. I think this was part of it, all I could talk about is work or school at the time.

We are still talking on a day to day basis. I love her and I don't see that changing soon. I am just going back to being ****y and funny and teasing her.

Maybe she'll turn around. I won't count on it, but I'll do my best.

 

[NewMan]

You've 1987 posts.

We are still talking on a day to day basis. I love her and I don't see that changing soon. I am just going back to being ****y and funny and teasing her.

If you want her back - forget speaking to her everyday.

You are available for her - even though she is not there for you.

Cut of contact and don't be available.

 

[Ricky]

The last two days she has been initiating the calls.

I have been funny and teasing her.

The best part guys is that now I genuinely feel better.
It took a couple of the hardest days of my life to do it though.

How did I do it?

By feeling grateful for the things in life I do have, by feeling like a jerk because there are people with problems far greater in the world than mine. By being happy about the great opportunities I have presented before me. By being aware that other people are going through similar circumstances as me, i.e. moving to a new town where they are getting training at this great institution I'm working at.

Finally I realized that in my job I have a purpose that is far greater than me. It is too serve others.

This helped tremendously.

It sure also helped that the weather has been awesome here the last few days and tons of cute girls are in shorts everywhere.

 

[Metalixia]

"What do you think the best way to get over a relationship is?"

Easy, put things into perspective. don't feel, sorry for yourself. trust me, it don't lead to anything good.

in time, you'll recognise it as a blessing in disguise.