Its Official..... Im broken up...

[In2theGame]

Damn dudes, im hurtin right now... as you guys have seen my other 2 threads with whats been going on with my girl. We had a talk earlier,.. and my worst fear has come to light. The woman i thought i was going to marry said she feels so lost and needs to find herself in life,. she was crying/i broke down and it was just a mess. I asked "what happened to us" she just kept crying saying she cant stop thinking and feels she needs to find her way in life. She feels like we need a break from each other so we can see if we are meant to be, i guess i can respect that she needs space. Well... dont know what the future holds but... this is for sure a very sad day for me after this 5 year relationship. thanks for the support some of you have given me, which i needed and would also welcome more support. Thanks SS community.

 

[f283000]

Sorry to hear that brother. Did you say 5 year relationship??

 

[Poonani Maker]

I'm sorry, fella. You have good memories with her. Cherish them. My heart is as calloused as a mother fvcker. I never get hurt anymore. Not sure if there's any REAL love for. a. woman. in me anymore. I have love for God. I love myself too. That's where my reservoir resides, with God and myself, and my natural father and fellow man. Most women are too weak to be responsible enough to handle my love. Maybe one will surprise me one day. I'm not going to count on it though. Most women are not dependable. {not homo}

 

[Joe Stud]

over 50% of marriages end in divorce. More than that with LTR's. You are by far not alone. other men live thru it. you will too.

 

[Last_straw]

Oh boo hoo. Are you a little girl or something? You broke down? Please, get over it. She did you a favor, now you have more time to bang other girls. How old are you? I'm guessing young, only a young guy without much life experience would be this melodramatic over a girl.

 

[In2theGame]

Sorry to hear that brother. Did you say 5 year relationship??

Yeah man 5 solid years.

 

[In2theGame]

I'm sorry, fella. You have good memories with her. Cherish them. My heart is as calloused as a mother fvcker. I never get hurt anymore. Not sure if there's any REAL love for. a. woman. in me anymore. I have love for God. I love myself too. That's where my reservoir resides, with God and myself, and my natural father and fellow man. Most women are too weak to be responsible enough to handle my love. Maybe one will surprise me one day. I'm not going to count on it though. Most women are not dependable. {not homo}

I think this is very sad man, I felt that way when i got burned a very long time ago, i was afraid to love again and had my guard up to avoid getting hurt. My guard was officially down and i loved freely the last 2 years of our relationship, and then happens. I believe when a man loves a woman, He is strong about it but women may take it for granted, thats why so many men act cold.

 

[In2theGame]

Oh boo hoo. Are you a little girl or something? You broke down? Please, get over it. She did you a favor, now you have more time to bang other girls. How old are you? I'm guessing young, only a young guy without much life experience would be this melodramatic over a girl.

Dude, im not a little girl, I broke down yes because i fell in love with a woman who claimed and acted like she was in love with me through out the 5 years. im 27 and i have been through strong relationships and was afraid of fully falling in love because i wanted to protect myself, its when i loved freely i got hit. Its a very sad thing and IMO unfair to men because we provide and try but women end up taking it for sh!t.

 

[Joe Stud]

aren't you ashamed to be so broke down over a girlfriend? other men get over it, do you think you are special and unique from 3 billion males out there?
last straw was raw... but right <rep>

 

[perseverance]

You're all being really harsh on this lad. He's spent the best part of a decade with one girl who he had deep feelings for and all that has been taken away, I think he is entitled to be upset.

Being upset is not the problem. The problem starts when he starts desperately trying to get back with her and doing so loses his integrity and dignity all in one foul swoop and then enters a stage of manic depression where he doesn't leave the house for a week, doesn't wash, grows facial hair and looks like he has been buried alive. That's when the problem starts...

Crying doesn't make a man any less of a man in my book. Not every male is going to be as emotional wooden as the next man, so it's all cool.

What this fella needs to do is pick himself up, dust himself off and carry on with life. However, he can only do this if he erases every trace of this woman from his life, whether he does this or not remains to be seen.

 

[Falcon25]

She's fuvking someone else, or is entertaining the thought. She lost attraction to you somewhere along the way. Crying didn't help. You have to be stoic, aggressive, and just walk away. She will come back. If you cry or are emotional, she is gone. 5 yrs, 10, 20, 40, it doesn't matter. She has to go to bed next to you every night thinking she could lose you anytime. Women always want something they can't have or are afraid of losing.

 

[In2theGame]

Thanks alot for the support guys, couldnt sleep too well but im taking a deep breath right now. Im sure crying didnt help but i couldnt take it since so much has happened to me in the past 2 months with my mother sick in the hospital, court dispute, Business capital took a big hit, car accident, i was in the hospital and now with my girl saying she needs a break,.... was the final nail in the coffin. I feel sad for my mother too, my mom views her as a daughter and when my mom was really sick in the hospital, she told her "I feel better knowing if something happened to me, my son will be ok because i know u will take care of him", that angers me knowing that this girl is pretty much throwing everything we've built together in the last 5 years away when she told me how much she wanted to marry me and be together, i let me guard down and i get a huge slap in the face.

i was on skype last night talking to my brother and after she called me to have "the talk" earlier that night she gets on skype at 4am and comes out of no where with this: "R U Ok?" "My Heart is hurting and i feel so lost", "My Mind is going crazy right now" , "You took our relationship status off so fast, it hit me so hard", "I just dont know what to do with myself, Im so so Sad" "What are you doing? I just feel like giving up on everything in life" "I have to lay down, im getting crazy" "I feel so sick "

What the hell does all this sh!t mean, I was trying to avoid talkin to her, Im giving her what she wants, to be away from me.... I think i need to be a rock and stand my ground strong!. im going to assume shes into someone else, fvck it, nothing i can do. I did my best those 5 years.

 

[L B]

Sorry to hear about that. Find things to do that will occupy your time so you don't think about her as much. Make this period in your life productive and focus on your career and/or fitness goals. Move on to bigger and better things.

She chose to end the relationship to find something better, don't waste time trying to find the reason for the breakup. And don't waste time looking for closure either. If a woman breaks up with you, it's her lost, you move on. Don't look back because you will only be her second choice if she ever comes back to you.

 

[L B]

Thanks alot for the support guys, couldnt sleep too well but im taking a deep breath right now. Im sure crying didnt help but i couldnt take it since so much has happened to me in the past 2 months with my mother sick in the hospital, court dispute, Business capital took a big hit, car accident, i was in the hospital and now with my girl saying she needs a break,.... was the final nail in the coffin. I feel sad for my mother too, my mom views her as a daughter and when my mom was really sick in the hospital, she told her "I feel better knowing if something happened to me, my son will be ok because i know u will take care of him", that angers me knowing that this girl is pretty much throwing everything we've built together in the last 5 years away when she told me how much she wanted to marry me and be together, i let me guard down and i get a huge slap in the face.

i was on skype last night talking to my brother and after she called me to have "the talk" earlier that night she gets on skype at 4am and comes out of no where with this: "R U Ok?" "My Heart is hurting and i feel so lost", "My Mind is going crazy right now" , "You took our relationship status off so fast, it hit me so hard", "I just dont know what to do with myself, Im so so Sad" "What are you doing? I just feel like giving up on everything in life" "I have to lay down, im getting crazy" "I feel so sick "

What the hell does all this sh!t mean, I was trying to avoid talkin to her, Im giving her what she wants, to be away from me.... I think i need to be a rock and stand my ground strong!. im going to assume shes into someone else, fvck it, nothing i can do. I did my best those 5 years.

Knowing the world around you collapsing bit by bit and she breaks up with you, she's the enemy now.Don't give her the satisfaction to see you hurting. No contact her all the way. Don't validate her worth by letting her see you hurting. That ***** can get her attention fix elsewhere. You have more important things to be concerned about.

 

[Igetit!]

Oh boo hoo. Are you a little girl or something? You broke down?

I HATE when guys say stuff like this,as if the mere fact that we're men means we should be cold and unfeeling.


Dude,he said that he and this girl were together for 5 YEARS. If it were just some chick he picked up in a bar a week or two ago,or even someone he had known for a few months,I'd probably agree with you.


I think that when a guy first meets a girl,yeah,it's just about sex,just a cute face and big boobs. But once you began to be around the girl for a long period of time,it becomes deeper than that because the majority of the time you spend with her will be OUTSIDE of the bedroom,and it's those "outside of the bedroom" characteristics we get used to being around us.



Or just to put it plainly,if you're around a girl long enough,you'll actually start to see her as a person,and not just a pair of "t!ts" walking around.



That's what causes the pain. Its when a PERSON was there in your life for an extended period of time,you bond with them,then suddenly they're no longer there.



I can see you looking at a girl as just another "chick" to bang upon first meeting her, but if you spend 5 years together laughing,joking around and playing with each other,shared 5 Valentine's Days,5 birthdays for you and 5 for her,5 Christmas'es,5 Thanksgiving's,spent 5 New Years Eve's together,if you can do all of that and not have any emotional ties or investments to the girl after 5 years has gone,then there's something off about you.


5 years he had invested in this girl,and you think he should just "be over her" like that,as if he just met her the night before.



I say let the guy chill. If he feels bad,then fine,feel bad. Take a few days to get back on your feet. Beside,it's not like all the girls are will be gone when you get back.



I do agree that her breaking up with him was a GOOD THING. This girl needs some type of mental help or something. If the {OP} had kept being around her,eventually,she'd have drung him down as well.


.To In2theGame:


Just chill out a few days man,you'll be ok.

 

[synergy1]

I am in a similar albeit much less profound situation so the only piece of advise I can offer is to cut off contact. As a practitioner of that , I can tell you it helps a lot but you'll still feel loss..just less and less as time passes. Use the opportunity to reinvent yourself in every sense of the word. new place to live, new job , new hobbies perhaps? Its not realistic to expect to do all of those, but getting into new territory will help you move on.

as someone who lost a parent as a teenager, I can tell you one thing for certain; you will never truly get over a huge loss. The pain subsides more and more until eventually the whole event becomes simply 'another piece of your life'. its hard to explain what I mean, but maybe someday you will see.

 

[SteR]

Damn dudes, im hurtin right now... as you guys have seen my other 2 threads with whats been going on with my girl. We had a talk earlier,.. and my worst fear has come to light. The woman i thought i was going to marry said she feels so lost and needs to find herself in life,. she was crying/i broke down and it was just a mess. I asked "what happened to us" she just kept crying saying she cant stop thinking and feels she needs to find her way in life. She feels like we need a break from each other so we can see if we are meant to be, i guess i can respect that she needs space. Well... dont know what the future holds but... this is for sure a very sad day for me after this 5 year relationship. thanks for the support some of you have given me, which i needed and would also welcome more support. Thanks SS community.

Sorry to hear about the breakup. A couple of questions though: Can you see where you went wrong? What happened to get to this situation?

 

[In2theGame]

Thanks alot guys for the support here on SS, appreciate it. I am going to go the no contact route and just try to stay rock strong.

 

[Kailex]

sure crying didnt help but i couldnt take it since so much has happened to me in the past 2 months with my mother sick in the hospital, court dispute, Business capital took a big hit, car accident, i was in the hospital and now with my girl saying she needs a break,.... was the final nail in the coffin.

You know that point where you hit ROCK BOTTOM.

You're there... so here's the good news:

It only goes UP from here.
You are pretty much in the same position as I was a few years, except she wasn't the one doing the dumping, which makes the situation doubly as hard. I'll agree with Igetit! It's FIVE years of a man's life, he can't be expected to get OVER IT in a day.

But, you can't bask in your self-pity for TOO long either.

It's time to move on. 27 is YOUNG. You have MORE than enough time to see more women. But first things first... you need to reprioritize. You obviously have a LOT going on in your life sans women. Get those things straightened out.

Give yourself a few weeks or a few months even and re-organize yourself.
Cut contact... ALL contact with your EX. Delete her from your phone, delete her from Skype, delete her from EVERYTHING.

She decided to end it, you need to decide to move on.
She's going to linger on in your life if you allow it, simply so she can feel "better" about her decision. Everytime you tell her you are OKAY, she is feeling BETTER about her decision. MOVE ON ENTIRELY. Block her if you have to.

I know your mom said what she said, but you ARE 27. In a few years, if another woman is lucky enough, she'll probably say the same thing about another woman.

My mother thought the same thing of my ex-LTR and you know what happened when I broke up with her, she was all like: I knew you could do better than that, but I was beginning to accept her as part of the family.

Don't even worry about what other people are thinking or saying.
YOU are your #1 priority. Get your business stuff in order, help your mother out, pick up more hobbies, hit the gym and then try again with OTHER women in some time.

Well... dont know what the future holds but...

I know what WON'T be in your future... HER.

You don't see this now, but this whole situation was a learning experience and a blessing in disguise.

Rejoice, you are free!

 

[In2theGame]

Sorry to hear about the breakup. A couple of questions though: Can you see where you went wrong? What happened to get to this situation?

Thanks Ster, Where it went wrong, i can honestly say this.. the first year i remember, we fell in love with each other hard, the feeling was mutual and we just felt it one day looking into each others eyes. I was not looking for a relationship, just sex, and she wasnt looking for one either. It just happened.

the second, third and fourth year was great, we did things together, we went on vacations together, the love was felt strong and this is where i began to believe,.. this may be the woman for me.

forward to recent times. With the economy down, financial hardship hit and it was difficult to go out together like we did. things got too routine, however my business was starting to take off so i figure, we will be able to do alot of the same things like we did.

I figure she probably got bored, however, if she is going to just leave me based on that instead of trying to work things, then im not sure if she has her head on right, life is much harder than a small bump in the road.

She told me she was always scared or worried that i would leave her, because yes i have threatened to leave her if she started acting stupid and she would insanely freak out at the thought of me leaving. however i never did leave her because i was in love with her. She said she felt scared that any little thing she did to upset me would cause me to freak out and was scared to talk to me BUT she could talk to me, i would have not freaked out over anything if she just talked to me instead. now she started telling me she feels traumatized that i made her paranoid of me leaving, One time i told her that im just going to leave and let her think after an argument, she went into a huge explosion begging me not to go anywhere...... i stayed.

She has a small business going for herself and that has been stressing her out alot, plus she got sick also, arguing with her parents etc. Finally she just changed a week and half ago, to her feeling lost, sad, depressed, unsure of anything, saying she feels like she doesnt care about anything and feels like she has her guard up.

i just dont know whats up but ya know what, she wants to be apart, it was her choice, she initiated the break. so im going to give her exactly what she wants and cut contact completely.